with miniature jointed fishing-rod, line, and hook baited with a heart).' 'The Glove Valentine (octavo lacelift; large satin centre, with words written on satin, "My Love, the Glove I send above, I mean not you should wear; but with your aid, my dearest Maid, we'll join and make a pair").' 'Comic Heraldic Series (such as Coat of Arms for a Donkey,

My Brother dear"). 'Photographic Tom-cat (likeness of yourself).' Such are samples of the satirical and the humorous valen

tines, according to the measure of strength in those who invent them; of course the merely elegant cannot so easily be described in words. We will not penetrate into the mysteries of trade so far as to ascertain what ratio the retail prices of such articles bear to the wholesale; but it is quite fair to mention that the profit ought to be good, because the shopkeeper never knows how many valentines he may have left upon his hands when the all-important day is past.

Accept your slave's most humble adoration,
And deign to answer his interrogation.

I do believe sincerely, Moon, that thou
Hast, once or twice, been sonneted ere now,

And that, in point of fact, you're rather used to it,
Nor at all likely to be now confused through it.

'Tis not, you'll understand, as 'twas of yore;

I don't expect the 'party' I adore;

And that is lucky, for, as I remember,
When I made love 'twas ever in December.

And though those 'fervid everlasting vows'
Kept my heart warm the while (and also brows),
I am not likely ever to forget

The colds I caught. For why? I feel 'em yet.
Whenever rheumatism racks my bones-
You know quite well you often hear my groans—
I set it all to those delicious' hours

Of bliss, and so forth, beneath moonlit bowers.

Ugh! the mere recollection makes me chilly,
To think that I should e'er have been so silly!
'Twas all your fault-yes, I will speak so loud-
If you don't like it, get behind a cloud.

I say it's all your fault; you don't expect
More nonsense out of me: pray recollect
I'm-well, how old I am don't signify;
You're no such chicken either, Lady Dr.

You'd doubtless like me now the hours to waste,
To call you a pale orb, and say you're chaste:
You are an orb I know, and rather pale,

But so much may be said of Bass's ale.

You're not so old? Well, I don't know the notions
That may spring out of your perpetual motions;

But all the world knows you were known much sooner
Than Greece or Rome (the Latins called you LUNA).

*Oh thou! quotation from the poets, suum cuique.

E'en old Anacreon knew all about you;

And poor mad Sappho never would, without you,
Have ventur'd o'er the cliffs; though now the rage,
'Headers' caus'd no 'sensation' in that age.

I can't help thinking, and I don't mind saying,
No good e'er came of all this nightly straying:
Such things perchance with goddesses agree-
I only know they never did with me.

Think what an earthly fond mamma would say
If her dear Mary Jane went on that way,
Wandering by night alone!-most indiscreet;
Pray let me ask you, 'How are your poor feet?'
Well, well! I hinted not so long ago

Of certain matters that I fain would know.
Imprimis, can you say that you're not fickle?
And don't you love to get folks in a pickle?

Are you not pleas'd when lovers pledge their troth?
And don't you laugh to see them break their oath?

And next, those flames of mine, what has become-a-hem!
I won't name all, but only whisper some of them.

Where are those sweet young ladies, seven in all,
For whom I climb'd so oft that garden wall?
You needn't smile-this is no jest or sonnet,
That wall, I beg to state, had bottles on it.

And that sweet maid (her papa dealt in leather)
Who vow'd she never could forget-no never;
Then ask'd so archly, Pray can you say so, sir?'
Didn't she elope with Mister Brown, the grocer?

And that fond fair who stole the garden key,
Then flung it (in the water-butt) to me;
And all, in short, those young Aurora Rabies,
Are they not married? haven't most got babies?

Then am I right-or any other man-
To call you an impostor, I who ran
Such risks of old to person and apparel,

And once was shot at from an old gun-barrel?

And now, dear Moon, the simple truth to speak,
And show no more of my most modest cheek,
When I began, I do not mind confessing,
Instead of railing I intended blessing,

And to myself did honestly propose
Some touching tender stanza to compose,
Such as I used-you know I used to sing,
About the time a sailor was our king.

But in the very nick my pipe went out,

I had no light, and so I thought I'd flout;

But never mind, my verses have no spite,

You won't be friends? Well then, OLD HAG, good night!

