they should not fill the rhetoric chairs with | weather, and in every part of the room. she professors. She has false quarrels and feigned obligations to all the men of her acquaintance; sighs when she is not sad, and laughs when she is not merry. The coquette is in particular a great mistress of that part of oratory which is called action, and indeed seems to speak for no other purpose, but as it gives her an opportunity of stirring a limb, or varying a feature, of glancing her It has been said in the praise of some men that they could talk whole hours together upon any thing; but it must be owned to the honour of the other sex, that there are many among them who can talk whole hours together upon nothing. I have known a woman branch out into a long extempore dissertation upon the edging of a petticoat, and chide her servant for break-eyes, or playing with her fan. ing a china cup, in all the figures of rhetoric. Were women permitted to plead in courts of judicature, I am persuaded they would carry the eloquence of the bar to greater heights than it has yet arrived at. If any one doubts this, let him but be present at those debates which frequently arise among the ladies of the British fishery. The first kind therefore of female orators which I shall take notice of, are those who are employed in stirring up the passions; a part of rhetoric in which Socrates his wife had perhaps made a greater proficiency than his above-mentioned teacher. As for newsmongers, politicians, mimics, story-tellers, with other characters of that nature which give birth to loquacity, they are as commonly found among the men as the women; for which reason I shall pass them over in silence. I have often been puzzled to assign a cause why women should have this talent of a ready utterance in so much greater perfection than men. I have sometimes fancied that they have not a retentive power, or the faculty of suppressing their thoughts, as men have, but that they are necessitated to speak every thing they think; and if so, The second kind of female orators are it would perhaps furnish a very strong arthose who deal in invectives, and who are gument to the Cartesians for the supportcommonly known by the name of the cen- ing of their doctrine that the soul always sorious. The imagination and elocution of thinks. But as several are of opinion that this set of rhetoricians is wonderful. With the fair sex are not altogether strangers to what a fluency of invention, and copiousness the art of dissembling and concealing their of expression, will they enlarge upon every thoughts, I have been forced to relinquish little slip in the behaviour of another? With that opinion, and have therefore endeahow many different circumstances, and voured to seek after some better reason. with what variety of phrases, will they tell In order to it, a friend of mine, who is an over the same story? I have known an old excellent anatomist, has promised me by lady make an unhappy marriage the sub- the first opportunity to dissect a woman's ject of a month's conversation. She blamed tongue, and to examine whether there may the bride in one place; pitied her in an- not be in it certain juices which render it so other; aughed at her in a third; wondered wonderfully voluble or flippant, or whether at her in a fourth; was angry with her in a the fibres of it may not be made up of a fifth; and, in short, wore out a pair of finer or more pliant thread; or whether coach-horses in expressing her concern for there are not in it some particular muscles her. At length, after having quite exhaust- which dart it up and down by such sudden ed the subject on this side, she made a visit glances and vibrations; or whether, in the to the new-married pair, praised the wife last place, there may not be certain undisfor the prudent choice she had made, told covered channels running from the head her the unreasonable reflections which and the heart to this little instrument of some malicious people had cast upon her, loquacity, and conveying into it a perpetual and desired that they might be better ac-affluency of animal spirits. Nor must I quainted. The censure and approbation of this kind of women are therefore only to be considered as helps to discourse. A third kind of female orators may be comprehended under the word gossips. Mrs. Fiddle-Faddle is perfectly accomplished in this sort of eloquence; she launches out into descriptions of christenings, runs divisions upon a head-dress, knows every dish of meat that is served up in her neighbourhood, and entertains her company a whole afternoon together with the wit of her little boy, before he is able to speak. omit the reason which Hudibras has given, why those who can talk on trifles speak with the greatest fluency; namely, that the tongue is like a race-horse, which runs the faster the lesser weight it carri Which of these reasons soever may be looked upon as the most probable, I think the Irishman's thought was very natural, who, after some hours conversation with a