24

A DISSERTATION

boldly tutors the Public: He that fails, confiders hie Mifcarriage as the Confequence of a Capacity too great for the Bufinefs of a Shop, and amufes himself in the Fleet with Writing or Tranflating. The laft Century imagined, that a Man compofing in his Chariot was a new Object of Curiofity; but how much would the Wonder have been increased, by a Footman ftudying behind it? There is now no Clafs of Men without its Authors, from the Peer to the Thresher; nor can the Sons of Literature be confined any longer to Grubflreet or Moorfields; they are fpread over all the Town and all the Country, and fill every Stage of Habitation from the Cellar to the Garret.

It is well known, that the Price of Commodities muft always fall as the Quantity is increased, and that no Trade can allow its Profeffors to be multiplied beyond a certain Number. The great Mifery of Writers proceeds from their Multitude. We ea fily perceive that in a Nation of Clothiers nó Man could have any Cloth to make but for his own Back; that in a Community of Bakers every Man muft ufe his own Bread; and what can be the Cafe of a Nation of Authors, but that every Man mufl be content to read his Book to himfelf? For furely it is in vain to hope, that of Men labouring at the fame Occupation, any will prefer the Work of his Neighbour to his own; yet this Expectation, wild as it is, feems to be indulged by many of the Writing Race; and therefore it can be no Wonder that, like all other Men who fuffer their Minds to form inconfiderate Hopes, they are harraffed and dejected with frequent Difappointments."

If I were to form an Adage of Mifery, or fix the Joweft Point to which Humanity could fall, Ifhould be tempted to name the Life of an Author. Many univerfal Comparisons there are by which Mifery is expreffed. We talked of a Man teazed like a Bear at

the

the Comm

poted the Le man; and a Acquifitions Jenance of an am in Want Hour at Temp frequented, a the Paffenger between the

Man is an A early in the about Dinne one uniform little Oppor Fears, their

But, in th

Dinner, the

or compofe

ceive one Public, by

neglected

away litera

fion; anoth

advance n

the Stake, tormented like a Toad under a Harrow, or hunted like a Dog with a Stick at his Tail: All these are indeed States of Uneafinefs; but what are they to the Life of an Author! of an Author wor ried by Critics, tormented by his Bookfeller, and hunted by his Creditors. Yet fuch must be the Cafe of many among the Retailers of Knowledge, while they continue thus to fwarm over the Land; and whether it be by Propagation or Contagion, produce new Writers to heighten the general Distress, to increase Confufion, and haften Famine.

Having long ftudied the Varieties of Life, I can guefs by every Man's Walk, or Air, to what State of the Community he belongs. Every Man has noted the Legs of a Taylor, and the Gait of a Seaman; and a little Extenfion of his phyfiognomical Acquifitions will teach him to diftinguish the Countenance of an Author. It is my Practice, when I am in Want of Amusement, to place myself for an Hour at Temple-Bar, or any other narrow Pafs much frequented, and examine one by one the Looks of the Paffengers; and I have commonly formd, that, between the Hours of Eleven and Four, every Sixth Man is an Author. They are feldom to be seen very early in the Morning, or late in the Evening; but about Dinner-time they are all in Motion, and have one uniform Eagerness in their Faces, which gives little Opportunity of difcerning their Hopes or Fears, their Pleasures or their Pains.

But, in the Afternoon, when they have all dined, or compofed themselves to pass the Day without a Dinner, their Paffions have full Play, and I can perceive one Man wondering at the Stupidity of the Public, by which his new Book has been totally neglected; another curfing the French, who fright away literary Curiofity by their Threats of an Invafion; another swearing at his Bookfeller, who will advance no Money without Copy; another perus

26

A DISSERTATION

ing, as he walks, his Publisher's Bill; another murmuring at an unanswerable Criticism; another deter mining to write no more to a Generation of Barbarians; and another refolving to try once again, whether he cannot awake the drowsy World to a Sense of his Merit.

It fometimes happens, that there may be remarked among them a Smile of Complacence, or a Strut of Elevation: But if thefe Favourites of Fortune are carefully watched for a few Days, they seldom fail to fhew the Tranfitorinefs of human Felicity; the Creft falls, the Gaiety is ended, and there appear evident Tokens of a fuccefsful Rival, or a fickle Patron.

But of all Authors, thofe are the most wretched, who exhibit their Productions on the Theatre, and who are to propitiate firft the Manager, and then the Public. Many an humble Vifitant have I followed to the Doors of thefe Lords of the Drama, feen him touch the Knocker with a fhaking Hand; and, after long Deliberation, adventure to folicit Entrance by a fingle nock: But I never ftaid to see them come out from their Audience; becaufe Heart is tenmy der, and being subject to Frights in Bed, I would not willingly dream of an Author.

