breadth of his library, and every now and then bending his ashy face near the door of the adjoining apartment, where lay the subject of so much anxiety, the vessel freighted with all his hopes. Whether curiosity had any thing to do with this behaviour I know not; but, ever since the time of Eve Does not Demosthenes tell us that delivery is every thing? * * * * * * * Two hours afterwards, thanks to pilot Meg, that vessel came to a safe haven; and its living cargo was consigned to the arms of the delighted owner. * CHAPTER II. What's in a name? Romeo and Juliet. AFTER they had got me, one of the first things my parents thought necessary But, whilst I yet may, it will be well to give the portraits of my parents : My father was a tall, thin, cadaverous looking man, with nothing very prepossessing in his physiognomy. A little head, stuck upon an unconscionably long neck, and almost hidden by a preposterously large wig, was the first thing that met the eye, in as much as said head had a sin *The incidents which have been recorded in this first chapter did not fall under my own observation, as the sagacious reader may suppose; but were related to me by Betty Chambermaid, when I had attained a reasonable age. In like manner, most of the matter of the two succeeding chapters came from the lips of my prudent mother-as I think it best to mention, lest the charitable reader should suspect me of breaking the ninth commandment. gular fancy for getting before the rest of the body, when the latter was in motion,-as though afraid that the feet, which members it justly considered the lowest in rank, would reach the journey's end before itself-the highest, and, according to its own ideas, the noblest part of the whole man. I was, therefore, often inclined to doubt what the master taught me of the line of gravitation. A pair of immense shaggy eyebrows served as ledges to two deep-sunk caves, wherein shone the smallest but most brilliant eyes I think I have ever beheld;-contrasted with his sallow, sunken cheeks, they had certainly a most singular effect; I never knew whether to laugh or cry, when I looked upon them. Between these islets and his continent mouth an immense nose served as bridge; but a bridge so narrow, that the very flies seemed afraid to try its passage. Indeed, it was the wonder of his parishioners that the bone had never cut the skin through,— it was always threatening such a catastrophe. But the mouth!-It seemed ever open, like its owner's family bible; and when he spoke, it reminded you of a yawning sepulchre, to which resemblance, no doubt, the Rev. Mr. Levis owed his celebrity for preaching the most impressive funeral sermon in "the kingdom. The shaft which had the honour of supporting this wonderous capital was flat, slender, and crooked.-His legs were long, bent, and spindle. Now, if you clap these latter directly into the centre of two broad feet-each two feet in length-you will have my father's self before you.* I hope, sweet Reader, you do not suspect me of fooling you with a caricature-I would scorn to do it. Nay-ugly as you may think my respected sire, he was considered to be the best looking (with one exception) of seven sons. My mother's portrait is the very reverse of this.— There was nothing remarkable in her appearance. She *This sketch represents my father as he was when I had years upon mesome eight or ten; and, upon my honour, I do not believe he was uglier when he begat me. was a pretty, little, round-bodied woman, the daughter of a neighbouring farmer; and had married my father for the sake of his station, as he had her for love. By the by-what a prepossession all women have for a clergyman! Be he as ugly as the devil, they never find it out-till he is married;—the gown covers all his faults, as it does their legs. For my part, I have never been able to discover the reason of it, by dint of my own discerning faculties; and as to any assistance from the women themselves-God bless them! though they cannot keep another's secrets, they always take the best care of their own. However, I can make some shrewd guesses as for example :— It is either because a clergyman is always respected, as long as he respects himself.-The sex loves rank. Or-because so good a man must necessarily make a good and easy husband.-The sex loves sway. Or:-because, however much they may love sinning themselves, women have no notion of their husband's being naughty.-The sex is naturally of a jealous temper. Or:-because women, being naturally inclined to evil, think to palliate their own sin beneath their husbands' cassock. The sex hath always an eye to its own in terests. Or :-because-Draw nearer to me, docile Reader; I would whisper in your ear. Now, between ourselves, I do not believe a word of what I have been saying. The true reason is :-that woman, having inherited from the great first sample of her sex a certain amiable weathercockishness of disposition, peculiarly susceptible to the wind of eloquence, is more readily swayed to good than stiff unpivoted man. Of which mobility of character, I will give an illustration before we part.* Be that as it may, the characters of my parents differed as much as their persons,-there being but one * Vid. Book 11. Chap. XXVI. point of resemblance between them-viz. a remarkable sweetness of temper. In other respects my father bore no more resemblance to my mother, than does a poodledog to a tabby-cat. He was a man of education; she was a woman of no education whatever-except the little she had received from him. He read no novels; she read nothing else. He adored the ancients-because they were the only authors of whom he knew any thing; she despised them -because they were the very authors of whom she knew nothing. He was taciturn-except when a favourite opinion was attacked; she was loquacious-on all occasions. He was frugal; she was wasteful. He disliked company; she loved it to excess. He was neat in person; she was sluttish. He rose early, and retired late; she rose late, and retired early. He sat ten minutes at meals; she two hours. He ate no fish; she ate fish of all kinds. But, to balance these differences, besides the point of resemblance above mentioned :-He loved her for her real beauty; she respected him for his supposed talents. Though the reader may think the foregoing list in some respects trifling, I, as a friend, advise him to commit it to memory. Otherwise, he may be puzzled in some parts of this history. After they had got me, one of the first things my parents thought necessary was a name, and they were right. One evening, then, that the worthy couple were left to themselves-the nurse (who was no other than our respectable friend, Mrs. Handy.-Kind-hearted creature! she made it her chief boast "that she never brought folks into the world, like her betters, to let them slip out of it again as soon as they had taken a liking to it—not she!")— the nurse, I say, having gone out to lock her "kows" up for the night-my father, who had been studying Lavater in the coals, discontinued his philosophic task with a sigh, drew his chair nearer to my mother, looked tenderly on her and proudly on the babe she was suckling, (I was then about three months old and a sweet little creature,) laid his hand on my mother's knee, and commenced the following dialogue :— "He's a dear little fellow! is he not, Mary?" "You may well say that, Mr. Levis. Though he is my own child, and I am his mother, I think him the sweetest little dog-oh, you little rogue, you!" Those compliments are cursed things! I was near paying for them with my life-being almost suffocated by the kisses with which my mother accompanied her "dog" and " rogue." "I was thinking, Mary-" Here my father folded his arms, and resumed his grate Lavater. My mother waited, with unusual patience, for the rest of the sentence; but finding it not forthcoming, she broke in upon his study. "Well, Mr. Levis! What is it?" "What is what, Mary?". "Why, you said you were thinking-" "Oh, that's true-that's true, wife !-Well, I was thinking, love" (re-assuming his tender looks) "that it is almost time to name the young sprig."—and he felt the young sprig's bark. "Certainly, Mr. Levis; I think you are right, and I know so many handsome names too יין "Psha, wife.?" said my father, contemptuously, "What signifies your, handsome names? What Greek or Roman ever thought of giving his son a handsome name? I tell you, Mrs. Levis, you know nothing about it." My mother could never brook contempt;-she had too great a soul for that. "I know nothing about it, indeed! Let me tell you, Mr. Levis, I know a great deal about it-yes, sir! a great deal more about it than all your |