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our that was done me, and burning with envy against my competitor, I was awakened by the noise of the cannon which were then fired for the taking of Mons. I should have been very much troubled at being thrown out of so pleasing a vision on any other occasion; but thought it an agreeable change, to have my thoughts diverted from the greatest among the dead and fabulous heroes, to the most famous among the real and living,"

No. 86.] Thursday, October 27, 1709.

From my own Apartment, October 25. When I came home last night, my servant delivered me the following letter.

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enter, I met him with all the respect due to so reverend a vegetable; for you are to know, that is my sense of a person who remainsle in the same place for half a century. I got him with great success into his chair by the fire, without throwing down any of my cups. The Knight-bachelor told me, he had a great respect for my whole family, and would, with my leave, place himself next to Sir Harry, at whose right-hand he had sat at every quarter-sessions this thirty years, unless he was sick. The steward, in the rear, whispered the young Templer, I had "That is true, to my knowledge." the misfortune, as they stood cheek by jole, to desire the 'Squire to sit down before the Justice of the Quorum, to the no small satisfaction of the former, and resentment of the latter: but I saw my error too late, and got them as soon as I could into their seats. SIR, I have orders from Sir Harry "Well, (said I,) gentlemen, after I have told Quickset, of Staffordshire, Bart, to acquaint you how glad I am of this great honour, I am They you, that his honour Sir Harry himself, Sir to desire you to drink a dish of tea, Giles Wheelbarrow, Knt. Thomas Rent- answered one and all, "That they never "Not in the free, Esq. justice of the quorum, Andrew drank tea in the morning, Windmill, Esq. and Mr. Nicholas Doubt morning!" said I, staring round me. Upon of the Inner Temple, Sir Harry's grandson, which, the pert jackanapes, Dick Doubt, will wait upon you at the hour of nine to-tipped me the wink, and put out his tongue morrow morning, being Tuesday the 25th of at his grandfather. Here followed a proOctober, upon business which Sir Harry will found silence, when the steward, in his boots impart to you by word of mouth. I thought and whip, proposed, that we should adit proper to acquaint you before-hand of sojourn to some public-house, where every many persons of quality coming, that you might not be surprised therewith. Which concludes, though by many years absence since I saw you at Stafford, unknown,

66

Octob, 24.

Sir, your most humble servant,
"JOHN THRIFTY,"

The

body might call for what they pleased, and enter upon the business. We all stood up in an instant; and Sir Harry filed off from the left very discreetly, counter-marching behind the chairs towards the door: after him, Sir Giles in the same manner. simple 'Squire made a sudden start to folI received this message with less surprise low; but the Justice of the Quorum whipthan I believe Mr. Thrifty imagined; for Iped between upon the stand of the stairs. knew the good company too well, to feel any palpitations at their approach: but I was in very great concern how I should adjust the ceremonial, and demean myself to all these great men, who, perhaps, had not seen any thing above themselves for these twenty years last past. I am sure that is the case of Sir Harry. Besides which, I was sensible that there was a great point in adjusting my behaviour to the simple 'Squire, so as to give him satisfaction, and not disoblige the Justice of the Quorum.

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A maid going up with coals, made us halt, and put us into such confusion, that we stood all in a heap, without any visible possibility of recovering our order: for the young jackanapes seemed to make a jest of this matter, and had so contrived, by pressing amongst us, under pretence of making way, that his grandfather was got into the middle, and he knew nobody was of quality to stir a step till Sir Harry moved first. We were fixed in this perplexity for some time, till we heard a very loud noise in the street; and Sir Harry asking what it was, I, to make them move, said it was fire. Upon this, all ran down as fast as they could, without order or ceremony, till we got into the street, where we drew up in very good order, and filed off down Sheer-Lane; the impertinent Templer driving us before him, as in a string, and pointing to his acquaintance who passed by.

The hour of nine was come this morning, and I had no sooner set chairs, (by the steward's letter,) and fixed my tea equipage, but I heard a knock at my door, which was opened, but no one entered; after which followed a long silence, which was broke at last by, "Sir, I beg your pardon; I think I know better:" and another voice, "Nay, good Sir Giles "I looked out from my window, and saw the good company, all with I must confess, I love to use people ac their hats off, and arms spread, offering the cording to their own sense of good breeding, door to each other. After many offers, they and therefore whipped in between the Justice entered with much solemnity, in the order and the simple 'Squire. He could not proMr. Thrifty was so kind as to name them perly take this ill; but I overheard him But they are now got to my cham-whisper the steward, "That he thought_it ber-door, and I saw my old friend Sir Harry hard that a common conjuror should take

to me.

