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deed, sú pleased with the design of the Ger- that I could scare take my eyes off it. On man artist, that I begged my friend to give its right hand there sat the figure of a wome an account of it in all its particulars, man so covered with ornaments, that her which he did after the following manner. .. face, her body, and her hands, were almost :“I have often (said he) been present at a entirely hid under them. The little you show of elephants, camels, dromedaries, and could see of her face was painted ; and other strange creatures, but I never saw so what I thought very odd, had something in great an assembly of spectators as were met it like artificial wrinkles; but I was the less together at the opening of this great piece surprized at it, when I saw upon her foreof wax-work. We were all placed in a head an old-fashioned tower of grey hairs. large hall, according to the price we had Her head-dress rose very high by three paid for our seats: the curtain that hung several stories or degrees; her garments before the show was made by a master of had a thousand colours in them, and were tapestry, who had wove it in the figure of a embroidered with crosses in gold, silver and monstrous hydra, that had several heads, silk: she had nothing on, not so much as a which brandished out their tongues, and glove or a slipper, which was not marked seemed to hiss at each other. Some of these with this figure: nay, so superstitiously fond heads were large and entire; and where any did she appear of it, that she sat cross-legof them had been lopped away, there sprout- ged. I was quickly sick of this tawdry ed up several in the room of them; inso- composition of ribands, silks, and jewels, much, that for one head cut off, a man might and therefore cast my eye on a dame which see ten, twenty, or a hundred of a smaller was just the reverse of it. I need not tell size, creeping through the wound. In short, my reader, that the lady before described the whole picture was nothing but confusion was Popery, or that she I am now going to and bloodshed. On a sudden (says my describe is Presbytery. She sat on the left friend) I was startled with a flourish of many hand of the venerable matron, and so much musical instruments that I had never heard resembled her in the features of her counbefore, which was followed by a short tune tenance, that she seemed her sister; but at (if it might be so called) wholly made up of the same time that one observed a likeness jars and discords. Among the rest, there in her beauty, one could not but take notice, was an organ, a bagpipe, a groaning-board, that there was something in it sickly and a stentorophonic trumpet, with several splenetic. Her face had enough to discover wind instruments of a most disagreeable the relation, but it was drawn up into a sound, which I do not so much as know the peevish figure, soured with discontent, and names of. After a short flourish, the cur- overcast with melancholy. She seemed oftain was drawn up, and we were presented fended at the matron for the shape of her with the most extraordinary assemblage of hat, as too much resembling the triple corofigures that ever entered into a man's imagi- net of the person who sat by her. One nation. The design of the workman was so might see likewise, that she dissented from well expressed in the dumb show before us, the white apron and the cross; for which that it was not hard for an Englishman to reasons she had made herself a plain homecomprehend the meaning of it.
ly dowdy, and turned her face towards the ." The principal figures were placed in a sectaries that sat on her left liand, as being row, consisting of seven persons. The afraid of looking upon the matron, lest she middle figure, which immediately attracted should see the harlot by her. the eyes of the whole company, and was “On the right hand of Popery sate Judamuch bigger than the rest, was formed like ism, represented by an old man embroidered a matron, dressed in the habit of an elderly with phylacteries, and distinguished by many woman of quality in Queen Elizabeth's typical figures, which I had not skill enough days. The most remarkable parts of her to unriddle. He was placed among the rubdress, was the beaver with the steeple bish of a temple; but, instead of weeping crown, the scarf that was darker than sa- over it, (which I should have expected from ble, and the lawn apron that was whiter than him, he was counting out a bag of money ermine. Her gown was of the richest black upon the ruins of it. velvet, and just upon her heart studded with "On his right hand was Deism, or Natularge diamonds of an inestimable value, ral Religion. This was a figure of a halfdisposed in the form of a cross. She bore naked, awkward country wench, who, with an inexpressible cheerfulness and dignity in proper ornaments and education, would have her aspect; and though she seemed in years, made an agreeable and beautiful appearappeared with so much spirit and vivacity, ance; but for want of those advantages, was as gave her at the same time an air of old such a spectacle as a man would blush to age and immortality. I found my heart | look upon. touched with so much love and reverence “I have now (continued my friend) giver: at the sight of her, that the tears ran down you an account of those who were placed on my face as I looked upon her; and still the the right hand of the matron, and who, acmore I looked upon her, the more my heart cording to the order in which they sat, were was melted with the sentiments of filial ten- Deism, Judaism, and Popery. On the left derness and duty. I discovered every mo- hand, as I told you, appeared Presbytery, ment something so charming in this figure, The next to her was a figure which some
what puzzled me: it was that of a man “I must not omit, that in this assembly of looking, with horror in his eyes, upon a sil- | wax, there were several pieces that moved ver basin filled with water. Observing by clock-work, and gave great satisfaction: something in his countenance that looked to the spectators. Behind the matron there like lunacy, I fancied at first, that he was to stood one of these figures, and behind Popery express that kind of distraction which the another, which, as the artist told us, were physicians call the hydrophobia; but con- each of them the genius of the person they sidering what the intention of the show was, attended. That behind Popery represented I immediately recollected myself, and con- Persecution, and the other Moderation. The cluded it to be Anabaptism.
