in truth, had they known how justly he de- | fictions: but as I know those would never served that name, they would rather have favoured his practice, than have apprehended any thing from it. have gained a place in your paper, I have not troubled you with any impertinence of that nature; having stuck to the truth very scrupulously, as I always do when I subscribe myself, "Sir, Your, &c." that I am informed, the famous Saltero, who "I shall add, as a postscript to this letter, sells coffee in his museum at Chelsea, has by him a curiosity which helped the doctor to carry on his imposture, and will give great satisfaction to the curious inquirer. Quæsitam meritis sume superbiam. Hor From my own Apartment, September 25. THE whole creation preys upon itself: every living creature is inhabited. A flea has a thousand invisible insects that teaze him as he jumps from place to place, and revenge our quarrels upon him. A very ordinary microscope shows us, that a louse is itself a very lousy creature. A whale, besides those seas and oceans in the several vessels of his body, which are filled with innumerable shoals of little animals, carries about it a whole world of inhabitants; insomuch that, if we believe the calculations some have made, there are more living creatures, which are too small for the naked eye to behold, about the leviathan, than there are of visible creatures upon the face of the whole earth. Thus every nobler creature is, as it were, the basis and support of multitudes that are his inferiors. "Such were the motives that determined Mrs. Young to change her condition, and take in marriage a virtuous young woman, who lived with her in good reputation, and made her the father of a very pretty girl. But this part of her happiness was soon after destroyed by a distemper which was too hard for our physician, and carried off his wife. The doctor had not been a widow long, before he married his second lady, with whom also he lived in very good understanding. It so happened, that the doctor was with child at the same time that his lady was; but the No.229.] Tuesday, September 26, 1710. little ones coming both together, they passed for twins. The doctor having entirely established the reputation of his manhood, especially by the birth of the boy of whom he had been lately delivered, and who very much resembles him, grew into good business, and was particularly famous for the cure of venereal distempers; but would have had much more practice among his own sex, had not some of them been so unreasonable as to demand certain proofs of their cure, which the doctor was not able to give them. The florid blooming look, which gave the doctor some uneasiness at first, instead of betraying his person, only recommended his physic. Upon this occasion I cannot forbear mentioning what I thought a very agreeable surprise in one of Moliere's plays, where a young woman applies herself to a sick person in the habit of a quack, and speaks to her patient, who was something scandalized at the youth of his physician, to the following purpose:-'I began to practise in the reign of Francis I. and am now in the hundred and This consideration very much comforts fiftieth year of my age; but, by the virtue of me, when I think on those numberless vermy medicaments, have maintained myself in min that feed upon this paper, and find their the same beauty and freshness I had at fif- sustenance out of it; I mean the small wits teen.' For this reason Hippocrates lays it and scribblers that every day turn a penny down as a rule, that a student in physic by nibbling at my lucubrations. This has should have a sound constitution, and a been so advantageous to this little species of healthy look; which, indeed, seem as ne- writers, that, if they do me justice, I may cessary qualifications for a physician, as a expect to have my statue erected in Grubgood life, and virtuous behaviour, for a di-Street, as being a common benefactor to that vine. But to return to our subject. About quarter. two years ago the doctor was very much af- They say, when a fox is very much flicted with the vapours, which grew upon troubled with fleas, he goes into the next him to such a degree, that about six weeks pool with a lock of wool in his mouth, and since they made an end of him. His death keeps his body under water till the vermin discovered the disguise he had acted under, get into it, after which he quits the wool, and brought him back again to his former and diving, leaves his tormentors to shift for sex. 'Tis said, that at his burial, the pall themselves, and get their livelihood where was held up by six women of some fashion. they can. I would have these gentlemen The doctor left behind him a widow, and take care that I do not serve them after the two fatherless children, if they may be called same manner; for though I have hitherto so, besides the little boy before-mentioned; kept my temper pretty well, it is not imposin relation to whom we may say of the doc-sible but I may some time or other disaptor, as the good old ballad about The Chil-pear; and what will then become of them? dren in the Wood says of the unnatural un- Should I lay down my paper, what a famine cle, that he was father and mother both in would there be among the hawkers, printers, These are all the circumstances that booksellers, and authors? It would be like I could learn of Doctor Young's life, which Dr. B-s's dropping his cloak, with the might have given occasion to many obscene whole c ngregation hanging upon the skirts one. give you, or the revenge I shall take of you, is to shine on." No. 239.] Thursday, October 19, 1710. -Mecum certasse feretur.