THE DIVISION OF LABOUR.

A PARSON of too free a life

Was yet renowned for noble preaching;
And many grieved to see such strife
Between his living and his teaching.

His flock at last rebellious grew:

"My friends," he said, "the simple fact is,
Nor you, nor I can both things do ;-
But I can preach, and you can practise."

ON OXFORD FEES.

WHEN " Alma Mater" her kind heart enlarges,
Charges her graduates, graduates her charges;
What safer rule could guide the accountant's pen,
Than that of doubling fees for Dublin men.

REV. H. L. MANSELL.

FAST DAY.

As a priest one day chastised a Catholic sinner
For eating, one fast day, roast beef for his dinner,
The culprit replied, "Sir, how comes this to pass?
You told me last Sunday that all flesh was grass;
And though now in a different manner you treat it,
It was only by way of a salad I ate it."

LATIN COUPLET ADDRESSED TO A CLERGYMAN WHO
USED TO PREACH ARCHDEACON HARE'S SERMONS.

NE vendes lepores alienos, prome leporem
Nativum melior syllaba longa brevi.

Thus rendered:

1

DON'T rob the Archdeacon, friend; give us instead
A little less Hare, and a little more head.

2

W. H. DRAPER.

He sells us his Hares, and small credit he gains;
Let him lengthen the letter, and give us his brains.

H. T. HILL.

ON PIO NONO AND CARDINAL WISEMAN.

PAPAL AGGRESSION.

CUM Sapiente Pius nostras juravit in aras:
Impius, heu! Sapiens desipiensque Pius.

Thus translated:

1

DR. SCOTT.

PIUS, with Wiseman, England's Church defies;
Thou impious Wiseman! Pius thou unwise!

2

A WISEMAN and a Pius, plots against our Church devise.
Ah, Wiseman, be more pious! Ah, Pius, be more wise!

3

W. H. DRAPER.

WISEMAN and Pius our altars fair attacked;
Wiseman the piety, the wisdom Pius lacked.

J. C. NAPLETON.

WITTY AND HUMOROUS.

MEDICAL.

ON DR. I. LETTSOM.

Ir anybody comes to I,

I physics, bleeds, and sweats 'em;
If after that they choose to die,

Why, what care I? I. Lettsom.

KILL OR CURE.

ONE day the surveyor, with a sigh and a groan,
Said, "Doctor, I'm dying of gravel and stone;"
The doctor replied, "This is true, then, though odd,
What kills a surveyor's a cure for a road."

THE LAWYER AND THE DOCTOR.

THE doctor lives by sporting with our lives;
And, by our follies fed, the lawyer thrives.

ON A FAT DOCTOR AT OXFORD.

WHEN Tadloe treads the streets the paviors cry,
"God bless you, sir!" and lay their rammers by.

DR. A. EVANS.

SENT WITH A COUPLE OF DUCKS TO A PATIENT'S

MOTHER.

BY THE LATE DR. JENNER.

I'VE despatched, my dear madam, this scrap of a letter,

To say that Miss

is very much better;

A regular doctor no longer she lacks,

And therefore I've sent her a couple of quacks.

THE REPLY.

YES! 'twas politic, truly, my very good friend,
Thus a couple of quacks to your patient to send;
Since there's nothing so likely as quacks, it is plain,
To make work for a regular doctor again.

BOOTH'S EPIGRAMS.

ON SIR ASTLEY COOPER, BART.

IN surgery Sir Astley's skill

Has justly brought him lucre;
He has fully proved, and does so still,
No surgeon's like A Cooper.

HERALDIC LINES BY SHERIDAN.

UPON Silvester Douglas, Lord Glenbervie, who abandoned physic, wooed Themis, and obtained a coronet:

GLENBERVIE, Glenbervie,
What's good for the scurvy?
But why is the doctor forgot?
In his arms he should quarter
A pestle and mortar,

For his crest, an immense gallipot.

GEORGE THE THIRD'S PHYSICIANS.

THE king employed three doctors daily,
Willis, Heberden, and Baillie,

All exceeding skilful men,

Baillie, Willis, Heberden:

But doubtful which most sure to kill is,
Baillie, Heberden, or Willis.

THE MEDICAL DANCER.

THE circumstances upon which this epigram is founded took place about the year 1788 or 1789.

A SON of the pestle, just dubbed an M.D.,
Full vain of his title, wig, ruffles, and fee,

In Bath public rooms made the circle all stare,

By gestures, queer steps, and extravagant air:

When Harrington said to his friend Dr. Woodward,

(Both of whom possessed humour, and every one's good word),

66

Pray tell me, what famous professor of France

Has taught thus our good brother H*w**d to dance?

His gait and his gambols amaze and delight us!

Who could be his master? "-"Who could it? St. Vitus!"

A MERRY THOUGHT.

THEY cannot be complete in aught
Who are not humorously prone;
A man without a merry thought
Can hardly have a funny-bonę.

ON A YOUNG GENTLEMAN

EXCHANGING THE MEDICAL FOR THE MILITARY PROFESSION.

To Mars old Esculapius yields,—

Young Cam projects no cures, but slaughter;

The pistol, not the pestle, wields,

The warrior's, not the doctor's mortar.

MORS JANUA VITÆ.

DEATH is the gate of life, they say;
The way to bliss, all sects agree;
Then, surely none can grudge to pay
So small a toll, the doctor's fee.

MEDICUS.

A NICE POINT.

ON HEARING THAT A GENTLEMAN HAD DIED WHILST HIS PHYSICIAN

WAS WRITING A PRESCRIPTION FOR HIM.

How could'st thou thus so hasty be, O death?
And why be so precipitate with me?

Why not some moments longer spare my breath,
And let thy friend, the doctor, get his fee?

THE MARQUIS DE ST. JUST.

A CERTAIN statesman, found to have the stone,
Was doomed to undergo an operation;
Amongst his friends, the fact, becoming known
Occasioned much remark and conversation.
"How came he by this ailment?" some one cried :
"I scarce know anything that could be sadder."
"The explanation's clear," a wit replied,

"His heart has just slipped down into his bladder!"

FROM M. BORDE. LORD NEAVES.