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place of him, though an elder 'squire. In extraordinary good hours, and was generalthis order we marched down Sheer-Lane, ly at home most part of the morning and at the upper end of which I lodge. When evening at study; but that this morning he we came to Temple-Bar, Sir Harry and had, for an hour together, made this extraSir Giles got over; but a run of coaches vagant noise which we then heard. I went kept the rest of us on this side of the street: up stairs, with my hand upon the hilt of my however, we all at last landed, and drew up rapier, and approached this new lodger's in very good order before Ben. Tooke's shop, door, I locked in at the key-hole, and there who favoured our rallying with great hu- I saw a well-made man looking with great manity. From hence we proceeded again, attention on a book, and on a sudden, jump till we came to Dick's Coffee-house, where I into the air so high, that his head almost designed to carry them. Here we were at touched the ceiling. He came down safe on our old difficulty, and took up the street upon his right foot, and again flew up, alighting the same ceremony. We proceeded through on his left; then looked again at his book, the entry, and were so necessarily kept in and holding out his right leg, put it into such order by the situation, that we were now a quivering motion, that I thought he would got into the coffee-house itself, where, as have shaked it off. He used the left after soon as we arrived, we repeated our civili- the same manner; when on a sudden, to my ties to each other; after which, we marched great surprise, he stooped himself incredibly up to the high table, which has an ascent to low, and turned gently on his toes. it enclosed in the middle of the room. The this circular motion, he continued bent in whole house was alarmed at this entry, made that humble posture for some time, looking up of persons of so much state and rusticity. on his book. After this, he recovered himSir Harry called for a mug of ale, and Dyer's self with a sudden spring, and flew round the Letter. The boy brought the ale in an in-room in all the violênce and disorder imagistant; but said, they did not take in the Let-nable, till he made a full pause for want of ter. "No! (said Sir Harry ;) than take breath. In this interim my woman asked back your mug; we are like indeed to have me, what I thought: I whispered, that I good liquor at this house." Here the Tem- thought this learned person an enthusiast, pler tipped me a second wink; and if I had who possibly had his first education in the not looked very grave upon him, I found he Peripatetic way, which was a sect of phiwas disposed to be very familiar with me. losophers who always studied when walkIn short, I observed, after a long pause, that ing. But observing him much out of breath, the gentlemen did not care to enter upon bu-I thought it the best time to master him, if siness till after their morning draught, for which reason I called for a bottle of mum; and finding that had no effect upon them, I ordered a second, and a third; after which, Sir Harry reached over to me, and told me, in a low voice, “That the place was too public for business; but he would call upon me again to-morrow morning, at my own lodgings, and bring some more friends with him." *

No. 88.] Tuesday, November 1, 1709.

From my own Apartment, October 31.

I was this morning awaked by a sudden shake of the house, and as soon as I had got a little out of my consternation, I felt another, which was followed by two or three repetitions of the same convulsion. I got up as fast as possible, girt on my rapier, and snatched up my hat, when my landlady came up to me, and told me, that the gentlewoman of the next house begged me to step thither; for that a lodger she had taken in was run mad, and she desired my advice; as indeed every body in the whole lane does upon important occasions. I am not like some artists, saucy, because I can be beneficial, but went immediately. Our neighbour told us, she had the day before let her second floor to a very genteel youngish man, who told her, he kept

* Sir Richard Steele assisted in this paper.

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he were disordered, and knocked at his door
I was surprised to find him open it, and say.
with great civility, and good mien, "That
he hoped he had not disturbed us. I be-
lieved him in a lucid interval, and desired
he would please to let me see his book. He
did so, smiling. I could not make any thing
of it, and therefore asked in what language
it was writ. He said, "It was one he studied
with great application; but it was his pro-
fession to teach it, and could not communi-
cate his knowledge without a consideration.”
I answered, "That I hoped he would here-
after keep his thoughts to himself; for his
meditation this morning had cost me three
coffee-dishes, and a clean pipe.
"He seem-
ed concerned at that, and told me, "He was
a dancing-master, and had been reading a
dance or two before he went out, which had
been written by one who taught at an acade-
my in France." He observed me at a stand,
and went on to inform me, that no articu
late motions, as well as sounds, were ex-
pressed by proper characters; and that
there is nothing so common as to communi-
cate a dance by a letter, I beseeched him
hereafter to meditate in a ground room, for
that otherwise it would be impossible for an
artist of any other kind to live near him; and
that I was sure, several of his thoughts this
morning would have shaken my spectacles
off my nose, had I been myself at study.