female orator, told her, that he believed her tongue was very glad when she was asleep, for that it had not a moment's rest all the while she was awake. That excellent old ballad of The Wanton Wife of Bath, has the following remark The coquette may be looked upon as a fourth kind of female orator. To give her-able lines: self the larger field for discourse, she hates and loves in the same breath, talks to her ap-dog or parrot, is uneasy in all kinds of • I think, quoth Thomas, women's tongues And Ovid, though in the description of a very barbarous circumstance, tells us, that when the tongue of a beautiful female was cut out, and thrown upon the ground, it could not forbear muttering even in that posture: -Comprensam forcipe linguam Abstulit ense fero: radix micat ultima linguæ. -The blade had cut Her tongue sheer off, close to the trembling root: The mangled part still quiver'd on the ground, Murmuring with a faint imperfect sound; And, as a serpent writhes his wounded train, Uneasy, panting, and possess'd with pain.-Croxall. If a tongue would be talking without a mouth, what could it have done when it had all its organs of speech, and accomplices of sound about it? I might here mention the story of the Pippin Woman, had I not some reason to look upon it as fabulous. * to do things worthy, but heroic. The great foundation of civil virtue is self-denial; and there is no one above the necessities of life, but has opportunities of exercising that noble quality, and doing as much as his circumstances will bear for the ease and convenience of other men; and he who does more than ordinary men practise upon such occasions as occur in his life, deserves the value of his friends, as if he had done enterprises which are usually attended with the highest glory. Men of public spirit differ rather in their circumstances than their virtue; and the man who does all he can, in a low station, is more a hero than he who omits any worthy action he is able to accomplish in a great one. It is not many years ago since Lapirius, in wrong of his elder brother, came to a great estate by gift of his father, by reason of the dissolute I must confess I am so wonderfully behaviour of the first-born. Shame and charmed with the music of this little instru- contrition reformed the life of the disinment, that I would by no means discourage herited youth, and he became as remarkit. Áll that I aim at by this dissertation is, able for his good qualities as formerly for to cure it of several disagreeable notes, and his errors. Lapirius, who observed his in particular of those little jarrings and brother's amendment, sent him on a newdissonances which arise from anger, cen-year's day in the morning, the following soriousness, gossipping, and coquetry. In short, I would always have it tuned by good-nature, truth, discretion, and sincerity. C. No. 248.] Friday, December 14, 1711. Hoc maxime officii est, ut quisque maxime opis indigeat, ita ei potissimum opitulari. Tull. Of. 1. 16. It is a principal point of duty, to assist another most when he stands most in need of assistance. letter: ' the deeds whereby my father gave me this As great and exalted spirits undertake the pursuit of hazardous actions for the THERE are none who deserve superiority good of others, at the same time gratifying over others in the esteem of mankind, who their passion for glory: so do worthy minds do not make it their endeavour to be bene- in the domestic way of life deny themselves ficial to society; and who upon all occasions many advantages, to satisfy a generous bewhich their circumstances of life can ad- nevolence, which they bear to their friends minister, do not take a certain unfeigned oppressed with distresses and calamities. pleasure in conferring benefits of one kind Such natures one may call stores of Provior other. Those whose great talents and dence, which are actuated by a secret cehigh birth have placed them in conspicuous lestial influence to undervalue the ordinary stations of life are indispensably obliged to gratifications of wealth, to give comfort to exert some noble inclinations for the ser- a heart loaded with affliction, to save a vice of the world, or else such advantages falling family, to preserve a branch of trade become misfortunes, and shade and privacy in their neighbourhood, to give work to the are a more eligible portion. Where oppor- industrious, preserve the portion of the tunities and inclinations are given to the helpless infant, and raise the head of the same person, we sometimes see sublime in-mourning father. People whose hearts are stances of virtue, which so dazzle our ima- wholly bent towards pleasure, or intent ginations, that we look with scorn on all upon gain, never hear of the noble occurwhich in lower scenes of life we may our-rences among men of industry and huselves be able to practice. But this is a manity. It would look like a city romance, vicious way of thinking; and it bears some to tell them of the generous merchant, who spice of romantic madness, for a