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here, too, he was delighted to receive us and deliver (sotto voce) a short and extemporary lecture on the art of button-cleaning-an operation in which he took especial pride, and for which he had invented an ingenious machine, with a vague and foggy notion of 'taking out a patent for it some of these here fine days.'

After rifling Mrs. Colinder's circular spice-box, and tasting all its contents from mace to nutmeg, we concentrated our energies in endeavouring to induce Mouser to sup on an infusion of cinnamon and water; and failing in this dietetic experiment, in consequence, as we thought, of the ungenerous interference of Sally, we betook ourselves up-stairs again with an eye to cake and muffins, which formed the simple elements of our next repast. After tea we amused ourselves by inspecting 'Fox's Book of Martyrs,' of which Grampus possessed a very fine copy, illustrated with woodcuts of such an appalling nature in regard to subject, that, aided by the unusually heavy dinner of which we had partaken, it had the ultimate effect of giving us all nightmare, or at least uneasy dreams in which gigantic gridirons, racks, and thumbscrews were called unpleasantly to mind before the morning.

But our great delight, during the latter part of the evening, was to gather round the fire and clamour for a song or a story from Grampus. Of these commodities he possessed, indeed, only a limited stock; but as they were well selected and strictly reserved for these occasions, we listened to them with annually renewed interest. Of the songs, I regret to say, I remember but little. There was a very remarkable one, the end and object of which appeared to be a description of and various suggestions for the definition of a Woman. In the course of the chorus

-a very lengthy one -the poet compared her to a flower and a tower, a song and a thong, a mill and a pill, a flea and a bee, and a variety of other monosyllabic nouns which it was painfully evident had been selected more with a view to euphony of verse than any actual resemblance of the objects themselves

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The Universe well may be jealous

Of England, where Liberty sings;
For the King is the king of good fellows,
And-all our good fellows are kings.

Fol lol de rol, lol de rol liddle,' &c. &c.

Under the genial influence of a bowl of 'rack punch my worthy relative proceeded with the musical entertainment, until he was seized with a violent fit of coughing, which warned him to desist, for he was inclined to be asthmatical, and was, as I have before remarked, of very portly dimensions about the region of the waistcoat. Ten minutes having been then kindly accorded to Grampus in order that he might recover himself (which he did at length after a deal of puffing and blowing and using sundry ejaculations apparently selected from the Litany), it became the duty of my eldest sister Kate to replenish his tumbler-an operation of which he always pretended to deprecate the necessity either by faintly remonstrating with her-placing his hand over the glass in such an ingenious manner that there was ample room for a stream of grog to be poured between his fingers; or suddenly starting up to poke the fire with great energy, he would affect the greatest indignation to find another half-pint of the reeking compound on returning to his arm-chair. Whatever his object may have been in executing these remarkable manœuvres, one fact is worthy of note, and that is, that he always succeeded in drinking his second allowance of punch. I don't say it is anything to boast of, but he did it. Whether he would have been prepared for a third-whether he ever did take a third after we were all gone-just to

make himself comfortable, you know, before he turned into bed for the night-this, I say, is more than I can tell you, but it was during the second when he always told his story-and so I will confine myself to the fact.

'Are you all ready?' asked Grampus, settling himself into his armchair, and taking a sort of preparatory pull at the punch.

'Yes, uncle,' piped a chorus of small voices.

'Well then, once upon a time when-halloa there! stop a minute!' said my uncle, suddenly'Who's cracking nuts?'

Only me, uncle,' said Tom, slowly emerging from under the table, where he had taken up his position with a handful of filberts.

Now look here,' said my uncle, 'just you take the crackers and crack 'em all, all mind, will you, before I begin-there's a good boy?' Tom did so. That's right,' said my uncle, winking at Tom through the tumbler which he had just raised to his lips; that's right. Now we shall get on.' And on he went.

'Once upon a time, and years before you little chickabiddies here were born or thought of, I had occasion to make a journey just after Christmas from P- to Exeter. Travelling, as I dare say you've been told a dozen times by old fogies like me, was a very different thing then to what it is now-you couldn't step into a train to be whisked off from place to place. If you got over the ground at four or five miles an hour it was thought a very fair speed; so that in winter with two horses we could barely reach Exeter between dawn and dusk. As for London, it took the best part of a week to get there, and no one thought of starting on such a journey without making his will. The "Perseverance" coach had been, up to the time I am speaking of, the only public conveyance, except the waggons, between this and Exeter, and a dilatory ramshackled old concern it was, only running every other day. However, a new Company had just started, undertaking to do the journey every day, and in little more than half the time, with four VOL. V.-NO. XXVI.

horses. This was a step in the right direction, to be sure; but like most attempts at reform, it met with a deal of opposition at first. Old people shook their heads and predicted that no good would come of the innovation. The "Perseverance" had done well enough for them, they said, and they would stick by it. It was better to travel safely than swiftly, and who could say what might be the fate of this newfangled concern? However, the "Tantivy"-for that was the name of the rival coach-was started, fulfilled its engagements as to speed, and had performed the journey daily for about three weeks, when I was summoned to Exeter on business, and determined to travel by it.

