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. our that was done me, and burning with envy (enter, I met him with all the respect due against my competitor, I was awakened by to so reverend a vegetable; for you are to the noise of the cannon which were then fired know, that is my sense of a person who refor the taking of Mons. I should have been mains ile in the same place for half a cenvery much troubled at being thrown out of so tury. I got him with great success into his pleasing a vision on any other occasion; but chair by the fire, without throwing down any thought it an agreeable change, to have my of my cups. The Knight-bachelor told me, thoughts diverted from the greatest among he had a great respect for my whole family, the dead and fabulous heroes, to the most and would, with my leave, place himself famous among the real and living,"
next to Sir Harry, at whose right-hand he had sat at every quarter-sessions this thirty years, unless he was sick. The steward, in
the rear, whispered the young Templer, No. 86.] Thursday, October 27, 1709. “That is true, "to my knowledge.” I had
the misfortune, as they stood cheek by jole, From my own Apartment, October 25. to desire the 'Squire to sit down before the When I came home last night, my servant :
Justice of the Quorum, to the no small satisdelivered me the following letter.
faction of the former, and resentment of the
latter : but I saw my error too late, and got
Octob, 24. them as soon as I could into their seats. “SIR,—I have orders from Sir Harry “Well, (said I,) gentlemen, after I have told Quickset, of Staffordshire, Bart, to acquaint you how glad Iam of this great honour, I am you, that his honour Sir Harry himself, Sir to desire you to drink a dish of tea.” They Gilés Wheelbarrow, Knt. Thomas Rent- answered one and all, “That they never free, Esq. justice of the quorum, Andrew drank tea in the morning.” “Not in the Windmill, Esq, and Mr.“ Nicholas Doubt morning !” said I, staring round me. Upon of the Inner Temple, Sir Harry's grandson, which, the pert jackanapes, Dick Doubt, will wait upon you at the hour of nine to- tipped me the wink, and put out his tongue morrow morning, being Tuesday the 25th of at his grandfather. Here followed a proOctober, upon business which Sir Harry will found silence, when the steward, in his boots impart to you by word of mouth, I thought and whip, proposed, that we should adit proper to acquaint you before-hand of so journ to some public-house, where every many persons of quality coming, that you body might call for what they pleased, and might not be surprised therewith. Which enter upon the business. We all stood up concludes, though by many years absence in an instant; and Sir Harry filed off from since I saw you at Stafford, unknown, the left very discreetly, counter-marching “Sir, your most humble servant, behind the chairs towards the door: after “JOHN THRIFTY," him, Sir Giles in the same manner. The
simple 'Squire made a sudden start to folI received this message with less surprise low; but the Justice of the Quorum whipthan I believe Mr. Thrifty imagined; for Iped between upon the stand of the stairs, knew the good company too well, to feel any A maid going up with coals, made us halt, palpitations at their approach: but I was in and put us into such confusion, that we stood very great concern how I should adjust the all in a heap, without any visible possibility ceremonial, and demean myself to all these of recovering our order : for the young great men, who, perhaps, had not seen any jackanapes seemed to make a jest of this matthing above themselves for these twenty ter, and had so contrived, by pressing years last past. I am sure that is the case amongst us, under pretence of making way, of Sir Harry, Besides which, I was sensible that his grandfather was got into the middle, that there was a great point in adjusting my and he knew nobody was of quality to stir a behaviour to the simple 'Squire, so as to give step till Sir Harry moved first. We were him satisfaction, and not disoblige the Justice fixed in this perplexity for some time, till of the Quorum,
we heard a very loud noise in the street; and The hour of nine was come this morning, Sir Harry asking what it was, I, to make and I had no sooner set chairs, (by the stew-them move, said it was fire, Upon this, all ard's letter,) and fixed my tea equipage, but ran down as fast as they could, without orI heard a knock at my door, which was der or ceremony, till we got into the street, opened, but no one entered ; after which where we drew up in very good order, and followed a long silence, which was broke at filed off down Sheer-Lane; the impertinent last by, “Sir, I beg your pardon; I think I Templer driving us before him, as in a string, know better:” and another voice, “Nay, and pointing to his acquaintance who passgood Sir Giles "I looked out from my ed by, window, and saw the good company, all with I must confess, I love to use people ac their hats off, and arms spread, offering the cording to their own sense of good breeding, door to each other. After many offers, they and therefore whipped in between the Justice entered with much solemnity, in the order and the simple 'Squire, He could not proMr. Thrifty was so kind as to name them perly take this ill; but I overheard him to me. But they are now got to my cham- whisper the steward, “That he thought it ber-door, and I saw my old friend Sir Harry hard that a common conjuror should take pláce of him, though an elder 'squire.” In | extraordinary good hours, and was generalthis order we marched down Sheer-Lane, ly at home