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in truth, had they known how justly he de- fictions; but as I know those would never served that name, they would rather have have gained a place in your paper, I have favoured his practice, than have apprehend- not troubled you with any impertinence of ed any thing from it,
that nature; having stuck to the truth very : “Such were the motives that determined scrupulously, as I always do when I subMrs. Young to change her condition, and scribe myself, take in marriage a virtuous young woman,
“Sir, Your, &c.” who lived with her in good reputation, and
"I shall add, as a postscript to this letter, made her the father of a very pretty girl.
that I am informed, the famous Saltero, who But this part of her happiness was soon after
sells coffee in his museum at Chelsea, has by destroyed by a distemper which was too hard
him a curiosity which helped the doctor to for our physician, and carried off his wife.
carry on his imposture, and will give great The doctor had not been a widow long, before he married his second lady, with whom also
satisfaction to the curious inquirer." he lived in very good understanding. It so happened, that the doctor was with child at the same time that his lady was; but the No. 229.] Tuesday, September 26, 1710. little ones coming both together, they passed for twins. The doctor having entirely es Quæsitam meritis sume superbiam. Hor tablished the reputation of his manhood, especially by the birth of the boy of whom he
From my own Apartment, September 25. had been lately delivered, and who very The whole creation preys upon itself; much resembles him, grew into good busi- every living creature is inhabited. A flea ness, and was particularly famous for the has a thousand invisible insects that teaze cure of venereal distempers; but would have him as he jumps from place to place, and had much more practice among his own sex, revenge our quarrels upon him. A very had not some of them been so unreasonable ordinary microscope shows us, that a louse is as to demand certain proofs of their cure, itself a very lousy creature. A whale, besides which the doctor was not able to give them. those seas and oceans in the several vessels The florid blooming look, which gave the of his body, which are filled with innumeradoctor some uneasiness at first, instead of be- ble shoals of little animals, carries about it a traying his person, only recommended his whole world of inhabitants; insomuch that, physic. Upon this occasion I cannot forbear if we believe the calculations some have mentioning what I thought a very agreeable made, there are more living creatures, surprise in one of Moliere's plays, where a which are too small for the naked eye to be. young woman applies herself to a sick per-| hold, about the leviathan, than there are of son in the habit of a quack, and speaks to her visible creatures upon the face of the whole patient, who was something scandalized at earth. Thus every nobler creature is, as it the youth of his physician, to the following were, the basis and support of multitudes purpose:- I began to practise in the reign that are his inferiors. of Francis I. and am now in the hundred and This consideration very much comforts fiftieth year of my age; but, by the virtue of me, when I think on those numberless vermy medicaments, have maintained myself in min that feed upon this paper, and find their the same beauty and freshness I had at fif- sustenance out of it; I mean the small wits teen. For this reason Hippocrates lays it and scribblers that every day turn a penny down as a rule, that a student in physic by nibbling at my lucubrations. This has should have a sound constitution, and a been so advantageous to this little species of healthy look; which, indeed, seem as ne- writers, that, if they do me justice, I may cessary qualifications for a physician, as a expect to have my statue erected in Grubgood life, and virtuous behaviour, for a di- Street, as being a common benefactor to that vine. But to return to our subject. About quarter. two years ago the doctor was very much af- | They say, when a fox is very much ficted with the vapours, which grew upon troubled with fleas, he goes into the next kim to such a degree, that about six weeks pool with a lock of wool in his mouth, and since they made an end of him. His death keeps his body under water till the vermin discovered the disguise he had acted under, get into it, after which he quits the wool, and brought him back again to his former and diving, leaves his tormentors to shift for sex. 'Tis said, that at his burial, the pall themselves, and get their livelihood where was held up by six women of some fashion. they can. I would have these gentlemen The doctor left behind him a widow, and take care that I do not serve them after the two fatherless children, if they may be called same manner; for though I have hitherto so, besides the little boy before-mentioned; kept my temper pretty well, it is not imposin relation to whom we may say of the doc- sible but I may some time or other disaptor, as the good old ballad about The Chil-pear; and what will then become of them? dren in the Wood says of the unnatural un- Should I lay down my paper, what a famine cle, that he was father and mother both in would there be among the hawkers, printers, one. These are all the circumstances that booksellers, and authors? It would be like I could learn of Doctor Young's life, which Dr. B -s's dropping his cloak, with the smight have given occasion to many obscene whole c ingregation hanging upon the skirts
hen the fiehellish sin small,
of it. To enumerate some of these my give you, or the revenge I shall take of you, doughty antagonists, I was threatened to be is to shine on." answered weekly Tit for Tat. I was undermined by the Whisperer, haunted by Tom Brown's Ghost, scolded at by a Female Tat- v ler, and slandered by another of the same
No. 39.] Thursday, October 19, 1710. character, under the title of Atalantis. I
- ---Mecum certasse feretur.-Ovid. have been annotated, retattled, examined, and condoled; but it being my standing
From my own Apartment, October 18 maxim, never to speak ill of the dead, I shall! It is ridiculous for any man to criticise on let these authors rest in peace, and take the works of another, who has not distingreat pleasure in thinking that I have some- guished himself by his own performances. times been the means of their getting a bel- A judge would make but an indifferent figure lyful. When I see myself thus surrounded who had never been known at the bar. by such formidable enemies, I often think of Cicero was reputed the greatest orator of the Knight of the Red Cross in Spencer's his age and country before he wrote a book Den of Error, who, after he has cut off the De Oratore; and Horace the greatest poet dragon's head, and left it wallowing in a flood before he published his Art of Poetry. The of ink, sees a thousand monstrous reptiles observation arises naturally in any one who making their attempts upon him; one with casts his eye upon this last mentioned author, many heads, another with none, and all of where he will find the criticisms placed in them without eyes.