I then took my leave of this virtuoso, and returned to my chamber, meditating on the various occupations of rational creatures.

No. 90.] Saturday, November 5, 1709.

-Amoto quæramus seria ludo. Hor. THE joining of pleasure and pain together in such devices, seems to me the only pointed thought I ever read which is natural; and it must have proceeded from its being the universal sense and experience of mankind, that they have all spoken of it in the same manner. I have in my own reading remarked a hundred and three epigrams, fifty odes, and ninety-one sentences, tending to this sole purpose.

It is certain, there is no other passion which does produce such contrary effects in so great a degree: but this may be said for love, that if you strike it out of the soul, life would be insipid, and our being but half animated. Human nature would sink into deadness and lethargy, if not quickened with some active principle; and as for all others, whether ambition, envy, or avarice, which are apt to possess the mind in the absence of this passion, it must be allowed, that they have greater pains, without the compensation of such exquisite pleasures as those we find in love, The great skill is to heighten the satisfactions, and deaden the sorrows, of it, which has been the end of many of my labours, and shall continue to be so for the service of the world in general, and in particular of the fair sex, who are always the best or the worst part of it. It is pity that a passion, which has in it a capacity of making life happy, should not be cultivated to the utmost advantage. Reason, prudence, and good-nature, rightly applied, can thoroughly accomplish this great end, provided they have always a real and constant love to work upon. But this subject I shall treat more at large in the history of my married sister; and in the mean time shall conclude my reflection on the pains and pleasures which attend this passion, with one of the finest allegories which I think I have ever read. It is invented by the divine Plato; and to show the opinion he himself had of it, ascribed by him to his admired Socrates, whom he represents as discoursing with his friends, and giving the history of Love in the following manner.

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"At the birth of Beauty (says he) there was a great feast made, and many guests invited: among the rest, was the god Plenty, who was the son of the goddess Prudence, and inherited many of his mother's virtues. After a full entertainment, he retired into the garden of Jupiter, which was hung with a great variety of ambrosial fruits, and seems to have been a very proper retreat for such a guest. In the mean time, an unhappy female, called Poverty, having heard of this great feast, repaired to it, in hopes of finding relief. The first place she lights upon was Jupiter's garden, which generally stands open to people of all conditions. Poverty enters, and by chance finds the god Plenty asleep in it. She was immediately fired with his charms, laid herself down by his side, and managed matters so well that she con

ceived a child by him. The world was very much in suspense upon the occasion, and could not imagine to themselves, what would be the nature of an infant that was to have its original from two such parents. At the last, the child appears; and who should it be but Love. This infant grew up, and proved in all his behaviour what he really was, a compound of opposite beings. As he is the son of Plenty, (who was the offspring of Prudence,) he is subtle, intriguing, full of stratagems and devices; as the son of Poverty, he is fawning, begging, serenading, delighting to lie at a threshold, or beneath a window. By the father he is audacious, full of hopes, conscious of merit, and therefore quick of resentment: by the mother he is doubtful, timorous, mean-spirited, fearful of offending, and abject in submissions. In the same hour you may see him transported with raptures, talking of immortal pleasures, and appearing satisfied as a god and immediately after, as the mortal mother prevails in his composition, you behold him pining, languishing, despairing, dying.

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I have been always wonderfully delighted with fables, allegories, and the like inventions, which the politest and the best instructors of mankind have always made use of: they take off from the severity of instruction, and enforce it at the same time that they conceal it. The supposing Love to be conceived immediately after the birth of Beauty, the parentage of Plenty, and the inconsistency of this passion with itself so naturally derived to it, are great master-strokes in this fable; and if they fell into good hands, might furnish out a more pleasing canto than any in Spencer.

No. 93.] Saturday, November 12, 1709.

I can

"DEAR SIR,-I believe this is the first letter that was ever sent you from the middle region, where I am at this present writing. Not to keep you in suspense, it comes to you from the top of the highest mountain in Switzerland, where I am now shivering among the eternal frosts and snows. scarce forbear dating it in December, though they call it the first of August at the bottom of the mountain, I assure you, I can hardly keep my ink from freezing in the middle of the dog-days. I am here entertained with the prettiest variety of snow-prospects that you can imagine, and have several pits of it before me, that are very near as old as the mountain itself; for in this country, it is as lasting as marble. I am now upon a spot of it, which they tell me fell about the reign of Charlemagne, or King Pepin. The inhabitants of the country are as great curiosities as the country itself; they generally hire themselves out in their youth, and if they are musquet-proof until about fifty, they bring home the money thy have got, and the limbs they have left, to pass the rest of their time among their native mountains. One of the

gentlemen of the place, who is come off with the loss of an eye only, told me, by way of boast, that there were now seven wooden legs in his family; and that for these four generations, there had not been one in his line that carried a whole body with him to the grave. I believe you will think the style of this letter a little extraordinary; but the Rehearsal will tell you, that people in clouds must not be confined to speak sense and I hope we that are above them, may claim the same privilege. Wherever I am, I shall always be,

6

"Sir, your most obedient,

"Most humble servant."

