from any part of this my personal estate, by [tions with which such authors do frequently giving him a single cockle-shell. abound. I was thinking of the foregoing beautiful simile in Milton, and applying it to myself. when I observed to the windward of me a black cloud falling to the earth in long trails of rain, which made me betake myself for shelter to a house, which I saw at a little distance from the place where I was walk ing. As I sat in the porch, I heard the voices of two or three persons, who seemed very earnest in discourse. My curiosity was raised, when I heard the names of Alexan To my second son, Charles, I give and bequeath all my flowers, plants, minerals, mosses, shells, pebbles, fossils, beetles, butterflies, caterpillars, grasshoppers, and vermin, not above specified; as also my monsters, both wet and dry; making the said Charles whole and sole executor of this my last will and testament; he paying, or causing to be paid, the aforesaid legacies within the space of six months after my decease. And I do hereby revoke all other wills what-der the Great, and Artaxerxes; and as their soever by me formerly made, ADVERTISEMENT. WHEREAS an ignorant upstart in astro- | logy, has publicly endeavoured to persuade the world, that he is the late John Partridge, who died the 28th of March, 1708; these are to certify to all whom it may concern, that the true John Partridge was not only dead at that time, but continues so to this present day. talk seemed to run on ancient heroes, I concluded there could not be any secret in it; for which reason, I thought I might very fairly listen to what they said. After several parallels between great men, which appeared to me altogether groundless and chimerical, I was surprised to hear one say, "That he valued the Black Prince more than the Duke of Vendosme." How the Duke of Vendosme should become a rival of the Black Prince's, I could not conceive: and was more startled when I Beware of counterfeits, for such are heard a second affirm, with great veheabroad. No. 218.] Thursday, August 30, 1710. From my own Apartment, August 29. Milton: mence, "That if the Emperor of Germany was not going off, he should like him better than either of them: (he added,) that though the season was so changeable, the Duke of Marlborough was in blooming beauty." I was wondering to myself from whence they had received this odd intelligence, especially several other great generals, as the Prince of Hesse, and the King of Sweden, who, they said, were both running away; to which they added, what I entirely agreed with them in, that the Crown of France was very weak, but that Marshal Villars still kept his co lours. At last one of them told the com pany, if they would go along with him, he would show them a Chimney-sweeper and a Painted Lady in the same bed, which he was sure would very much please them. The shower which had driven them, as well as myself, into the house, was now over; and as they were passing by me into the garden, I asked them to let me be one of their when I heard them mention the names of company. The gentleman of the house told me, if I delighted in flowers, it would be worth my while; for that he believed he could show me such a blow of tulips, as was not to be matched in the whole country. I accepted the offer, and immediately found that they had been talking in terms of gardening, and that the kings and generals they had mentioned were only so many tulips, to which the gardeners, according to their usual custom, had given such high titles and appellations of honour. I was very much pleased and astonished at the glorious show of these gay vegetables, that arose in great profusion on all the banks about us. Sometimes I considered them with an eye of an ordinary spectator, as so many beautiful objects varnished over with a natural gloss, and stained with such a variety of colours, as are not to be equalled in any artificial dyes or tinctures. Sometimes I considered every leaf as an elaborate piece of tissue, in which the threads and fibres were woven together into different configurations, which gave a different colouring to the light as it glanced on the several parts of No. 220.] Tuesday, September 4, 1710 the surface. Sometimes I considered the whole bed of tulips, according to the notion of the greatest mathematician and philosopher that ever lived, as a multitude of optic instruments, designed for the separating light into all those various colours of which it is composed with an unspeakable pleasure, not without reflecting on the bounty of Providence, which has made the most pleasing and most beautiful objects, the most ordinary and most common. Insani sanus nomen ferat, æquus iniqui, he can. From my own Apartment, September 4 HAVING received many letters nlled with compliments and acknowledgments for my I was awakened out of these my philoso- late useful discovery of the political barom phical