TO A BRIEFLESS BARRISTER.

IF to reward them for their various evil,
All lawyers go hereafter to the devil;
So little mischief thou dost by the laws,
Thou'lt surely go below without a cause.

A TENDER MAID.

ON Garrow's cross-questioning an old woman, trying to elicit from her that a tender had been made for some premises in dispute:

GARROW, forbear! That tough old jade
Can never prove a tender made.

JEKYLL.

THE SONS OF ASSIZE.

On the occasion of Mr. Baron Alder-son and Mr. Justice Patte-son, some years since, holding the Assizes at Cambridge, Mr. Gun-son was appointed to preach the Assize Sermon. The next morning, the following lines were sent by post to the Judges:

A BARON, a Justice, a Preacher-sons three:
The Preacher, the son of a Gun is he;
The Baron, he is the son of a tree;
Whose son the Justice is, I can't well see,
But read him Pater-son, and all will agree,

That the son of his father the Justice must be.

ON SIR JOHN LEACH.

WHILE Lord Eldon was obtaining for his court the character of a court of oyer sans terminer, the conduct of the Master of the Rolls, in his court, of terminer sans oyer, was thus celebrated by one as causeless as the cause:

A JUDGE sat on the judgment bench;

A jolly judge was he;

He said unto the registrar,

"Now call a cause to me."

"There is no cause," said registrar,

And laughed aloud with glee;

"A cunning Leach hath despatched them all,
I can call no cause to thee."

WRITTEN ON THE UNION, 1801, BY A BARRISTER
OF DUBLIN.

WHY should we complain that the times are so bad,
Pursuing a querulous strain,

When Erin gives up all the rights that she had,
What right has she left to complain?

THE SUCCESSION OF AGES.

WRITTEN ON THE DOOR OF A SMITH'S SHOP FORMERLY BELONGING

TO MR. DUNDAS, LATE PRESIDENT OF THE COURT OF SESSION IN

SCOTLAND.

THE house a lawyer once enjoyed,
Now to a smith does pass;
How naturally the iron age
Succeeds the age of brass!

RETALIATION.

WHEN We've nothing to dread from the law's sternest frowns,
How we smile at the barristers' wigs, bands, and gowns;
But as soon as we want them to sue or defend,
Then their laughter begins, and our mirth's at an end.

CITY LOVE.

In making love let poor men sigh,
But love that's ready made is better
For men of business; 'tis thus I,

If madam will be cruel, let her.

But should she wish that I should wait,
And miss the 'change, oh no, I thank her;

I court by deed, or after date,

Through my solicitor or banker.

MEUM AND TUUM RECONCILED.

THE Law decides questions of Meum and Tuum,
By kindly arranging to make the thing Suum.

ON LORD CHIEF JUSTICE ELLENBOROUGH.

In spite of quirk, quibble, writ of error, or flaw,
Since Law is made justice, we'll seek justice from law.

A LAWSUIT.

SINCE Tom went first to law with Ned,

And made the sad attack,

'Tis said he scarce has had a coat

To put upon his back.

But, verily, the case is such,

That Tom has had a suit too much.

ON A VERY TALL BARRISTER OF THE NAME

OF LONG.

LONGE longorum longissime, Longe virorum,
Dic mihi, te quæso, num Breve quidquid habes?

T. DUNBAR.

DIVES AND LAZARUS,

DIVES the Cardiff Bar retains,
And counts their learned noses,

Whilst the defendant Lazarus

On Abraham's+ breast reposes.

JEKYLL.

*Law is the family name.

A poor defendant, unable to pay counsel, was defended by Abraham Moore, Esq., of Exeter.

D

WITTY AND HUMOROUS.

MUSICAL.

THE DESPAIRING MUSICIAN.

UNABLE to descant in tunable rhyme,
My spirits unstrung, and my pulse out of time;
Of no crotchet or note my slow heart is possessed,
Each jollity pauses, each fancy's at rest.

Unnatural Fate, too discordant by far,
On all my gay lessons has doubled the bar;
Still sharply repeats it, denies me repose,
And slurs all my measures, and varies my woes.

When I bid her move slow, then she jigs it away,
And basely acts counter to all I can say;
While raging I shake with a treble vexation,
And la! mi! is the tenor of each lamentation.
My ideas, turned grave, dance in concert no more,
Or beat to those movements no time can restore;
Yon cliff will I scale that o'erlooks the flat plain,
Where a strong chord shall end me, and also my strain.

ON PAGANINI.

PAGANINI, I Wonder no more at your fame;

To me all your skill is no longer a riddle;

For nature, which made you a Pagan in name,

Of musicians has made you the greatest in fiddle (infidel).

MADRIGAL.

WHEN two score throats together squall

It may be called a Mad-rig-al.

SWIFT.*

* Swift was not very partial to music.

ON HANDEL AND BONONCINI.

SOME say that Signor Bononcini,*
Compared to Handel's a mere ninny;
Others aver that to him Handel
Is scarcely fit to hold a candle.

Strange that such high disputes should be
'Twixt Tweedle-dum and Tweedle-dee.

WITTY AND HUMOROUS.

ON THE SEXES.

SWIFT.

A BRIEF EPIGRAM BY AN OLD GENTLEMAN, WHOSE DAUGHTER, ARABELLA, IMPORTUNED HIM FOR

MONEY.

"DEAR BELL, to gain money, sure silence is best,
For dumb-bells are fittest to open the chest."

ON THE DEATH OF THE HOTTENTOT VENUS,

AT PARIS.

THE Venus of Medicis scarcely has flown,
When, Paris, alas! your next Venus is gone-
And no end to your losses you find.

Well may you in sackcloth and ashes deplore;
For the former fair form had no equal before,
And the latter no equal behind.

A VIRTUOSo.

*In the reign of Queen Anne, after the introduction of the Italian Opera, the musical world was divided into two factions.