man to the other day sent this billet to an eminent imagine that he must grow ambitious, or trader under difficulties to support himself, seek adventures, to be able to do great ac-in whose fall many hundreds besides himself tions. It is in every man's power in the world who is above mere poverty, not only * The crackling crystal yields, she sinks, she dies; had perished: but because I think there is more spirit and true gallantry in it than in any letter I have ever read from Strephon to Phillis, I shall insert it even in the mer cantile honest style in which it was sent: 'SIR,-I have heard of the casualties which have involved you in extreme dis- | I think there is somewhere in Montaigne mention made of a family-book, wherein all the occurrences that happened from one generation of that house to another were recorded. Were there such a method in the families which are concerned in this generosity, it would be a hard task for the greatest in Europe to give in their own an instance of a benefit better placed, or conferred with a more graceful air. It has been heretofore urged how barbarous and inhuman is any unjust step made to the any unjust step made to the disadvantage of a trader; and by how much such an act towards him is detestable, by so much an act of kindness towards him is laudable. I remember to have heard a bencher of the Temple tell a story of a tradition in their house, where they had formerly a custom of choosing kings for such a season, and allowing him his expenses at the charge of the society. One of our kings,† said my friend, carried his royal inclination a little too far, and there was a committee ordered to look into the management of his treasury. Among other things appeared, that his majesty walking incog. in the cloister, had overheard a poor man say to another, Such a small sum would make me the happiest man in the world.' The king out of his royal compassion, privately inquired into his character, and finding him a proper object of charity, sent him the money. When the committee read the report, the house passed his accounts with a plaudite without farther examination, upon the recital of this article in them; For making a man happy...................... 7 10 0 0 together my reflections on it without any order or method, so that they may appear rather in the looseness and freedom of an essay, than in the regularity of a set discourse. It is after this manner that I shall consider laughter and ridicule in my present paper. Man is the merriest species of the creation, all above and below him are serious. He sees things in a different light from other beings, and finds his mirth arising from objects that perhaps cause something like pity or displeasure in higher natures. Laughter is indeed a very good counterpoise to the spleen; and it seems but reareceiving joy from what is no real good to sonable that we should be capable of us, since we can receive grief from what is no real evil. I have in my forty-seventh paper raised a speculation on the notion of a modern Philosopher, who describes the first mowhich we make between ourselves and the tive of laughter to be a secret comparison Persons we laugh at; or in other words, that satisfaction which we receive from the opinion of some pre-eminence in ourselves, when we see the absurdities of another, or when we reflect on any past absurdities of our own. This seems to hold in most cases, and we may observe that the vainest part of mankind are the most addicted to this passion. the church of Rome, on those words of the wise man, 'I said of Laughter, it is mad; he laid it down as a point of doctrine, that and of Mirth, what does it?' Upon which that Adam could not laugh before the fall. laughter was the effect of original sin, and I have read a sermon of a conventual in But if unbraces the mind, weakens the faculties, The talent of turning men into ridicule, and exposing to laughter those one con verses with, is the qualification of little ungenerous tempers. A young man with this No. 249.] Saturday, December 15, 1711. cast of mind cuts himself off from all man Γελως ακαιρος εν βροτοις δεινον κακον. Mirth out of season is a grievous ill. WHEN I make choice of a subject that has not been treated on by others, I throw * The merchant involved in distress by casualties was one Mr. Moreton, a linen-draper; and the generous merchant, here so justly celebrated, was Sir William Scawen. This king, it is said, was beau Nash, master of the ceremonies at Bath. In king William's time he was a student in the Temple. His biographer says, though ner of improvement. Every one has his flaws and weaknesses; nay, the greatest blemishes are often found in the most shining characters; but what an absurd thing is it to pass over all the valuable parts of a man, and fix our attention on his infirmi ties? to observe his imperfections more than his virtues? and to make use of him he was much given to gambling, he was very liberal, and numerous instances are recorded of his benevolence Hobbes. for the