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tues, and water-works, may be bought i Aurengzebe's scimitar, made by Will. cheap in Drury-Lane; where there are Brown in Piccadilly, likewise several castles to be disposed of, A plume of feathers, never used but by very delightfully situated; as also groves, Edipus and the Earl of Essex., woods, forests, fountains, and country seats, | There are also swords, halberts, sheepwith very pleasant prospects on all sides of hooks, cardinals' hats, turbans, drums, galthem; being the moveables of Christopher lypots, a gibbet, a cradle, a rack, a cartRich, Esq. who is breaking up house-keep- wheel, an altar, a helmet, a back-piece, a ing, and has many curious pieces of furni-breast-plate, a bell, a tub, and a jointed baby. ture to dispose of, which may be seen be | These are the hard shifts we intelligencers tween the hours of six and ten in the evening are forced to; therefore our readers ought The Inventory.
to excuse us, if a westerly wind, blowing for
a fortnight together, generally fills every Spirits of right Nants brandy, for lambent paper with an order of battle; when we flames and apparitions.
show our martial skill in each line, and, acThree bottles and a half of lightning cording to the space we have to fill, we range One shower of snow, in the whitest French our men in squadrons and battalions, to draw paper.
out company by company, and troop by Two showers of a browner sort,
troop; ever observing, that no muster is to A sea, consisting of a dozen large waves, be made, but when the wind is in a cross the tentli bigger than ordinary, and a little point, which often happens at the end of a damaged.
campaign, when half the men are deserted A dozen and a half of clouds, trimmed or killed. The Courant is sometimes ten with black, and well conditioned.
deep, his ranks close: the Post-boy is geneA rainbow, a little faded.
rally in files, for greater exactness; and the A set of clouds, after the French mode, Post-man comes down upon you rather after streaked with lightning, and furbelowed. the Turkish way, sword in hand, pell-mell,
A new-moon, something decayed. without form or discipline; but sure to bring
A pint of the finest Spanish wash, being men enough into the fielá; and wherever all that is left of two hogsheads sent over they are raised, never to lose a battle for last winter,
want of numbers.
No. 75.] Saturday, October 1, 1709,
From my own Apartment, September 30. King Harry the Eighth, and Signior Va-I AM called off from public dissertations lentini,
by a domestic affair of great importance, A basket-hilt sword, very convenient to which is no less than the disposal of my siscarry milk in.
ter Jenny for life. The girl is a girl of great Roxana's night-gown.
merit, and pleasant conversation; but I beOthello's handkerchief.
ing born of my father's first wife, and she of The imperial robes of Xerxes, never worn his third, she converses with me rather like but once.
a daughter than a sister. I have indeed told A wild boar, killed by Mrs. Tofts, and her, that if she kept her honour, and behaDioclesian.
ved herself in such a manner as became the A serpent to sting Cleopatra.
Bickerstaffes, I would get her an agreeable A mustard-bowl, to make thunder with. man for her husband; which was a promise Another of a bigger sort, by Mr,
D is's I made her after reading a passage in Pliny's directions, little used.
Epistles. That polite author had been emSix elbow-chairs, very expert in country ployed to find out a consort for his friend's dances, with six flower-pots for their daughter, and gives the following character partners.
of the man he had pitched upon, The whiskers of a Turkish Bassa,
Aciliano plurimum vigoris et industriæ The complexion of a murderer, in a band quanquam in maxima verecundia : est illi box; consisting of a large piece of burnt facies liberalis, multo sanguine, multo rum cork, and a coal-black peruke,
bore, suffusa: est ingenua totius corporis A suit of clothes for a ghost, vize a bloody pulchritudo, et quidam senatorius decor, shirt, a doublet curiously pinked, and a coat quæ ego nequaquam arbitror negligenda; with three great eyelet-holes upon the breast. debet enim hoc castitati puellarum quasi A bale of red Spanish wool,
præmium dari, Modern plots, commonly known by the “Acilianus is a man of extraordinary viname of trap-doors, ladders of ropes, vizard- gour and industry, accompanied with the masques, and tables with broad carpets over greatest modesty. He has very much of them,
the gentleman, with a lively colour, and Three oak-cudgels, with one of crab-tree: fush of health in his aspect. His whole all bought for the use of Mr. Pinkethman. person is finely turned, and speaks him a
Materials for dancing; as masques, casta- man of quality : which are qualifications, rets, and a ladder of ten rounds,
that, I think, ought by no means to be over
looked, and sliould be bestowed on a daugh-in our bones, insomuch that we do not reter as the reward of her chastity.”