T. M. S.

MRS. SPENCER'S PARTY, AND HOW THE PEOPLE
AMUSED THEMSELVES.

a

HE children were gone to bed, after making as much noise as modern civilization and Miss Smart's influence would allow; and then upon us old folk there fell the labour of entertaining ourselves and each other for two hours longer at least. We were not very musical; some of us, however, played. The two stout Miss Rowleys sang a charming duet, in which they described themselves as 'Two sweet fairy elves,' and Cousin Jack, than whom was never merrier fellow, gave us 'When we two parted,' in very good style. The Lady Felicia Courtnay, a lady of an amazingly blue reputation, began to discuss Social Science with Mr. Grubbe, M.P. Mr. Syme seized Dr. Curry for a chat which threatened to turn medical. Miss Gentle being much pressed by Mr. Spooner, consented to sit down to a game at chess with him in a corner, reminding me of Ferdinand and Miranda; pretty Miss Gentle with her light curls shading her sweet face, and Mr. Spooner adorned with a dark moustache, looking no little admiration at his antagonist. I fancy the resemblance struck Cousin Jack too, for he rose abruptly from the piano, and crossing the room, began to talk rather loudly with Louisa Spencer, looking askance all the time at the chessplayers. The three Miss Silverdales fresh from school, all smiles and blushes, sat by the table, all three playing at once at solitaire; and young Harry Pickle and Thomas Fitz-Joy, too bashful to speak to them, looked on from afar. Mr. Spencer exerted himself indefatigably as host, sat in turn by the elderly ladies who occupied easy chairs and sofas, discussed politics with Mr. Maxwell Hyde, a budding representative of his country, spoke of bishops to Dr. Drawley and of admirals to Lieut. Warpe, R.N. But all in vain. Nor were Mrs. Spencer's lively efforts more happy. The company would not be amused; and I, a privileged looker-on, saw signs of its falling to pieces as it were, for want of a common object. Mrs. Spencer felt it too, and in her dilemma came to me: 'Dear Mr. Fogey,' she whispered, what shall we do to amuse ourselves? Here is every one so silent and so stupid, and they won't play cards, at least you know I could not ask them with Dr. Drawley here, and his curate too; and I can only think of Proverbs,' and Charles does not like them; and Cousin Jack is looking so cross I dare not ask him to set us on to anything; and there are Miss Gentle and Mr. Spooner so quiet over their game, and really every now and then there are such awful pauses my blood runs quite cold. Do suggest something!' Oh dear madam,' I said, why not have a dance and let the old people enjoy a quiet rubber despite Dr. Draw-' 'Hush!' she said, of course we cannot, the rooms are far too small for that. No; it must be a round game, and I am quite at my wits' end,' Ask Lady Felicia,' I said, 'she comes fresh from the very heart of Belgravia, and will be sure to have something new (and blue) to entertain us with I have no doubt.' 'Oh you dear, naughty Mr. Fogey! but I will

indeed ask her,' said Mrs. Spencer, laughing, and at once running off to Charles to intrust him with the mission.

Now I heard Lady Felicia's clear voice at a little distance. She is not one of those slipshod speakers whose words all run into one another as closely as the omnibuses along the Strand. With her a word is a word, and as such to be treated with respect, and done full justice to. I heard her voice, I say, as she was conversing with Mr. Grubbe, On the subject of the Employment of Women there can be, I imagine, but one candid opinion. Women at least have minds capable of development as well as men. Why should they not use these for the benefit of others? Why shouldPardon the interruption,' said Mr. Spencer at this moment, with his beaming face full of fun and good-humour; but may I not ask Lady Felicia to illustrate her own argument? Women have brains, why not employ them for the benefit of others? and how better than in helping to entertain us this very evening?' 'You know, dear Lady Felicia,' broke in Mrs. Spencer, taking by storm the grave and stately Woman's advocate, you know you always are so kind and willing to help, and you always bring something fresh with you. Now do set us on to play at something-we will do anything you tell us.' A game?' said Lady Felicia with a pleased smile. Let me think. The last new thing I have met with is not exactly a game or a puzzle, though it is both combined. Do you know Acrostics? Double Acrostics?' No, never heard of them; what are they?' I have my little collection of them here,' said Lady Felicia, and will soon explain them to you.' So saying, she drew from her bag a tiny manuscript volume, adding, I shall only be too happy to instruct you all in the art and science of Double Acrostics. But pray let us have a plentiful supply of paper and pencils to assist in the labour. A new game! a new game!' cried the Miss Silverdales with glee, emboldened at the sight of which Harry Pickle and young Fitz-Joy ventured to break silence, and merrily the young people set to work together to cut pencils and divide sheets of paper. 'I am sorry to interrupt you,' said Cousin Jack, marching up to the chess corner, but we are going to play a new game, and are all requested to join in it.' but,' objected Mr. Spooner. Yes, yes, indeed!' said Cousin Jack, sternly; we must of course, and Mrs. Spencer particularly bade me ask Miss Gentle to join her immediately at the table. Really sorry, but it can't be helped. Spooner, were you winning? will you put by the men-there's a good fellow?" and away he went with Miss Gentle, for whom he had secured a snug seat next his own at the table.

6

'Oh!