sport of others, rather than for our own improvement? We therefore very often find that persons the most accomplished in ridicule are those who are very shrewd at hitting a blot, without exerting any thing masterly in themselves. As there are many eminent critics who never writ a good line, there are many admirable buffoons that animadvert upon every single defect in another, without ever discovering the least beauty of their own. By this means, these unlucky little wits often gain reputation in the esteem of vulgar minds, and raise themselves above persons of much more laudable characters. If the talent of ridicule were employed to laugh men out of vice and folly, it might be of some use to the world; but instead of this, we find that it is generally made use of to laugh men out of virtue and good sense, by attacking every thing that is solemn and serious, decent and praiseworthy in human life. We may observe, that in the first ages of the world, when the great souls and master-pieces of human nature were produced, men shined by a noble simplicity of behaviour, and were strangers to those little embellishments which are so fashionable in our present conversation. And it is very remarkable, that notwithstanding we fall short at present of the ancients in poetry, painting, oratory, history, architecture, and all the noble arts and sciences which depend more upon genius than experience, we exceed them as much in doggrel humour, burlesque, and all the trivial arts of ridicule. We meet with more rail ter with observing, that the metaphor of laughing applied to the fields and meadows when they are in flower, or to trees when they are in blossom, runs through all languages; which I have not observed of any other metaphor, excepting that of fire and burning when they are applied to love. This shows that we naturally regard laughter, as what is in itself both amiable and beautiful. For this reason likewise Venus has gained the title of goed ns, "the laughter-loving dame,' as Waller has translated it, and is represented by Horace as the goddess who delights in laughter. Milton, in a joyous assembly of imaginary persons, has given us a very poetical figure of laughter. His whole band of mirth is so finely described, that I shall set down the passage at length. But come thou goddess, fair and free, Quips, and cranks, and wanton wiles, L'Allegro, v. 11. &c. lery among the moderns, but more good No. 250.] Monday, December 17, 1711. sense among the ancients. The two great branches of ridicule in writing are comedy and burlesque. The first ridicules persons by drawing them in their proper characters, the other by drawing them quite unlike themselves. Burlesque is therefore of two kinds; the first represents mean persons in the accoutrements of heroes; the other describes great persons acting and speaking like the basest among the people. Don Quixote is an instance of the first, and Lucian's gods of the second. It is a dispute among the critics, whether burlesque poetry runs best in heroic verse, like that of the Dispensary; or in doggrel, like that of Hudibras. I think where the low character is to be raised, the heroic is the proper measure; but when a hero is to be pulled down and degraded, it is best done in doggrel. Disce docendus adhuc, quæ censet amiculus, ut si Yet hear what an unskilful friend can say: 'MR. SPECTATOR,-You see the nature of my request by the Latin motto which I address to you. I am very sensible I ought not to use many words to you, who are one of but few; but the following piece, as it relates to speculation in propriety of speech, being a curiosity in its kind, begs your patience. It was found in a poetical virtuoso's closet among his rarities; and since the several treatises of thumbs, ears, and noses, have obliged the world, this of eyes is at your service. If Hudibras had been set out with as "The first eye of consequence (under the much wit and humour in heroic verse as he invisible Author of all) is the visible lumiis in doggrel he would have made a much nary of the universe. This glorious Spectamore agreeable figure than he does; though tor is said never to open his eyes at his the generality of his readers are so wonder-rising in a morning, without having a whole fully pleased with the double rhymes, that kingdom of adorers in Persian silk waiting I do not expect many will be of my opinion at his levee. Millions of creatures derive in this particular. their sight from this original, who, besides I shall conclude this essay upon laugh-his being the great director of optics, is the as much the receptacle and seat of our passions, appetites, and inclinations as the mind itself; and at least it is the outward portal to introduce them to the house within, or rather the common thoroughfare to let our affections pass in and out. Love, anger, pride and avarice, all visibly move in those little orbs. I know a young lady that can surest test whether eyes be of the same species with that of an eagle, or that of an owl. The one he emboldens