most part of the morning and at the upper end of which I lodge. When evening at study ; but that this morning he we came to Temple-Bar, Sir Harry and had, for an hour together, made this extraSir Giles got over; but a run of coaches vagant noise which we then heard. I went kept the rest of us on this side of the street: up stairs, with my hand upon the hilt of my however, we all at last landed, and drew up rapier, and approached this new lodger's in very good order before Ben. Tooke's shop, door, I locked in at the key-hole, and there who favoured our rallying with great hu- I saw a well-made man looking with great manity. From hence we proceeded again, attention on a book, and on a sudden, jump till we came to Dick's Coffee-house, where I into the air so high, that his head almost designed to carry them. Here we were at touched the ceiling. He came down safe on our old difficulty, and took up the street upon his right foot, and again flew up, alighting the same ceremony. We proceeded through on his left; then looked again at his book, the entry, and were so necessarily kept in and holding out his right leg, put it into such order by the situation, that we were now a quivering motion, that I thought he would got into the coffee-house itself, where, as have shaked it off. He used the left after soon as we arrived, we repeated our civili- the same manner; when on a sudden, to my ties to each other; after which, we marched great surprise, he stooped himself incredibly up to the high table, which has an ascent to low, and turned gently on his toes. After it enclosed in the middle of the room. The this circular motion, he continued bent in whole house was alarmed at this entry, made that humble posture for some time, looking up of persons of so much state and rusticity. on his book. After this, he recovered himSir Harry called for a mug of ale, and Dyer's self with a sudden spring, and flew round the Letter. The boy brought the ale in an in- room in all the violence and disorder imagistant; but said, they did not take in the Let- nable, till he made a full pause for want of ter, “No! (said 'Sir Harry ;) than take breath. In this interim my woman asked back your mug; we are like indeed to have me, what I thought: I whispered, that I good liquor at this house." Here the Tem- | thought this learned person an enthusiast, pler tipped me a second wink; and if I had who possibly had his first education in the not looked very grave upon him, I found he Peripatetic way, which was a sect of phiwas disposed to be very familiar with me. losophers who always studied when walkIn short, I observed, after a long pause, that ing. But observing him much out of breath, the gentlemen did not care to enter upon bu- I thought it the best time to master him, if siness till after their morning draught, for he were disordered, and knocked at his door which reason I called for a bottle of mum; I was surprised to find him open it, and say, and finding that had no effect upon them, Í with great civility, and good mien, That ordered a second, and a third ; after which, he hoped he had not disturbed us." I beSir Harry reached over to me, and told me, lieved him in a lucid interval, and desired in a low voice, “That the place was too pub- he would please to let me see his book. He lic for business; but he would call upon me did so, smiling, I could not make any thing again to-morrow morning, at my own lodg- of it, and therefore asked in what language ings, and bring some more friends with it was writ. He said, “It was one he studied
with great application ; but it was his profession to teach it, and could not communicate his knowledge without a consideration,”
I answered, “That I hoped he would hereNo. 88.] Tuesday, November 1, 1709.
after keep his thoughts to himself; for his From my own Apartment, October 31. meditation this morning had cost me three
coffee-dishes, and a clean pipe.” He seemI was this morning awaked by a suddened concerned at that, and told me, " He was shake of the house, and as soon as I had got a dancing-master, and had been reading a a little out of my consternation, I felt another, dance or two before he went out, which had which was followed by two or three repeti- been written by one who taught at an acadetions of the same convulsion. I got up as fast my in France. He observed me at a stand, as possible, girt on my rapier, and snatched and went on to inform me, that no articu up my hat, when my landlady came up to late motions, as well as sounds, were exme, and told me, that the gentlewoman of the pressed by proper characters; and that next house begged me to step thither; for there is nothing so common as to communithat a lodger she had taken in was run mad, cate a dance by a letter, I beseeched him and she desired my advice; as indeed every hereafter to meditate in a ground room, for body in the whole lane does upon important that otherwise it would be impossible for an occasions. I am not like some artists, sau- artist of any other kind to live near him; and cy, because I can be beneficial, but went im- that I was sure, several of his thoughts this mediately. Our neighbour told us, she had morning would have shaken my spectacles the day before let her second floor to a very | off my nose, had I been myself at study, genteel youngish man, who told her, he kept I then took my leave of this virtuoso, and
returned to my chamber, meditating on the * Sir Richard Steele assisted in this paper. various occupations of rational creatures,
No. 90.] Saturday, November 5, 1709. ceived a child by him. The world was very --Amoto quæramus seria ludo. Hor.
