Splendide mendax. Hor. know, was first instituted for the determin- | No. 254.] Thursday, November 23, 1710. ing of several points of property that were too little and trivial for the cognizance of higher courts of justice. In the same manner our court of honour is appointed for the examination of several niceties and punctilios, that do not pass for wrongs in the eye of our common laws. But notwithstanding no legislators of any nation have taken into consideration these little circumstances, they are such as often lead to crimes big enough for their inspection, though they come before them too late for their redress. "Besides, I appeal to you, ladies, (here Mr. Bickerstaffe turned to his left hand,) if these are not the little stings and thorns in life that make it more uneasy than its most substantial evils? Confess ingenuously, did you never lose a morning's devotions, because you could not offer them up from the highest place of the pew? Have you not been in pain, even at a ball, because another has been taken out to dance before you? Do you love any of your friends so much as those that are below you? Or have you any favourites that walk on your right hand? You have answered me in your looks; I ask no more. I now come to the second part of my discourse, which obliges me to address myself in particular to the respective members of the court, in which I shall be very brief. "As for you, gentlemen and ladies, my assistants and grand juries, I have made choice of you on my right hand, because I know you very jealous of your honour; and you on my left, because I know you very much concerned for the reputation of others; for which reason I expect great exactness and impartiality in your verdicts and judg ments. "I must in the next place address myself to you, gentlemen of the council: you all know, that I have not chosen you for your knowledge in the litigious parts of the law, but because you have all of you formerly fought duels, of which I have reason to think you have repented, as being now settled in the peaceable state of benchers. My advice to you is, only that in your pleadings you are short and expressive: to which end you are to banish out of your discourses all synonymous terms, and unnecessary multiplications of verbs and nouns. I do moreover forbid you the use of the words also and likewise; and must further declare, that if I catch any one among you, upon any pretence whatsoever, using the particle or, I shall instantly order him to be stripped of his gown, and thrown over the bar."* From my own Apartment, November 22 THERE are no books which I more delight in than in travels, especially those that describe remote countries, and give the writer an opportunity of showing his parts, without incurring any danger of being examined or contradicted. Among all the authors of this kind, our renowned countryman Sir John Mandeville has distinguished himself by the copiousness of his invention, and greatness of his genius. The second to Sir John I take to have been Ferdinand Mendez Pinto, a person of infinite adventure, and unbounded imagination. One reads the voyages of these two great wits with as much astonishment as the travels of Ulysses in Homer, or of the Red-Cross Knight in Spencer. All is enchanted ground, and fairy land. I have got into my hands, by great chance, several manuscripts of these two eminent authors, which are filled with greater wonders than any of those they have communicated to the public; and indeed, were they not so well attested, would appear altogether improbable. I am apt to think the ingenious authors did not publish them with the rest of their works, lest they should pass for fictions and fables: a caution not unnecessary, when the reputation of their veracity was not yet established in the world. But as this reason has now no further weight, I shall make the public a present of these curious pieces at such times as I shall find myself unprovided with other subjects. The present paper I intend to fill with an extract of Sir John's journal, in which that learned and worthy knight gives an account of the freezing and thawing of several short speeches which he made in the territories of Nova Zembla. I need not inform my reader, that the author of Hudibras alludes to this strange quality in that cold climate, when speaking of abstracted notions, clothed in a visible shape, he adds that apt simile. Like words congeal'd in northern air. Not to keep my reader any longer in suspense, the relation put into modern language is as follows: "We were separated by a storm in the latitude of 73, insomuch that only the ship which I was in, with a Dutch and French vessel, got safe into a creek of Nova Zembla. We landed in order to refit our vessels, and store ourselves with provisions. The crew of each vessel made themselves a cabin of turf and wood, at some distance from each other, to fence themselves against the inclemencies of the weather, which was severe beyond imagination. We soon observed, that, in talking to one another, we lost several of our words, and could not hear one another at above two yards distance, and that too when we sat very near the fire. After much perplexity, I found that our words froze in the air before they could reach the ears of the person to whom they were spoken. I was soon confirmed in this conjecture, when, upon