-Ovid. of it. To enumerate some of these my doughty antagonists, I was threatened to be answered weekly Tit for Tat. I was undermined by the Whisperer, haunted by Tom Brown's Ghost, scolded at by a Female Tatler, and slandered by another of the same character, under the title of Atalantis. I have been annotated, retattled, examined, and condoled; but it being my standing From my own Apartment, October 18 maxim, never to speak ill of the dead, I shall It is ridiculous for any man to criticise on let these authors rest in peace, and take the works of another, who has not distingreat pleasure in thinking that I have some-guished himself by his own performances. times been the means of their getting a bel- A judge would make but an indifferent figure lyful. When I see myself thus surrounded who had never been known at the bar. by such formidable enemies, I often think of the Knight of the Red Cross in Spencer's Den of Error, who, after he has cut off the dragon's head, and left it wallowing in a flood of ink, sees a thousand monstrous reptiles making their attempts upon him; one with many heads, another with none, and all of them without eyes. The same so sore annoyed has the knight, As gentle shepherd in sweet even-tide, If ever I should want such a fry of little authors to attend me, I shall think my paper in a very decaying condition. They are like ivy about an oak, which adorns the tree at the same time that it eats into it; or like a great man's equipage, that do honour to the person on whom they feed. For my part, when I see myself thus attacked, I do not consider my antagonists as malicious, but hungry, and therefore am resolved never to take any notice of them. As for those who detract from my labours without being prompted to it by an empty stomach, in return to their censures, I shall take pains to excel, and never fail to persuade myself, that their enmity is nothing but their envy or ignorance. Give me leave to conclude, like an old man and a moralist, with a fable. Cicero was reputed the greatest orator of his age and country before he wrote a book De Oratore; and Horace the greatest poet before he published his Art of Poetry. The observation arises naturally in any one who casts his eye upon this last mentioned author, where he will find the criticisms placed in the latter end of his book, that is, after the finest odes and satires in the Latin tongue. A modern, whose name I shall not mention, because I would not make a silly paper sell, was born a critic and an examiner, and, like one of the race of the serpent's teeth, came into the world with a sword in his hand. His works put me in mind of the story that is told of a German monk, who was taking a catalogue of a friend's library, and meeting with a Hebrew book in it, entered it under the title of, "A book that has the beginning where the end should be. This author, in the last of his crudities, has amassed together a heap of quotations, to prove that Horace and Virgil were both of them modester men than myself; and if his works were to live as long as mine, they might possibly give posterity a notion, that Isaac Bickerstaffe was a very conceited old fellow, and as vain a man as either Tully or Sir Francis Bacon. Had this serious writer fallen upon me only, I could have overlooked it; but to see Cicero abused, is, I must confess, what I cannot bear. The censure he passes on this great man runs thus: "The itch of being very abusive, is almost inseparable from vain-glory. Tully has these two faults in so high a degree, that nothing but his being the best writer in the world can make amends for them." The scurrilous wretch goes on to say I am as bad as Tully. His words are these “And yet the Tatler, in his paper of September 26, has outdone him in both. He speaks of himself with more arrogance, and with more insolence of others." I am afraid, by his discourse, this gentleman has no more read Plutarch than he has Tully. If he had, he would have observed a passage in that historian, wherein he has with great delicacy The owls, bats, and several other birds of night, were one day got together in a thick shade, where they abused their neighbours in a very sociable manner. Their satire at last fell upon the sun, whom they all agreed to be very troublesome, impertinent, and in-distinguished between two passions which quisitive. Upon which the sun, who overheard them, spoke to them after this manGentlemen, I wonder how you dare abuse one that you know could in an instant scorch you up, and burn every mother's son of you. But the only answer I shall ner: are usually complicated in human nature, and which an ordinary writer would not have thought of separating. Not having my Greek spectacles by me, I shall quote the passage word for word as I find it tran slated to my hand, Nevertheless, though "In thirty lines his patron is a river, the Primum Mobile, a