cafe we could change conditions with him.

As I was ruminating on thefe two remarks, and feated in my elbow-chair, I infenfibly fell afleep; when on a fudden, methought, there was a proclamation made by Jupiter, that every mortal fhould bring in his griefs and calamities, and throw them together in a heap. There was a large plain appointed for this purpofe. I took my stand in the center of it, and faw with a great deal of pleasure the whole human fpecies marching one after another, and throwing down their feveral loads, which immediately grew up into a prodigious mountain, that feemed to rife above the clouds.

There was a certain lady of a thin airy fhape, who was very active in this folemnity. She carried a magnifying glafs in one of her hands, and was cloathed in a loofe flowing robe, embroidered with several figures of fiends and spectres, that difcovered themselves in a thousand chimerical fhapes, as her garment hovered in the wind. There was fomething wild and diftrated in her looks. Her name was Fancy. She led up every mortal to the appointed place, after having very officioufly af fited him in making up his pack, and laying it upon his thoulders. My heart melted within me to fee my fellow-crea tures groaning under their respective burdens, and to confider that prodigious balk of human calamities which lay be

fore me.

There were however feveral perfons who gave me great diverfion upon this occafion. I obferved one bringing in a Sardel very carefully concealed under an old embroidered cloak, which, upon his throwing it into the heap, I discovered to be Poverty. Another, after a great deal of puffing, threw down his luggage, which, upon examining, I found to be his wife.

There were multitudes of lovers faddled with very whimfical burdens compofed of darts and flames: but what was very odd, though they fighed as if their hearts would break under these bundles of calamities, they could not perfuade themselves to caft them into the heap, when they came up to it; but after a few faint efforts, hook their heads and marched away, as heavy laden as they

came.

I faw multitudes of old women

throw down their wrinkles, and several young ones who ftripped themfeives of a tawny kin. There were very great heaps of red nofes, large lips, and ruity teeth. The truth of it is, I was furprifed to fee the greateft part of the mountain made up of bodily deformities. Obferving one advancing towards the heap, with a larger cargo than ordinary upon his back, I found, upon his near approach, that it was only a natural hump, which he difpofed of, with great joy of heart, among this collection of human miferies. There were likewife diftempers of all forts, though I could not but obferve, that there were many more imaginary than real. One little packet I could not but take notice of, which was a complication of all the difeafes incident to human nature, and was in the hand of a great many fine people: this was called the Spleen. But what most of all furprised me, was 3 remark I made, that there was not a fingle vice or folly thrown into the whole heap: at which I was very much aftonifhed, having concluded within myself, that every one would take this opportu nity of getting rid of his paffions, prejudices, and frailties.

I took notice in particular of a very profligate fellow, who I did not queftion came loaded with his crimes but upon fearching into his bundle, I found that inftead of throwing his guilt from him, he had only laid down his mentory, He was followed by another worthless rogue, who flung away his modesty inftead of his ignorance.

When the whole race of mankind had thus caft their burdens, the phantom which had been fo bufy on this occafion, feeing me an idle fpectator of what had paffed, approached towards me. I grew uneafy at her prefence, when of a ludden the held her magnifying glafs full before my eyes. I no fooner law my face in it, but was startled at the fhortnefs of it, which now appeared to me in it's uttmoft aggravation. The immoderate breadth of the features made me very much out of humour with my own countenance, upon which I threw it from me like a mask. It happened very luckily, that one who stood by me had juft before thrown down his vifage, which, it feems, was too long for him. It was indeed extended to a moft fhameful length; I believe the very chin was, modettiy

modeftly fpeaking, as long as my whole face. We had both of us an opportunity of mending ourselves; and all the contributions being now brought in, every man was at liberty to exchange

N

his misfortunes for thofe of another perfon. But as there arofe many new incidents in the fequel of my vifion, I fhall referve them for the subject of my next paper. 0

HOR. SAT. I. L. I. VER. 20.

laft I gave my reader a

HORNECK.

begged him to take his fon again, and

which was made up of thofe feveral calamities that afflict the minds of men. I faw, with unspeakable pleasure, the whole fpecies thus delivered from it's forrows; though at the fame time, as we flood round the heap, and furveyed the feveral materials of which it was composed, there was fcarce a mortal, in this vaft multitude, who did not difcover what he thought pleafures and bleffings of life; and wondered how the owners of them ever came to look upon them as burdens and grievances.