much in suspense upon the occasion, and
could not imagine to themselves, what The joining of pleasure and pain together would be the nature of an infant that was to in such devices, seems to me the only point- have its original from two such parents. At ed thought I ever read which is natural; and the last, the child appears; and who should it must have proceeded from its being the it be but Love. This infant grew up, and universal sense and experience of mankind, proved in all his behaviour what he really that they have all spoken of it in the same was, a compound of opposite beings. As he manner. I have in my own reading remark- is the son of Plenty, (who was the offspring ed a hundred and three epigrams, fifty odes, of Prudence,) he is subtle, intriguing, full of and ninety-one sentences, tending to this sole stratagems and devices; as the son of Popurpose.
verty, he is fawning, begging, serenading, It is certain, there is no other passion which delighting to lie at a threshold, or beneath a does produce such contrary effects in so great window. By the father he is audacious, full a degree: but this may be said for love, that of hopes, conscious of merit, and therefore if you strike it out of the soul, life would be quick of resentment: by the mother he is insipid, and our being but half animated. doubtful, timorous, mean-spirited, fearful of Human nature would sink into deadness and offending, and abject in submissions. In the lethargy, if not quickened with some active same hour you may see him transported with principle; and as for all others, whether raptures, talking of immortal pleasures, and ambition, envy, or avarice, which are apt to appearing satisfied as a god : and immedipossess the mind in the absence of this pas- ately after, as the mortal mother prevails in sion, it must be allowed, that they have great- his composition, you behold him pining, laner pains, without the compensation of such guishing, despairing, dying," exquisite pleasures as those we find in love, I have been always wonderfully delighted The greaē skill is to heighten the satisfac- with fables, allegories, and the like inventions, and deaden the sorrows, of it, which tions, which the politest and the best instruchas been the end of many of my labours, and tors of mankind have always made use of: shall continue to be so for the service of the they take off from the severity of instruction, world in general, and in particular of the fair and enforce it at the same time that they sex, who are always the best or the worst conceal it. The supposing Love to be coripart of it. It is pity that a passion, which ceived immediately after the birth of Beauhas in it a capacity of making life happy, ty, the parentage of Plenty, and the inconshould not be cultivated to the utmost advan- | sistency of this passion with itself so naturallage. Reason, prudence, and good-nature, ly derived to it, are great master-strokes in rightly applied, can thoroughly accomplish this fable ; and if they fell into good hands, this great end, provided they have always a might furnish out a more pleasing canto than real and constant love to work upon. But any in Spencer. this subject I shall treat more at large in the history of my married sister; and in the mean time shall conclude my reflection on No 037. Saturday Nouem
No. 93.] Saturday, November 12, 1709. the pains and pleasures which attend this passion, with one of the finest allegories which "DEAR SIR, I believe this is the first I think I have ever read. It is invented by letter that was ever sent you from the midthe divine Plato; and to show the opinion he dle region, where I am at this present wrihimself had of it, ascribed by him to his ad ting. Not to keep you in suspense, it comes mired Socrates, whom he represents as dis- to you from the top of the highest mountain coursing with his friends, and giving the his- in Switzerland, where I ain now shivering tory of Love in the following manner. ; among the eternal frosts and snows. I can
of At the birth of Beauty (says he) there scarce forbear dating it in December, though was a great feast made, and many guests in they call it the first of August at the bottom vited : among the rest, was the god Plenty, of the mountain, I assure you, I can hardly who was the son of the goddess Prudence, keep my ink from freezing in the middle of and inherited many of his mother's virtues, the dog-days. I am here entertained with After a full entertainment, he retired into the prettiest variety of snow-prospects that the garden of Jupiter, which was hung with you can imagine, and have several pits of it a great variety of ambrosial fruits, and seems before me, that are very near as old as the to have been a very proper retreat for such mountain itself; for in this country, it is as a guést. In the mean time, an unhappy fe- lasting as marble. I am now upon a spot of male, called Poverty, having heard of this it, which they tell me fell about the reign of great feast, repaired to it, in hopes of finding Charlemagne, or King Pepin, The inhabirelief. The first place she lights upon was tants of the country are as great curiosities Jupiter's garden, which generally stands as the country itself; they generally hire open to people of all conditions. 