the latter end of his book, that is, after the
finest odes and satires in the Latin tongue. The same so sore annoyed has the knight,
A modern, whose name I shall not menThat, well nigh choked with the deadly stink, His forces fail, he can no longer fight;
tion, because I would not make a silly paper Whose courage when the fiend perceived to shrink, sell, was born a critic and an examiner, and, She poured forth out of her hellish sink
like one of the race of the serpent's teeth, Her fruitful cursed spawn of serpents small, Deformned monsters, foul, and black as ink;
came into the world with a sword in his Which swarming all about his legs did crawl,
hand. His works put me in mind of the And him encombred sore, but could not hurt at all.
story that is told of a German monk, who As gentle shepherd in sweet even-tide,
was taking a catalogue of a friend's library, When ruddy Phæbus gins to welk in west,
and meeting with a Hebrew book in it, enHigh on an hill, his flock to viewen wide, Marks which do bite their hasty supper best ;
tered it under the title of, “ A book that has A cloud of combrous gnats do him molest,
the beginning where the end should be,” All striving to infix their feeble stings,
This author, in the last of his crudities, has That from their noyance he no where can rest; But with his clownish hands their tender wings
aniassed together a heap of quotations, to He brusheth oft, and oft doth mar their murmurings. prove that Horace and Virgil were both of
them modester men than myself; and if his If ever I should want such a fry of little works were to live as long as mine, they authors to attend me, I shall think my paper might possibly give posterity a notion, that in a very decaying condition. They are like Isaac Bickerstaffe was a very conceited old ivy about an oak, which adorns the tree at fellow, and as vain a man as either Tully the same time that it eats into it; or like a or Sir Francis Bacon. Had this serious great man's equipage, that do honour to the writer fallen upon me only, I could have person on whom they feed. For my part, overlooked it; but to see Cicero abused, is, when I see myself thus attacked, I do not I must confess, what I cannot bear. The consider my antagonists as malicious, but censure he passes on this great man runs hungry, and therefore am resolved never to thus: “The itch of being very abusive, is take any notice of them.
almost inseparable from vain-glory. Tully As for those who detract from my labours has these two faults in so high a degree, that without being prompted to it by an empty nothing but his being the best writer in the stomach, in return to their censures, I shall world can make amends for them.” The take pains to excel, and never fail to per- scurrilous wretch goes on to say I am as suade myself, that their enmity is nothing bad as Tully. His words are these; “And but their envy or ignorance.
yet the Tatler, in his paper of September Give me leave to conclude, like an old 26, has outdone him in both. He speaks of man and a moralist, with a fable.