first of these moved by secret springs to“The next figure was a man that sat un- wards a great heap of dead bodies that lay der a most profound composure of mind : piled upon one another at a considerable dishe wore a hat whose brims were exactly tance behind the principal figures. There parallel with the horizon: his garment had were written on the foreheads of these dead neither sleeve nor skirt, nor so much as a men several hard words, as Præ-Adamites, superfluous button. What they called his Sabbatarians, Camaronians, Muggletonians, cravat, was a little piece of white linen Brownists, Independents, Masonites, Camiquilled with great exactness, and hanging sars, and the like. At the approach of Perbelow his chin about two inches. Seeing a secution, it was so contrived, that as she held book in his hand, I asked our artist what it up her bloody flag, the whole assembly of was, who told me it was the Quakers' reli- dead men, like those in the Rehearsal, gion; upon which I desired a sight of it. started up, and drew their swords. This Upon perusal, I found it to be nothing but a was followed by great clashings and noise, new-fashioned grammar, or an art of abridg- when in the midst of the tumult, the figure ing ordinary discourse. The nouns were of Moderation moved gently towards this reduced to a very small number, as the new army, which, upon her holding up a light, friend, Babylon. The principal of paper in her hand, inscribed Liberty of Conhis pronouns was thou ; and as for you, ye, science, immediately fell into a heap of carand yours, I found they were not looked casses, remaining in the same quiet posture upon as parts of speech in this grammar. that they lay at first.” All the verbs wanted the second person plural ; the participles ending all in ing, or ed, which were marked with a particular ac
No 258.] Saturday, December 2, 1710. cent. There were no adverbs, besides yea and nay, The same thrift was observed in Occidit miseros crambe repetita. Juv. the prepositions. The conjunctions were only hem! and ha! and the interjections
From my own Apartment, December 1 brought under the three heads of sighing, WHEN a man keeps a constant table, he sobbing, and groaning. There was at the may be allowed sometimes to serve up a end of the grammar a little nomenclature, cold dish of meat, or toss up the fragments called, The Christian Man's Vocabulary, of a feast into a ragout. I have sometimes, which gave new appellations, or (if you in a scarcity of provisions, been obliged to will) Christian names to almost every thing take the same kind of liberty, and to enterin life. I replaced the book in the hand of tain my reader with the leavings of a former the figure, not without admiring the simpli- treat. " I must this day have recourse to the city of its garb, speech, and behaviour, same method, and beg my guests to sit down
** Just opposite to this row of religions, to a kind of Saturday's dinner. To let the there was a statue dressed in a fool's coat, metaphor rest, I intend to fill up this paper with a cap of bells upon his head, laughing with a bundle of letters relating to subjects and pointing at the figures that stood before on which I have formerly treated, and have him. This idiot is supposed to say in liis ordered my bookseller to print at the end of heart, what David's fool did some thousands each letter, the minutes with which I enof years ago, and was therefore designed as dorsed it, after the first perusal of it. a proper representative of those among us who are called Atheists and Infidels by
“To ISAAC BICKERSTAFFE, Esq. others, and Free-thinkers by themselves."
November 22, 1710. “There were many other groups of fig | “SIR,_Dining yesterday with Mr. Southures which I did not know the meaning of; British, and Mr. William North-Briton, two but seeing a collection of both sexes turning gentlemen, who, before you ordered it othertheir backs upon the company, and laying wise, were known by the names of Mr. their heads very close together, I inquired English and Mr. William Scot; among other after their religion, and found that they called things, the maid of the house (who in her themselves the Philadelphians, or the family time I believe may have been a North-Briof love.
| tish warming pan) brought us up a dish of “In the opposite corner there sat another North-British collops. We liked our enterlittle congregation of strange figures, open- tainment very well, only we observed the ing their mouths as wide as they could gape, table-cloth, being not so fine as we could and distinguished by the title of the Sweet- have wished, was North-British cloth: but singers of Israel.