the increase of the cold, the whole company grew dumb, or rather deaf; for every one was sensible, as we afterwards found, that he spoke as well as ever; but the sounds no sooner took air, than they were condensed, and lost. It was now a miserable spectacle to see us nodding and gaping at one another, every man talking, and no man heard. One might observe a seaman, that could hail a ship at a league distance, beckoning with his hands, straining his lungs, and tearing his throat, but all in vain. Nec vox, nec verba sequuntur. "We continued here three weeks in this dismal plight. At length, upon a turn of wind, the air about us began to thaw. Our cabin was immediately filled with a dry clattering sound, which I afterwards found to be the crackling of consonants that broke above our heads, and were often mixed with a gentle hissing, which I imputed to the letter S, that occurs so frequently in the English tongue. I soon after felt a breeze of whispers rushing by my ear; for those being of a soft and gentle substance, immediately liquified in the warm wind that blew across our cabin. These were soon followed by syllables and short words, and at length by entire sentences, that melted sooner or later, as they were more or less congealed; so that we now heard every thing that had been spoken during the whole three weeks that we had been silent, (if I may use that expression.) It was now very early in the morning, and yet, to my surprise, I heard somebody say, "Sir John, it is midnight, and time for the ship's crew to go to bed." This I knew to be the pilot's voice, and, upon recollecting myself, I concluded that he had spoken these words to me some days before, though I could not hear them before the present thaw. My reader will easily imagine how the whole crew were amazed, to hear every man talking, and see no man opening his mouth. In the midst of this great surprise we were all in, we heard a volley of oaths and curses, lasting for a long while, and uttered in a very hoarse voice, which I knew belonged to the boatswain, who was a very choleric fellow, and had caken his opportunity of cursing and swearing at me, when he thought I could not hear him; for I had several times given him the strappado on that account, as I did not fail to repeat it for these his pious soliloquies when I got him on ship-board. "I must not omit the names of several beauties in Wapping, which were heard every now and then, in the midst of a long sigh that accompanied them; as 'Dear Kate! Pretty Mrs. Peggy! When shall I see my Sue again?' This betrayed several amours which had been concealed till that time, and furnished us with a great deal of mirth in our return to England. "When this confusion of voices was pretty well over, though I was afraid to offer at speaking, as fearing I should not be heard, I proposed a visit to the Dutch cabin, which lay about a mile further up into the country. My crew were extremely rejoiced to find they had again recovered their hearing, though every man uttered his voice with the same apprehensions that I had done: Et timide verba intermissa retentat. "At about half a mile's distance from our cabin, we heard the groanings of a bear, which at first startled us; but upon inquiry, we were informed by some of our company, that he was dead, and now lay in salt, having been killed upon that very spot about a fortnight before, in the time of the frost. Not far from the same place we were likewise entertained with some posthumous snarls and barkings of a fox. "We at length arrived at the little Dutch settlement, and upon entering the room, found it filled with sighs that smelt of brandy, and several other unsavory sounds, that were altogether inarticulate. My valet, who was an Irishman, fell into so great a rage at what he heard, that he drew his sword; but not knowing where to lay the blame, he put it up again. We were stunned with these confused noises, but did not hear a single word till about half an hour after; which I ascribed to the harsh and obdurate sounds of that language, which wanted more time than ours to melt, and become audible. "After having here met with a very hearty welcome, we went to the French cabin, who, to make amends for their three weeks silence, were talking and disputing with greater rapidity and confusion, than ever I heard in an assembly even of that nation. Their language, as I found, upon the first giving of the weather, fell asunder, and dissolved. I was here convinced of an error into which I had before fallen; for I fancied, that for the freezing of the sound, it was necessary for it to be wrapped up, and, as it were, preserved in breath; but I found my mistake, when I heard the sound of a kit playing a minuet over our heads. I asked the occasion of it; upon which one of the company told me, 'that it would play there above a week longer, if the thaw continued for, (says he,) finding ourselves bereft of speech, we prevailed upon one of the company, who had this musical instrument about him, to play to us from morning to night; all which time we employed in dancing, in order to dissipate our chagrin, et tuer le temps. Here Sir Jolin gives very good philosophical reasons, why the kit could be heard during the frost; but as they are something prolix, I pass over them in silence, and shall only observe, that the