speculations, by observing the com- eter, I shall here communicate to the pub pany often seemed to laugh at me. I acci- lic, an account of my ecclesiastical thermo dentally praised a tulip as one of the finest meter; the latter giving as manifest progthat I ever saw; upon which they told me, nostications of the changes and revolutions it was a common Fool's-coat. Upon that I in church, as the former does of those in praised a second, which it seems was but state; and both of them being absolutely another kind of Fool's-coat. I had the same necessary for every prudent subject who is fate with two or three more; for which rea-resolved to keep what he has, and get what son, I desired the owner of the garden to let me know which were the finest flowers, for The church thermometer, which I am that I was so unskilful in the art, that I now to treat of, is supposed to have been inthought the most beautiful were the most vented in the reign of Henry the Eighth, valuable, and that those which had the gay-about the time when that religious Prince est colours were the most beautiful. The gentleman smiled at my ignorance: he seemed a very plain, honest man, and a person of good sense, had not his head been touched with that distemper which Hippocrates calls the Tulippo-Mania, Tvλixopavía; insomuch that he would talk very rationally on any subject in the world but a tulip. He told me, “That he valued the bed of flowers which lay before us, and was not above twenty yards in length, and two in breadth, more than he would the best hundred acres of land in England; (and added,) that it would have been worth twice the money it was, if a foolish cook-maid of his had not almost ruined him the last winter, by mistaking a handful of tulip-roots for a heap of onions, and by that means (says he) made a dish of pottage that cost me above £1000 sterling. 55 He then showed me what he thought the finest of his tulips, which I found received all their value from their rarity and oddness, and put me in mind of your great fortunes, which are not always the greatest beauties. I have often looked upon it as a piece of happiness, that I have never fallen into any of these fantastical tastes, nor esteemed any thing the more for its being uncommon, and hard to be met with. For this reason, I look upon the whole country in spring-time, as a spacious garden, and make as many visits to a spot of daisies, or a bank of violets, as a florist does to his borders and parterres. There is not a bush in blossom within a mile of me which I am not acquainted with; nor scarce a daffodil or cowslip that withers away in my neighborhood without my missing it. I walked home in this temper of mind through several fields and meadows, put some to death for owning the Pope's supremacy, and others for denying transubstantiation. I do not find, however, any great use made of this instrument till it fell into the hands of a learned and vigilant priest or minister, (for he frequently wrote himself both one and the other,) who was some time Vicar of Bray. This gentleman lived in his vicarage to a good old age; and after having seen several successions of his neighbouring clergy either burnt or banished, departed this life with the satisfaction of having never deserted his flock, and died Vicar of Bray. As this glass was first designed to calculate the different degrees of heat in religion, as it raged in Popery, or as it cooled and grew temperate in the Reformation, it was marked at several distances, after the manner our ordinary thermometer is to this day, viz, extreme hot, sultry hot, very hot, hot, warm, temperate, cold, just freezing, frost, hard frost, great frost, extreme cold. It is well known that Torricellius, the inventor of the common weather-glass, made the experiment in a long tube which held thirty-two feet of water; and that a more modern virtuoso finding such a machine altogether unwieldy and useless, and considering that thirty-two inches of quicksilver weighed as much as so many feet of water, in a tube of the same circumference, invented that sizeable instrument which is now in use. After this manner, that I might adapt the thermometer I am now speaking of to the present constitution of our church, as di vided into High and Low, I have made some necessary variations both in the tube, and the fluid it contains. In the first place, I ordered a tube to be cast in a planetary hour, and took care to seal it hermetically, when the Sun was in conjunction with Sa-riments with it, I carried it under my cloak turn. I then took the proper precautions to several coffee-houses, and other places of, about the fluid, which is a compound of two resort about this great city. At St. James's very different liquors; one of them a spirit Coffee-house, the liquor stood at Moderadrawn out of a strong heady wine; the other tion; but at Will's, to my great surprise, it a particular sort of rock water, colder