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from any part of this my personal estate, by Itions with which such authors do frequently giving him a single cockle-shell.
| I was thinking of the foregoing beautiful To my second son, Charles, I give and simile in Milton, and applying it to myself, bequeath all my flowers, plants, minerals, when I observed to the windward of me a mosses, shells, pebbles, fossils, beetles, but- black cloud falling to the earth in long trails terflies, caterpillars, grasshoppers, and ver- of rain, which made me betake myself for min, not above specified; as also my mon- shelter to a house, which I saw ať a little sters, both wet and dry; making the said distance from the place where I was walk Charles whole and sole executor of this my ing. As I sat in the porch, I heard the last will and testament; he paying, or caus- voices of two or three persons, who seemed ing to be paid, the aforesaid legacies within very earnest in discourse. My curiosity was the space of six months after my decease, raised, when I heard the names of AlexanAnd I do hereby revoke all other wills what der the Great, and Artaxerxes; and as their soever by me formerly made.
talk seemed to run on ancient heroes, I con
cluded there could not be any secret in it; ADVERTISEMENT.
for which reason, I thought I might very WHEREAS an ignorant upstart in astro- | fairly listen to what they said. logy, has publicly endeavoured to persuade
| After several parallels between great the world, that he is the late John Partridge, men, which appeared to me altogether who died the 28th of March, 1708 ; these groundless and chimerical, I was surprised are to certify to all whom it may concern,
to hear one say, “That he valued the Black that the true John Partridge was not only
Prince more than the Duke of Vendosme." dead at that time, but continues so to this
How the Duke of Vendosme should become present day.
a rival of the Black Prince's, I could not
conceive: and was more startled when I Beware of counterfeits, for such are heard a second affirm, with great veheabroad.
mence, “ That if the Emperor of Germany was not going off, he should like him better
than either of them : (he added, that though No. 218.] Thursday, August 30, 1710. the season was so changeable, the Duke of
Marlborough was in blooming beauty." I Scriptorum Chorus omnis amat nemus et fugit urbes.
was wondering to myself from whence they From my own Apartment, August 29.
had received this odd intelligence, especially
when I heard them mention the names of I CHANCEI) to rise very early one particular morning this summer, and took a walk
several other great generals, as the Prince
of Hesse, and the King of Sweden, who, they into the country, to divert myself among the fields and meadows, while the green was
said, were both running away ; to which they
added, what I entirely agreed with them in, new, and the flowers in their bloom. As at that ti
at that the Crown of France was very weak, this season of the year every lane is a beauti- but that Marshal Villars still kept his coful walk, and every hedge full of nosegays,
segays, lours. At last one of them told the com I lost myself with a great deal of pleasure |
telpany, if they would go along with him, he among several thickets and bushes, that
would show them a Chimney-sweeper and were filled with a great variety of birds, and
and a Painted Lady in the same bed, which he an agreeable confusion of notes, which form- was sure would very much please them. ed the pleasantest scene in the world, to one
| The shower which had driven them, as well who had passed the whole winter in noise
e as myself, into the house, was now over; and and smoke. The freshness of the dews, as th
as they were passing by me into the garden, that lay upon every thing about me, with
I asked them to let me be one of their the cool breath of the morning, which in
company, spired the birds with so many delightful
The gentleman of the house told me, if I instincts, created in me the same kind of
delighted in flowers, it would be worth my animal pleasure, and made my heart over
while; for that he believed he could show flow with such secret emotions of joy and
and me such a blow of tulips, as was not to be satisfaction, as are not to be described or
matched in the whole country. accounted for. On this occasion, I could
I accepted the offer, and immediately not but reflect upon a beautiful simile in found that they
found that they had been talking in terms of Milton:
gardening, and that the kings and generals " As one who long in populous city pent,
they had mentioned were only so many Where houses thick, and sewers, annoy the air,
tulips, to which the gardeners, according to Forth issuing on a summer's morn, to breathe Among the pleasant villages, and farms
their usual custom, had given such high Adjoin'd, from each thing met conceives delight : titles and appellations of honour. The smell of grain, or tedded grass, or kine,
I was very much pleased and astonished Or dairy, each rural sight, each rural sound.”