'Poverty themselves out in their youth, and if they are enters, and by chance finds the god Plenty musquet-proof until about fifty, they bring asleep in it. She was immediately fired with home the money thy have got, and the limbs his charms, laid herself down by his side, they have left, to pass the rest of their time and managed matters so well that she con- among their native mountainsOne of the gentlemen of the place, who is come off with the least hurt, except a little scratch, by falo. the loss of an eye only, told me, by way of ing on my face, in pushing at one at the lower boast, that there were now seven wooden end of my chamber; but I recovered so legs in his family ; and that for these four quick, and jumped so nimbly into my guari, generations, there had not been one in his that if he had been alive, he could not have line that carried a whole body with him to hurt me. It is confessed, I have writ against the grave. I believe you will think the style duels with some warmth ; but in all my disof this letter a little extraordinary; but the courses, I have not ever said, that I knew Rehearsal will tell you, that people in how a gentleman could avoid a duel, if he clouds must not be confined to speak sense;" were provoked to it; and since that custom and I hope we that are above them, may is now become a law, I know nothing but the claim the same privilege. Wherever I am, legislative power, with new animadversions I shall always be,
upon it, can put us in a capacity of denying “Sir, your most obedient, challenges, though we are afterwards hanged "Most humble servant.” for it. But no more of this at present. As
things stand, I shall put up with no more afFrom my own Apartment, November il. fronts ; and I shall be so far from taking ill I had several hints and advertisements, words, that I will not take ill looks, I therefrom unknown hands, that some who are en- fore warn all hot young fellows, not to look emies to my labours, design to demand the hereafter more terrible than their neighfashionable way of satisfaction for the distur- bours; for if they stare at me, with their bance my lucubrations have given them. I hats cocked higher than other people, I will confess, as things now stand, I do not know not bear it. Nay, I give warning to all peohow to deny such inviters, and am preparing | ple in general, to look kindly at me; for I myself accordingly: I have bought pumps will bear no frowns, even from ladies; and and files, and am every morning practising if any woman pretends to look scornfully at in my chamber. My neighbour, the dancing- me, I shall demand satisfaction of the next master, has demanded of me, why I take of kin of the masculine gender, * this liberty, since I would not allow it him ? But I answered, his was an act of an indifferent nature, and mine of necessity. My No. 97.7 Tuesday, November 22. 1709. late treatises against duels have so far disobliged the fraternity of the noble science of
Illud inaxime rarum genus est eorum, qui aut excel
lente ingenii magnitudine, aut præclara eruditione atque defence, that I can get none of them to show
doctrina, aut utraque reornati, Spatium deliberandi me so much as one pass, I am therefore habuerunt, quem potissimum vitæ cursum sequi vellent
Tul. Offic. obliged to learn by book, and have accordingly several volumes, wherein all the pos
From my own Apartment, November 21 tures are exactly delineated. I must con HAVING swept away prodigious multifess, I am shy of letting people see me at tudes in one of my late papers, and brought this exercise, because of my flannel waist- a great destruction upon my own species, I coat, and my spectacles, which I am forced must endeavour in this to raise fresh recruits, to fix on, the better to observe the posture and, if possible, to supply the places of the of the enemy.
unborn and the deceased. It is said of XerI have upon my chamber-walls, drawn at xes, that when he stood upon a hill, and saw full length, the figures of all sorts of men, the whole country round him covered with from eight feet to three feet two inches. his army, he burst out into tears, to think Within this height, I take it, that all the that not one of that multitude would be alive fighting men of Great Britain are compre- a hundred years after. For my part, when hended. But as I push, I make allowances I take a survey of this populous city, I can for my being of a lank and spare body, and scarce forbear weeping, to see how few of have chalked out in every figure my own its inhabitants are now living. It was with dimensions; for I scorn to rob any man of this thought that I drew up my last bill of his life, or to take advantage of his breadth: mortality, and endeavoured to set out in it therefore, I press purely in a line down from the great number of persons who have perhis nose, and take no more of him to assault, ished by a distemper (commonly known by than he has of me: for, to speak impartial- the name of idleness) which has long raged ly, if a lean fellow wounds a fat one in any in the world, and destroys more in every part to the right or left, whether it be in great town than the plague has done at carte or in tierce, beyond the dimensions of Dantzic. To repair the mischief it has the said lean fellow's own breadth, I take it done, and stock the world with a better race to be murder, and such a murder as is below of mortals, I have more hopes of bringing to a gentleman to commit. As I am spare, I life those that are young, than of reviving am also very tall, and behave myself with those that are old. For which reason, I relation to that advantage with the same shall here set down that noble allegory which Functilio; and I am ready to stoop or stand, was written by an old author called Prodi4260rding to the stature of my adversary. Icus, but recommended and embellished by must confess, I have had great success this Socrates. It is the description of Virtue and morning, and have hit every figure round the room in a mortal part, without receiving | * Sir Richard Steele assisted in this paper
Pleasure, making their court to Hercules, I the gods, and give proof of that descent by under the appearances of two beautiful wo- your love to virtue, and application to the men.