Pilot, a Victim, the Sun, Anything, and Nothing. He bestows increase, conceals his source, makes the machine move, teaches to steer, expiates our offences, raises vapours, and looks larger as he sets." he was intemperately fond of his own praise, | compare them with the foregoing passage yet he was very free from envying others, upon mine. and most liberally profuse in commending both the ancients and his contemporaries, as is to be understood by his writings; and many of those sayings are still recorded, as that concerning Aristotle, That he was a river of flowing gold.' Of Plato's dialogue, "That if Jupiter were to speak, he would discourse as he did.' Theophrastus he was wont to call his peculiar delight; and being asked, which of Demosthenes' orations he liked best? He answered, 'The longest.' "And as for eminent men of his own time, either for eloquence or philosophy, there was not one of them whom he did not, by writing or speaking favourably of, render more illustrious.' Thus the critic tells us, that Cicero was excessively vain-glorious and abusive: Plutarch, that he was vain, but not abusive, Let the reader believe which of them he pleases. After this he complains to the world, that I call him names; and that in my passion, I said, he was a flea, a louse, an owl, a bat, a small wit, a scribbler, and a nibbler. When he has thus bespoken his reader's pity, he falls into that admirable vein of mirth, which I shall set down at length, it being an exquisite piece of raillery, and written in great gaiety of heart. After this list of names, (viz. flea, louse, owl, bat, &c.) I was surprised to hear him say, that he has hitherto kept his temper pretty well; I wonder how he will write when he has lost his temper! I suppose, as he now is very angry and unmannerly, he will then be exceeding courteous and good-humoured." If I can outlive this raillery, I shall be able to bear any thing. There is a method of criticism made use of by this author, (for I shall take care how I call him a scribbler again,) which may turn into ridicule any work that was ever written, wherein there is a variety of thoughts: this the reader will observe in the following words: "He (meaning me) is so intent upon being something extraordinary, that he scarce knows what he would be; and is as fruitful in his similes, as a brother of his whom I lately took notice of. In the compass of a few lines, he compares himself to a fox, to Daniel Burgess, to the knight of the red cross, to an oak with ivy about it, and to a great man with an equipage. I think myself as much honoured by being joined in this part of his paper with the gentleman whom he here calls my brother, as I am in the beginning of it, by being mentioned with Horace and Virgil. I It is very hard that a man cannot publish ten papers without stealing from himself but to show you that this is only a knack of writing, and that the author has got into a certain road of criticism, I shall set down his remarks on the works of the gentleman whom he here glances upon, as they stand m his 6th paper, and desire the reader to What poem can be safe from this sort of criticism? I think I was never in my life so much offended as at a wag whom I once met with in a coffee-house: he had in his hand one of the Miscellanies, and was reading the following short copy of verses, which, without flattery to the author, is (I think) as beautiful in its kind as any one in the English tongue. Flavia the least and slightest toy This fan in meaner hands would prove That it wounds more than Cupid's bow; When this coxcomb had done reading them, "Hey-day !_(says he,) what instrument is this that Flavia employs in such a manner as is not to be told, or safely seen? In ten lines it is a toy, a Cupid's bow, a fan, and an engine in love. It has wanton motions, it wounds, it cools, and inflames.” Such criticisms make a mar cf sense sick, and a fool merry. The next paragraph of the paper we are talking of falls upon somebody whom I am at a loss to guess at: but I find the whole invective turns upon a man who (it seems) has been imprisoned for debt. Whoever he was, I most heartily pity him; but at the same time must put the Examiner in mind, that, notwithstanding he is a critic, he still ought to remember he is a Christian. Poverty was never thought a proper subject for ridicule; and I do not remember that I ever met with a satire upon a beggar. As for those little retortings of my own expressions, of being dull by design, witty in October, shining, excelling, and so forth; they are the common cavils of every witling, who has no other method of showing his parts, but by little variations and repetitions of the man's words whom he attacks. But the truth of it is, the paper before me, not only in this particular, but in its very essence, is like Ovid's echo: Quæ nec reticere loquentii, I should not have deserved the character of a Censor, had I not animadverted upon the abovementioned author by a gentle chastisement: but I know my reader will not pardon me, unless I declare, that nothing of this nature, for the future, (unless it be written with some wit,) shall divert me from my care of the public. From my own Apartment, October 20. I Do not remember that in any of my lucubrations I have touched