LIVING AND DEAD.

A VICAR long ill, who had treasured up wealth,
Told his curate each Sunday to pray for his health;
Which oft having done, a parishioner said

That the curate ought rather to wish he were dead.
"For my truth," says the curate, "let credit be given,
I ne'er prayed for his death-but I have for his living."

ON BISHOP GOODENOUGH PREACHING BEFORE THE
HOUSE OF LORDS.

"TIs well enough that Goodenough
Before the House should preach;
For sure enough, full bad enough
Were those he had to teach.

ON MR. HOYLE, A VERY FAT MAN.
"ALL flesh is grass," the Psalmist saith;
If this be no mistake,

Whene'er fat Hoyle's mown down by death
What loads of hay he'll make !

ON A CLERGYMAN'S HORSE BITING HIM.

THE steed bit his master;

How came this to pass
He heard the good pastor
Cry, "All flesh is grass."

THE SPIRIT.

On the wall of a chapel in Edinburgh, which is built over an old wine and spirit vault, are carved these lines.

"THERE is Spirit above, and spirit below:
The one is of joy, the other of woe.
The Spirit above is the Spirit divine;
The spirit below is the spirit of wine."

THE WHOLE GREATER THAN A PART.

ON HALLIWELL, D.D., (who, from a peculiarity in his walk, had acquired the sobriquet of Dr. Toe,) being jilted by Miss H, who eloped with her father's footman.

"TWIXT Footman Tom and Dr. Toe
A rivalship befell,

Which should become the favourite beau,
And bear away the belle.

The footman won the lady's heart,
And who can wonder? No man ;

The whole prevailed against the part,
'Twas Footman versus Toeman.

T. DUNBAR.

UPON THE SAME LADY.

DEAR LADY, think it no reproach,
It showed a generous mind,
To take poor Thomas in the coach,
Who rode before behind.

Dear Lady, think it no reproach,

It showed you loved the more,
To take poor Thomas in the coach,
Who rode behind before.

ABSOLUTION.

Ir blew a hard storm, and, in utmost confusion,
The sailors all hurried to get absolution;

Which done, and the weight of the sins they'd confessed
Transferred,

as they thought, from themselves to the priest,— To lighten the ship, and conclude their devotion, They tossed the poor parson souse into the ocean.

BORROWED AND LENT.

To the Church I once went,

But I grieved and I sorrowed;

For the season was lent,

And the sermon was borrowed.

A SMART REPARTEE.

CRIES Sylvia to a reverend déan,
"What reason can be given,
Since marriage is a holy thing,
That there are none in heaven?"
"There are no women," he replied.
She quick returns the jest:
"Women there are, but I'm afraid
They cannot find a priest."

DODSLEY.

CURIOUS EPIGRAM.

A MISER named Sunday, who was, we think, resident somewhere in Scotland, being weary of his life, made a will, in which he left 1007. for the best epigram to be written on his death; and afterwards hanged himself. An honest cobbler, who was given to frequenting a beerhouse, and had spent his last penny thereat, heard of this bequest, and bethought himself that he might raise a fund wherewith to supply himself with further copious draughts if he only were successful. The adjudicators decided that his epigram was the best. It was as follows:

BLESSED be the Sabbath,

And cursed be world's pelf,
Monday maun begin the week,
For Sunday's hang'd hisself.

ON THE ALLEGED DISINTERESTEDNESS OF A CERTAIN PRELATE.

He says he ne'er thinks of himself,

And I'm to believe him inclined;

For by the confession, himself

Admits that he's out of his mind.

ON A PROPOSITION TO ALTER THE UGLY CUT OF THE
COMMONERS' GOWNS.

OUR gownsmen complain ugly garments oppress them;
We feel for their wrongs, and propose to redress them.

REV. H. L. MANSELL.

ON DR. BREWSTER BEING PUT OUT OF COMMONS FOR
MISSING HIS CHAPEL, HE WROTE THE FOLLOWING.

To fast and pray we are by Scripture taught;
Oh, could I but do either as I ought!
In both, alas! I err; my frailty such-
I pray too little, and I fast too much.

This Epigram produced his restoration.

THE BISHOPS.

SAYS P-1-s, why the Bishops are
By nature meant the soil to share,
I'll quickly make you understand;
For can we not conceive with ease
That nature has designed the seas
Expressly to divide the land?

BETTER FED THAN TAUGHT.

UPON some hasty errand Tom was sent,
And met his parish curate as he went;
But just like what he was, a sorry clown,
It seems he passed him with a covered crown.

The gownsman stopped, and turning, sternly said,
'I doubt, my lad, you're far worse taught than fed!
Why, ay," says Tom, still jogging on, "that's true;
Thank God! he feeds me, but I'm taught by you!"

66

ON BARRINGTON, BISHOP OF DURHAM, AND
BARRINGTON, THE PICKPOCKET.

Two names of late, both great in their way,
At court lately, well did bestir 'em,

The one was transported to Botany Bay,*
The other translated to Durham.

For stealing a gold snuff-box from a gentleman at a Drawing-room of Queen Caroline.

ON DR. FELL, BISHOP OF OXFORD.

IMITATION OF MARTIAL.

I Do not love thee, Doctor Fell;
The reason why I cannot tell:
But this, I'm sure, I know full well,
I do not love thee, Doctor Fell.

BY A DISTINGUISHED OFFICER WHO DECLINED THE HONORARY DEGREE OF D.C.L. ON ACCOUNT OF THE HEAVY FEES AT THAT TIME DEMANDED.

OXFORD, no doubt you wish me well,

But prithee let me be:

I can't, alas! be D.C.L.,
Because of L.S.D.

REV. H. L. MANSELL.

ON A PROPOSAL TO LOWER THE UNIVERSITY CHARGES
UPON DEGREES CONFERRED BY "ACCUMULATION," i.e.,
WHEN TWO STEPS ARE TAKEN AT ONCE.

OXFORD, beware of over-cheap degrees,
Nor lower too much accumulator's fees;

Lest unlike Goldsmith's "land to ills a prey,"
Men should accumulate, and wealth decay.

REV. H. L. MANSELL.

ON SEEING THE WORDS "DOMUS ULTIMA," INSCRIBED
ON THE VAULT BELONGING TO THE DUKES OF
RICHMOND IN CHICHESTER CATHEDRAL.

DID he, who thus inscribed the wall,
Not read or not believe St. Paul,
Who says there is, where'er it stands,
Another house, not made with hands?
Or, may we gather from these words,
That house is not a House of Lords?

CLARKE.