the worst of it was, we were disturbed all
dinner-time by the noise of the children, who symptoms he will betray of his passion upon were playing in the paved court at North- being touched ? British hoppers; so we paid our North-Bri- 2. Whether a touch of her fan may not ton sooner than we designed, and took coach have the same efficacy as a touch of Ithuto North-Briton yard, about which place riel's spear? most of us live. "We had, indeed, gone a foot, only we were under some apprehen Great Lincoln's-Inn-Square, Nov. 29, sions lest a North-British mist should wet a “HONOURED SIR,-Gratitude obliges me South-British man to the skin.
to make this public acknowledgment of the “We think this matter properly expres- i eminent service you have done myself in sed, according to the accuracy of the new particular, and the whole body of chaplains style settled by you in one of your late pa- ((I hope) in general. Coming home on Sunpers. You will please to give your opinion day about dinner-time, I found things upon it to, Sir,
strangely altered for the better: the porter “ Your most humble servants, smiled in my face when lie let me in, the
“J.S. footman bowed to me as I passed him, the “M. P.
steward shook me by the hand, and Mrs. į “N. R.” Beatrice dropped me a curtsey as she went
along. I was surprized at all this civility, *** See if this letter be conformable to and knew not to what I might ascribe it, exthe directions given in the Tatler above-cept to my bright beaver and shining scarf, mentioned.
that were new that day. But I was still
inore astonished to find such an agreeable “To ISAAC BICKERSTAFFE, Esq. change at the table: my lord helped me to
Kent, November 22, 1710. a fat slice of venison with his own hand, and “SIR,-A gentleman in my neighbourhood, my lady did me the honour to drink to me, who happens to be brother to a lord, though I offered to rise at my usual time, but was neither his father nor grandfather were so, desired to sit still, with this kind expression : is perpetually making use of this phrase, ' A Come, doctor, a jelly or a conserve will do person of my quality.'. He has it in his you no harm; don't be afraid of the dessert.' mouth fifty times a day, to his labourers, his I was so confounded with the favour, that I servants, his children, his tenants, and his returned my thanks in a most awkward neighbours. Wet or dry,at home or abroad, manner, wondering what was the meaning drunk or sober, angry or pleased, it is the of this total transformation : but my lord constant burthen of his style. Sir, as you soon put an end to my admiration, by showare censor of Great Britain, as you value the ing me a paper that challenged you, Sir, for repose of a loyal country, and the reputation its author, and rallied me very agreeably on of my neighbour, I beg you will take this the subject, asking me, which was best hancruel grievance into your consideration, else, dled, the lord or his chaplain? I owned for my own particular, I am resolved to give myself to think the banter sharpest against up my farm, sell my stock, and remove with ourselves, and that these were trifling matmy wife and seven children next spring to ters, not fit for a philosopher to insist on. Falmouth or Berwick, if my strength will His lordship was in so good a hunjour, that permit me, being brought into a very weak he ordered me to return his thanks with my condition. I am, with great respect, Sir, own; and my lady joins in the same, with - Your most obedient
this one exception to your paper, that the “And languishing servant, &c." chaplain in her family was always allowed ** Let this be referred to the court of minced-pies from All-hallows to Candlemas,
“I am, Sir, honour,
“ Your most obliged
“Humble servant, “MR. BICKERSTAFFE,I am a young
" T. W.9 lady of a good fortune, and at present infested by several lovers, who lay close siege
*** Requires no answer. to me, and carry on their attacks with all possible diligence, I know which of them has the first place in my own heart, but
Oxford, November 27.
“MR. CENSOR, I have read your acwould freely cross my private inclinations,
count of Nova Zembla with great pleasure, to make choice of the man who loves me best, which it is impossible for me to know,
and have ordered it to be transcribed in a all of them pretending to an equal passion
little hand, and inserted in Mr. Tonson's late for me. Let me therefore beg of you, dear
edition of Hudibras. I could wish you would Mr. Bickerstaffe, to lend me your Ithuriel's
furnish us with more notes upon that author, spear, in order to touch this troop of rirals;
to fill up the place of those dull annotations after which I will most faithfully return it to
with which several editions of that book
have been encumbered. I would particu. you again, with the greatest gratitude.