with a manly assurance to look, speak, act, or plead before the faces of a numerous assembly; the other he dazzles out of countenance into a sheepish dejectedness. The sun-proof eye Jares lead up a dance in a full court, and without blinking at the lustre of beauty, cannot see a certain gentleman pass by without distribute an eye of proper complaisance to a room crowded with company, each of which deserves particular regard: while the other sneaks from conversation, like a fearful debtor, who never dares to look out, but when he can see nobody, and nobody him. "The next instance of optics is the famous Argus, who, (to speak the language of Cambridge) was one of a hundred; and being used as a spy in the affairs of jealousy, was obliged to have all his eyes about him. We have no account of the particular colours, casts, and turns of this body of eyes; but as he was pimp for his mistress Juno, it is probable he used all the modern leers, sly glances, and other ocular activities to serve his purpose. Some look upon him as the then king at arms to the heathenish deities; and make no more of his eyes than of so many spangles of his herald's coat, "The next upon the optic list is old Janus, who stood in a double-sighted capacity, like a person placed betwixt two opposite looking-glasses, and so took a sort of retrospective cast at one view. Copies of this double-faced way are not yet out of fashion with many professions, and the ingenious artists pretend to keep up this species by double-headed canes and spoons; but there is no mark of this faculty, except in the emblematical way, of a wise general having an eye to both front and rear, or a pious man taking a review and prospect of his past and future state at the same time. "I must own, that the names, colours, qualities and turns of eyes vary almost in every head; for, not to mention the common appellations of the black, the blue, the white, the grey, and the like; the most remarkable are those that borrow their titles from animals, by virtue of some particular quality of resemblance they bear to the eyes of the respective creatures; as that of a greedy rapacious aspect takes its name from the cat, that of a sharp piercing nature from the hawk, those of an amorous roguish look derive their title even from the sheep, and we say such a one has a sheep's eye, not so much to denote the innocence as the simple slyness of the cast. Nor is this metaphorical inoculation a modern invention, for we find Homer taking the freedom to place the eye of an ox, bull, or cow in one of his principal goddesses, by that frequent expression of Βοωπις πότνια "Ηρη. The ox-ey'd venerable Juno. "Now as to the peculiar qualities of the eye, that fine part of our constitution seems showing a secret desire of seeing him again by a dance in her eye-balls; nay, she cannot for the heart of her, help looking half a street's length after any man in a gay dress. You cannot behold a covetous spirit walk by a goldsmith's shop without casting a wishful eye at the heaps upon the counter. Does not a haughty person show the temper of his soul in the supercilious roll of his eye; and how frequently in the height of passion does that moving picture in our head start and stare, gather a redness and quick flashes of lightning, and make all its humours sparkle with fire, as Virgil finely describes it, -Ardentis ab ore -From his wide nostrils flies Dryden. "As for the various turns of the eyesight, such as the voluntary or involuntary, the half or the whole leer, I shall not enter into a very particular account of them; but let me observe, that oblique vision, when natural, was anciently the mark of bewitchery and magical fascination, and to this day it is a malignant ill look; but when it is forced and affected, it carries a wanton design, and in playhouses, and other public places, this ocular intimation is often an assignation for bad practices. But this irregularity in vision, together with such enormities as tipping the wink, the circumspective roll, the side-peep through a thin hood or fan, must be put in the class of heteroptics, as all wrong notions of religion are ranked under the general name of heterodox. All the pernicious applications of sight are more immediately under the direction of a Spectator, and I hope you will arm your readers against the mischiefs which are daily done by killing eyes, in which you will highly oblige your wounded unknown friend, T. B.' 'MR. SPECTATOR,-You professed in several papers your particular endeavours in the province of Spectator, to correct the offences committed by Starers, who disturb whole assemblies without any regard to time, place, or modesty. You complained also, that a starer is not usually a person to be convinced by the reason of the thing, nor so easily rebuked as to amend by admonitions. I thought therefore fit to acquaint you with a convenient mechanical way, which may easily prevent or correct staring, by an optical contrivance of new perspective-glasses, short and commodious like |