That the Number of Authors is disproportionate to the Maintenance which the Public feems willing to affign them; that there is neither Praise nor Meat for all who write, is apparent from this; that, like Wolves in long Winters, they are forced to prey one on another. The Reviewers and Critical Reviewers, the Remarkers and Examiners, can fatisfy their Hunger only by devouring their Brethren. I am far from imagining that they are naturally more ravenous or blood-thirsty than thofe on whom they fall with fo much Violence and Fury; but they are hungry, and Hunger must be satisfied; and thefe Savages, when

their

0

a

heir Bellies now bite. The Refulto to this; that th edened, but accomplish bely propofe fhould pay a c Ways and M ther Gettroy haps it might b Authors, only portion as the es neceffary 's Dog, will every one, who was affeffed een the Nuif But no great We must conf hall exclude fi

a

The Nets ufed
Work but for f

as Labourers a
There mult, th
ed for their
State of Affairs

that great Effo

Fleet, and aug
are made of uf
milies into the
Exertion of Po
a few Houles f
thurs, who wo
Alacrity, as m

every prefent
of able Bodies

as well for the

their Bellies are full, will fawn on those whom they now bite..

The Refult of all these Confiderations amounts only to this; that the Number of Writers must at laft be leffened, but by what Method this great Defign can be accomplished, is not eafily difcovered. It was lately propofed that every Man who kept a Dog fhould pay a certain Tax, which, as the Contriver of Ways and Means very judiciously observed, would either deftroy the Dogs, or bring in Money. Perhaps it might be proper to lay fome fuch Tax upon Authors, only the Payment must be leffened in Proportion as the Animal, upon which it is raised, is lefs neceffary; for many a Man that would pay for his Dog, will difmifs his Dedicator. Perhaps if every one, who employed or harboured an Author, was affeffed a Groat a Year, it would fufficiently leffen the Nuifance without deftroying the Species.

But no great Alteration is to be attempted rafhly. We must confider how the Authors, which this Tax fhall exclude from their Trade, are to be employed. The Nets used in the Herring Fishery can furnish Work but for few, and not many can be employed as Labourers at the Foundation of the new Bridge. There muft, therefore, be fome other Scheme formed for their Accommodation, which the present State of Affairs may easily supply. It is well known, that great Efforts have been lately made to man the Fleet, and augment the Army, and loud Complaints are made of useful Hands forced away from their Families into the Service of the Crown. This offenfive Exertion of Power may be easily avoided, by opening a few Houses for the Entertainment of difcarded Authors, who would enter into the Service with great Alacrity, as most of them are zealous Friends of every prefent Government; many of them are Men of able Bodies, and ftrong Limbs, qualified at least as well for the Musket as the Pen: They are, per

haps,

ΟΝ

28

A DISSERTATION

haps, at present a little emaciated and enfeebled; but would foon recover their Strength and Flesh with: good Quarters and present Pay.

feem

There are fome Reasons for which they may particularly qualified for a military Life. They are ufed to fuffer Want of every Kind; they are accuftomed to obey the Word of Command from their Patrons and their Bookfellers; they have always paffed a Life of Hazard and Adventure, uncertain, be their State on the next Day; and, what what may is of yet more Importance, they have long made their Minds familiar to Danger, by Defcriptions of bloody Battles, daring Undertakings, and wonderful Escapes They have their Memories ftored with all the Stra tagems of War, and have, over and over, practifed in their Closets the Expedients of Diftress, the Exultation of Triumph, and the Refignation of Heroes fentenced to Destruction.

Some indeed there are, who, by often changing Sides in Controversy, may give juft Sufpicion of their Fidelity, and whom I fhould think likely to defert for the Pleafure of Desertion, or for a Farthing a Month advanced in their Pay. Of these Men I know not what Ufe can be made; for they can never be trufted but with Shackles on their Legs. There are others whom long Depreffion, under fupercilious Patrons, has fo humbled and crushed, that they will never have Steadiness to keep their Ranks. But for thefe Men there may be found Fifes and Drums, and they will be well enough pleased to inflame others to Battle, if they are not obliged to fight themselves.

It is more difficult to know what can be done with the Ladies of the Pen, of whom this Age has produ ced greater Numbers than any former Time. It is indeed common for Women to follow the Camp; but no prudent General will allow them in fuch Numbers as the Breed of Authoresses would furnish. Authoreffes are feldom famous for clean Linen; there

fore

Chut

Ere they canno kilful at their Shirt: They much accufton that they shall garrifon the To Danger of a have no Enemi but up toget Public, by tear The great A thelittle; wh this whole Pro thoreffes defeat ufual Advantag deftroyed in V varied the P

Tate, nobody