fcandal exhaufted, an old maid married, and perhaps a rival toasted? How I can expect to please an old gentleman after being jilted by a giggling girl? or a young one after being ftripped at Brooke's, or deceived by his taylor, and an engagement on his hands with a damn'd fine girl? or a doctor, having killed an excellent patient, in a flow fever too? or a lawyer, found guilty of taking money on one fide, in order to cheat the other, with an intent to defraud both? or a patriot, who has been discovered tampering with the immaculate minister, before his bargain was closed ? or a brawny man of God, difappointed of a fat living ?-under these and fuch like mortifying circumstances nothing can pleafe; and why, in the name of goodness, should I hope to please? but as foon as the fermented spirits have fubfided, every thing will go on as smooth and as glib as a new-cleaned clock. After what has been faid,and fung,and whiftled, I hope you will excufe me, if I add, that at all times there will be found fome who are too wife to be pleased, others too proud to be pleased, fome too learned to be pleased, and others too ignorant to be

pleased;

pleased; and fome of fo much confequence, that they are seldom pleased except with their own dear conceptions, at the fame time, not confidering how neceffary it is to their health to unbend a little, and to step off their ftilts; it is a duty they owe both to themfelves and their children: and though Lord Chesterfield, of graceful memory, has laid it down as criminal to give the mufcles leave to play the breadth of a hair beyond a gentle fmile, yet I do hold that a comfortable laugh may now and then be admitted into a civilized company; provided Doctor Starch is not prefent, my Lady Sneer, Sir Peter Perpendicular, Sir Chriftopher Cloudy, or Lord Stately, who will not permit a fimper to ftruggle through their whalebone features. Ye fpirits of Sterne, Cervantes, and Rabelais, arife, and whip me fuch affectation! I am no advocate, however, for the farcaftic laugh, the horfe laugh, or the broad unmeaning grin; the laugh extempore, nor yet the excentric laugh, but for that generous impulfe of nature, where the heart joins in chorus, and not only the entire frame, but every thing in the house, vibrates in unifon with

B 5

with it. If the reader will be fo indulgent as juft to permit me to illuftrate what I have faid, by the transcript of a letter, which I received from a friend the other day, who is a perfect fiddle in this way.

DEAR CHARLES,

You chide me for not writing, but you fhould much rather thank me when I have found a fort of inclination for writing, and imagined that I was in proper humour for it: opportunity was wanting, and when opportunities offered themfelves, they, like my applications to madam Fortune, always came too late, for no ftirrings of inclination could I find within or without me, but the fidgets or blue devils, and sometimes both, driving helter-skelter pell-mell; what would be the confequence, fhould I write to you at fuch a time?-Why, before you could read five lines you would be in the fame fituation; I fee it plainly, I fee you open my letter, as Tom delivers it, and after taking a cheerful laugh at some witty faying of his, and a pinch of fnuff, you begin; the first moment you look grave,

the

the fecond you rub your elbows and fhrug your shoulders, the third you get up, take a few turns across the room;

firft quick, then flow; enquire if the fog is not heavier than ufual; a yawn or two fucceeds, and a hint about a head-ach, and that fleep is a useful thing; my letter is crumped up with a fort of fmothered curfe, and that you will endeavour get through the remainder of it to-morrow, if poffible. You might as. well prescribe faw-duft for the gout, as writing at fuch a time.

Your's,

DICK SAUNTER.

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PRO

PROCLAMATION.

O yes! O yes! O yes! and O yes, a fourth time, if there is any magic in old Norman French-this is to inform all high-founding words that wish to be confpicuous, all tall hyperboles that would look down with contempt on your creeping figures, gaudy epithets that are anxious to fhine like tulips, expletives that would be looked on as fo many led borfes-that if they light on my pen of their own accord they shall be welcome; but if they do not, I am refolved neither to enfnare nor folicit them; and as for quotations, though I should even ftand in need of one, I fan't drag it in by the head and shoulders, unless at times it may be to fhew my Strength.