studies proper for your age. This makes 66 When Hercules (says the divine moral- me hope you will gain both for yourself and ist) was in that part of his youth in which it me, an immortal reputation, But before I was natural for him to consider what course invite you into my society and friendship, I of life he ought to pursue, he one day retired will be open and sincere with you, and must into a desert, where the silence and solitude lay down this as an established truth; that of the place very much favoured his medi- there is nothing truly valuable which can be tations. As he was musing on his present purchased without pains and labour. The condition, and very much perplexed in him-gods have set a price upon every real and self on the state of life he should choose, he noble pleasure. If you would gain the fa saw two women of a larger stature than ordi-vour of the Deity, you must be at the pains nary approaching towards him. One of of worshipping him; if the friendship of them had a very noble air, and graceful de- good men, you must study to oblige them: if portment; her beauty was natural and easy, you would be honoured by your country, her person clean and unspotted, her eyes you must take care to serve it. In short, if cast towards the ground with an agreeable you would be eminent in war or peace, you reserve, her motion and behaviour full of must become master of all the qualifications modesty, and her raiment white as snow, that can make you so. These are the only The other had a great deal of health and terms and conditions upon which I can profloridness in her countenance, which she pose happiness. had helped with an artificial white and red, “The Goddess of Pleasure here broke in and endeavoured to appear more graceful upon her discourse: "You see, (said she,) than ordinary in her mien, by a mixture of Hercules, by her own confession, the way to affectation in all her gestures. She had a her pleasure is long and difficult, whereas, wonderful confidence and assurance in her that which I propose, is short and easy.' looks, and all the variety of colours in her “Alas! (said the other lady, whose visage dress, that she thought were the most proper glowed with a passion made up of scorn and to show her complexion to an advantage. pity,) What are the pleasures you propose ? She cast her eyes upon herself, then turned To eat before you are hungry, to drink bethem on those that were present, to see how fore you are athirst, sleep before you are they liked her, and often looked on the figure tired, to gratify appetites before they are she made in her own shadow. Upon her raised, and raise such appetites as nature nearer approach to Hercules, she stepped never planted. You never heard the most before the other lady, (who came forward delicious music, which is the praise of one's with a regular composed carriage,) and run- self; nor saw the most beautiful object, ning up to him, accosted him after the fol- which is the work of one's own hands. Your lowing manner.
votaries pass away their youth in a dream of My dear Hercules, (says she,) I find mistaken pleasures, while they are hoardyou are very much divided in your own ing up anguish, torment, and remorse, for old thoughts upon the way of life that you ought age, - As for me, I am the friend of gods to choose: be my friend, and follow me; I and of good men, an agreeable companion will lead you into the possession of pleasure, to the artisan, a household guardian to the and out of the reach of pain, and remove fathers of families, a patron and protector of you from all the noise and disquietude of bu- servants, an associate in all true and genersiness. The affairs of either war or peace ous friendships. The banquets of my vota shall have no power to disturb you. Your ries are never costly, but always delicious; whole employment shall be to make your for none eat or drink at them who are not life easy, and to entertain every sense with invited by hunger and thirst. Their slumits proper gratification. Sumptuous tables, bers are sound, and their wakings cheerful. beds of roses, clouds of perfumes, concerts My young men have the pleasure of hearof music, crowds of beauties, are all in a ing themselves praised by those who are in readiness to receive you. Come along with years; and those who are in years, of being me into this region of delights, this world of honoured by those who are young. In a pleasures, and bid farewell for ever to care, word, my followers are favoured by the to pain, to business.'
gods, beloved by their acquaintance, esteem"Hercules hearing the lady talk after this ed by their country, and after the close of manner, desired to know her name; to their labours) honoured by posterity, which she answered, "My friends, and those We know, by the life of this memorable who are acquainted with me, call me Happi- hero, to which of these two ladies he gave ness; but my enemies, and those who would up his heart; and I believe, every one who injure my reputation, have given me the reads this, will do him the justice to approve name of Pleasure.'
his choice. "By this time the other lady was come! I very much admire the speeches of these up, who addressed herself to the young hero ladies, as containing in them the chief arguin a very different manner.
| ments for a life of virtue, or a life of pleasure, Hercules, (says she,) I offer myself to that could enter into the thoughts of a you, because I know you are descended from heathen; but am particularly pleased with