upon the useful science of physic, notwithstanding I have declared myself more than once a professor of it. I have indeed joined the study of astrology with it, because I never knew a physician recommend himself to the public, who had not a sister-art to embellish his knowledge in medicine. It has been commonly observed, in compliment to the ingenious of our profession, that Apollo was the god of verse as well as physic; and in all ages the most celebrated practitioners of our country, were the particular favourites of the Muses. Poetry to physic is indeed like the gilding to a pill; it makes the art shine, and covers the severity of the doctor with the agreeableness of the companion. The very foundation of poetry is good sense, if we may allow Horace to be a judge of the art. Scribendi recte sapere est, et principium, et fons. And if so, we have reason to believe, that the same man who writes well, can prescribe well, if he has applied himself to the study of both. Besides, when we see a man making profession of two different sciences, it is natural for us to believe he is no pretender in that which we are not judges of, when we find him skilful in that which we understand. Ordinary quacks and charlatans, are thoroughly sensible how necessary it is to support themselves by these collateral assistances, and therefore always lay their claim to some supernumerary accomplishments which are wholly foreign to their profession. About twenty years ago, it was impossible to walk the street without having an advertisement thrust into your hand, of a doctor "who was arrived at the knowledge of the green and red dragon, and had discovered the female fern seed." Nobody ever knew what this meant; but the green and red dragon so amused the people, that the doctor lived very comfortably upon them. About the same time there was pasted a very hard word upon every corner of the streets. This, to the best of my remembrance, was TETRACHYMAGOGON, which drew great shoals of spectators about it, who read the bill that it introduced with unspeakable curiosity; and when they were sick, would have nobody but this learned man for their physician. There are some who have gained themselves great reputation for physic by their birth; as the "seventh son of a seventh son: and others by not being born at all, as the "unborn doctor;" who, I hear, is lately gone the way of his patients, having died worth five hundred pounds per annum, though he was not born to a halfpenny. My ingenious friend Doctor Saffold succeeded my old contemporary Doctor Lilly in the studies both of physic and astrology, to which he added that of poetry, as was to be seen both upon the sign where he lived, and in the bills which he distributed. He was succeeded by Dr. Case, who erased the verses of his predecessor out of the sign-post, and substituted in their stead two of his own which were as follow: Within this Place Lives Doctor Case. He is said to have got more by this distich, than Mr. Dryden did by all his works. There would be no end of enumerating the several imaginary perfections and unaccountable artifices by which this tribe of men ensnare the minds of the vulgar, and gain crowds of admirers. I have seen the whole front of a mountebank's stage, from one end to the other, faced with patents, certificates, medals, and great seals, by which the several princes of Europe have testified their particular respect and esteem for the doctor. Every great man with a sounding title, has been his patient. I believe I have seen twenty mountebanks that have given physic to the Cazar of Muscovy. The great Duke of Tuscany escapes no better. The Elector of Brandenburg was likewise a very good! patient. This great condescension of the doctor draws upon him much good-will from his audience; and it is ten to one, but if any of them be troubled with an aching tooth, his ambition will tempt him to get it drawn by a person who has had so many princes, kings, and emperors, under his hands. I must not leave this subject without observing, that as physicians are apt to deal in poetry, apothecaries endeavour to recommend themselves by oratory, and are therefore, without controversy, the most eloquent persons in the whole British nation. I would not willingly discourage any of the arts, especially that of which I am a humble professor; but I must confess, for the good of my native country, I could wish there might be a suspension of physic for some years, that our kingdom, which has been so much exhausted by the wars, might have leave to recruit itself. As for myself, the only physic which has brought me safe to almost the age of man, and which I prescribe to all my friends, is abstinence. This is certainly the best physic for prevention, and very often the most effectual against the present distemper. In short, my recipe is, Take no I once received an advertisement of one "who had studied thirty years by candlelight for the good of his countrymen." He might have studied twice as fong by daylight, and never have been taken notice of: but lucubrations cannot be over-valued. | thing. tered into the clefts of the earth, discovered the brazen horse, and robbed the dead giant of his ring. The tradition says further of Gyges, that by the means of this ring, he