at the glorious show of these gay vegetables, Those who are conversant in the writings that arose in great profusion on all the banks of polite authors, receive an additional en- about us. Sometimes I considered them tertainment from the country, as it revives with an eye of an ordinary spectator, as so in their memories those charming descrip-many beautiful objects varnished over with
a natural gloss, and stained with such a va-, with an unspeakable pleasure, not without riety of colours, as are not to be equalled in reflecting on the bounty of Providence, which any artificial dyes or tinctures. Sometimes has made the most pleasing and most beauI considered every leaf as an elaborate piece tiful objects, the most ordinary and most of tissue, in which the threads and fibres common, were woven together into different configurations, which gave a different colouring to the light as it glanced on the several parts of
220.] Tuesday, September 4, 1710 the surface. Sometimes I considered the whole bed of tulips, according to the notion
Insani sanus nomen ferat, æquus iniqui, of the greatest mathematician and philoso- Ultra quam satis est, virtutem si petat ipsam.Hor pher that ever lived, as a multitude of optic instruments, designed for the separating
From my own Apartment, September 4 light into all those various colours of which HAVING received many letters alled with it is composed
compliments and acknowledgments for my I was awakened out of these my philoso late useful discovery of the political barom phical speculations, by observing the com- eter, I shall here communicate to the pub pany often seemed to laugh at me. I acci- lic, an account of my ecclesiastical thermo dentally praised a tulip as one of the finest meter; the latter giving as manifest progthat I ever saw ; upon which they told me, nostications of the changes and revolutions it was a common Fool's-coat. Upon that I in church, as the former does of those in praised a second, which it seems was but state; and both of them being absolutely another kind of Fool's-coat. I had the same necessary for every prudent subject who is fate with two or three more; for which rea- resolved to keep what he has, and get what son, I desired the owner of the garden to let he can, . me know which were the finest flowers, for The church thermometer, which I am that I was so unskilful in the art, that I now to treat of, is supposed to have been inthought the most beautiful were the most vented in the reign of Henry the Eighth, valuable, and that those which had the gay- about the time when that religious Prince est colours were the most beautiful. The put some to death for owning the Pope's sugentleman smiled at my ignorance: he premacy, and others for denying transubseemed a very plain, honest man, and a per- stantiation. I do not find, however, any son of good sense, had not his head been great use made of this instrument till it feil touched with that distemper which Hippo- into the hands of a learned and vigilant priest crates calls the Tulippo-Mania, Tvitto- or minister, (for he frequently wrote himself mavía ; insomuch that he would talk very ra- both one and the other, who was some time tionally on any subject in the world but a tulip. Vicar of Bray. This gentleman lived in his
He told me, " That he valued the bed of vicarage to a good old age; and after having flowers which lay before us, and was not seen several successions of his neighbouring above twenty yards in length, and two in clergy either burnt or banished, departed breadth, more than he would the best hun- this life with the satisfaction of having never dred acres of land in England; (and added,) deserted his flock, and died Vicar of Bray. that it would have been worth twice the | As this glass was first designed to calculate money it was, if a foolish cook-maid of his the different degrees of heat in religion, as it had not almost ruined him the last winter, raged in Popery, or as it cooled and grew by mistaking a handful of tulip-roots for a temperate in the Reformation, it was markheap of onions, and by that means (says he) ed at several distances, after the manner our made a dish of pottage that cost me abové ordinary thermometer is to this day, viz. £1000 sterling." He then showed me what extreme hot, sultry hot, very hot, hot, warm, he thought tlie finest of his tulips, which I temperate, cold, just freezing, frost, hard found received all their value from their frost, great frost, extreme cold. rarity and oddness, and put me in mind of It is well known that Torricellius, the inyour great fortunes, which are not always ventor of the common weather-glass, made the greatest beauties.
