"But now I think on't, 'twould be mighty hard, "If merit such as thine met no reward: "To show how much I logic love, in course "I'll make thee master of a chesnut horse." "A horse! (quoth Tom) blood, pedigree, and paces! O, what a dash I'll cut at Epsom races!" Tom dreamt all night of boots and leather breeches, 66 There, Tom, take that!" "Well, sir, and what beside?" "Why, since you're booted, saddle it and ride." "Ride what! a chesnut, sir?" "Of course, "For I can prove that chesnut is a horse: "Not by the doubtful, fusty, musty rules "Of Locke or Bacon, antiquated fools! "Nor old Malebranche, blind pilot into knowledge! "But by the laws of wit and Eton College: "For since you've proved it, and I don't deny "That a pie John's the same as a John vie; "Why then it follows, as a thing of course, "That a horse chesnut is a chesnut horse." COURAGE MISPLACED. As Thomas was cudgell'd one day by his wife, Tom's three dearest friends came by in the squabble, Too wise to take counsel, too proud to take warning, THE THREE BLACK CROWS. Tale!-that will raise the question, I suppose, What can the meaning be of three black crows? It is a London story, you must know, And happen'd, as they say, some time ago: The meaning of it custom would suppress, Till at the end-but come, nevertheless, Though it may vary from the use of old, To tell the moral till the tale be told, We'll give a hint, for once, how to apply The meaning first, and hang the tale thereby. People full oft are put into a pother, For want of understanding one another; And strange amusing stories creep about, That come to nothing if you trace them out; Lies of the day, or month perhaps, or year, That serve their purpose, and then disappear; From which, meanwhile, disputes of ev'ry size, That is to say, misunderstandings, rise; The springs of ill, from bickering up to battle, From wars and tumults down to tittle-tattle. for instance-for we need not roam Far off to find them, but come nearer home;Such as befal, by sudden misdivining, Such as, On cuts, on coals, on boxes, and on signing. To note how meanings, that were never meant, Two honest tradesmen meeting in the Strand, One took the other briskly by the hand; "Hark ye," said he, 'tis an odd story this, "About the crows!" "I don't know what it is," Replied his friend. "No! I'm surprised at that, "Where I come from it is the common chat: "But you shall hear; an odd affair indeed! "And that it happen'd they are all agreed: "Not to detain you from a thing so strange, "A gentleman that lives not far from 'Change, 66 22 "This week, in short, as all the Alley knows, Taking a puke, has thrown up three black crows. "Impossible!" "Nay, but it's really true; "I have it from good hands, and so may you.' "From whose, I pray?" So having named the man, Straight to inquire his curious comrade ran, "Sir, did you tell"-(relating the affair) "Yes, sir, I did; and if it's worth your care, "Ask Mr. Such-a-one, he told it me; "But, by the bye, 'twas two black crows, not three." Resolved to trace so wond'rous an event, Whip to the third our virtuoso went. 66 66 Sir," and so forth-" Why yes; the thing is fact, "It was not two black crows, 'twas only one; "Where may I find him ?" " Why, in such a place." Away goes he, and having found him out, "Sir, be so good as to resolve a doubt." Then to his last informant he referr'd, And begg'd to know, if true what he had heard; "Did you, sir, throw up a black crow ?" "Bless me! how people propagate a lie! 66 Not I." "Black crows have been thrown up, three, two, and one; "And here, I find, all comes at last to none! "Did you say nothing of a crow at all!" "Crow-crow-perhaps I might,-now I recall "The matter over !" "And pray, sir, what was't?" Why, I was horrid sick, and at the last 66 "I did throw up, and told my neighbour so, "Something that was as black, sir, as a crow ?" A SECRET! T'other day, John Trot thus nicely did intend "Come, Tom," said he, " now tell me; on my life, "If you tell me, I'll only tell my wife !" "Oh, no," said Tom" if to your wife you show it, "I'm sure and certain all the world will know it!" THE BREWER AND NEGRO. A Brewer, in a country town, But one who had an ugly knack Like Clarence in his butt of Malmsey. In all directions round about The negro absentee was sought, That our fat black was now Brown Stout, Until the lees flowed thick and thicker, When, lo! outstretched upon the ground, Once more their missing friend they found, As they had often done before-in liquor. "See!" cried his moralizing master, "I always knew the fellow drank hard, "And prophesied some sad disaster; Next morn, a publican, whose tap "To boil him down at every brewing?" WILLIAM TELL'S SPEECH. Ye crags and peaks, I'm with you once again! And bid your tenant welcome to his home |