deed, so pleased with the design of the German artist, that I begged my friend to give me an account of it in all its particulars, which he did after the following manner. that I could scare take my eyes off it. On its right hand there sat the figure of a woman so covered with ornaments, that her face, her body, and her hands, were almost entirely hid under them. The little you could see of her face was painted; and what I thought very odd, had something in it like artificial wrinkles; but I was the less surprized at it, when I saw upon her forehead an old-fashioned tower of grey hairs. Her head-dress rose very high by three several stories or degrees; her garments had a thousand colours in them, and were embroidered with crosses in gold, silver and silk: she had nothing on, not so much as a glove or a slipper, which was not marked with this figure; nay. so superstitiously fond did she appear of it, that she sat cross-legged. I was quickly sick of this tawdry "I have often (said he) been present at a show of elephants, camels, dromedaries, and other strange creatures, but I never saw so great an assembly of spectators as were met together at the opening of this great piece of wax-work. We were all placed in a large hall, according to the price we had paid for our seats: the curtain that hung before the show was made by a master of tapestry, who had wove it in the figure of a monstrous hydra, that had several heads, which brandished out their tongues, and seemed to hiss at each other. Some of these heads were large and entire; and where any of them had been lopped away, there sprouted up several in the room of them; inso-composition of ribands, silks, and jewels, much, that for one head cut off, a man might see ten, twenty, or a hundred of a smaller size, creeping through the wound. In short, the whole picture was nothing but confusion and bloodshed. On a sudden (says my friend) I was startled with a flourish of many musical instruments that I had never heard before, which was followed by a short tune (if it might be so called) wholly made up of jars and discords. Among the rest, there was an organ, a bagpipe, a groaning-board, a stentorophonic trumpet, with several wind instruments of a most disagreeable sound, which I do not so much as know the names of. After a short flourish, the curtain was drawn up, and we were presented with the most extraordinary assemblage of figures that ever entered into a man's imagination. The design of the workman was so well expressed in the dumb show before us, that it was not hard for an Englishman to comprehend the meaning of it. "The principal figures were placed in a row, consisting of seven persons. The middle figure, which immediately attracted the eyes of the whole company, and was much bigger than the rest, was formed like a matron, dressed in the habit of an elderly woman of quality in Queen Elizabeth's days. The most remarkable parts of her dress, was the beaver with the steeple crown, the scarf that was darker than sable, and the lawn apron that was whiter than ermine. Her gown was of the richest black velvet, and just upon her heart studded with large diamonds of an inestimable value, disposed in the form of a cross. She bore an inexpressible cheerfulness and dignity in her aspect; and though she seemed in years, appeared with so much spirit and vivacity, as gave her at the same time an air of old age and immortality. I found my heart touched with so much love and reverence at the sight of her, that the tears ran down my face as I looked upon her; and still the more I looked upon her, the more my heart was melted with the sentiments of filial tenderness and duty. I discovered every moment something so charming in this figure, and therefore cast my eye on a dame which was just the reverse of it. I need not tell my reader, that the lady before described was Popery, or that she I am now going to describe is Presbytery. She sat on the left hand of the venerable matron, and so much resembled her in the features of her countenance, that she seemed her sister; but at the same time that one observed a likeness in her beauty, one could not but take notice, that there was something in it sickly and splenetic. Her face had enough to discover the relation, but it was drawn up into a peevish figure, soured with discontent, and overcast with melancholy. She seemed offended at the matron for the shape of her hat, as too much resembling the triple coronet of the person who sat by her. One might see likewise, that she dissented from the white apron and the cross; for which reasons she had made herself a plain homely dowdy, and turned her face towards the sectaries that sat on her left hand, as being afraid of looking upon the matron, lest she should see the harlot by her. "On