honourable author seems, by his quotations, to have been well versed in the ancient poets, which, perhaps, raised his fancy above the ordinary pitch of historians, and very much contributed to the embellishment of his writings. No 255.] Saturday, November 25, 1710. | merely accidental. Nec te tua plurima, Pantheu, Virg. merely accidental. The chaplain retired out of pure complaisance to make room for the removal of the dishes, or possibly for the ranging of the dessert. This by degrees grew into a duty, till at length, as the fashion From my own Apartment, November 24. improved, the good man found himself cut To the Censor of Great Britain. off from the third part of the entertainment; and if the arrogance of the patron goes on, SIR,-I am at present under very great it is not impossible but, in the next generadifficulties, which it is not in the power of tion, he may see himself reduced to the tythe, any one, besides yourself, to redress. Whe- or tenth dish of the table; a sufficient cauther or no you shall think it a proper case to tion not to part with any privilege we are come before your Court of Honour, I canonce possessed of. It was usual for the not tell; but thus it is: I am chaplain to an priest in old times to feast upon the sacrifice, honourable family, very regular at the hours hay, the honey-cake, while the hungry laity of devotion, and I hope of an unblameable life; looked upon him with great devotion; or, as but for not offering to rise at the second course, the late Lord Rochester describes it in a I found my patron and his lady very sullen, lively manner, and out of humour, though at first I did not know the reason of it. At length, when I happened to help myself to a jelly, the lady of the house (otherwise a devout woman) told me, 'That it did not become a man of my cloth, to delight in such frivolous food: but as I still continued to sit out the last course, I was yesterday informed by the butler, that his lordship had no further occasion for my service. All which is humbly submitted to your consideration, by, "Sir, Your most humble servant, &c." "And while the priest did eat, the people stared." At present the custom is inverted; the laity feast, while the priest stands by as a humble spectator. This necessarily puts the good man upon making great ravages upon all the dishes that stand near him, and distinguishing himself by voraciousness of appetite, as knowing that his time is short. I would fain ask those stiff-necked patrons, whether they would not take it ill of a chap lain that, in his grace after meat, should return thanks for the whole entertainment, The case of this gentleman deserves pity, with an exception to the dessert? And yet especially if he loves sweetmeats, to which, I cannot but think, that in such a proceedif I may guess by his letter, he is no enemy. ing, he would deal with them as they deIn the mean time, I have often wondered at served. What would a Roman Catholic the indecency of discarding the holiest man priest think, who is always helped first, and from the table as soon as the most delicious placed next the ladies, should he see a clerparts of the entertainment are served up, gyman giving his company the slip at the and could never conceive a reason for so ab- first appearance of the tarts or sweetmeats? surd a custom. Is it because a liquorish Would not he believe that he had the same palate, or a sweet tooth, (as they call it,) is antipathy to a candied orange, or a piece of not consistent with the sanctity of his char- puff-paste, as some have to a Cheshire acter? This is but a trifling pretence. No cheese, or a breast of mutton? Yet to so man of the most rigid virtue, gives offence ridiculous a height has this foolish custom by any excesses in plumb-pudding or plumb-grown, that even a Christmas-pie, which, porridge, and that because they are the first parts of the dinner. Is there any thing that tends to incitation in sweetmeats more than in ordinary dishes? Certainly not. Sugarplumbs are a very innocent diet, and conserves of a much colder nature than our common pickles. I have sometimes thought, that the ceremony of the chaplain's flying away from the dessert was typical and figurative, to mark out to the company how they In this case, I know not which to censure, ought to retire from all the luscious baits of the patron or the chaplain; the insolence of temptation, and deny their appetites the power, or the abjectness of dependence. gratifications that are most pleasing to them; For my own part, I have often blushed, to or at least to signify, that we ought to stint see a gentleman, whom I knew to have much ourselves in our most lawful satisfactions, more wit and learning than myself, and who and not make our pleasure, but our support, was bred up with me at the university, upon the end of eating: but most certainly, if the same foot of a liberal education, treated such a lesson of temperance had been ne-in such an ignominious manner, and sunk cessary at a table, our clergy would have recommended it to all the lay-masters of families, and not have disturbed other men's tables with such unseasonable examples of abstinence. The original therefore of this barbarous custom, Ï take to have been in its very nature, is a kind of consecrated cate, and a badge of distinction, is often forbidden to the Druid of