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trials that came before him to such a pass, as the passing of sentence on malefactors, he was by one of the malefactors mightily importuned for to sare his life ; which when nothing that he had said did avail, he at length desired his mercy on the account of kindred. Prithee, said my lord judge, how came that in? Why, if it please you, my lord, your name is Bacon, and mine is Hog, and in all ages Hog and Bacon have been so near kindred, that they are not to be separated. Ay, but replied judge Bacon, you and I cannot be kindred, except you be hanged; for Hog is not Bacon until it be well hanged..
31. Two scholars and a countryman travelling upon the road, one night lodged all in one inn, and supped together, where the scholars thought to have put a trick upon the countryman, which thus; the scholars appointed for supper two pigeons, and a fat capon, which being ready, was brought up, and they having set down, the one scholar took up one pigeon, the other scholar took the other pigeon, thinking thereby that the country man should have sate still, until that they were ready for the carving of the capon; which he perceiving, took the capon and laid it on his trencher, and thus said; daintily contrived, every man a bird.
32. Jack Roberts was desired by his taylor, when the reckoning grew somewhat high, to have a bill of his hand. Roberts said, I am content, but
you must let no man know it. When the taylor brought in the bill, he tore it as in choler, and said to him, you use me not well, you promised me that no man should know it, and here
have put in, Be it known unto all men by these presents.
33. Sir Walter Rawleigh was wont to say of the ladies of Queen Elizabeth's privy chamber, and bed chamber, that they were like witches, they could do hurt, but they could do no good.
3+. There was a minister deprived for inconformity, who said to some of his friends, that if they deprived him, it should cost an hundred men's lives. The party understood it, as if being a turbulent fellow, he would have moved sedition, and complained of him ; whereupon being convented and opposed upon that speech, he said his meaning was, that if he lost his benefice, he would practise physic, and then he thought he should kill an hundred men in time.
35. Secretary Bourn's son kept a gentleman's wife in Shropshire, who lived from her husband with him ; when he was weary of her, he caused her husband to be dealt with to take her home, and offered him five hundred pounds for reparation;
the gentleman went to Sir H. Sidney, to take his advice upon this offer, telling him, that his wife promised now a new life; and to tell him truth, five hundred pounds would come well with him ; and besides that sometimes he wanted a woman in his bed. By my truth, said Sir Henry Sidney, take her home, and take the money ; then whereas other cuckolds wear their horns plain, you may wear yours gilt.
36. When Rabelais, the great jester of France, lay on his death-bed, and they gave him the extreme unction, a familiar friend of his came to him afterwards, and asked him how he did ? Rabelais answered, even going my journey, they have greased my boots already.
37. Mr. Bromley solicitor, giving in evidence for a deed, which was impeached to be fraudulent, was urged by the counsel on the other side with this presumption, that in two former suits when title was made, that deed was passed over in silence, and some other conveyance
upon: Mr. Justice Catiline taking in with that side, asked the solicitor, I pray thee, Mr. Solicitor, let me ask you a familiar question ; I have two geldings in my stable; I have divers times business of importance, and still I send forth one of my geldings, and not the other; would you not think I set him aside for 'a jade? No, my lord, said Bromley, I would think you spared him for your own saddle.
38. Thales, as he looked upon the stars, fell into the water ; whereupon it was after said, that if he had looked into the water he might have seen the stars, but looking up to the stars he could not see the water.
39. A man and his wife in bed together, she towards the morning pretended herself to be ill at ease, desiring to lie on her husband's side, so the good man to please her came over her, making some short stay in his passage over, where she had not long lain, but desired to lie in her old place. again; quoth he, how can it be effected? She answered, come over me again. I had rather, said he, go a mile and a half about.
40. A thief being arraigned at the bar for steal. ing a mare, in his pleading urged many things in his own behalf, and at last nothing availing, he told the bench, the mare rather stole him, than he the mare; which in brief he thus related : that passing over several grounds about his lawful occasions, he was pursued close by a fierce mastiff dog, and so was forced to save himself by leaping over a hedge, which being of an agile body he effected; and in leaping, a mare standing on the other side of the hedge, leaped upon her back, who running
furiously away with him, he could not by any means stop her, until he came to the next town, in which town the owner of the mare lived, and there was he taken, and here arraigned.
41. Master Mason of Trinity college, sent his pupil to another of the fellows, to borrow a book of him, who told him, I am loth to lend
books out of my chamber, but if it please thy tutor to come and read
it in my chamber, he shall as long as he will. It was winter, and some days after the same fellow sent to Mr. Mason to borrow his bellows; but Mr. Mason said to his pupil, I am loth to lend my bellows out of my chamber, but if thy tutor would come and blow the fire in my chamber, he shall as long as he will.
42. A notorious rogue being brought to the bar, and knowing his case to be desperate, instead of pleading, he took to himself the liberty of jesting, and thus said, I charge you in the king's name, to seize and take away that man (meaning the judge) in the red gown, for I go in danger of my life because of him.
43. In Flanders, by accident, a Flemish tiler fell from the top of a house upon a Spaniard, and
a killed him, though he escaped himself: the next of the blood prosecuted his death with great violence, and when he was offered pecuniary recompence, nothing would serve him but lex talionis; where