himself with more arrogance, and with more The owls, bats, and several other birds of insolence of others." I am afraid, by his night, were one day got together in a thick discourse, this gentleman has no more read shade, where they abused their neighbours Plutarch than he has Tully. If he had, he in a very sociable manner. Their satire at would have observed a passage in that hislast fell upon the sun, whom they all agreed torian, wherein he has with great delicacy to be very troublesome, impertinent, and in- distinguished between two passions which quisitive. Upon which the sun, who over- are usually complicated in human nature, heard them, spoke to them after this man- and which an ordinary writer would not ner : «Gentlemen, I wonder how you dare have thought of separating. Not having abuse one that you know could in an instant my Greek spectacles by me, I shall quote scorch you up, and burn every mother's the passage word for word as I find it transon of you. But the only answer I shall slated to my hand“Nevertheless, though he was intemperately fond of his own praise, compare them with the foregoing passage yet he was very free from envying others, upon mine, and most liberally profuse in commending “In thirty lines his patron is a river, the both the ancients and his contemporaries, Primum Mobile, a Pilot, a Victim, the Sun, as is to be understood by his writings, and Anything, and Nothing. He bestows inmany of those sayings are still recorded, as crease, conceals his source, makes the mathat concerning Aristotle, “That he was achine move, teaches to steer, expiates our river of flowing gold.' Of Plato's dialogue, offences, raises vapours, and looks larger as “That if Jupiter were to speak, he would dis- he sets." course as he did.' Theophrastus he was What poem can be safe from this sort of wont to call his peculiar delight; and being criticism? I think I was never in my life so asked, which of Demosthenes' orations he much offended as at a wag whom I once met liked best? He answered, “The longest.' | with in a coffee-house: he had in his hand
“And as for eminent men of his own time, one of the Miscellanies, and was reading the either for eloquence or philosophy, there following short copy of verses, which, withwas not one of them whom he did not, by out flattery to the author, is (I think) as writing or speaking favourably of, render beautiful in its kind as any one in the English inore illustrious."
tongue. Thus the critic tells us, that Cicero was
Flavia the least and slightest toy excessively vain-glorious and abusive: Plu
Can with resistless art employ. tarch, that he was vain, but not abusive,
This fan in meaner hands wouid prove Let the reader believe which of them he An engine of small force in love; • pleases.
But she with such an air and mien,
Not to be told, or safely seen, . After this he complains to the world, that
Directs its wanton motions so, I call him names; and that in my passion, I
That it wounds more than Cupid's bow; said, he was a flea, a louse, an owl, a bat,
Gives coolness to the matchless dame,
To ev'ry other breast a flame. a small wit, a scribbler, and a nibbler. When he has thus bespoken his reader's When this coxcomb had done redding pity, he falls into that admirable vein of them, “Hey-day! (says he,) what instrumirth, which I shall set down at length, it ment is this that Flavia employs in such a being an exquisite piece of raillery, and writ- manner as is not to be told, or safely seen? In ten in great gaiety of heart. " After this ten lines it is a toy, a Cupid's bow, a fan, and list of names, (viz. flea, louse, owl, bat, &c.) an engine in love. It has wanton motions, I was surprised to hear him say, that he has it wounds, it cools, and inflames.” hitherto kept his temper pretty well ; I Such criticisms make a mar cf sense wonder how he will write when he has lost sick, and a fool merry. his temper! I suppose, as he now is very | The next paragraph of the paper we are angry and unmannerly, he will then be ex- talking of falls upon somebody whom I am ceeding courteous and good-humoured.” If at a loss to guess at: but I find the whole I can outlive this raillery, I shall be able to invective turns upon a man who it seems) bear any thing.
has been imprisoned for debt. Whoever There is a method of criticism made use he was, I most heartily pity him; but at the of by this author, (for I shall take care how same time must put the Examiner in mind, I call him a scribbler again,) which may that, notwithstanding he is a critic, he still turn into ridicule any work that was ever ought to remember he is a Christian. Pova written, wherein there is a variety of erty was never thought a proper subject for thoughts: this the reader will observe in ridicule; and I do not remember that I ever the following words: “He (meaning me) is met with a satire upon a beggar. so intent upon being something extraordina- As for those little retortings of my own ry, that he scarce knows what he would be; expressions, of being dull by design, witty in and is as fruitful in his similes, as a brother October, shining, excelling, and so forth; of his whom I lately took notice of. In the they are the common cavils of every witling, compass of a few lines, he compares him- who has no other method of showing his self to a fox, to Daniel Burgess, to the knight parts, but by little variations and repetitions of the red cross, to an oak with ivy about it, of the man's words whom he attacks. and to a great man with an equipage." I But the truth of it is, the paper before I think myself as much honoured by being me, not only in this particular, but in its joined in this part of his paper with the very essence, is like Ovid's echo: gentleman whom he here calls my brother, as I am in the beginning of it, by being men
- Quæ nec reticere loquentii,
Nec prior ipsa loqui didicit.tioned with Horace and Virgil. ..