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the least hurt, except a little scratch, by fall ing on my face, in pushing at one at the lower end of my chamber; but I recovered so quick, and jumped so nimbly into my guar?. that if he had been alive, he could not have hurt me. It is confessed, I have writ against duels with some warmth; but in all my discourses, I have not ever said, that I knew how a gentleman could avoid a duel, if he were provoked to it; and since that custom is now become a law, I know nothing but the legislative power, with new animadversions upon it, can put us in a capacity of denying challenges, though we are afterwards hanged for it. But no more of this at present. As things stand, I shall put up with no more afFrom my own Apartment, November 11. fronts; and I shall be so far from taking ill I had several hints and advertisements, words, that I will not take ill looks. I therefrom unknown hands, that some who are en- fore warn all hot young fellows, not to look emies to my labours, design to demand the hereafter more terrible than their neighfashionable way of satisfaction for the distur-bours; for if they stare at me, with their bance my lucubrations have given them. I hats cocked higher than other people, I will confess, as things now stand, I do not know not bear it. Nay, I give warning to all how to deny such inviters, and am preparing | ple in general, to look kindly at me; for I myself accordingly: I have bought pumps will bear no frowns, even from ladies; and and files, and am every morning practising if any woman pretends to look scornfully at in my chamber. My neighbour, the dancing- me, I shall demand satisfaction of the next master, has demanded of me, why I take of kin of the masculine gender, this liberty, since I would not allow it him? But I answered, his was an act of an indifferent nature, and mine of necessity. My No. 97.] Tuesday, November 22, 1709. late treatises against duels have so far disobliged the fraternity of the noble science of defence, that I can get none of them to show me so much as one pass. I am therefore obliged to learn by book, and have accordingly several volumes, wherein all the postures are exactly delineated, I must confess, I am shy of letting people see me at this exercise, because of my flannel waistcoat, and my spectacles, which I am forced to fix on, the better to observe the posture of the enemy.

I have upon my chamber-walls, drawn at full length, the figures of all sorts of men, from eight feet to three feet two inches. Within this height, I take it, that all the fighting men of Great Britain are comprehended. But as I push, I make allowances for my being of a lank and spare body, and have chalked out in every figure my own dimensions; for I scorn to rob any man of his life, or to take advantage of his breadth: therefore, I press purely in a line down from his nose, and take no more of him to assault, than he has of me: for, to speak impartially, if a lean fellow wounds a fat one in any part to the right or left, whether it be in carte or in tierce, beyond the dimensions of the said lean fellow's own breadth, I take it to be murder, and such a murder as is below a gentleman to commit. As I am spare, I am also very tall, and behave myself with relation to that advantage with the same punctilio; and I am ready to stoop or stand, according to the stature of my adversary. I must confess, I have had great success this morning, and have hit every figure round the room in a mortal part, without receiving

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Illud maxime rarum genus est eorum, qui aut excellente ingenii magnitudine, aut præclara eruditione atque doctrina, aut utraque reornati, Spatium deliberandi habuerunt, quem potissimum vitæ cursum sequi vellent Tul. Offic.

From my own Apartment, November 21 HAVING Swept away prodigious multitudes in one of my late papers, and brought a great destruction upon my own species, I must endeavour in this to raise fresh recruits, and, if possible, to supply the places of the unborn and the deceased. It is said of Xerxes, that when he stood upon a hill, and saw the whole country round him covered with his army, he burst out into tears, to think that not one of that multitude would be alive a hundred years after. For my part, when I take a survey of this populous city, I can scarce forbear weeping, to see how few of its inhabitants are now living. It was with this thought that I drew up my last bill of mortality, and endeavoured to set out in it the great number of persons who have perished by a distemper (commonly known by the name of idleness) which has long raged in the world, and destroys more in every great town than the plague has done at Dantzic. To repair the mischief it has done, and stock the world with a better race of mortals, I have more hopes of bringing to life those that are young, than of reviving those that are old. For which reason, I shall here set down that noble allegory which was written by an old author called Prodicus, but recommended and embellished by Socrates. It is the description of Virtue and

* Sir Richard Steele assisted in this paper

men.