than subsided to the very lowest mark on the ice, and clearer than crystal. The spirit is glass. At the Grecian, it mounted but just of a red fiery colour, and so very apt to fer- one point higher; at the Rainbow, it still ment, that, unless it be mingled with a pro-ascended two degrees: Child's fetched it up portion of the water, or pent up very close, to Zeal, and other adjacent coffee-houses to it will burst the vessel that holds it, and fly Wrath. up in fume and smoke. The water, on the contrary, is of such a subtile piercing cold, that, unless it be mingled with a proportion of the spirits, it will sink through almost every thing that it is put into, and seems to be of the same nature as the water mentioned by Quintus Curtius, which, says the historian, could be contained in nothing but the hoof, or (as the Oxford manuscript has it) in the skull of an ass. The thermometer is marked according to the following figure, which I set down at length, not only to give my reader a clear idea of it, but also to fill up my paper. Ignorance. CHURCH. Moderation. Lukewarmness. Infidelity. Ignorance. The reader will observe, that the church is placed in the middle point of the glass, between Zeal and Moderation, the situation in which she always flourishes, and in which every good Englishman wishes her who is a friend to the constitution of his country. However, when it mounts to Zeal, it is not amiss; and when it sinks to Moderation, is still in a most admirable temper. The worst of it is, that when once it begins to rise, it has still an inclination to ascend, insomuch, that it is apt to climb from Zeal to Wrath, and from Wrath to Persecution, which always ends in Ignorance, and very often proceeds from it. In the same manner it frequently takes its progress through the lower half of the glass; and when it has a tendency to fall, will gradually descend from Moderation to Lukewarmness, and from Lukewarmness to Infidelity, which very often terminates in Ignorance, and always proceeds from it. It fell into the lower half of the glass as I went further into the city, till at length it settled at Moderation, where it continued all the time I stayed about the 'Change, as also whilst I passed by the Bank. And here I cannot but take notice, that through the whole course of my remarks, I never observed my glass to rise at the same time that the stocks did. To complete the experiment, I prevailed upon a friend of mine, who works under me in the occult sciences, to make a progress with my glass through the whole island of Great Britain; and after his return, to present me with a register of his observations. I guessed beforehand at the temper of several places he passed through, by the characters they have had time out of mind. Thus that facetious divine, Dr. Fuller, speaking of the town of Banbury, near a hundred years ago, tells us, it was a place famous for cakes and zeal, which I find by my glass is true to this day, as to the latter part of this description; though I must confess, it is not in the same reputation for cakes that it was in the time of that learned author; and thus of other places: in short, I have now by me, digested in an alphabetical order, all the counties, corporations, and boroughs, in Great Britain, with their respective tempers, as they stand related to my thermometer. But this I shall keep to myself, because I would by no means do any thing that may seem to influence any ensuing elections. The point of doctrine which I would propagate by this my invention, is the same which was long ago advanced by that able teacher Horace, out of whom I have taken my text for this discourse: We should be careful not to overshoot ourselves in the pursuits even of virtue. Whether zeal or moderation be the point we aim at, let us keep fire out of the one, and frost out of the other. But, alas! the world is too wise to want such It is a common observation, that the ordi- a precaution. The terms High-church and nary thermometer will be affected by the Low-church, as commonly used, do not so breathing of people who are in the room much denote a principle, as they distinguish where it stands; and, indeed, it is almost in- a party. They are like words of battle, credible to conceive how the glass I am now that have nothing to do with their original sigdescribing will fall by the breath of a multi-nification, but are only given out to keep a tude crying Popery; or, on the contrary, how it will rise when the same multitude (as it sometimes happens) cry out, in the same breath, “The church is in danger. وو As soon as I had finished this my glass, and adjusted it to the abovementioned scale of religion, that I might make proper expe body of men together, and to let them know friends from enemies. I must confess, I have considered with some little attention, the influence which the opinions of these great national sects have upon their practice; and do look