It is very hard that a man cannot publish I should not have deserved the character of ten papers without stealing from himself ; a Censor, had I not animadverted upon the but to show you that this is only a knack of abovementioned author by a gentle chaswriting, and that the author has got into a tisement: but I know my reader will not certain road of criticism, I shall set down pardon me, unless I declare, that nothing of his remarks on the works of the gentleman this nature, for the future, (unless it be writwhom he here glances upon, as they stand ten with some wit,) shall divert me from n his 6th paper, and desire the reader to my care of the public,
No. 240.] Saturday, October 21, 1710. There are some who have gained them
selves great reputation for physic by their Ad populum paleras
Pers. birth ; as the “ seventh son of a seventh
son :" and others by not being born at all, From my own Apartment, October 20.
as the “unborn doctor;" who, I hear, is I do not remember that in any of my lu- lately gone the way of his patients, having cubrations I have touched upon the useful died worth five hundred pounds per annuni, science of physic, notwithstanding I have de- | though he was not born to a halfpenny. clared myself more than once a professor of My ingenious friend Doctor Saffold sucit. I have indeed joined the study of astrol- ceeded my old contemporary Doctor Lilly ogy with it, because I never knew a physi- in the studies both of physic and astrology, cian recommend himself to the public, who to which he added that of poetry, as was to had not a sister-art to embellish his know- be seen both upon the sign where he lived, ledge in medicine. It has been commonly and in the bills which he distributed. He observed, in compliment to the ingenious of was succeeded by Dr. Case, who erased the our profession, that Apollo was the god of verses of his predecessor out of the sign-post, verse as well as physic; and in all ages the and substituted in their stead two of his own most celebrated practitioners of our country, which were as follow ; were the particular favourites of the Muses. Poetry to physic is indeed like the gilding to
Within this Place a pill; it makes the art shine, and covers the
Lives Doctor Case. severity of the doctor with the agreeableness. He is said to have got more by this disof the companion.
tich, than Mr. Dryden did by all his works, The very foundation of poetry is good There would be no end of enumerating the sense, if we may allow Horace to be a judge several imaginary perfections and unaccounof the art.
table artifices by which this tribe of men Scribendi recte sapere est, et principium, et fons.
| ensnare the minds of the vulgar, and gain
crowds of admirers. I have seen the whole And if so, we have reason to believe, that front of a mountebank's stage, from one end the same man who writes well, can prescribe to the other, faced with patents, certificates, well, if he has applied himself to the study medals, and great seals, by which the seveof both. Besides, when we see a man ma- ral princes of Europe have testified their king profession of two different sciences, it is particular respect and esteem for the docnatural for us to believe he is no pretender tor. Every great man with a sounding title, in that which we are not judges of, when we has been his patient. I believe I have seen find him skilful in that which we understand. twenty mountebanks that have given physic
Ordinary quacks and charlatans, are to the Cazar of Muscovy. The great Duke thoroughly sensible how necessary it is to of Tuscany escapes no better. The Elecsupport themselves by these collateral as- tor of Brandenburg was likewise a very good! sistances, and therefore always lay their | patient. claim to some supernumerary accomplish- This great condescension of the doctor ments which are wholly foreign to their draws upon him much good-will from his profession.
audience; and it is ten to one, but if any of About twenty years ago, it was impossible them be troubled with an aching tooth, his to walk the street without having an adver- ambition will tempt him to get it drawn by tisement thrust into your hand, of a doctor a person who has had so many princes, “who was arrived at the knowledge of the kings, and emperors, under his hands. green and red dragon, and had discovered | I must not leave this subject without obthe female fern seed.” Nobody ever knew serving, that as physicians are apt to deal in what this meant; but the green and red poetry, apothecaries endeavour to recomdragon so amused the people, that the doc- mend themselves by oratory, and are theretor lived very comfortably upon them. fore, without controversy, the most eloquent About the same time there was pasted a persons in the whole British nation. I would very hard word upon every corner of the not willingly discourage any of the arts, esstreets. This, to the best of my remem-pecially that of which I am a humble probrance, was
fessor; but I must confess, for the good of
my native country, I could wish there might TETRACHYMAGOGON,
be a suspension of physic for some years, which drew great shoals of spectators about that our kingdom, which has been so much. it, who read the bill that it introduced with exhausted by the wars, might have leave to unspeakable curiosity; and when they were recruit itself. sick, would have nobody but this learned As for myself, the only physic which has man for their physician.'
| brought me safe to almosť the age of I once received an advertisement of one man, and which I prescribe to all my “ who had studied thirty years by candle friends, is abstinence. This is certainly the light for the good of his countrymen.” He best physic for prevention, and very often might have studied twice as long by day-the most effectual against the present dislight, and never have been taken notice of: temper. In short, my recipe is, Take na. but lucubrations cannot be over-valued. thing.