cover our health and legs, till Sir Walter A woman that will give herself liberties, Bickerstaffe married Maud the milkmaid, need not put her parents to so much trouble; of whom the then Garter king at arms (a for if she does not possess these ornaments facetious person) said pleasantly enough, in a husband, she can supply herself else-“That she had spoiled our blood, but menwhere. But this is not the case of my sister ded our constitutions." Jenny, who, I may say, without vanity, is as After this account of the effect our pruunspotted a spinster as any in Great Britain. dent choice of matches has had upon our I shall take this occasion to recommend the persons and features, I cannot but observe, conduct of our own family in this particular. Ithat there are daily instances of as great
We have in the genealogy of our house, changes made by marriage upon mens' minds the descriptions and pictures of our ancestors and humours, One might wear any passion from the time of King Arthur; in whose days out of a family by culture, as skilful gardenthere was one of my own name, a knight of ers blot a colour out of a tulip that hurts its his round table, and known by the name of beauty. One might produce an affable temSir Isaac Bickerstaffe. He was low of sta- per out of a shrew, by grafting the mild upon ture, and of a very swarthy complexion, not the choleric ; or raise a jackpudding from unlike a Portuguese Jew. But he was more a prude, by inoculating mirth and melanprudent than men of that height usually are, choly. It is for want of care in the dispoand would often communicate to his friends sing of our children, with regard to our bohis design of lengthening and whitening his dies and minds, that we go into a house, and posterity. His eldest son Ralph (for that see such different complexions and humours was his name) was, for this reason, married in the same race and family. But to me it to a lady who had little else to recommend is as plain as a pike-staff, from what mixture her, but that she was very tall and fair. The it is, that this daughter silently lowers, the issue of this match, with the help of his other steals a kind Icok at you, a third is exshoes, made à tolerable figure in the next actly well behaved, a fourth a splenetic, and age; though the complexion of the family a fifth a coquette, was obscure, until the fourth generation from In this disposal of my sister, I have chothat marriage. From which time, until the sen, with an eye to her being a wit, and proreign of William the Conqueror, the females | vided, that the bridegroom be a man of a of our house were famous for their needle- sound and excellent judgment, who will selwork, and fine skins. In the male line there dom mind what she says when she begins to happened an unlucky accident, in the reign harangue: for Jenny's only imperfection is of Richard the Third, the eldest son of Phi- an admiration of her parts, which inclines lip, then chief of the family, being born with her to be a little, but a very little, sluttish; a hump-back, and very high nose. This and you are ever to remark, that we are was the more astonishing, because none of apt to cultivate most, and bring into obserhis forefathers ever had such a blemish; nor vātion, what we think most excellent in ourindeed was there any in the neighborhood of selves, or most capable of improvement, that make, except the butler, who was noted | Thus my sister, instead of consulting her for round shoulders and a Roman nose: what glass and her toilet for an hour and an half made the nose the less excusable, was the after her private devotion, sits with her nose remarkable smallness of his eyes,
full of snuff, and a man's nightcap on her These several defects were mended by head, reading plays and romances. Her succeeding matches; his eyes were opened wit she thinks her distinction; therefore in the next generation, and the hump fell in knows nothing of the skill of dress, or maa century and a half; but the greatest diffi- | king her person agreeable. It would make culty was how to reduce the nose; which I do you laugh, to see me often with my spectanot find was accomplished till about the mid-cles on lacing her stays; for she is so very a dle of Henry the Seventh's reign, or rather wit, that she understands no ordinary thing the beginning of that of Henry the Eighth, in the world,
But while our ancestors were thus taken For this reason I have disposed of her to up in cultivating the eyes and nose, the face a man of business, who will soon let her see, of the Bickerstaffe’s fell down insensibly into that to be well dressed, in good humour, and chin; which was not taken notice of their cheerful in the command of her family, are thoughts being so much employed upon the the arts and sciences of female life. I could more noble features) till it became almost too have bestowed her upon a fine gentleman, long to be remedied,