the experiment in a long tube which held I have often looked upon it as a piece of thirty-two feet of water; and that a more happiness, that I have never fallen into any modern virtuoso finding such a machine alof these fantastical tastes, nor esteemed any together unwieldy and useless, and considerthing the more for its being uncommon, and ing that thirty-two inches of quicksilver hard to be met with. For this reason, I weighed as much as so many feet of water, look upon the whole country in spring-time, in a tube of the same circumference, inventas a spacious garden, and make as many ed that sizeable instrument which is now in visits to a spot of daisies, or a bank of violets, use. After this manner, that I might adapt as a florist does to his borders and parterres. the thermometer I am now speaking of to There is not a bush in blossom within a mile the present constitution of our church, as di of me which I am not acquainted with ; nor vided into High and Low, I have made some scarce a daffodil or cowslip that withers necessary variations both in the tube, and away in my neighborhood without my miss the fluid it contains. In the first place, I ing it. I walked home in this temper of ordered a tube to be cast in a planetary mind through several fields and meadows, hour, and took care to seal it hermetically,
when the Sun was in conjunction with Sa- / riments with it, I carried it under my cloak turn. I then took the proper precautions to several coffee-houses, and other places of, about the fluid, which is a compound of two resort about this great city. At St. James's very different liquors; one of them a spirit Coffee-house, the liquor stood at Moderadrawn out of a strong heady wine; the other tion ; but at Will's, to my great surprise, it a particular sort of rock water, colder than subsided to the very lowest mark on the ice, and clearer than crystal. The spirit is glass. At the Grecian, it mounted but just of a red fiery colour, and so very apt to fer one point higher; at the Rainbow, it still ment, that, unless it be mingled with a pro- ascended two degrees: Child's fetched it up portion of the water, or pent up very close, to Zeal, and other adjacent coffee-houses to it will burst the vessel that holds it, and fly Wrath. up in fume and smoke. The water, on the It fell into the lower half of the glass as I contrary, is of such a subtile piercing cold, went further into the city, till at length it that, unless it be mingled with a proportion settled at Moderation, wliere it continued all of the spirits, it will sink through almost the time I stayed about the 'Change, as also every thing that it is put into, and seems to whilst I passed by the Bank. And here I be of the same nature as the water mention cannot but take notice, that through the ed by Quintus Curtius, which, says the his- whole course of my remarks, I never obtorian, could be contained in nothing but the served my glass to rise at the same time that hoof, or (as the Oxford manuscript has it the stocks did. in the skull of an ass. The thermometer is To complete the experiment, I prevailed marked according to the following figure, upon a friend of mine, who works under me which I set down at length, not only to give in the occult sciences, to make a progress my reader a clear idea of it, but also to fill with iny glass through the whole island of up my paper..
Great Britain; and after his return, to preIgnorance.
sent me with a register of his observations. Persecution,
I guessed beforehand at the temper of seveWrath,
ral places he passed through, by the chaZeal.
racters they have had time out of mind. CHURCH.
Thus that facetious divine, Dr. Fuller, Moderation.
speaking of the town of Banbury, near a
hundred years ago, tells us, it was a place Lukewarmness. Infidelity.
famous for cakes and zeal, which I find by.
my glass is true to this day, as to the latter Ignorance.
part of this description ; though I must conThe reader will observe, that the church fess, it is not in the same reputation for cakes is placed in the middle point of the glass, that it was in the time of that learned aubetween Zeal and Moderation, the situation thor; and thus of other places: in short, I in which she always flourishes, and in which have now by me, digested in an alphabetical every good Englishman wishes her who is a order, all the counties, corporations, and friend to the constitution of his country. boroughs, in Great Britain, with their reHowever, when it mounts to Zeal, it is not spective tempers, as they stand related to amiss; and when it sinks to Moderation, is my thermometer. But this I shall keep to still in a most admirable temper. The worst myself, because I would by no means do any of it is, that when once it begins to rise, it has thing that may seem to influence any ensuing still an inclination to ascend, insomuch, that elections. it is apt to climb from Zeal to Wrath, and! The point of doctrine which I would profrom Wrath to Persecution, which always pagate by this my invention, is the same ends in Ignorance, and very often proceeds which was long ago advanced by that able from it. In the same manner it frequently teacher Horace, out of whom I have taken takes its progress through the lower half of my text for this discourse: We should be the glass; and when it has a tendency to careful not to overshoot ourselves in the purfall, will gradually descend from Moderation suits even of virtue. Whether zeal or modto Lukewarmness, and from Lukewarmness eration be the point we aim at, let us keep to Infidelity, which very often terminates in fire out of the one, and frost out of the other. Ignorance, and always proceeds from it. But, alas! the world is too wise to want such
It is a common observation, that the ordi- a precaution. The terms High-church and nary thermometer will be affected by the Low-church, as commonly used, do not so breathing of people who are in the room much denote a principle, as they distinguish where it stands; and, indeed, it is almost in- a party. They are like words of battle, credible to conceive how the glass I am now that have nothing to do with their original sigdescribing will fall by the breath of a multi- nification, but are only given out to keep a tude crying Popery ; or, on the contrary, body of men together, and to let them know how it will rise when the same multitude (as friends from enemies. it sometimes happens) cry out, in the same I must confess, I have considered with breath, “The church is in danger.”
some little attention, the influence which the As soon as I had finished this my glass, opinions of these great national sects have and adjusted it to the abovementioned scale upon their practice; and do look upon it of religion, that I might make proper expe-l as one of the unaccountable things of our times, that multitudes of honest gentlemen, sary for life. If a man has pains in his head, who entirely agree in their lives, should take cholics in his bowels, or spots on his clothes, it in their heads to differ in their religion, he may here meet with proper cures and
remedies. If a man would recover a wife,
or a horse that is stolen or strayed ; if he No. 224.1 Thursday, September 14, 1710. wants new sermons, electuaries, asses' milk,
or any thing else, either for his body or his Materiam superabat opus.