Were the body politic to be physiced like 1 of making myself invisible, and by that particular persons, I should venture to pre- means conveying myself where I please ; scribe to it after the same manner. I re- or, to speak in Rosicrucian lore, I have enmember, when our whole island was shakentered into the clefts of the earth, discovered with an earthquake some years ago, there the brazen horse, and robbed the dead giant was an impudent mountebank who sold pills, of his ring. The tradition says further of which (as he told the country people) were Gyges, that by the means of this ring, he very good against an earthquake. It may gained admission into the most retired parts perhaps be thought as absurd to prescribe of the court, and made such use of those opa diet for the allaying popular commotions, portunities, that he at length became Kjag and national ferr.ents. But I am verily per- of Lydia. "For my own part, I, who have suaded, that if in such a case, a whole people always rather endeavoured to improve my were to enter into a course of abstinence, and mind than my fortune, have turned this ring eat nothing but watergruel for a fortnight, to no other advantage than to get a thorough it would abate the rage and animosity of insight into the ways of men, and to make parties, and not a little contribute to the such observations upon the errors of others cure of a distracted nation. Such a fast as may be useful to the public, whatever efwould have a natural tendency to the pro- fect they may have upon myself. curing of those ends for which a fast is usui- About a week ago, not being able to sleep, ally proclaimed. If any man has a mind to I got up, and put on my magical ring, and enter on such a voluntary abstinence, it might with a thought transported myself into a not be improper to give him the caution of chamber where I caw a light. I found it Pythagoras in particular.
| inhabited by a celebrated beauty, though 56 Abstine a fabis.”
she is of that species of women which we 56-Abstain from beans."
call a slattern. Her head-dress and one of That is, says the interpreters, meddle not
her shoes lay upon a chair, her petticoat in with elections; beans having been made use
one corner of the room, and her girdle, that
had a copy of verses made upon it but the of by the voters among the Athenians in the
day before, with her thread stockings, in the choice of magistrates,
middle of the floor. I was so foolishly of
ficious, that I could not forbear gathering No. 243.] Saturday, October 28, 1710.
up her clothes together to lay them upon
the chair that stood by her bed-side, when, Insert se septus nebula, mirabile dictu
to my great surprise, after a little muttering, Per medios, miscetque viris, neque cernitur ulli.
she cried out, “What do you do? Let my
petticoat alone.” I was startled at first, From my own Apartment, October 27. but soon found that she was in a dream; beIAVE somewhere made mention of Gy-ing one of those who (to use Shakspeare's ges's ring, and intimated to my reader, that expression) “are so loose of thought, that it was at present in my possession, though I they utter in their sleep every thing that have not since made any use of it. The tra- passes in their imagination." ' I left the dition concerning this ring is very romantic, apartment of this female rake, and went and taken notice of both by Plato and Tully, into her neighbour's, where there lay a male who each of them make an admirable use of coquette. He had a bottle of salts hanging it, for the advancement of morality. This over his head, and upon the table, by his bedGyges was the master shepherd to King side, Suckling's Poerns, with a little heap of Candaules. As he was wandering over the black patches on it. His snuff-box was plains of Lydia, he saw a great chasm in the within reach on a chair : but while I was earth, and had the curiosity to enter it. Af- admiring the disposition which he made of ter having descended pretty far into it, he the several parts of his dress, his slumber found the statue of a horse in brass, with seemed interrupted by a pang, that was acdoors in the sides of it. Upon opening of companied by a sudden oath, as he turned them, he found the body of a dead man, big-himself over hastily in his bed. I did not ger than ordinary, with a ring upon his care for seeing him in his nocturnal pains, finger, which he took off, and put upon his and left the room. own. The virtues of it were much greater I was no sooner got into another bedthan he at first imagined; for upon his going chamber, but I heard very harsh words utinto the assembly of the shepherds, he ob- tered in a smooth, uniform tone. I was served that he was invisible when he turned amazed to hear so great a volubility in rethe stone of the ring within the palm of his proach, and thought it too coherent to be hand, and visible when he turned it towards spoken by one asleep; but, upon looking his company. Had Plato and Cicero been nearer, I saw the head-dress of the person as well versed in the occult sciences as I am, who spoke, which showed her to be a fethey would have found a great deal of mys- male, with a man lying by her side broad tic learning in this tradition ; but it is impos- | awake, and as quiet as a lamb. I could not sible for an adept to be understood by one but admire his exemplary patience, and (liswho is not an adept.
covered, by his whole behaviour, that he As for myself, I have, with much study was then lying under the discipline of a curand application, arrived at this great secret tain lecture.