COURAGE MISPLACED.

As Thomas was cudgelled one day by his wife,
He took to the street, and fled for his life;

Tom's three nearest friends came by in the squabble;
And saved him at once from the shrew and the rabble;
Then ventured to give him some sober advice.
But Tom is a person of honour so nice,

Too wise to take counsel, too proud to take warning,
That he sent all the trio a challenge next morning.
Three duels he fought, and thrice ventured his life,
Went home, and was cudgelled again by his wife.

SWIFT.

SECOND THOUGHTS ARE BEST.

"BET, wilt have me?" said John. Quoth Bet, "Don't take it ill, But you may have me, if you will."

I will not.

MATRIMONIAL CAUTION.

A SCHOLAR was about to marry.

His friend said, "Ere thou dost, be wary;
So wise art thou that I foresee

A wife will make a fool of thee."

W. S. LANDor.

WOMAN'S WILL.

MEN dying make their wills-but wives

Escape a work so sad;

Why should they make what all their lives

The gentle dames have had?

ON MR. HUSBAND'S MARRIAGE.

THIS case is the strangest we've known in our life,
The husband's a husband, and so is the wife.

THE DEVIL'S INFLUENCE.

WHEN Beelzebub first to make mischief began,
He the woman attacked, and she gulled the man.
This Moses asserts; and from thence we infer,
That woman rules man, and the devil rules her.

THUS ANSWERED:

SAID a man, once conversing, "How high in the scale
Stood man above woman, so feeble and frail!
When the trial of virtue in Eden began,

Satan dared not present his temptation to man."
"Nay," answered the woman, “ say not what he dared,
The old serpent knew that some pains might be spared:
'For,' said he, if I first get the man in my chain,

The most difficult part of my task will remain;

But can I succeed the fair Eve to allure,

Adam follows of course and then both are secure.'
So cease your proud boast of man's firmness, and own,
If superior either, the woman's the one;

Since woman could overcome Adam, poor elf,
But to overcome woman took Satan himself."

BOOTH'S EPIGRAMS.

TO MRS. MUTABLE.

WHAT though for beauty you may bear the bell;
Yet ever to ring changes sounds not well.

ON HEARING OF THE MARRIAGE OF A FELLOW
OF ALL SOULS' COLLEGE.

SILVIO, SO strangely love his mind controls,
Has, for one single body, left All Souls.

THE HEN-PECKED DANDY.

THE demon of fashion Sir Fopling bewitches,
The reason his lady betrays;

For as she is resolved upon wearing the breeches,
In revenge he has taken the stays.

ON WALTZING.

Ar first they move slowly, with caution and grace,
Like horses when just setting out on a race;
For dancers at balls, like horses at races,
Must amble a little to show off their paces.
The music plays faster, their raptures begin,
Like lambkins they skip, like te-to-tums they spin;
Now draperies whirl, and now petticoats fly,
And ancles at least are exposed to the eye:
O'er the chalk-covered ball-room in circles they swim
He smiles upon her, and she smiles upon him:
Her hand on his shoulder is tenderly placed,
His arm quite as tenderly circles her waist;

They still bear in mind as they're turning each other,
The proverb-“One good turn's deserving another;"
And these bodily turns often end, it is said,
By turning the lady's or gentleman's head.

THE ROUND OF FASHION.

To beat their poor old grandams' hoops
Our modern dames endeavour:

'Tis the old rage again come round,

And bigger round than ever.

W. H. DRAPER.

THE LATEST FASHION.

MOST contradictory, no doubt,
The sex, through thick and thin;
For now, though crinolines go out,
The skirts are coming in!

BY AN OLD BACHELOR.

WITTY AND HUMOROUS.

TOPOGRAPHICAL.

A CHALLENGE FOR BEAUTY.

WRITTEN by Heywood, in 1636. This is a song descriptive of the fashions of different nations, in words which will equally apply to the present period:

THE Turk in linen wraps his head,

The Persian his in lawn too;

The Russ with sables furs his cap,
And change will not be drawn to;
The Spaniard's constant to his block;
The French inconstant ever;

But of all felts that may be felt,
Give me your English beaver.

IMPROMPTU ON THE WIDE TROUSERS ONCE IN
FASHION.

THE garb, Dutch or Cossack, in which our beau kind
Parade up and down, all so spruce,

Of two towns in France ever put me in mind,
And these are Toulon and Toulouse.

ON THE MARQUIS OF SALISBURY'S PICTURE GALLERY AT HATFIELD PLACE.

BY THE LATE LORD ERSKINE.

YOUR room, though long and narrow,
And as straight as any arrow,

Will ne'er with your other rooms tally;

But give it to your son,*

"Twill be excellent fun,

To hear it called Cranbourn Alley.

Viscount Cranbourn.

AN OLD SAYING MISAPPLIED.

ONE who, when asked, could not comply,
Exclaimed, "I've other fish to fry."
A Frenchman, who o'erheard the saying,
Soon misapplied it, this odd way in:
"I would do dat vich you do vish,
But I must go and fry some fish."

ON THE TELEGRAPHIC WIRE CONNECTING
ENGLAND AND AMERICA.

JOHN BULL and Brother Jonathan
Each other ought to greet;

They've always been extravagant,
But now "make both ends meet."

ON THE DONKEYS AT BRIGHTON.

THOUGH Balaam's ass got many a thwack,
Yet was his fortune rare;

He bore a prophet on his back,

And saw an angel fair.

Is not your fortune far more bright,
Ye Brighton donkeys, say?

Who carry spirits every night*

And angels every day.

BREAD AND MUSTARD PUN.

(AN OLD JOKE NEWLY DRESSED.)

THE pilgrim o'er the desert wild

Should ne'er let want confound him,

For he at any time can eat

The sand which is around him.

It might seem odd that he could find
Such palatable fare,

Did you not know the sons of Ham
Were bred and mustered there.

These donkeys were employed at night for smuggling purposes.