THE UNSOLDIER-LIKE OFFICER.*

"THAT Soldier so rude,-he that swaggers in scarlet,
Put him out of the court, I'll imprison the varlet,"
As in judgment he sat, knowing Robinson said.

A soldier I'm not," quoth the hero in red;

'No soldier, my lord, but an officer I,

A captain, who carries his sword on his thigh."
Stern Robinson then, with sarcastical sneer,
Rolled his sharp eagle-eye on the vain volunteer,
And 66
Tipstaff!" he cried, as the captain grew bolder,
"Out, out with that officer, who is no soldier."

SATIRICAL.

ARTISTIC.

PRE-RAPHAELISM.

IF at a distance you would paint a pig,
Make out each single bristle of his back;

Or if your meaner subject be a wig,

Let not the caxon a distinctness lack;

Else all the lady critics will so stare,

And angry vow, ""Tis not a bit like hair!"

Claude's distances are too confused

One floating scene-nothing made out

For which he ought to be abused,

Whose works have been so cried about.
Give me the pencil whose amazing style
Makes birds appear at twenty mile;

And to my view, eyes, legs, and claws will bring,
With every feather of each tail and wing.

PETER PINDAR.

The rooted aversion entertained by the late Judge Robinson to the Volun

teers of the country, in the year 1780, is well known.

ON A PICTURE OF A MARTYRDOM.

'Tis an exquisite martyrdom, Daub, that you paint:
You murder the hangman as well as the saint!

ON THE FADING OF SIR JOSHUA REYNOLDS'S COLOURS.

THE art of painting was at first designed
To bring the dead, our ancestors, to mind;
But this great painter has reversed the plan,
And made the picture die before the man.

SATIRICAL,

DRAMATIC.

QUIN AND GARRICK.

QUIN was celebrated for his acting of the character of Richard III. Hearing that Goodman's-fields theatre was crowded every night to see Garrick in that character, he jealously exclaimed that Garrick was a new religion,-Whitfield was followed for a time, but that they would all come to church again. Mr. Garrick, who had a quick and happy talent in turning an epigram, gave this reply to Quin's bon mot:

POPE QUIN, who damns all churches but his own,
Complains that heresy infects the town;

That Whitfield-Garrick has misled the age,
And taints the sound religion of the stage.

Schism, he cries, has turned the nation's brain,
But eyes will open, and to church again!
Thou great infallible, forbear to roar,
Thy bulls and errors are revered no more:
When doctrines meet with general approbation,
It is not heresy, but reformation.

PASQUINADE ON THE O. P. CONTEST.*

THE first of critics-first of actors-
First of semicolon factors-

Out of patience with the age,
Swears, alas! he'll quit the stage!

Who shall now, of all his cronies,
To their kind protection take,
All his curious vari-a-tions-
Made for variation's sake?

Who shall fix, with equal care,
Points-in doublets or in speeches?

Who adjust, with such an air,
Slashed soliloquies or breeches?

ON MR. SHERIDAN.

THIS great orator's talents all see without winking,
He has a talent for talk and a talent for drinking,
A talent for wit, and a talent for sense,

And a talent for spending his creditors' pence;

A talent to flatter, and one to deceive,

A talent to cheat you, and laugh in his sleeve;

A talent men's vices and follies to lash,
And a talent to wheedle them out of their cash :
He has a talent besides for inventing a play,
And all that he wants is the talent to pay.

SATIRICAL.
MUSICAL.

ON A MAN NAMED TREBLE BEING APPREHENDED FOR
PICKING POCKETS.

Treble with London pickpockets, they say,
Has long time held the tenor of his way.
If this be true, and you can prove the case,
This treble's tenor has been thorough bass.

Alluding to a rumoured design of Mr. Kemble to leave the stage.

ON A BAD SINGER.

SWANS Sing before they die: 'twere no bad thing
Should certain persons die before they sing.

COLERIDGE.

TO AN INDIFFERENT FIDDLER.

OLD Orpheus played so well, he moved Old Nick,
Whilst thou mov'st nothing but thy fiddle-stick.

ON A COMPANY OF BAD DANCERS.

How ill the motion with the music suits!
So once played Orpheus, and so danced the brutes.

GEORGE JEFFREYS, Fellow of Trinity

College, Cambridge, 1754.

ON A MUSICIAN AND DANCING MASTER, WHO DECAMPED WITH CASH SUBSCRIBED FOR A MUSICAL

PUBLICATION.

His time was fleet, his touch was fleet;
Our gold he nimbly fingered,-

Alike alert with hands and feet,
His movements have not lingered.

Where lies the wonder of the case?
A moment's thought detects it:
His practice has been thorough-bass ;
A chord will be his exit.

Yet while we blame his hasty flight,
Our censure may be rash:
A traveller surely must be right
To change his notes for cash.

SATIRICAL.

TOPOGRAPHICAL.

ON THE BANKS AND PAPER CREDIT OF SCOTLAND.

To tell why banks thus in Scotland obtain,
Requires not the head of a Newton or Neper;
Without calculation the matter's quite plain-

Where there's plenty of rags, you'll have plenty of paper.

A TRUE SCOT.

AN IMPROMPTU ON AN APPLE BEING THROWN AT MR. COOKE WHILST
PLAYING SIR PERTINAX THE SYCOPHANT.

SOME envious Scot, you say, the apple threw,
Because the character was drawn too true: ;
It can't be so, for all must know right weel
That a true Scot had only thrown the peel.

SCOTLAND.

HAD Cain been Scot, God would have changed his doom-
Not forced him wander, but confined him home.*

NO REDEEMING VIRTUE.

"PRAY does it always rain in this foul place?
Enough to drive one mad, Heaven knows."
"No, please your grace,"

Cries Boniface, with some grimace,

"Sometimes it snows."

*Without these lines from the "Rebel Scot" of John Cleiveland, a book of Epigrams would be incomplete. He that is offended at them must be irritable indeed.-EDITOR OF SELECT EPIGRAMS, 1797.