** I am, Sir, &c.”
» larly desire of you to give the world the
story of Talicotius, who makes a very emi. Query 1. What figure this lady doth nent figure in the first Canto, not having think her lover will appear in? Or what | been able to meet with any account of the
said Talicotius in the writings of any other cuted on the criminal, which was done in author. I am, with the most profound re-open court with the utmost severity, the spect,
first lady of the bench on Mr. Bickerstaffe's “The most humble of your admirers, right-hand stood up, and made a motion to
"Q. Z.” the court, “That whereas it was impossible ** To be answered next Thursday, if I for women of fashion to dress themselves nothing more material intervenes.
before the church was half done, and where
as many confusions and inconveniences did “MR. CENSOR,--In your survey of the
arise thereupon, it might be lawful for them people, you must have observed crowds of
to send a footman, in order to keep their single persons that are qualified to increase
places, as was usual in other polite and wellthe subjects of this glorious island, and yet
regulated assemblies.” The motion was orneglect that duty to their country. In order
dered to be entered on the books, and conto reclaim such persons, I lay before you
sidered at a more convenient time. this proposal.
| Gharles Cambrick, Linen-draper, in the "Your most obedient servant,
city of Westminster, was indicted for speak“ Th. Cl.”
ing obscenely to the Lady Penelope Touch
wood. It appeared, that the prosecutor and : *** This to be considered on Saturday her woman, going in a stage-coach from next.
London to Brentford, where they were to be met by the lady's own chariot, the criminal, and another of his acquaintance, travelled
with them in the same coach, at which time No. 259.] Tuesday, December 5, 1710.
the prisoner talked bawdy for the space of - Vexat censura columbas. Juv. three miles and a half. The prosecutor alA Continuation of the Journal of the Court Knightsbridge, he mentioned the word linen;
leged, “That over against the Old Fox a: of Honour, held in Sheer-Lane on Mon- | that at the further end of Kensington, he day the 27th of November, before Isaac Bickerstaffe, Esq. Censor of Great
made use of the term smock; and that beBritain.
fore he came to Hammersmith, he talked
almost a quarter of an hour upon weddingELIZABETH MAKEBATE, of the parish of shifts,” The prosecutor's woman confirmSt. Catherine's, spinster, was indicted for ed what her lady had said, and further adsurreptitiously taking away the hassock from ded, “that she had never seen her lady in under the Lady Grave-Airs, between the so great a confusion, and in such a taking, hours of four and five, on Sunday the 26th as she was during the whole discourse of the of November. The prosecutor deposed, criminal.” The prisoner had little to say that as she stood up to make a courtesy to a for himself, but that he talked only in his person of quality in a neighbouring pew, the own trade, and meant no hurt by what he criminal conveyed away the hassock by said. The jury, however, found him guilty, stealth, insomuch that the prosecutor was and represented by their forewoman, that obliged to sit all the while she was at church, such discourses were apt to sully the imagior to say her prayers in a posture that did nation ; and that by a concatenation of ideas, not become a woman of her quality. The the word linen implied many things that prisoner pleaded inadvertency; and the jury were not proper to be stirred up in the mind were going to bring it in chance-medley, had of a woman who was of the prosecutor's qualnot several witnesses been produced against ity, and therefore gave it as their verdict, the said Elizabeth Makebate, that she was that the linen draper should lose his tongue, an old offender, and a woman of a bad rep- Mr. Bickerstaffe said, “He thought the prosutation. It appeared in particular, that on ecutor's ears were as much to blame as the the Sunday before she had detracted from a prisoner's tongue, and therefore gave sennew petticoat of Mrs. Mary Doelittle, hav- tence as follows: “ That they should both ing said in the hearing of several credible be placed over against one another in the witnesses, that the said petticoat was scour midst of the court, there to remain for the ed, to the great grief and detriment of the space of one quarter of an hour, during said Mary Doelittle. There were likewise which time the linen-draper was to be gagmany evidences produced against the crimi- ged, and the lady to hold her hands close nal, that though she never failed to come to upon both her ears ;" which was executed church on Sunday, she was a most notorious accordingly. Sabbath-breaker, and that she spent her Edward Callicoat was indicted as an acwhole time, during divine service, in dis- complice to Charles Cambrick, for that he, paraging other people's clothes, and whis- the said Edward Callicoat, did, by his sipering to those who sat next her. Upon the lence and smiles, seem to approve and abet Swhole, she was found guilty of the indict- the said Charles Cambrick in every thing ment, and received sentence to ask pardon he said. It appeared, that the prisoner was of the prosecutor upon her bare knees, with- foreman of the shop to the aforesaid Charles out either cushion or hassock under her, in Cambrick, and by his post obliged to smile the face of the court.
at every thing the other was pleased to say N. B. As soon as the sentence was exe- upon which he was acquitted.
