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Speed. Well, your old vice still; mistake the word: what news then in your paper ?

Laun. The blackest news that ever thou heard'st.
Speed, Why, man, how black ?
Laun. Why, as black as ink.
Speed. Let me read them.
Laun. Fie on thee, jolt-head, thou can'st not read.
Speed. Thou lyest, I can.
Laun. I will try thee; tell me this, who begot thee?
Speed. Marry, the son of my grand-father.

Laun. O illiterate loiterer, it was the son of thy grand-mother ; this proves, that thou canst not read.

Speed. Come, fool, come, try me in thy paper.
Laun. There, and s St. Nicholas be thy speed !
Speed. Imprimis, she can nyilk.
Laun. Ay, that she can.
Speed. Item, the brews good ale.

Laun. And thereof comes the proverb, Bleshing of your beart, you brew good ale. . Speed. Item, she can sowe.

Laun. That's as much as to say, Can the so?
Speed. Item, she can knit.

Laun. What need a man care for a stock with a wench, when she can knit him a stock!

Speed. Item, she can wash and scour.

Laun. A special virtue, for then the need not to be wash'd and scour'd.

Speed. Item, she can spin..

Lain. Then may I set the world on wheels, when she can spin for her living.

Speed. Item, she hath many nameless virtues.

Laun. That's as much as to say, Bastard Virtues; that, indeed, know not their fathers, and therefore have no names.

5 St. Nicholas be thy speed.] St. Nicholas presided over Scholars, who were therefore called St. Nicholas's Clerks. Hence, by a quibble between Nicholas and Old Nick, Highway-men, in the first part of Henry the fourth, are called Nicholas's Clerks.


Speed. Here follow her vices.
Laun. Close at the heels of her virtues.

Speed. Item, she is not to be kist tasting, in respect of her breath.

Laun. Well, that fault may be mended with a breakfast: read on.

Speed. Item, she hath a sweet mouth.
Laun. That makes amends for her four breath.
Speed. Item, she doth talk in her sleep.

Laun. It's no matter for that, so she neep not in her talk.

Speed. Item, she is now in words.

Laun. O villain ! that set down among her vices ! to be now in words is a woman's only virtue: I pray thee, out with't, and place it for her chief virtue.

Speed. Item, she is proud.

Laun. Out with that too : it was Eve's legacy, and cannot be ta'en from her.

Speed. Item, she hath no teeth.

Laun. I care not for that neither, because I love crusts.

Speed. Item, she is curst.
Laun. Well, the best is, she hath no teeth to bite.
Speed. Item. she will often praise her liquor. .

Laun. If her liquor be good, she shall ; if she will not, I will; for good things should be praised.

Speed. Item, she is too liberal.

Laun. Of her tongue she cannot, for that's writ down, she's now of; of her purse she shall not, for that I'll keep shut ; now of another thing she may, and that cannot I help. Well, proceed.

Speed. Item, she hath more hairs than wit, and more faults than hairs, and more wealth than faults.

Laun. “ Stop here ; I'll have her; she was mine, “ and not mine, twice or thrice in that article, Re& hearse that once more. Speed. Item, the hath more hair than wit.


Laun. More hair than wit, it may be ; l'll prove it: the cover of the falt hides the fali, and therefore it is more than the falt; the hair, that covers the wit. is more than the wit; for the greater hides the less. What's next?

Speed. And more faults than hairs.
Laun. That's monstrous : oh, that that were out!
Speed. And more wealth than faults.

Laun. Why, that word makes the faults gracious: well, I'll have her ; and if it be a match, as nothing is impossible

Speed. What then?

Laun. Why then will I tell thee, that thy master stays for thee at the north-gate,

Speed. For me?

Laun. For thee? ay; who art thou ? he hath ftaid for a better man than thee.

Speed. And must I go to him?

Laun. Thou must run to him, for thou hast staid fo long, that going will scarce serve the turn.

Speed. Why didft not tell me sooner? pox on your love-letters!

Laun. Now will he be swing'd for reading my letter: an unmannerly Nave, that will thrust himself into secrets. I'll after, to rejoice in the boy's correction.

Excunt. S CE N E v.

Enter Duke and Thurio. Duke. Sir Thurio, fear not, but that she will love

Now Valentine is banish'd from her sight.

Thu. Since his exile she hath despis'd me moft,
Forsworn my company, and rail'd at me,
That I am desperate of obtaining her.
Duke. This weak impress of love is as a figure


Trenched in ice, which with an hour's heat
Diffolves to water, and doth lose his form.
A little time will melt her frozen thoughts,
And worthless Valentine shall be forgot.

Enter Protheus.
How now, Sir Protheus ? Is your countryman,
According to our proclamation, gone?

Pro. Gone, my good lord.
Duke. My daughter takes his going heavily.
Pro. A little time, my lord, will kill that grief.

Duke. So I believe; but Thurio thinks not so.
Protheus, the good conceit I hold of thee,
(For thou hast shown some sign of good desert)
Makes me the better to confer with thee.
· Pro. Longer than I prove loyal to your Grace,
Let me not live to look upon your Grace.

Duke. Thou know'st, how willingly I would effect The match between Sir Thurio and my daughter.

Pro. I do, my lord.

Duke. And also, I do think, thou art not ignorant How she opposes her against my will.

Pro. She did, my lord, when Valentine was here.

Duke. Ay, and perversely she perfeveres fo.
What might we do to make the girl forget
The love of Valentine, and love Sir Thurio ?

Pro. The best way is to Nander Valentine
With falshood, cowardice, and poor descent: ,
Three things that women highly hold in hate.

Duke. Ay, but she'll think, that it is spoke in hate.

Pro. Ay, if his enemy deliver it:
Therefore it must, with circumstance, be spoken
By one, whom she esteemeth as his friend.

Duke. Then you must undertake to Nander him.

Pro. And that, my lord, I shall be loth to do ; 'Tis an ill office for a gentleman ; Especially, against his very friend.


have prepeak in hve to hitzaientine,

Duke. Where your good word cannot advantage

Your Nander never can endamage him ;
Therefore the office is indifferent,
Being intreated to it by your friend.

Pro. You have prevail'd, my lord : if I can do it,
By aught that I can speak in his dispraise,
She shall not long continue love to him.
6 But say, this weed her love from Valentine,
It follows not, that she will love Sir Thurio.

Thu. Therefore as you unwind her love from him, Lest it should ravel, and be good to none, You must provide to bottom it on me: Which must be done, by praising me as much As you in worth dispraise Sir Valentine.

Duke. And, Protheus, we dare trust you in this kind,
Because we know, on Valentine's report,
You are already love's firm votary;
And cannot soon revolt and change your mind.
Upon this warrant, shall you have access,
Where you with Silvia may confer at large :
For she is lumpish, heavy, melancholy,
And, for your friend's sake, will be glad of you ;
Where you may temper her, by your persuasion,
To hate young Valentine, and love my friend.

Pro. As much as I can do, I will effect,
But you, Sir Thurio, are not sharp enough ;
You must lay lime, to tangle her desires,
By wailful sonnets, whose composed rhimes
Should be full fraught with serviceable vows.

Duke. Much is the force of heav'n-bred poesie.

Pro. “ Say, that upon the altar of her beauty
" You sacrifice your tears, your sighs, your heart :
6 But say, this weed her love from Valentine,

It follows not, that he will love Sir Thurio.
Ridiculum caput. Quafi necesse sit,
Si huic non dat, te illam uxorem ducere. Ter Andr.

" Write,

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