who extremely admired her wit, and would But length of time, and successive care in have given her a coach and six : but I found our alliances, have cured this also, and re- it absolutely necessary to cross the strain duced our faces into that tolerable' oval for had they met, they had eternally been which we enjoy at present. I would not be rivals in discourse, and in continual conten tedious in this discourse, but cannot but ob- tion for the superiority of understanding, serve, that our race suffered very much about and brought forth critics, pedants, or pretty three hundred years ago, by the marriage of good poets. one of her heiresses with an eminent cour- As it is, I expect an offspring fit for the tier, who gave us spindle-shanks, and cramps habitation of city, town, or country; creat
tures that are docile and tractable in what- but my design is to treat only of those who ever we put them to
have chiefly proposed to themselves the latTo convince men of the necessity of ta- ter as the principal reward of their labours, king this method, let any one, even below It was for this reason that I excluded from the skill of an astrologer, behold the turn of my tables of fame all the great founders and faces he meets as soon as he passes Cheap- votaries of religion ; and it is for this reason side Conduit, and you see a deep attention, also, that I am more than ordinarily anxious and a certain unthinking sharpness, in every to do justice to the persons of whom I am countenance. They look attentive, but their now going to speak; for since fame was the thoughts are engaged on mean purposes. To only end of all their enterprizes and studies, me it is very apparent, when I see a citizen a man cannot be too scrupulous in allotting pass by, whether his head is upon woollen, them their due proportion of it. It was thic silks, iron, sugar, indigo, or stocks. Now consideration which made me call the whole this trace of thought appears or lies hid in body of the learned to my assistance; to mathe race for two or three generations. ny of whom I must own my obligations for
I know at this time a person of a vast es- the catalogues of illustrious persons which tate, who is the immediate descendant of a they have sent me in upon this occasion. I fine gentleman, but the great-grandson of a yesterday employed the whole afternoon in broker, in whom his ancestor is now revived, comparing them with each other; which He is a very honest gentleman in his princi- made so strong an impression upon my imaples, but cannot for his blood talk fairly: he gination, that they broke my sleep for the is heartily sorry for it; but he cheats by con- first part of the following night, and at length stitution, and over-reaches by instinct. threw me into a very agreeable vision, which
The happiness of the man who marries I shall beg leave to describe in all its partimy sister will be, that he has no faults to culars, correct in her but her own, a little bias of I dreamed that I was conveyed into a wide fancy, or particularity of manners, which and boundless plain, that was covered with grew in herself, and can be amended by her, prodigious multitudes of people, which no From such an untainted couple, we can hope. man could number. In the midst of it there to have our family rise to its ancient splen- stood a mountain, with its head above the dour of face, air, countenance, manner, and clouds. The sides were extremely steep, shape, without discovering the product of and of such a particular structure, that no ten nations in one house. Obadiah Green- creature, which was not made in a human hat says, he never comes into any company figure, could possibly ascend it. On a sudin England, but he distinguishes the different den there was heard from the top of it, a nations of which we are composed: there is sound like that of a trumpet; but so exceedscarce such a living creature as a True Bri- ing sweet and harmonious, that it filled the ton. We sit down, indeed, all friends, ac- hearts of those who heard it with raptures, quaintance, and neighbours; but after two, and gave such high and delightful sensations, bottles, you see a Dane start up and swear, as seemed to animate and raise human na“The kingdom is his own." A Saxon drinks ture above itself. This made me very much up the whole quart, and swears, “He will amazed to find so very few in that innumea dispute that with him.”. A Norman tells rable multitude, who had ears fine enough them both, “He will assert his liberty :" to hear or relish this music with pleasure : And a Welshman cries, “They are all for- but my wonder abated, when, upon looking eigners, and intruders of yesterday," and round me, I saw most of them attentive to beats them out of the room. Such ac- three sirens, clothed like goddesses, and discidents happen frequently among neigh- tinguished by the names of Sloth, Ignorance, bours' children, and cousin-germans. For and Pleasure. They were seated on three which reason I say, “Study your race, or rocks, amidst a beautiful variety of groves, the soil of your family will dwindle into cits meadows, and rivulets, that lay on the boror 'squires, or run up into wits or madmen.”* ders of the mountain. While the base and
groveling multitude of different nations, ranks and ages, were listening to these delusive de
ities, those of a more erect aspect, and exNo. 81.] Saturday, October 15, 1709.