upon it as one of the unaccountable things of our times, that multitudes of honest gentlemen, | sary for life. If a man has pains in his head, who entirely agree in their lives, should take it in their heads to differ in their religion. From my own Apartment, September 13. It is my custom, in a dearth of news, to entertain myself with those collections of advertisements that appear at the end of all our public prints. These I consider as accounts of news from the little world, in the same manner that the foregoing parts of the paper are from the great. If in one we hear that a sovereign prince has fled from his capital city, in the other we hear of a tradesman who hath shut up his shop, and run away. If in the one we find the victory of a general, in the other we see the desertion of a private soldier. I must confess, I have a certain weakness in my temper, that is often very much affected by these little domestic occurrences, and have frequently been caught with tears in my eyes over a melancholy advertisement. But to consider this subject in its most ridiculous lights. Advertisements are of great use to the vulgar: first of all, as they are instruments of ambition. A man that is by no means big enough for the Gazette, may easily creep into the advertisements; by which means we often see an apothecary in the same paper of news with a plenipotentiary, or a running-footman with an ambassador. An advertisement from Piccadilly goes down to posterity, with an article from Madrid; and John Bartlett, of Goodman'sFields, is celebrated in the samne paper with the Emperor of Germany. Thus the fable tells us, "That the wren mounted as high as the eagle, by getting upon his back.” A second use which this sort of writings have been turned to of late years, has been the management of controversy, insomuch that above half the advertisements one meets with now-a-days are purely polemical. The inventors of Strops for Razors have written against one another this way for several years, and that with great bitterness; as the whole argument pro and con in the case of the Morning Gowns is still car ried on after the same manner. I need not cholics in his bowels, or spots on his clothes, he may here meet with proper cures and remedies. If a man would recover a wife, or a horse that is stolen or strayed; if he wants new sermons, electuaries, asses' milk, or any thing else, either for his body or his mind, this is the place to look for them in. The great art in writing advertisements, is the finding out a proper method to catch the reader's eye; without which, a good thing may pass over unobserved, or be lost among commissions of bankrupts. Asterisks and hands were formerly of great use for this purpose. Of late years, the N. B. has been much in fashion; as also little cuts and figures, the invention of which we must ascribe to the author of the spring-trusses. I must not here omit the blind Italian character, which being scarce legible, always fixes and detains the eye, and gives the curious reader something like the satisfaction of prying into a secret. But the great skill in an advertiser, is chiefly seen in the style which he makes use of. He is to mention the universal esteem, or general reputation, of things that were never heard of. If he is a physician or astrologer, he must change his lodgings frequently, and (though he never saw any body in them besides his own family) give public notice of it, "For the information of the nobility and gentry." Since I am thus usefully employed in writing criticisms on the works of these diminutive authors, I must not pass over in silence an advertisement which has lately made its appearance, and is written altogether in the Ciceronian manner. It was sent to me with five shillings, to be inserted among my advertisements; but as it is a pattern of good writing in this way, I shall give it a place in the body of my paper. der, the most glorious (if the expression "The highest compound Spirit of Lavenmay be used) enlivening scent and flavour that can possibly be, which so raptures the spirits, delights the gust, and gives such airs to the countenance, as are not to be imagined but by those that have tried it. The meanest sort of the thing is admired by most gentlemen and ladies; but this far more, as by far it exceeds it, to the gaining among all a more than common esteem. It is sold (in the Golden-Key, in Wharton's-Court, near neat flint bottles fit for the pocket) only at Holborn-Bars, for 3s. 6d. with directions.” mention the several proprietors of Dr. Anmention the several proprietors of Dr. Anderson's Pills; nor take notice of the many satirical works of this nature, so frequently published by Dr. Clark, who has had the At the same time that I recommend the confidence to advertise upon that_learned several flowers in which this spirit of lavenknight, my very worthy friend, Sir William der is wrapped up, (if the expression