I sat near Dr. Drawley, and heard him (he is very deaf) say to his curate What is going to be done now, Mr. Thompson? Thompson turned to Cousin Jack with the question. Why,' said he as grave as a judge, Lady Felicia is going to preach us a sermon, and we have to take notes.'

'What

is it, Mr. Thompson? what does Mr. Lawless say?' The curate coughed and hesitated, but an impatient gesture from his principal obliged him to reply; and with some difficulty and considerable shouting he made the required explanation. The doctor grew very red and said nothing, but Mrs. Spencer hastened to the rescue. With her most winning smile she spake into his ear, 'Do you know Double Acrostics? Lady Felicia is going to tell us about Double Acrostics.' Do I know who the Gnostics were, madam ?' said the doctor, not a whit less angry, 'I should think so, possibly as well as any Lady Felicia, madam; but pray don't let my presence interfere with her ladyship's entertainment, though for my part I should not call it seemly; and he rose. My dear doctor,' said poor Mrs. Spencer, it is only a game, it is Acrostics, a game of words, quite new, Lady Felicia will explain it directly. We are all to play at it. With some difficulty she persuaded the irascible divine to sit down, and herself sat by his side to repeat to him all that was said.

Double Acrostics,' said Lady Felicia, in her clear, silvery voice (a faint echo of 'Double Knobsticks,' came I know from that horrid Cousin Jack),

'Double Acrostics is a game of words lately introduced. I will not pre-
judice you in its favour by saying it is a game that royalty itself delights
in, though I have heard as much, because I think the intrinsic merits of
the amusement, when once comprehended, will be enough to secure interest
and approbation.' And approbation,' gasped Mr. Maxwell Hyde at my
elbow. I looked round and perceived that excellent young man writing
on the slip of paper in front of him some mystic strokes which seemed to
be shorthand. Cousin Jack's idle words had taken effect, and Mr. Hyde
was laboriously following every word of what I suppose he still fancied
was a sermon. In short, ladies and gentlemen,' continued the clear voice,
'this is a game that requires your best attention, and if you will take your
pencils in hand I will at once propound to you an Acrostic for solution. I
will choose a simple one at first.'

'When I was a boy,' said Mr. Grubbe, we used to write acrostics at school on each other's names; but for my part, with every deference to her ladyship, they did not seem to me so great an exercise of the mental faculties as she represents them to be.' ship, ‘quickly, because they were quite a different kind of thing. Those 'No, I dare say not,' said her ladyyou could read off at once by looking at the first letter of each line, which formed the word. Here each line or verse suggests a series of words whose initial and final letters form respectively the two wholes. But to begin.'

Now we were all sitting within a moderate radius of her ladyship. By this time we had begun to understand that something very serious was expected of our faculties, and we composed ourselves to gravity accordingly. Lady Felicia seated in a high capacious arm-chair, book in hand, presided over the assembly; round the table were seated the younger folks, among them Cousin Jack, no longer cross, and already busy with his pencil caricaturing some of our party, probably Mr. Spooner, much to the suppressed amusement of his fair neighbour. Dr. Drawley sat near Lady Felicia, on one side of him Mrs. Spencer, on the other the now subdued curate: he evidently considered Lady Felicia was intending to trifle with serious subjects, and his serenity was only partially restored even with that angel of a Mrs. Spencer at his side. Mrs. Smythe, plain, good, also stupid people, Mrs. Doubleweed, the lively Mr. Syme and Dr. Curry, Mr. and widow, and a few of the has-beens" of society, including myself, clustered as near as we could to the centre of attraction. may I ask?' said I to my neighbour. 'Are you taking notes, best, but it is hard work at first you know. Pitman's system. So superior 'Ah! yes!--I have been doing my -very useful in the House, I believe. Will it be a long address do you know?' I fancy it is nearly at a close,' said I, pitying the young man. 'This is the one I will ask you first,' said Lady Felicia. 'I will read it you all through and then we will take it to pieces.

A city, my First, which in power and rank
And riches, unrivalled is reckoned;

And the river it stands on, which bears to and fro
Her great treasures, you'll find is my Second.

1. No work of art am I, though cast and drawn.
2. Break me, but if you do you'll be forsworn.
3. Phonetic horses sure would spell this way.
4. Tired reason sleeps, while unchecked fancies play.
6. The eyes' soft glance charms only to destroy.

6. They call me Ben, though neither man nor boy.

As this 'What does

Very pretty,' said Mr. Grubbe, though strangely unconnected.' Now,' said Lady Felicia, you must think of a city, and a river. is the first, I will tell you if you guess the two wholes right.' she mean by two holes?' whispered Mr. Hyde to me. 'A city and a river we are to guess,' repeated Mrs. Spencer to the doctor. I shook my head.