the family. Strange! that a surloin of beef, whether boiled or roasted, when entire, is exposed to his utmost depredations and incisions; but if minced into small pieces, and tossed up with plumbs and sugar, changes its property, and, forsooth, is meat for his master. beneath those of his own rank, by reason of that character which ought to bring him honour. This deters men of generous minds from placing themselves in such a station of life, and by that means frequently excludes persons of quality from the improving and agreeable conversation of a learned and obsequious friend. Mr. Oldham lets us know, that he was affrighted from the thought of such an employment, by the scandalous sort of treatment which often accompanies it. Some think themselves exalted to the sky, |ers, in which he only worked for his diver sion, in order to make a present now and then to his friends. The prisoner being asked what he could say for himself, cast several reflections upon the Honourable Mr. Gules; as, "that he was not worth a groat that nobody in the city would trust him for a halfpenny; that he owed him money, which he had promised to pay him several times, but never kept his word; and, in short, that he was an idle, beggarly fellow, and of no use to the public." This sort of language was very severely reprimanded by the censor, who told the criminal, that he spoke in contempt of the court, and that he should be proceeded against for contumacy, if he did not change his style. The prisoner therefore desired to be heard by his counsel, who urged in his defence, that he put on his hat through ignorance, and took the wall by accident. They likewise produced several witnesses, that he made sundry motions with his hat in his hand, which are generally understood as an invitation to the person we talk with to be covered; and that the genThis author's raillery is the raillery of a tleman not taking the hint, he was forced to friend, and does not turn the sacred order put on his hat, as being troubled with a cold. into ridicule, but is a just censure on such There was likewise an Irishman, who depersons as take advantage from the necessi-posed, that he had heard him cough threeties of a man of merit, to impose on him hardships that are by no means suitable to the dignity of his profession. Are things that in a youngster's sense sound great. and-twenty times that morning. And as for the wall, it was alleged, that he had taken it inadvertently, to save himself from a shower of rain, which was then falling. The censor having consulted the men of honour, who sat at his right-hand on the bench, found they were of opinion, that the defence made by the prisoner's counsel, did rather aggravate than extenuate his crime; that the motions and intimations of the hat were a token of superiority in conversation, and therefore not to be used by the criminal to a likewise vested with a double title to the man of the prosecutor's quality, who was wall at the time of their conversation, both as it was the upper hand, and as it was a shelter from the weather. The evidence being very full and clear, the jury, without going out of court, declared their opinion unanimously by the mouth of their foreman, that the prosecutor was bound in honour to make the sun shine through the criminal, or as they afterwards explained themselves, to whip him through the lungs. The Proceedings of the Court of Honour, held in Sheer-Lane on Monday, the 20th of November, 1710, before Isaac Bickerstaffe, Esq. Censor of Great Britain. PETER PLUMB, of London, merchant, was indicted by the Honourable Mr. Thomas Gules, of Gule-Hall, in the county of Salop, for that the said Peter Plumb did, in Lombard-Street, London, between the hours of two and three in the afternoon, meet the said Mr. Thomas Gules, and, after a short salutation, put on his hat, value five-pence, while the Honourable Mr. Gules stood bareheaded for the space of two seconds. It was further urged against the criminal, that during his discourse with the prosecutor, he feloniously stole the wall of him, having clapped his back against it in such a manner, that it was impossible for Mr. Gules to recover it again at his taking leave of him. The prosecutor alledged, that he was the cadet of a very ancient family, and that, according to the principles of all the younger brothers of the said family, he had never sullied himself with business, but had chosen rather to starve like a man of honour, than "That in consideration this was Peter do any thing beneath his quality. He pro- Plumb's first offence, and that there did duced several witnesses, that he had never not appear any malice prepense in it, as also employed himself beyond the twisting of a that he lived in good reputation among his whip, or the making of a pair of nut-crack- | neighbours, and that his taking the wall was The censor knitting his brows into a frown. and looking very sternly upon the jury, after a little pause, gave them to know, that this court was erected for the finding out of penalties suitable to offences, and to restrain the outrages of private justice; and that he expected they should moderate their verdict. The jury therefore retired, and oeing willing to comply with the advices of the cen sor, after an hour's consultation, declared their opinion as follows: Mr. Bickerstaffe stood