Pleasure, making their court to Hercules, | the gods, and give proof of that descent by under the appearances of two beautiful wo- your love to virtue, and application to the studies proper for your age. This makes me hope you will gain both for yourself and But before I me, an immortal reputation. invite you into my society and friendship, I will be open and sincere with you, and must lay down this as an established truth; that there is nothing truly valuable which can be purchased without pains and labour. Thẹ gods have set a price upon every real and noble pleasure. If you would gain the fa vour of the Deity, you must be at the pains of worshipping him; if the friendship of good men, you must study to oblige them: if you would be honoured by your country, you must take care to serve it. In short, if you would be eminent in war or peace, you must become master of all the qualifications that can make you so. These are the only terms and conditions upon which I can propose happiness.'

"When Hercules (says the divine moralist) was in that part of his youth in which it was natural for him to consider what course of life he ought to pursue, he one day retired into a desert, where the silence and solitude of the place very much favoured his meditations. As he was musing on his present condition, and very much perplexed in himself on the state of life he should choose, he saw two women of a larger stature than ordinary approaching towards him. One of them had a very noble air, and graceful deportment; her beauty was natural and easy, her person clean and unspotted, her eyes cast towards the ground with an agreeable reserve, her motion and behaviour full of modesty, and her raiment white as snow. The other had a great deal of health and floridness in her countenance, which she had helped with an artificial white and red, and endeavoured to appear more graceful than ordinary in her mien, by a mixture of affectation in all her gestures. She had a wonderful confidence and assurance in her looks, and all the variety of colours in her dress, that she thought were the most proper to show her complexion to an advantage. She cast her eyes upon herself, then turned them on those that were present, to see how they liked her, and often looked on the figure she made in her own shadow. Upon her nearer approach to Hercules, she stepped before the other lady, (who came forward with a regular composed carriage,) and running up to him, accosted him after the following manner.

'My dear Hercules, (says she,) I find you are very much divided in your own thoughts upon the way of life that you ought to choose: be my friend, and follow me; I will lead you into the possession of pleasure, and out of the reach of pain, and remove you from all the noise and disquietude of business. The affairs of either war or peace shall have no power to disturb you. Your whole employment shall be to make your life easy, and to entertain every sense with its proper gratification. Sumptuous tables, beds of roses, clouds of perfumes, concerts of music, crowds of beauties, are all in a readiness to receive you. Come along with me into this region of delights, this world of pleasures, and bid farewell for ever to care, to pain, to business.'

"Hercules hearing the lady talk after this manner, desired to know her name; to which she answered, 'My friends, and those who are acquainted with me, call me Happiness; but my enemies, and those who would injure my reputation, have given me the name of Pleasure."

"By this time the other lady was come up, who addressed herself to the young hero in a very different manner.

Hercules, (says she,) I offer myself to you, because I know you are descended from

.

"The Goddess of Pleasure here broke in upon her discourse: You see, (said she,) Hercules, by her own confession, the way to her pleasure is long and difficult, whereas, that which I propose, is short and easy."

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'Alas! (said the other lady, whose visage glowed with a passion made up of scorn and pity,) What are the pleasures you propose? To eat before you are hungry, to drink before you are athirst, sleep before you are tired, to gratify appetites before they are raised, and raise such appetites as nature never planted. You never heard the most delicious music, which is the praise of one's self; nor saw the most beautiful object, Your which is the work of one's own hands. votaries pass away their youth in a dream of mistaken pleasures, while they are hoarding up anguish, torment, and remorse, for old As for me, I am the friend of gods age. and of good men, an agreeable companion to the artisan, a household guardian to the fathers of families, a patron and protector of servants, an associate in all true and generous friendships. The banquets of my vota ries are never costly, but always delicious; for none eat or drink at them who are not invited by hunger and thirst. Their slumbers are sound, and their wakings cheerful. My young men have the pleasure of hearing themselves praised by those who are in years; and those who are in years, of being honoured by those who are young. word, my followers are favoured by the gods, beloved by their acquaintance, esteemed by their country, and (after the close of their labours) honoured by posterity.'

In a

We know, by the life of this memorable hero, to which of these two ladies he gave up his heart; and I believe, every one who reads this, will do him the justice to approve

his choice.

I

very much admire the speeches of these ladies, as containing in them the chief arguments for a life of virtue, or a life of pleasure, that could enter into the thoughts of a heathen; but am particularly pleased with

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