Josias Shallow was indicted in the name says, and another upon ears in the Tale of a of Dame Winifred, sole relict of Richard Tub. I am here going to write one upon Dainty, Esq. for having said several times in noses, having chosen for my text the follow her company, and in the hearing of several ing verses out of Hudibras: persons there present, that he was extreme
"So learned Talicotius from Ty obliged to the widow Dainty, and that he
The brawny part of porter's bum should never be able sufficiently to express
Cut supplemental noses, which his gratitude. The prosecutor urged, that
Lasted as long as parent breech:
But when the date of nock was out, this might blast her reputation, and that it
Off dropp'd the sympathetic snout." was in effect a boasting of favours which he had never received. The prisoner seemed
Notwithstanding that there is nothing obto be much astonished at the construction
scene in natural knowledge, and that I intend which was put upon his words, and said,
to give as little offence as may be to readers “ That he meant nothing by them, but that
to a well bred imagination, I must, for my the widow had befriended him in a lease,
own quiet, desire the critics (who in all times and was very kind to his younger sister."
I have been famous for good noses) to refrain The jury finding him a little weak in his
from the lecture of this curious tract. These
gentlemen were formerly marked out and understanding, without going out of the court, brought in their verdict, ignoramus.
distinguished by the little rhinocerial nose,
| which was always looked upon as an instruUrsula Goodenough was accused by the Lady Betty Wou'd-be, for having said, that
ment of derision, and which they used to she the Lady Betty Wou'd-be was painted.
cock, toss, or draw up, in a contemptuous The prisoner brought several persons of
| manner, upon reading the works of their good credit to witness to her reputation, and
| ingenious contemporaries. It is not there
fore for this generation of men that I write proved, by undeniable evidences, that she
the present transaction, was never at the place where the words were said to have been uttered. The cen
-- -Minus aptus acutis sor observing the behaviour of the prosecu
Naribus horum hominum tor, found reason to believe, that she had in- but for the sake of some of my philosophidicted the prisoner for no other reason but cal friends in the Royal Society, who peruse to make her complexion be taken notice of, discourses of this nature with a becoming which indeed was very fresh and beautiful: gravity, and a desire of improving by them. he therefore asked the offender, with a very Many are the opinions of learned men stern voice, how she could presume to spread concerning the rise of that fatal distemper so groundless a report? And whether she which has always taken a particular pleasaw any colours in the Lady Wou'd-be's sure in venting its spite upon the nose. I face that could procure credit to such a have seen a little burlesque poem in Italian, falsehood?” “Do you see (says he) any that gives a very pleasant account of this lilies or roses in her cheeks, any bloom, any matter. The fable of it runs thus : Mars, probability ?!- -The prosecutor, not able the god of war, having served during the to bear such language any longer, told him, siege of Naples, in the shape of a French that he talked like a blind old fool, and that colonel, received a visit one night from Veshe was ashamed to have entertained any nus, the goddess of love, who had always opinion of his wisdom : but she was put to been his professed mistress and admirer. silence, and sentenced to wear her mask for | The poem says, she came to him in the disfive months, and not to presume to show her guise of a suttling wench, with a bottle of face till the town should be empty.
| brandy under her arm. Let that be as it Benjamin Buzzard, Esq. was indicted for will, he managed matters so well, that she having told the Lady Everbloom, at a public went away big-bellied, and was at length ball, that she looked very well for a woman brought to bed of a little Cupid. This boy, of her years. The prisoner not denying the whether it were by reason of any bad food fact, and persisting before the court that he that his father had eaten during the siege, looked upon it as a compliment, the jury or of any particular malignity in the stars brought him in non compos mentis. *
that reigned at his nativity, came into the The court then adjourned to Monday the
world with a very sickly look, and crazy
constitution. As soon as he was able to 11th instan
handle his bow, he made discoveries of a Copia Vera, CHARLES LILLIE.
most perverse disposition. He dipped his arrows in poison, that rotted every thing
they touched ; and, what was more particuNo. 260.] Thursday, December 7, 1710. lar, aimed all his shafts at the nose, quite
contrary to the practice of his elder broNon cuicunque datum est habere nasum.
thers, who had made a human heart their
| butt in all countries and ages. To break From my own Apartment, December 6. him of this roguish trick, his parents put We have a very learned and elaborate him to school to Mercury, who did all he dissertation upon thumbs in Montaigne's Es- could to hinder him from demolishing the
noses of mankind; but in spite of his edu * Sir Richard Steel assisted in this paper. cation, the boy continued very unlucky; and