the right hand of Popery sate Judaism, represented by an old man embroidered with phylacteries, and distinguished by many typical figures, which I had not skill enough to unriddle. He was placed among the rubbish of a temple; but, instead of weeping over it, (which I should have expected from him,) he was counting out a bag of money upon the ruins of it. “On his right hand was Deism, or Natural Religion. This was a figure of a halfnaked, awkward country wench, who, with proper ornaments and education, would have made an agreeable and beautiful appearance; but for want of those advantages, was such a spectacle as a man would blush to look upon. "I have now (continued my friend) giver you an account of those who were placed on the right hand of the matron, and who, according to the order in which they sat, were Deism, Judaism, and Popery. On the left hand, as I told you, appeared Presbytery. The next to her was a figure which some what puzzled me: it was that of a man "I must not omit, that in this assembly of looking, with horror in his eyes, upon a sil-wax, there were several pieces that moved ver basin filled with water. Observing by clock-work, and gave great satisfaction something in his countenance that looked to the spectators. Behind the matron there like lunacy, I fancied at first, that he was to stood one of these figures, and behind Popery express that kind of distraction which the another, which, as the artist told us, were physicians call the hydrophobia; but con- each of them the genius of the person they sidering what the intention of the show was, attended. That behind Popery represented I immediately recollected myself, and con- Persecution, and the other Moderation. The cluded it to be Anabaptism. first of these moved by secret springs towards a great heap of dead bodies that lay piled upon one another at a considerable distance behind the principal figures. There were written on the foreheads of these dead men several hard words, as Præ-Adamites, Sabbatarians, Camaronians, Muggletonians, Brownists, Independents, Masonites, Camisars, and the like. At the approach of Persecution, it was so contrived, that as she held up her bloody flag, the whole assembly of dead men, like those in the Rehearsal, started up, and drew their swords. This was followed by great clashings and noise, when in the midst of the tumult, the figure of Moderation moved gently towards this new army, which, upon her holding up a paper in her hand, inscribed Liberty of Conscience, immediately fell into a heap of carcasses, remaining in the same quiet posture that they lay at first." "The next figure was a man that sat under a most profound composure of mind: he wore a hat whose brims were exactly parallel with the horizon: his garment had neither sleeve nor skirt, nor so much as a superfluous button. What they called his cravat, was a little piece of white linen quilled with great exactness, and hanging below his chin about two inches. Seeing a book in his hand, I asked our artist what it was, who told me it was the Quakers' religion; upon which I desired a sight of it. Upon perusal, I found it to be nothing but a new-fashioned grammar, or an art of abridging ordinary discourse. The nouns were reduced to a very small number, as the light, friend, Babylon. The principal of his pronouns was thou; and as for you, ye, and yours, I found they were not looked upon as parts of speech in this grammar. All the verbs wanted the second person plural; the participles ending all in ing, or ed, which were marked with a particular ac- No 258.] Saturday, December 2, 1710. cent. There were no adverbs, besides yea and nay. The same thrift was observed in the prepositions. The conjunctions were only hem! and ha! and the interjections brought under the three heads of sighing, sobbing, and groaning. There was at the end of the grammar a little nomenclature, called, The Christian Man's Vocabulary, which gave new appellations, or (if you will) Christian names to almost every thing in life. I replaced the book in the hand of the figure, not without admiring the simplicity of its garb, speech, and behaviour. "Just opposite to this row of religions, there was a statue dressed in a fool's coat, with a cap of bells upon his head, laughing and pointing at the figures that stood before him. This idiot is supposed to say in his heart, what David's fool did some thousands of years ago, and was therefore designed as a proper representative of those among us who are called Atheists and Infidels by others, and Free-thinkers by themselves. "There were many other groups of figures which I did not know the meaning of; but seeing a collection of both sexes turning their backs upon the company, and laying their heads very close together, I inquired after