'It was boasted that the "Tantivy" could start from the Red Lion inn at noon, and passing the old "Perseverance" (which used to leave the King's Arms some hours before) on the road, reach Exeter before it. Even at this time of the day, the weather was intensely cold, and I was pleased to think I had secured an inside place. Winters were winters in those days, I can tell you. I don't know what's become of 'em now, they seem to have gone out with the stage-coaches. Many's the time when I've found the water in my bedroom jug covered with ice, and my sponge frozen quite hard, morning after morning. If such a thing happens now, people talk of it as if 'twas a wonder. I remember when we took it as a matter of course. Well, when I got down to the inn, I was anxious to see who my fellow-travellers were. That was a much more important and interesting question than it is now. If you get a disagreeable fellow or a squealing infant in a railway-carriage you may change your place now-a-days, but then it was impossible. You had to endure your company, whatever it was. Luckily I found mine pretty decent peoplea stout bagman who went to sleep almost the instant he got inside the carriage, and a little middle-aged lady very comfortably wrapped up in a boa, a fur pelisse, and a travelling hood. When I say that she was comfortably wrapped up I am

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only referring to her bodily condition. She seemed anything but comfortable in her mind, I thought I never saw such a restless little soul in my life. She was fidgeting about in and out of the coach half a dozen times before we started. Now she wanted to sit with her back to the horses-then on the opposite seat; now she changed corners with the bagman-now with me. When I add to this that she kept popping her head out of the window every two or three minutes and asking the guard the most ridiculous questions about the probabilities of the weather, the state of the roads, and the temper of the horses, you will reasonably infer that I had some doubt of her sanity.

"Law bless you, mum," said the guard, on being interrogated for the third time, "they're as quiet as lambs every one of 'em-as I told you jist now. You might drive 'em blindfold a'most and leave your whip at home to be mended; and as for work, I never see such beastesses at the collar-never in my born days: they're wot you may term slap-uppers and no mistake!"

"What is a slap-upper?" asked the little lady, doubtfully.

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"Good 'uns to go, mum' shirking their duty-no jibbing-no shying-no nothing o' vice about 'em as you may say."

"Oh!" said the little lady, somewhat relieved, "I thought you might mean that they kicked. One of them seems a little frisky."

"Which is that, mum? grey mare, I 'spose, now?"

The

"Really I don't know!" said the little lady, sharply. "It was one of the front ones."

"Ah! you mean the off leader," said the guard-yis-that is the grey mare: she only wants to be off, that's all, mum: a little restless and nervous-like, till she's on the roadsimilar to many other of her sex, mum," added the guard, with a very slight wink at the bagman. "Now, Bill, be you ready? time's up!" cried he to the coachman; "blest if I ever see sich a feller for lushcome on."

"Allright Shtephens, awright myboy," answered a very bloated

looking man in three or four topcoats and a red belcher handkerchief wound round his neck, just under a redder nose. "Awright Shtephens, I'm acummin, Shtephens," and emptying his glass at the bar door, he slowly, and with apparently some difficulty, climbed up into his seat. Mr. Stephens jumped up behind, and producing a French horn from a leather case which dangled over the side of the coach, performed a series of variations on 66 Away with Melancholy," as we drove off.

"A very impertinent man, that guard!" exclaimed the little lady to me, when we got outside the town.

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I'm afraid he was rather inclined to be so," said I, as gravely as I could, for the bagman was purple with suppressed laughter. "May I take the liberty, madam, of inquiring whether you are accustomed to travelling in this way? I'm afraid you seemed a little nervous."

"It is because I am accustomed to travel," answered the little lady, "that I do feel a little nervous."

"Indeed! and why?" I asked. ""Because," said the little lady, emphatically, and with great deliberation, "I never was in a stagecoach yet in my life which was not upset, that's all."

"If that is really the case, you have indeed been unfortunate," I remarked; "but let us hope you will have better luck to-day.'

"We shall meet with an accident, sir, I am convinced," she answered. Only mark my words. However, I am accustomed to it."

66

'It was in vain the bagman and I tried to reason her out of this melancholy conviction. She remained firmly persuaded of our impending fate, and declared that nothing would induce her to change her mind. This being the case, I naturally thought the next best thing to do was to change the subject; and accordingly we began to talk upon general topics of the day, in which the bagman joined us until he fell asleep, and then we relapsed into silence. Meanwhile, the coach rolled over hill and dale, between hedges bristling with frost, over roads so hard that the horses' hoofs rang