alted spirit, separated themselves from the Hic manus ob patriam pugnando vulnera passi,
rest, and marched in great bodies towards Quique pii Vates & Phæbo digna locuti,
the mountain from whence they heard the Inventas aut qui vitam excoluere per artes,
sound, which still grew sweeter the more Quique sui memores alios fecere merendo.Virg. I they listened to it
From my own Apartment, October 14. On a sudden, methought this select band THERE are two kinds of immortality ; that sprang forward, with a resolution to climb which the soul really enjoys after this life, the ascent, and follow the call of that. and that imaginary existence by which men heavenly music. Every one took something live in their fame and reputation. The best with him that he thought might be of assistand greatest actions have proceeded from the ance to him in his march, Several had their prospect of the one or the other of these; swords drawn; some carried rolls of paper
in their hands, some had compasses, others * Sir Richard Steele assisted in this paper. quadrants, others telescopes, and others pen
cils; some had laurels on their heads, and their hands, marched on with great spirit, others buskins on their légs. In short, and an air of defiance, up the road that was there was scarce any instrument of a me- commanded by Death; while others, who chanic art, or liberal science, which was had thought and contemplation in their looks, not made use of on this occasion, My good went forward in a more composed manner demon, who stood at my right hand during up the road possessed by Envy, The way the course of this whole vision, observing in above these apparitions grew smooth and me a burning desire to join that glorious uniform, and was so delightful, that the company, told me, he highly approved that travellers went on with pleasure, and in a generous ardour with which I seemed trans- little time arrived at the top of the mounported; but at the same tinie advised me to tain. They here began to breath a delicover my face with a mask all the while I cious kind of ether, and saw all the fields was to labour on the ascent. I took his about them covered with a kind of purple council without inquiring into his reasons, light, that made them reflect with satisfac The whole body now broke into different tion on their past toils, and diffused a secret parties, and began to climb the precipice by joy through the whole assembly, which ten thousand different paths. Several got showed itself in every look and feature. In into little alleys, which did not reach far up the midst of these happy fields, there stood the hill, before they ended and led no further: a palace of a very glorious structure: it had and I observed, that most of the artisans, four great folding doors, that faced the four which considerably diminished our number, several quarters of the world. On the top fell into these pathis.
1 of it was enthroned the goddess of the mounWe left another considerable body of ad- tain, who smiled upon her votaries, and venturers behind us, who thought they had sounded the silver trumpet which had called discovered by-ways up the hill, which prov- them up, and cheered them in their passage ed so very intricate and perplexed, that, to her palace. They had now formed themafter having advanced in them a little, they selves into several divisions, a band of histowere quite lost among the several turnings rians taking their stations at each door, acand windings; and though they were as ac- cording to the persons whom they were to tive as any in their motions, they made but introduce. little progress in the ascent. These, as my On a sudden the trumpet, which had guide informed me, were men of subtle tem- hitherto sounded only a march, or a point of pers, and puzzled politics, who would supply war now swelled all its notes into triumph the place of real wisdom with cunning and and exultation : the whole fabric shook, and artifice. Among those who were far ad- the doors flew open. The first who stepped. vanced in their way, there were some that forward, was a beautiful and blooming hero, by one false step fell backward, and lost and, as I heard by the murmurs round me, more ground in a moment, than they had | Alexander the Great. He was conducted gained for many hours, or could be ever able by a crowd of historians. The person who to recover, We were now advanced very immediately walked before him, was rehigh, and observed, that all the different markable for an embroidered garment, who paths which run about the sides of the moun- not being well acquainted with the place, tain, began to meet in two great roads, which was conducting him to an apartment apinsensibly gathered the whole multitude of pointed for the reception of fabulous heroes. travellers into two great bodies. At a little The name of this false guide was Quintus distance from the entrance of each road, Curtius. But Arrian and Plutarch, who there stood a hideous phantom, that opposed knew better the avenues of this palace, conour further passage. One of these appari- ducted him into the great hall, and placed tions had his right hand filled with darts, him at the upper end of the first table. My which he brandished in the face of all whó good demon, that I might see the whole came up that way, Crowds ran back at the ceremony, conveyed me to a corner of this appearance of it, and cried out, “Death.” room, where I might perceive all that pass The spectre that guarded the other road, ed, without being seen myself. The next was Envy. She was not armed with wea- who entered was a charming virgin, leading pons of destruction, like the former; but, by in a venerable old man that was blind. Under dreadful hissings, noises of reproach, and á her left arm she bore a harp, and on her horrid distracted laughter, she appeared head a garland. Alexander, who was very more frightful than death itself, insomuch well acquainted with Homer, stood up at that abundance of our company were dis- his entrance, and placed him on his right couraged from passing any further, and some hand. The virgin, who it seems was one appeared ashamed of having come so far. of the nine sisters that attended on the goda As for myself, I must confess my heart dess of Fame, smiled with an ineffable grace shrunk within me at the sight of these at their meeting, and retired.. ghastly appearances : but on a sudden, thel Julius Cæsar was now coming forward; voice of the trumpet came more full upon and though most of the historians offered us, so that we felt a new resolution reviving their service to introduce him, he left them in us; and in proportion as this resolution at the door, and would have no conductor grew, the terrors before us seemed to vanish. (but himself. Most of the company who had swords in The next who advanced, was a man of a
homely but cheerful aspect, and attended by ever he was seated, was always at the upper persons of greater figure than any that ap- end of the table.” Socrates, who had a peared on this occasion, Plato was on his great spirit of raillery with his wisdom, could right hand, and Xenophon on his left. He not forbear smiling at a virtue which took so bowed to Homer, and sat down by him. It little pains to make itself agreeable, Cicero was expected that Plato would himself have took the occasion to make a long discourse taken a place next to his master Socrates; in praise of Cato, which he uttered with but on a sudden there was heard a great much vehemence. Cæsar answered with a clamour of disputants at the door, who ap- great deal of seeming temper: but as I stood peared with Aristotle at the head of them. at a great distance from them, I was not able That philosopher, with some rudeness, but to hear one word of what they said. But I great strength of reason, convinced the could not forbear taking notice that in all the whole table, that a title to the fifth place discourse which passed at the table, a word or was his due, and took it accordingly, a nod from Homer decided the controversy.