may Reade; but I shall not interpose in their be used,) I cannot excuse my fellow-labourquarrel; Sir William can give him his owners for admitting into their papers several in advertisements, that, in the judgment of the impartial, are as well penned as the Doctor's. The third and last use of these writings is, to inform the world where they may be furnished with almost every thing that is neces uncleanly advertisements, not at all proper to appear in the works of polite writers. Among these I must reckon the Carminative Wind-expelling Pills. If the doctor had called them his Carminative Pills, he had done as cleanly as any one could have wished; but the second word entirely destroys the decency of the first. There are other absurdities of this nature so very gross, that I dare not mention them; and shall therefore dismiss this subject, with a public admonition to Michael l'arrot; that he do not presume any more to mention a certain worm he knows of, which, by the way, has grown seven feet in my memory; for, if I am not much mistaken, it is the same that was but nine feet long about six months ago. By the remarks I have here made, it plainly appears, that a collection of advertisements is a kind of miscellany; the writers of which, contrary to all authors, except men of quality, give money to the booksellers who publish their copies. The genius of the bookseller is chiefly shown in his method of arranging and digesting these little tracts. The last paper I took up in my hands, placed them in the following order: The true Spanish blacking for shoes, &c. Four freehold tenements of 157 per annum, &c. **The present state of England, &c. Annotations upon the Tatler, &c. A commission of bankruptcy being awarded against B. L. bookseller, &c. No. 226.] Tuesday, September, 19, 1710. Juvenis quondam, nunc Fæmina Cæneus, Et fato in veterem rursus revoluta figuram. Virg. gether as strange and astonish ng a creature "I do not find any thing remarkable in the life I am about to write till the year 1695, at which time the doctor, being about twenty-three years old, was brought to bed of a bastard child. The scandal of such a misfortune gave so great uneasiness to pretty Mrs. Peggy, (for that was the name by which the doctor was then called,) that she left her family, and followed her lover to Lendon, with a fixed resolution some way or other to recover her lost reputation: but, instead of changing her life, which one would have expected from so good a disposition of mind, she took it in her head to change her sex. This was soon done by the help of a sword, and a pair of breeches. I have reason to believe, that her first design was to turn man-midwife, having herself had some experience in those affairs: but thinking this too narrow a foundation for her future fortune, she at length bought her a gold button coat, and set up for a physician. Thus we see the same fatal miscarriage in her youth made Mrs. Young a doctor, that formerly made one of the same sex a pope. made one of the same sex a pope. "The doctor succeeded very well in his business at first, but very often met with accidents that disquieted him. As he wanted that deep magisterial voice which gives authority to a prescription, that is absolutely necessary for the right pronouncing of those words, Take these Pills, he unfortunately got SIR,-I here make bold to trouble you the nick-name of the Squeaking Doctor. If with a short account of the famous Doctor this circumstance alarmed the doctor, there Young's life, which you may call (if you was another that gave him no small disquiet, please) a second part of the farce of the and very much diminished his gains. In Sham Doctor. This, perhaps, will not seem short, he found himself run down as a superso strange to you, who (if I am not mistaken) ficial prating quack, in all families that had have somewhere mentioned with honour, at the head of them a cautious father, or a your sister Kirleus as a practitioner both in jealous husband. These would often comphysic and astrology: but in the common plain among one another, that they did not opinion of mankind, a she-quack is alto- | like such a smock-faced physician; though, From my own Apartment, September 18. It is one of the designs of this paper, to transmit to posterity an account of every thing that is monstrous in my own times. For this reason I shall here publish to the world the life of a person who was neither man nor woman, as written by one of my ingenious correspondents, who seems to have imitated Plutarch in that multifarious erudition, and those occasional dissertations, which he has wrought into the body of his history. The life I am putting out, is that of Margery, alias John Young, Commonly known by the name of Dr. Young, who (as the town very well knows) was a woman that practised physic in man's clothes, and after having had two wives, and several children, died about a month since. * |