their religion, and found that they called themselves the Philadelphians, or the family of love. Occidit miseros crambe repetita. Juv. From my own Apartment, December 1 WHEN a man keeps a constant table, he may be allowed sometimes to serve up a cold dish of meat, or toss up the fragments of a feast into a ragout. I have sometimes, in a scarcity of provisions, been obliged to take the same kind of liberty, and to entertain my reader with the leavings of a former treat. I must this day have recourse to the same method, and beg my guests to sit down to a kind of Saturday's dinner. To let the metaphor rest, I intend to fill up this paper with a bundle of letters relating to subjects on which I have formerly treated, and have ordered my bookseller to print at the end of each letter, the minutes with which I endorsed it, after the first perusal of it. "TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFFE, Esq. November 22, 1710. SIR,-Dining yesterday with Mr. SouthBritish, and Mr. William North-Briton, two gentlemen, who, before you ordered it otherwise, were known by the names of Mr. English and Mr. William Scot; among other things, the maid of the house (who in her time I believe may have been a North-British warming pan) brought us up a dish of "In the opposite corner there sat another North-British collops. We liked our enterlittle congregation of strange figures, open-tainment very well, only we observed the ing their mouths as wide as they could gape, table-cloth, being not so fine as we could and distinguished by the title of the Sweet- have wished, was North-British cloth: but singers of Israel. the worst of it was, we were disturbed all 2. Whether a touch of her fan may not have the same efficacy as a touch of Ïthuriel's spear? dinner-time by the noise of the children, who | symptoms he will betray of his passion upon were playing in the paved court at North- being touched? British hoppers; so we paid our North-Briton sooner than we designed, and took coach to North-Briton yard, about which place most of us live. We had, indeed, gone a foot, only we were under some apprehen- Great Lincoln's-Inn-Square, Nov. 29. sions lest a North-British mist should wet a "HONOURED SIR,-Gratitude obliges me South-British man to the skin. to make this public acknowledgment of the "We think this matter properly expres-eminent service you have done myself in sed, according to the accuracy of the new style settled by you in one of your late papers. You will please to give your opinion upon it to, Sir, "Your most humble servants, "TO ISAAC BICKERSTAFFE, Esq. Kent, November 22, 1710. "SIR, A gentleman in my neighbourhood, who happens to be brother to a lord, though neither his father nor grandfather were so, is perpetually making use of this phrase, A person of my quality. He has it in his mouth fifty times a day, to his labourers, his servants, his children, his tenants, and his neighbours. Wet or dry, at home or abroad, drunk or sober, angry or pleased, it is the constant burthen of his style. Sir, as you are censor of Great Britain, as you value the repose of a loyal country, and the reputation of my neighbour, I beg you will take this cruel grievance into your consideration, else, for my own particular, I am resolved to give up my farm, sell my stock, and remove with my wife and seven children next spring to Falmouth or Berwick, if my strength will permit me, being brought into a very weak condition. I am, with great respect, Sir, "Your most obedient "And languishing servant, &c.” *** Let this be referred to the court of honour. "MR. BICKERSTAFFE,-I am a young lady of a good fortune, and at present infested by several lovers, who lay close siege to me, and carry on their attacks with all possible diligence. I know which of them has the first place in my own heart, but would freely cross my private inclinations, to make choice of the man who loves me best, which it is impossible for me to know, all of them pretending to an equal passion for me. Let me therefore beg of you, dear Mr. Bickerstaffe, to lend me your Ithuriel's spear, in order to touch this troop of rivals; after which I will most faithfully return it to you again, with the greatest gratitude. "I am, Sir, &c.” Query 1. What figure this lady doth think her lover will appear in? Or what particular, and the whole body of chaplains * * "Humble servant, Requires no answer. Oxford, November 27. count of Nova Zembla with great pleasure, "MR. CENSOR,-I have read your acand have ordered it to be transcribed in a little hand, and inserted in Mr. Tonson's late edition of Hudibras. I could wish you would furnish us with more notes upon that author, with which several editions of that book to fill up the place of those dull annotations have been encumbered. I