Ovid. mind, this is the place to look for them in.
The great art in writing advertisements, From my own Apartment, September 13. i is the finding out a proper method to catch It is my custom, in a dearth of news, to the reader's eye; without which, a good entertain myself with those collections of thing may pass over unobserved, or be lost advertisements that appear at the end of among commissions of bankrupts. Asterall our public prints. These I consider as isks and hands were formerly of great use accounts of news from the little world, in for this purpose. Of late years, the N. B. the same manner that the foregoing parts of has been much in fashion; as also little cuts the paper are from the great. If in one we and figures, the invention of which we must hear that a sovereign prince has fled from ascribe to the author of the spring-trusses. his capital city, in the other we hear of a I must not here omit the blind Italian chatradesman who hath shut up his shop, and racter, which being scarce legible, always run away. If in the one we find the victory fixes and detains the eye, and gives the curiof a general, in the other we see the deser- ous reader something like the satisfaction of tion of a private soldier. I must confess, I prying into a secret. have a certain weakness in my temper, that But the great skill in an advertiser, is is often very much affected by these little chiefly seen in the style which he makes use domestic occurrences, and have frequently of. He is to mention the universal esteem, been caught with tears in my eyes over a or general reputation, of things that were melancholy advertisement.
never heard of. If he is a physician or But to consider this subject in its most ri- astrologer, he must change his lodgings frediculous lights. Advertisements are of great quently, and (though he never saw any body use to the vulgar: first of all, as they are in them besides his own family give public instruments of ambition. A man that is by notice of it, “For the information of the nono means big enough for the Gazette, may bility and gentry," Since I am thus usefuleasily creep into the advertisements ; by ly employed in writing criticisms on the which means we often see an apothecary in works of these diminutive authors, I must the same paper of news with a plenipoten- not pass over in silence an advertisement tiary, or a running-footinan with an ambassa- which has lately made its appearance, and dor. An advertisement from Piccadilly goes is written altogether in the Ciceronian mandown to posterity, with an article from Ma- ner. It was sent to me with five shillings, to drid; and John Bartlett, of Goodman's- be inserted among my advertisements, but Fields, is celebrated in the sarne paper with as it is a pattern of good writing in this way, the Emperor of Germany. Thus the fable I shall give it a place in the body of my tells us, “That the wren mounted as high as paper. the eagle, by getting upon his back." A second use which this sort of writings
“ The highest compound Spirit of Laven
der, the most glorious (if the expression have been turned to of late years, has been the management of controversy, insomuch
may be used) enlivening scent and flavour
that can possibly be, which so raptures the that above half the advertisements one meets with now-a-days are purely polemical.
spirits, delights the gust, and gives such airs The inventors of Strops for Razors have
to the countenance, as are not to be imagined
but by those tliat have tried it. The meanwritten against one another this way for several years, and that with great bitter
est sort of the thing is admired by most
gentlemen and ladies; but this far more, as ness; as the whole argument pro and con in the case of the Morning Gowns is still car
by far it exceeds it, to the gaining among all
a more than common esteem. It is sold in ried on after the same manner. I need not mention the several proprietors of Dr. An
neat flint bottles fit for the pocket) only at derson's Pills; nor take notice of the many
the Golden-Key, in Wharton's-Court, near satirical works of this nature, so frequently
Holborn-Bars, for 3s. 6d. with directions." published by Dr. Clark, who has had the At the same time that I recommend the confidence to advertise upon that learned several flowers in which this spirit of lavenknight, my very worthy friend, Sir William der is wrapped up, (if the expression may Reade; but I shall not interpose in their be used,) I cannot excuse my fellow-labourquarrel ; Sir William can give him his owners for admitting into their papers several in advertisements, that, in the judgment of uncleanly advertisements, not at all proper the impartial, are as well penned as the to appear in the works of polite writers. Doctor's
| Among these I must reckon the CarminaThe third and last use of these writings is, tive Wind-expelling Pills. If the doctor to inform the world where they may be fur- had called them his Carminative Pills, he nished with almost every thing that is neces- had done as cleanly as any one could have