As we were regarding very attentively this confufion of miferies, this chaos of calamity, Jupiter iffued out a fecond proclamation, that every one was now at liberty to exchange his affliction, and to return to his habitation with any fuch other bundle as fhould be delivered to him.

Upon this, Fancy began again to beftir herfelf, and parcelling out the whole heap with incredible activity, recommended to every one his particular packet. The hurry and confufion at this time was not to be expreffed. Some obfervations, which I made upon the occafion, I fhall communicate to the public. A venerable grey-headed man, who had laid down the cholic, and who I found wanted an heir to his eftate, fnatched up an undutiful fon, that had been thrown into the heap by his angry father. The graceless youth, in lefs than a quarter of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, and had like to have knocked his brains out; fo that meeting the true father, who came towards him with a fit of the gripes, he

incapable either of them to recede from the choice they had made. A poor gal ley-flave who had thrown down his chains, took up the gout in their stead, but made fuch wry faces, that one might eafily perceive he was no great gainer by the bargain. It was pleafant enough to fee the feveral exchanges that were made, for fickness against poverty, hunger against want of appetite, and care against pain.

The female world were very busy among themselves in bartering for fea tures: one was trucking a leck of grey hairs for a carbuncle, another was mak ing over a fhort wait for a pair of round fhoulders, and a third cheapening a bad face for a loft reputation: but on all thefe occafions, there was not one of them who did not think the new blemish, as foon as the had got it into her poffeffion, much more difagreeable than the old one. I made the fame obfervation on every other misfortune or calamity, which every one in the affembly brought upon himfelf in lieu of what he had parted with: whether it be that all the evils which befal us are in fome meafure fuited and proportioned to our ftrength, or that every evil becomes more fupportable by our being accustomed to it, I fhall not determine.

I could not from my heart forbear pitying the poor hump-backed gentleman mentioned in the former paper, who went off a very well-fhaped perfon with a ftone in his bladder; nor the fine gentleman who had ftruck up this bargain with him, that limped through a whole affembly of ladies, who used to 7 A 2

admire

admire him, with a pair of shoulders peeping over his head.

I muft not omit my own particular adventure. My friend with a long vifage had no fooner taken upon him my fhort face, but he made fuch a grotefque figure in it, that as I looked upon him I could not forbear laughing at myfelf, infomuch that I put my own face out of countenance. The poor gentleman was fo fenfible of the ridicule, that I found he was afhamed of what he had done: on the other fide I found that I myself had no great reafon to triumph, for as I went to touch my forehead I miffed the place, and clapped my finger upon my upper lip. Befides, as my nofe was exceeding prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky knocks as I was playing my hand about my face, and aiming at fome other part of it. I faw two other gentlemen by me, who were in the fame ridiculous circumftances. Thefe had made a foolish fwop between a couple of thick bandy legs, and two long trapfticks that had no calves to them. One of these looked like a man walking upon ftilts, and was fo lifted up into the air, above his ordinary height, that his head turned round with it, while the other made fuch aukward circles as he attempted to walk, that he fcarce knew how to move forward upon his new fupporters. Obferving him to be a pleafant kind of fellow, I ftuck my cane in the ground, and told him I would lay him a bottle of wine, that he did not march up to it on a line, that I drew for him, in a quarter of an hour,

The heap was at laft diftributed among the two fexes, who made a moft piteous fight, as they wandered up and down under the preffure of their several

burdens. The whole plain was filled with murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentations. Jupiter at length taking compaffion on the poor mortals, ordered them a second time to lay down their loads, with a design to give every one his own again. They difcharged themselves with a great deal of pleasure; after which, the phantom, who had led them into fuch grofs delufions, was commanded to disappear. There was fent in her ftead a goddess of quite dif. ferent figure: her motions were steady and compofed, and her aspect ferious but chearful. She every now and then caft her eyes towards heaven, and fixed them upon Jupiter: her name was Patience. She had no fooner placed herfelf by the Mount of Sorrows, but, what I thought very remarkable, the whole heap funk to fuch a degree, that it did not appear a third part so big as it was before. She afterwards returned every nan his own proper calamity, and teaching him how to bear it in the mot commodious manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleafed that he had not been left to bis own choice, as to the kind of evils which fell to his lot.