would particu larly desire of you to give the world the story of Talicotius, who makes a very eminent figure in the first Canto, not having been able to meet with any account of the said Talicotius in the writings of any other cuted on the criminal, which was done in author. I am, with the most profound re-open court with the utmost severity, the spect, "The most humble of your admirers, "Q. Z.' ** To be answered next Thursday, if nothing more material intervenes. "MR. CENSOR,-In your survey of the people, you must have observed crowds of single persons that are qualified to increase the subjects of this glorious island, and yet neglect that duty to their country. In order to reclaim such persons, I lay before you this proposal. Your most obedient servant, “Th. Cl.” ***This to be considered on Saturday next. No. 259.] Tuesday, December 5, 1710. -Vexat censura columbas. Juv. A Continuation of the Journal of the Court of Honour, held in Sheer-Lane on Monday the 27th of November, before Isaac Bickerstaffe, Esq. Censor of Great Britain. first lady of the bench on Mr. Bickerstaffe's right-hand stood up, and made a motion to the court, "That whereas it was impossible for women of fashion to dress themselves before the church was half done, and whereas many confusions and inconveniences did arise thereupon, it might be lawful for them to send a footman, in order to keep their places, as was usual in other polite and welldered to be entered on the books, and conregulated assemblies." The motion was orsidered at a more convenient time. Gharles Cambrick, Linen-draper, in the city of Westminster, was indicted for speaking obscenely to the Lady Penelope Touchwood. It appeared, that the prosecutor and her woman, going in a stage-coach from London to Brentford, where they were to be met by the lady's own chariot, the criminal, and another of his acquaintance, travelled with them in the same coach, at which time the prisoner talked bawdy for the space of three miles and a half. The prosecutor alleged, "That over against the Old Fox at that at the further end of Kensington, he Knightsbridge, he mentioned the word linen; made use of the term smock; and that before he came to Hammersmith, he talked almost a quarter of an hour upon weddingELIZABETH MAKEBATE, of the parish of shifts." The prosecutor's woman confirmSt. Catherine's, spinster, was indicted for ed what her lady had said, and further adsurreptitiously taking away the hassock from ded, "that she had never seen her lady in under the Lady Grave-Airs, between the so great a confusion, and in such a taking, hours of four and five, on Sunday the 26th as she was during the whole discourse of the of November. The prosecutor deposed, criminal." The prisoner had little to say that as she stood up to make a courtesy to a for himself, but that he talked only in his person of quality in a neighbouring pew, the own trade, and meant no hurt by what he criminal conveyed away the hassock by said. The jury, however, found him guilty, stealth, insomuch that the prosecutor was and represented by their forewoman, that obliged to sit all the while she was at church, such discourses were apt to sully the imagior to say her prayers in a posture that did nation; and that by a concatenation of ideas, not become a woman of her quality. The the word linen implied many things that prisoner pleaded inadvertency; and the jury were not proper to be stirred up in the mind were going to bring it in chance-medley, had of a woman who was of the prosecutor's qualnot several witnesses been produced against ity, and therefore gave it as their verdict, the said Elizabeth Makebate, that she was that the linen draper should lose his tongue. an old offender, and a woman of a bad rep- Mr. Bickerstaffe said, "He thought the prosutation. It appeared in particular, that on ecutor's ears were as much to blame as the the Sunday before she had detracted from a prisoner's tongue, and therefore gave sennew petticoat of Mrs. Mary Doelittle, hav-tence as follows: "That they should both ing said in the hearing of several credible be placed over against one another in the witnesses, that the said petticoat was scour-midst of the court, there to remain for the ed, to the great grief and detriment of the said Mary Doelittle. There were likewise many evidences produced against the criminal, that though she never failed to come to church on Sunday, she was a most notorious Sabbath-breaker, and that she spent her whole time, during divine service, in disparaging other people's clothes, and whispering to those who sat next her. Upon the whole, she was found guilty of the indictment, and received sentence to ask pardon of the prosecutor upon her bare knees, without either cushion or hassock under her, in the face of the