He had scarce sat down, when the same. After a short pause, Augustus appeared, beautiful virgin that had introduced Homer, looking round him with a serene and affable brought in another, who hung back at the en- countenance upon all the writers of his age, trance, and would have excused himself, had whostrove among themselves, which of them not his modesty been overcome by the invi- should show him the greatest marks of gratitation of all who sat at the table. His guide tude and respect. Virgil rose from the taand behaviour made me easily conclude it ble to meet him; and though he was an ac was Virgil. Cicero next appeared, and ceptable guest to all, he appeared more such took his place. He had inquired at the to the learned than the military worthies. door for Lucceius to introduce him; but not The next man astonished the whole table finding him there, he contented himself with with his appearance: he was slow, solemn, the attendance of many other writers, who and silent, in his behaviour; and wore a raiall (except Sallust) appeared highly pleased ment curiously wrought with hieroglyphics. with the office,
As he came into the middle of the room, he We waited some time in expectation of threw back the skirt of it, and discovered a the next worthy, who came in with a great golden thigh. Socrates, at the sight of it, retinue of historians, whose names I could declared against keeping company with any not learn, most of them being natives of who were not made of flesh and blood; and Carthage. The person thus conducted, who therefore desired Diogenes the Laertian to was Hannibal, seemed much disturbed, and lead him to the apartment allotted for fabucould not forbear complaining to the board lous heroes, and worthies of dubious exisof the affronts he had met with among the tence. At his going out, he told them, “That Roman historians who attempted, says he, they did not know whom they dismissed, to carry me into the subterraneous apart that he was now Pythagoras, the first of phiment; and perhaps would have done it, had losophers, and that formerly he had been a it not been for the impartiality of this gentle- very brave man at the siege of Troy." man, (pointing to Polybius,) who was the “That may be very true, (said Socrates ;) only person, except my own countrymen, but you forget that you have likewise been that was willing to conduct me hither. a very great harlot in your time.” This ex
The Carthaginian took his seat; and Pom-clusion made way for Archimedes, who pey entered with great dignity in his own came forward with a scheme of matheperson, and preceded by several historians, matical figures in his hand; among which, I Lucan the poet was at the head of them, observed a cone or cylinder. who observing Homer and Virgil at the ta-! Seeing this table full, I desired my guide ble, was going to sit down himself, had not for variety to lead me to the fabulous apartthe latter whispered him, “That whatever ment, the roof of which was painted with pretence he might otherwise have had, he Gorgons, Chimeras, and Centaurs, with forfeited his claim to it, by coming in as one many other emblematical figures, which I of the historians." Lucan was so exaspera- wanted both time and skill to unridåle, The ted with the repulse, that he muttered first table was almost full. At the upper something to himself, and was heard to say, end sat Hercules, leaning an arm upon his “That since he could not have a seat among club. On his right hand were Achilles and them himself, he would bring in one who Ulysses, and between them Æneas, On his alone had more merit than their whole as- left were Hector, Theséus, and Jason, The sembly:" upon which he went to the door, lower end had Orpheus, Æsop, Phalaris, and and brought in Cato of Utica, That great Musæus. The ushers seemed at a loss fora man approached the company with such an twelfth man, when methought, to my great air, that showed he contemned the hon- joy and surprise, I heard some at the lower our which he laid a claim to. Observing end of the table mention Isaac Bickerstaffe: the seat opposite to Cæsar vacant, he took but those of the upper end received it with possession of it; and spoke two or three disdain, and said, “ If they must have a Brismart sentences upon the nature of preceden- tish worthy, they would have Robin Hood." cy, which, according to him, consisted not in “* While I was transported with the honplace, but in intrinsic merit; to which he | added, “That the most virtuous man, where- *This last paragraph was written by Sir R Steel.