Quic. Well, fhe laments, Sir, for it, that it would yern your heart to fee it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; the defires you once more to come to her between eight and nine. I muft carry her word quickly; fhe'll make you amends, I warrant you.

Fai, Well, I will vifit her; tell her fo, and bid her think what a man is: let her confider his frailty, and then judge of my merit.

Quic. I will tell her.

Fal. Do fo. Between nine and ten, say'st thou?
Quic. Eight and nine, Sir.

Fal. Well, be gone; I will not mifs her.

Quic. Peace be with you, Sir.

[Exit.

Fal. I marvel, I hear not of master Brook; he fent

Fal. Now, master Brook, you come to know what hath pafs'd between me and Ford's wife.

Ford. That, indeed, Sir John, is my bufinefs. Fal. Matter Brook, I will not lie to you; I was at her house the hour the appointed me.

Ford. And you sped, Sir?

Fal. Very ill-favour'dly, mafter Brook.

Ford. How, Sir, did fhe change her determination? Fal. No, mafter Brook; but the peaking cornuto her husband, mafter Brook, dwelling in a continul larum of jealoufie, comes me in the inftant of our encounter ; after we had embrac'd, kifs'd, protefted, and as it were, fpoke the prologue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of his companions, thither provok'd and inftigated by his diftemper, and, forfooth, to fearch his house for his wife's love.

Ford.

Ford. What, while you was there?

Fal. While I was there.

Ford. And did he fearch for you, and could not

find you?

Fal. You fhall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one mistress Page, gives intelligence of Ford's approach, and by her invention, and Ford's wife's direction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket.

Ford. A buck-basket?

Fal. Yea, a buck-basket; ramm'd me in with foul fhirts and fmocks, focks, foul stockings, and greafie napkins; that, mafter Brook, there was the rankest compound of villainous fmell, that ever offended noftril. Ford. And how long lay you there ?

Fal. Nay, you fhall hear, master Brook, what I have fuffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul cloaths to Datchet-lane; they took me on their fhoulders, met the jealous knave their master in the door, who ask'd them once or twice what they had in their basket; I quak'd for fear, left the lunatick knave would have fearch'd it; but fate, ordaining he fhould be a cuckold, held his hand. Well, on went he for a fearch, and away went I for foul cloaths; but mark the fequel, mafter Brook; I fuffer'd the pangs of three egregious deaths: first, an intolerable fright, to be detected by a jealous rotten bell-weather; next to be compafs'd like a good bilbo, in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel to head; and then to be ftopt in, like a ftrong diftillation, with ftinking cloaths that freted in their own grease: think of that, a man of my kidney; think of

8 by her invention, and Ford's wife's DISTRACTION,]. We must read DIRECTION. For tho' the fpeaker might think Ford's wife much trighted at the approach of her husband, yet he is here fpeaking of the part which he bore in an artful contrivance to deceive him.

that,

that, that am as fubject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'fcape fuffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in grease, like a Dutch dish, to be thrown into the Thames, and cool'd glowing hot, in that furge, like a horse-fhoe; think of that; hiffing hot; think of that, master Brook.

Ford. In good fadnefs, Sir, I am forry that for my fake you fuffer'd all this. My fuit is then defperate; you'll undertake her no more?

Fal. Mafter Brook, I will be thrown into Etna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her thus. Her husband is this morning gone a birding; I have receiv'd from her another embaffie of meeting; 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, mafter Brook.

Ford. 'Tis paft eight already, Sir.

Fal. Is it? I will then addrefs me to my appointment. Come to me at your convenient leifure, and you shall know how I fpeed; and the conclufion fhall be crown'd with your enjoying her; adieu, you shall have her, master Brook; mafter Brook, you fhall cuckold Ford. [Exit.

Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vifion? is this a dream? do I fleep? master Ford, awake; awake, master Ford; there's a hole made in your beft coat, mafter Ford; this 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have linnen and buckbaskets! well, I will proclaim my felf what I am; I will now take the leacher; he is at my houfe; he cannot 'fcape me; 'tis impoffible, he should; he cannot creep into a half-penny purfe, nor into a pepper-box. But, left the devil that guides him fhould aid him, I will fearch impoffible places; tho' what I am I cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, fhall not make me tame if I have horns to make one mad, let the proverb go with with me, I'll be horn-mad.

[Exit.

ACT

Enter Mrs. Page, Mrs. Quickly, and William.

Mrs. PAGE.

S he at Mr. Ford's already, think'st thou? Quic. Sure, he is by this, or will be prefently; but truly he is very courageous mad, about his throwing into the water; Mrs. Ford defires you to come fuddenly.

Mrs. Page. I'll be with her by and by; I'll but bring my young man here to school. Look, where his master comes; 'tis a playing-day, I fee. How now, Sir Hugh, no school to day?

Enter Evans.

Eva. No; mafter Slender is let the boys leave to play.

Quic. Bleffing of his heart!

Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband fays, my fon profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you, ask him fome questions in his Accidence.

Eva. Come hither, William; hold up your head,

come.

Mrs. Page. Come on, Sirrah, hold up your head, answer your master, be not afraid.

Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns ?
Wil. Two.

Quic. Truly, I thought there had been one number more, because they fay, od's nouns.

Eva. Peace your tatlings. What is Fair, William?
Wil. Pulcher.

Quic. Poulcats? there are fairer things than poulcats, fure.

Eva. You are a very fimplicity 'oman; I pray you, peace. What is Lapis, William?

Wil. A ftone.

Eva. And what is a stone, William?

Wil. A pebble.

Eva. No, it is Lapis: I pray you, remember in your prain. Will. Lapis.

Eva. That is a good William: what is he, William, that does lend articles?

Will. Articles are borrow'd of the pronoun, and be thus declin'd, fingulariter nominativo, bic, hæc, boc. Eva. Nominativo, big, bag, bog; pray you, mark: genitivo, hujus: well, what is your accufative cafe? Will. Accufative, binc.

Eva. I pray you, have your remembrance, child; accufative, bung, bang, bog.

Quic. Hang hog is Latin for bacon, I warrant you. Eva. Leave your prabbles, 'oman. What is the focative cafe, William?

Will. O, vocativo, O.

Eva. Remember, William, focative is caret.

Quic. And that's a good root.

Eva. 'Oman, forbear.

Mrs. Page. Peace.

Eva. What is your genitive cafe plural, William?
Will. Genitive cafe?

Eva. Ay.

Will. Genitive, borum, barum, horum.

Quic. 'Vengeance of Giney's cafe; fie on her! never name her, child, if fhe be a whore.

Eva. For fhame, 'oman.

Quic. You do ill to teach the child fuch words: he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll do faft enough of themselves; and to call horum; fie upon you!