court. N. B. As soon as the sentence was exe space of one quarter of an hour, during which time the linen-draper was to be gagged, and the lady to hold her hands close upon both her ears;" which was executed accordingly. Edward Callicoat was indicted as an accomplice to Charles Cambrick, for that he, the said Edward Callicoat, did, by his silence and smiles, seem to approve and abet the said Charles Cambrick in every thing he said. It appeared, that the prisoner was foreman of the shop to the aforesaid Charles Cambrick, and by his post obliged to smile at every thing the other was pleased to say upon which he was acquitted. Josias Shallow was indicted in the name of Dame Winifred, sole relict of Richard Dainty, Esq. for having said several times in her company, and in the hearing of several persons there present, that he was extremely obliged to the widow Dainty, and that he should never be able sufficiently to express his gratitude. The prosecutor urged, that this might blast her reputation, and that it was in effect a boasting of favours which he had never received. The prisoner seemed to be much astonished at the construction which was put upon his words, and said, "That he meant nothing by them, but that the widow had befriended him in a lease, and was very kind to his younger sister." The jury finding him a little weak in his understanding, without going out of the court, brought in their verdict, ignoramus. Ursula Goodenough was accused by the Lady Betty Wou'd-be, for having said, that she the Lady Betty Wou'd-be was painted. The prisoner brought several persons of good credit to witness to her reputation, and proved, by undeniable evidences, that she was never at the place where the words were said to have been uttered. The censor observing the behaviour of the prosecutor, found reason to believe, that she had indicted the prisoner for no other reason but to make her complexion be taken notice of, which indeed was very fresh and beautiful: he therefore asked the offender, with a very stern voice, how she could presume to spread so groundless a report? And whether she saw any colours in the Lady Wou'd-be's face that could procure credit to such a falsehood?" "Do you see (says he) any lilies or roses in her cheeks, any bloom, any probability ?———— -The prosecutor, not able to bear such language any longer, told him, that he talked like a blind old fool, and that she was ashamed to have entertained any opinion of his wisdom: but she was put to silence, and sentenced to wear her mask for five months, and not to presume to show her face till the town should be empty. Benjamin Buzzard, Esq. was indicted for having told the Lady Everbloom, at a public ball, that she looked very well for a woman of her years. The prisoner not denying the fact, and persisting before the court that he looked upon it as a compliment, the jury brought him in non compos mentis.* The court then adjourned to Monday the 11th instant. Copia Vera, CHARLES LILLIE. says, and another upon ears in the Tale of a Tub. I am here going to write one upon noses, having chosen for my text the follow ing verses out of Hudibras: "So learned Talicotius from Minus aptus acutis but for the sake of some of my philosophi- Many are the opinions of learned men concerning the rise of that fatal distemper which has always taken a particular pleasure in venting its spite upon the nose. I have seen a little burlesque poem in Italian, that gives a very pleasant account of this matter. The fable of it runs thus: Mars, the god of war, having served during the siege of Naples, in the shape of a French colonel, received a visit one night from Venus, the goddess of love, who had always been his professed mistress and admirer. The poem says, she came to him in the disguise of a suttling wench, with a bottle of brandy under her arm. Let that be as it will, he managed matters so well, that she went away big-bellied, and was at length brought to bed of a little Cupid. This boy, whether it were by reason of any bad food that his father had eaten during the siege, or of any particular malignity in the stars that reigned at his nativity, came into the world with a very sickly look, and crazy constitution. As soon as he was able to most perverse disposition. He dipped his handle his bow, he made discoveries of a arrows in poison, that rotted every thing they touched; and, what was more particular, aimed all his shafts at the nose, quite contrary to the practice of his elder brothers, who had made a human heart their butt in all countries and ages. To break him of this roguish trick, his parents put him to school to Mercury, who did all he could to hinder him from demolishing the noses of mankind; but in spite of his edu cation, the boy continued very unlucky; and |