wished; but the second word entirely de- gether as strange and astonish ng a creature stroys the decency of the first. There are as a Centaur that practised physic in the other absurdities of this nature so very gross, days of Achilles, or as King Phys in the Rechat I dare not mention them; and shall hearsal. Æsculapius, the great founder of therefore dismiss this subject, with a public your art, was particularly famous for his admonition to Michael l'arrot; that he do beard, as we may conclude from the behanot presume any more to mention a certain viour of a tyrant, who is branded by heathen worm he knows of, which, by the way, has historians as guilty both of sacrilege and grown seven feet in my memory; for, if I blasphemy, having robbed the statue of am not much mistaken, it is the same that Æsculapius of a thick bushy golden beård, was but nine feet long about six months ago and then alledged for his excuse, That it
By the remarks I have here made, it was a shame the son should have a beard plainly appears, that a collection of adver- when his father Apollo had none.' This tisements is a kind of miscellany; the wri- | latter instance, indeed, seems something to ters of which, contrary to all authors, ex- favour a female professor, since (as I have cept men of quality, give money to the been told) the ancient statues of Apollo are booksellers who publish their copies. The generally made with the head and face of a genius of the bookseller is chiefly shown woman: nay, I have been credibly informed in his method of arranging and digesting by those who have seen them both, that the these little tracts. The last paper I took up famous Apollo in the Belvidera did very in my hands, placed them in the following much resemble Dr. Young. Let that be as order :
it will, the doctor was a kind of Amazon in
| physic, that made as great devastations and The true Spanish blacking for shoes, &c. slaughters as any of our chief heroes in the The beautifying cream for the face, &c. art, and was as fatal to the English in these Pease and plasters, &c.
our days, as the famous Joan d'Arc was in Nectar and ambrosia, &c.
| those of our forefathers. Four freehold tenements of 15l per an- “I do not find any thing remarkable in num, &c.
the life I am about to write till the year 1695, *** The present state of England, &c. I at which time the doctor, being about twenIII Annotations upon the Tatler, &c. ty-three years old, was brought to bed of a
bastard child. The scandal of such a misA commission of bankruptcy being award
fortune gave so great uneasiness to pretty ed against B. L. bookseller, &c.
Mrs. Peggy, (for that was the name by which the doctor was then called, that she
left her family, and followed her lover to No. 226.] Tuesday, September, 19, 1710. Lendon, with a fixed resolution some way or
other to recover her lost reputation : but, Juvenis quondam, nunc Fæmina Cæneus, instead of changing her life, which one would Et fato in veterem rursus revoluta figuram. Virg.
have expected from so good a disposition of From my own Apartment, September 18.
mind, she took it in her head to change her It is one of the designs of this paper, to
sex. This was soon done by the help of a transmit to posterity an account of every
sword, and a pair of breeches. I have reathing that is monstrous in my own times.
son to believe, that her first design was to For this reason I shall here publish to the
turn man-midwife, having herself had some world the life of a person who was neither
experience in those affairs : but thinking this man nor woman, as written by one of my
too narrow a foundation for her future foringenious correspondents, who seems to have
(tune, she at length bought her a gold button imitated Plutarch in that multifarious erudi
coat, and set up for a physician. Thus we tion, and those occasional dissertations,
see the same fatal miscarriage in her youth which he has wrought into the body of his
made Mrs. Young a doctor, that formerly history. The life I am putting out, is that
made one of the same sex a pope. of Margery, alias John Young, Commonly
" The doctor succeeded very well in his known by the name of Dr. Young, who (as
business at first, but very often met with acthe town very well knows) was a woman
cidents that disquieted him. As he wanted that practised physic in man's clothes, and
that deep magisterial voice which gives auafter having had two wives, and several
thority to a prescription, that is absolutely children, died about a month since.
necessary for the right pronouncing of those
words, Take these Pills, he unfortunately got “SIR,—I here make bold to trouble you the nick-name of the Squeaking Doctor. If with a short account of the famous Doctor this circumstance alarmed the doctor, there Young's life, which you may call (if you was another that gave him no small disquiet, please) a second part of the farce of the and very much diminished his gains. In Sham Doctor. This, perhaps, will not seem short, he found himself run down as a superso strange to you, who (if I am not mistaken) ficial prating quack, in all families that had have somewhere mentioned with honour, at the head of them a cautious father, or a your sister Kirleus as a practitioner both in jealous husband. These would often comphysic and astrology: but in the common plain among one another, that they did not opinion of mankind, a she-quack is alto- I like such a smock-faced physician; though,