up, and, after having cast his eyes over the whole assembly, hemmed thrice. He then acquainted them, that he had laid down a rule to himself, which he was resolved never to depart from, and which, as he conceived, would very much conduce to the shortening the business of the court; "I mean (says he) never to allow of the lie being given by construction, implication, or induction, but by the sole use of the word itself. He then proceeded to only se defendendo, the prosecutor should let | say for himself, than that he intended no such him escape with life, and content himself thing, and threw himself upon the mercy of with the slitting of his nose, and the cutting the court. The jury brought in their veroff both his ears. Mr. Bickerstaffe smil dict special. ing upon the court, told them, “That he thought the punishment, even under its present mitigation, too severe; and that such penalties might be of ill consequence in a trading nation." He therefore pronounced sentence against the criminal in the following manner: "That his hat, which was the instrument of offence, should be forfeited to the court; that the criminal should go to the ware house from whence he came, and thence, as occasion should require, proceed to the Exchange, or Garraway's Coffee-show the great mischiefs that had arisen to house, in what manner he pleased; but that neither he, nor any of the family of the Plumbs, should hereafter appear in the streets of London out of their coaches, that so the foot-way might be left open and undisturbed for their betters." of Dathan, a peddling Jew, and T. R for the future, he instructed the jury to present the word itself as a nuisance in the English tongue; and further promised them, that he would, upon such their presentment, publish an edict of the court, for the entire banishment and exclusion of it out of the discourses and conversation of all civil societies.* This is a true copy, CHARLES LILLIE. Monday next is set apart for the trial of several female causes. the English nation from that pernicious monosyllable; that it had bred the most fatal quarrels between the dearest friends; that it had frequently thinned the guards, and made great havoc in the army; that it had sometimes weakened the city trainedbands; and in a word, had destroyed many a Welshman, were indicted by the keeper of the bravest men in the isle of Great of an ale-house in Westminster, for break-Britain. For the prevention of which evils ing the peace, and two earthen mugs, in a dispute about the antiquity of their families, to the great detriment of the house, and disturbance of the whole neighbourhood. Dathan said for himself, that he was provoked to it by the Welshman, who pretended, that the Welsh were an ancienter people than the Jews; "Whereas, (said he,) I can show by this genealogy in my hand, that I am the son of Mesheck, that was the son of Naboth, that was the son of Shalem, that was the son The Welshman here interrupted him, and told him, "That he could produce Shennalogy as well as himself; for that he was John ap Rice, ap Shenkin, ap Shones.' He then turned himself to the censor, and told him in the same broken accent, and with much warmth, "That the Jew would needs uphold that King Cadwalladar was younger than Issachar." Mr. Bickerstaffe seemed very much inclined to give sentence against Dathan, as being a Jew; but finding reasons, by some expressions which the Welshman let fall in asserting the antiquity of his family, to suspect the said Welshman was a Præ Adamite, he suffered the jury to go out without any previous admonition. After some time they returned, and gave their verdict, that it appearing the persons at the bar did neither of them wear a sword, and that consequently they had no right to quarrel upon a point of honour; to prevent such frivolous appeals for the future, they should both of them be tossed in the same blanket, and there adjust the superiority as they could agree it between themselves. The censor confirmed the verdict. N. B. The case of the hassock will come on between the hours of nine and ten. No. 257.] Thursday, November 30, 1710, In nova fert animus mutatas dicere formas From my own Apartment, November 29 EVERY nation is distinguished by productions that are peculiar to it. Great Britain is particularly fruitful in religions, that shoot up and flourish in this climate more than in any other. We are so famous abroad for our great variety of sects and opinions, that an ingenious friend of mine, who is lately returned from his travels, assures me, there is Germany, which represents all the religions a show at this time carried up and down in of Great Britain in wax-work. Notwithstanding that the pliancy of the matter in which the images are wrought, makes it Richard Newman was indicted by Major capable of being moulded into all shapes and Punto, for having used the words, "Perhaps think it possible for it to be twisted and torfigures, my friend tells me, that he did not it may be so," in a dispute with the said major. The major urged, that the word, Per-tured into so many screwed faces and wry haps, was questioning his varacity, and that features as appeared in several of the figit was an indirect manner of giving him the ures that composed the show. I was, inlie. Richard Newman had nothing more to *Sir Richard Steele assisted in this paper |