Befides the feveral pieces of morality to be drawn out of this vision, I learnt from it, never to repine at my own miffortunes, or to envy the happiness of another, fince it is impoffible for any man to form a right judgment of his neighbour's fufferings; for which reafon alfo I have determined never to think too lightly of another's complaints, but to regard the forrows of my fellow. creatures with fentiments of humanity and compassion,

0

example, that I may be a fortune-teller properly speaking. I am grown weary of my taciturnity, and having served my country many years under the title of The Dumb Doctor, I fhall now prophefy by word of mouth, and (as Mr. Lee fays of the magpy, who you know was a great fortune-teller among the ancients) chatter futurity. I have hitherto chofen to receive questions and return answers in writing, that I might avoid the tedioufnefs and trouble of debates; my querifts being generally of a humour to think, that they have never predictions enough for their money. In fhort, Sir, my cafe has been fomething like that of those difcreet animals the monkeys, who, as the Indians tell us, can speak if they would, but purpofely avoid it that they may not be made to work. I have hitherto gained a livelihood by holding my tongue, but fhall now open my mouth in order to fill it. If I appear a little word-bound in my firft folutions and refponfes, I hope it will not be imputed to any want of forefight, but to the long difufe of speech. I doubt not by this invention to have all my former cuftomers over again; for if I have promised any of them lovers or husbands, riches or good luck, it is my. defign to confirm to them viva voce, what I have already given them under my hand. If you will honour me with a vifit, I will compliment you with the first opening of my mouth, and if you pleafe you may make an entertaining dialogue out of the converfation of two dumb men. Excufe this trouble, worthy Sir, from one who has been a long time your filent admirer,

CORNELIUS AGRIPPA.

If you will fend us down the half dozen well turned periods, that produced fuch difmal effects in your muscles, we will depofit them near an old manuscript of Tully's Orations, among the archives of the university; for we all agree with you, that there is not a more remarks. able accident recorded in history, fince that which happened to the fon of Cræfus; nay, I believe you might have gone higher, and have added Baiaam's afs. We are impatient to fee more of your productions, and expect what words will next fall from you, with as much attention as those who were fet to watch the speaking head, which Friar Bacon formerly erected in this place. We are, worthy Sir, your most humble fervants, B. R. T. D. &c.

MIDDLE-TEMPLE, JUNE 24.

HONEST SPEC,

Am very glad to hear that thou be

ginneft to prate; and find, by thy yesterday's vifion, thou art fo used to it, that thou canst not forbear talking in thy fleep. Let me only advise thee to fpeak like other men, for I am afraid thou wilt be very queer, if

thou

SIR,

Am a tall, broad-shouldered, impu

DRYDEN.

hufbands and a gallant, is now wedded to an old gentleman of fixty. Upon

every way qualified for a rich widow: but after having tried my fortune for above three years together, I have not been able to get one fingle relict in the mind. My first attacks were generally fuccefsful, but always broke off as foon as they came to the word Settlement. Though I have not improved my fortune this way, I have my experience, and have learnt feveral fecrets which may be of use to these unhappy gentlemen, who are commonly distinguished by the name of Widow-hunters, and who do not know that this tribe of women are, generally fpeaking, as much upon the catch as themselves. I fhall here communicate to you the myfteries of a certain female cabal of this order, who call themselves the Widow-club. This club confifts of nine experienced dames, who take their places once a week round a large oval table.

1. Mrs. President is a person who has difpofed of fix hufbands, and is now determined to take a feventh; being of opinion that there is as much virtue in the touch of a feventh husband as of a feventh fon. Her comrades are as follow:

11. Mrs. Snapp, who has four jointures, by four different bedfellows, of four different fhires. She is at prefent upon the point of marriage with a Middlefex man, and is faid to have an ambition of extending her poffeffions through all the counties in England on this fide the Trent.

1. Mrs. Medlar, who, after two

VI. The Lady Waddle. She was married in the 15th year of her age to Sir Simon Waddle, knight, aged threefcore and twelve, by whom the had twins nine months after his deceafe. In the 55th year of her age he was married to James Spindle, Efq. a youth of one and twenty, who did not outlive the honey-moon.

VII. Deborah Conqueft. The cafe of this lady is fomething particular. She is the relict of Sir Samplon Conqueft, fome time juftice of the quorum. Sir Sampfon was feven foot high, and two foot in breadth from the tip of one shoulder to the other. He had married three wives, who all of them died in child-bed. This terrified the whole fex, who none of them durft venture on Sir Sampfon. At length Mrs. Deborah undertook him, and gave fo good an account of him, that in three years time The very fairly laid him out, and meafured his length upon the ground. This exploit has gained her fo great a repu tation in the club, that they have added Sir Sampfon's three victories to her's,

and