gained admission into the most retired parts of the court, and made such use of those opportunities, that he at length became King of Lydia. For my own part, I, who have always rather endeavoured to improve my mind than my fortune, have turned this ring to no other advantage than to get a thorough insight into the ways of men, and to make such observations upon the errors of others as may be useful to the public, whatever effect they may have upon myself. Were the body politic to be physiced like | of making myself invisible, and by that particular persons, I should venture to pre-means conveying myself where I please; scribe to it after the same manner. I re- or, to speak in Rosicrucian lore, I have enmember, when our whole island was shaken with an earthquake some years ago, there was an impudent mountebank who sold pills, which (as he told the country people) were very good against an earthquake. It may perhaps be thought as absurd to prescribe a diet for the allaying popular commotions, and national ferments. But I am verily persuaded, that if in such a case, a whole people were to enter into a course of abstinence, and eat nothing but watergruel for a fortnight, it would abate the rage and animosity of parties, and not a little contribute to the cure of a distracted nation. Such a fast would have a natural tendency to the procuring of those ends for which a fast is usually proclaimed. If any man has a mind to enter on such a voluntary abstinence, it might not be improper to give him the caution of Pythagoras in particular. "Abstine a fabis." "Abstain from beans." That is, says the interpreters, meddle not with elections; beans having been made use of by the voters among the Athenians in the choice of magistrates. No. 243.] Saturday, October 28, 1710. Virg. دو About a week ago, not being able to sleep, I got up, and put on my magical ring, and with a thought transported myself into a chamber where I saw a light. I found it inhabited by a celebrated beauty, though she is of that species of women which we call a slattern. Her head-dress and one of her shoes lay upon a chair, her petticoat in had a copy of verses made upon it but the one corner of the room, and her girdle, that day before, with her thread stockings, in the middle of the floor. I was so foolishly officious, that I could not forbear gathering up her clothes together to lay them upon the chair that stood by her bed-side, when, to my great surprise, after a little muttering, she cried out, "What do you do? Let my petticoat alone." I was startled at first, From my own Apartment, October 27. but soon found that she was in a dream; beI HAVE Somewhere made mention of Gy-ing one of those who (to use Shakspeare's ges's ring, and intimated to my reader, that expression)" are so loose of thought, that it was at present in my possession, though I they utter in their sleep every thing that have not since made any use of it. The tra- passes in their imagination.' I left the dition concerning this ring is very romantic, apartment of this female rake, and went and taken notice of both by Plato and Tully, into her neighbour's, where there lay a male who each of them make an admirable use of coquette. He had a bottle of salts hanging it, for the advancement of morality. This over his head, and upon the table, by his bedGyges was the master shepherd to King side, Suckling's Poerns, with a little heap of Candaules. As he was wandering over the black patches on it. His snuff-box was plains of Lydia, he saw a great chasm in the within reach on a chair: but while I was earth, and had the curiosity to enter it. Af- admiring the disposition which he made of ter having descended pretty far into it, he the several parts of his dress, his slumber found the statue of a horse in brass, with seemed interrupted by a pang, that was acdoors in the sides of it. Upon opening of companied by a sudden oath, as he turned them, he found the body of a dead man, big-himself over hastily in his bed. I did not ger than ordinary, with a ring upon his care for seeing him in his nocturnal pains, finger, which he took off, and put upon his and left the room. own. The virtues of it were much greater than he at first imagined; for upon his going into the assembly of the shepherds, he observed that he was invisible when he turned the stone of the ring within the palm of his hand, and visible when he turned it towards his company. Had Plato and Cicero been as well versed in the occult sciences as I am, they would have found a great deal of mystic learning in this tradition; but it is impossible for an adept to be understood by one who is not an adept. As for myself, I have, with much study and application, arrived at this great secret was no sooner got into another bedchamber, but I heard very harsh words uttered in a smooth, uniform tone. I was amazed to hear so great a volubility in reproach, and thought it too coherent to be spoken by one asleep; but, upon looking nearer, I saw the head-dress of the person who spoke, which showed her to be a female, with a man lying by her side broad awake, and as quiet as a lamb. I could not but admire his exemplary patience, and discovered, by his whole behaviour, that he was then lying under the discipline of a curtain lecture. |