upon them like a blacksmith's hammer. Ice lay an inch thick upon many a ditch and duckpond that we passed; last week's snow still lingered on the distant hills. The leafless trees looked hard and brittle with the cold, and our horses' breath came floating past us in a crisp blue cloud upon the winter air. Ön we sped through what is, in summer, the most picturesque part of Devonshire, and which even the bleak and gloomy aspect of the weather could not altogether rob of its beauty. We had stopped once or twice to change horses, and it was now getting dusk, when the little lady resumed her apprehensions. The bagman had begun to snore, and I confess I felt a little drowsy myself. Indeed, I think I should have fallen asleep before if they had not been making such a terrible noise outside. There were two or three of them up there on the roof or box, laughing, shouting, and singing, as if they had just escaped from Bedlam. I felt convinced that the driver was one. At every inn we stopped at on the road he had been down and asked for "sixpen'orth of rum and milk;"" liqueur of brandy neat;" "three of gin 'ot;" "small glass of shrub and bitters;" all, doubtless, admirable cordials in their way, if taken singly; but open to objection in their combined effect. However, whether it was that I was too weary to listen, or that their spirits actually did become more subdued at last, I can't say, but the noise seemed gradually to grow fainter and fainter, and then I fell into a deep sleep. How long I remained in this condition I cannot say; but I was in the midst of a long dream, in which I imagined that I had entered into partnership with the late Captain Cook, and was on a voyage of discovery, tossing about on the Atlantic Ocean, in a fearful storm, when the vessel, as I thought, gave a tremendous lurch over, and I was awoke by a shrill voice crying

"There, sir! I told you how it would be. I knew it from the first -you wouldn't believe me, and now

we are

"The rest of the sentence was lost in a tremendous crash of breaking

timbers and smashed windows, with which, female screams, anathemas from the opposite sex, and the sound of kicking horses, were plentifully mingled.

The little lady was right; WE WERE UFSET, and no mistake. It would be quite impossible for me to describe the confusion which ensued. Removing the broken glass as well as I could, I first raised myself up from the coach window and then extricated the little lady.

"My dear madam, are you much hurt?" I asked.

"Oh, sir!" she groaned, pointing to her neck; "look here!" and fainted away in my arins.

'Her collar was saturated with blood, and I really was very much alarmed. When we got her inside a neighbouring inn and farmhouse, however, it turned out that beyond a little shaking and a great deal of fright, she had not suffered much. The blood had flowed from the bagman's cheek, which was badly lacerated by broken glass; and begging the farmer's wife to give her a cup of tea, I hastened off to the relief of my less fortunate companion. Luckily, one of the outside passengers was a young surgeon, who immediately strapped up the wound, and rendered all the assistance in his power to the injured.

I am happy to say he was soon able to give a good report of his patients, most of whom had only been bruised. Our coachman, the source of this disaster, was sitting hopelessly drunk on a hedge where he had been pitched. Some one asked how it happened.

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Ah, ole feller!" said the inebriated rascal, shaking his head very solemnly and holding up one finger; "ah, olf-olf eller; you-you want to-to know-too-mush. How'd it happen? howshdino; nofoltomine; thasallinobout it; tol de rol," he continued, looking round with an expression of intense humour on his face; "tol de rol, I wish you allall merry Krishmas and-and," he added, very solemnly, after a hiccup,. "and a appy new year. There now."

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This flagrant conduct naturally roused the indignation of the bystanders, some of whom, taking me

aside, informed me that one of the proprietors of the coach had himself sat upon the box-seat and had been drinking with this fellow on the road.

He was now in a terrible fright, well knowing that if we brought an action against him, and this fact came out in evidence, it would seriously damage his interests; in fact, might do for the "Tantivy" altogether. He came to me as the senior inside passenger and begged I would use my influence to prevent such a calamity, which he said would ruin him if it got into the papers. He further hinted that he was prepared to offer any reasonable compensation for the affair, and that he had despatched a messenger at once to Exeter for another vehicle, which would be on the spot shortly,

'After a conference with the "fares," to whom I retailed this information, I was empowered to treat with him according to my discretion. The general wish appeared to be that he should be made to pay in some form or another for his neglect, but that as no one except the bagman had been seriously injured, no personal compensation would be exacted.

'It was a little puzzling to know what to do under these circumstances. However, I made up my mind and went back.

'Mr. Bowler, for that was the proprietor's name, received me very graciously, and inaugurated the proceedings by asking me whether I would take anything to drink. I thanked him, but declined his offer.

"Better have something short," urged Mr. Bowler, "after your exertions; I'm sure, sir, I don't know what we should have done without you. I've got a little brandy in this here flask; do 'ave a little-a little drop neat; it won't hurt you.”

6.66

It has hurt a good many of us already, Mr. Bowler," said I, rather sternly. "If there had not been so much drinking going on outside the coach, this wouldn't have happened.”

'Mr. Bowler looked rather ashamed of himself, and muttered something about a drop too much.

"Mr. Bowler," said I, "there is no doubt that you have been much to blame in this matter, as you

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Well, not esackly," said Mr. Bowler, after a pause.

"I will endeavour to explain," said I. 66 In the first place, you are aware that the commercial traveller who was with me inside has been badly cut about the face and otherwise injured. I have reason to believe that he is not in very good circumstances, and this accident may interfere for some time with the discharge of his duties. I wish you distinctly to understand that he has made no claim himself, but I think you cannot do less than beg, under these circumstances, that he will do you the favour of accepting twenty pounds."

'Mr. Bowler signified his assent to this proposition with apparent cheerfulness.

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