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the most delightfbjects, and giving them | as men of superficial learning, and flashy all the transports c inebriation, without the confusion and the folly of it.'

parts.

I had yesterday morning a visit from this I have here only mentioned some master- learned idiot, (for that is the light in which touches of this admirable piece, because the I consider every pedant,) when I discovered original itself is understood by the greater in him some little touches of the coxcomb, part of my readers. I must confess, I take a which I had not before observed. Being particular delight in these prospects of futu- very full of the figure which he makes in rity, whether grounded upon the probable the republic of letters, and wonderfully satsuggestions of a fine imagination, or the more isfied with his great stock of knowledge, he severe conclusions of philosophy, as a man gave me broad intimations, that he did not loves to hear all the discoveries or conjec- believe in all points as his forefathers had He then communicated to me a tures relating to a foreign country which he done. is at some time to inhabit. Prospects of thought of a certain author upon a passage this nature lighten the burden of any pre- of Virgil's account of the dead, which I made sent evil, and refresh us under the worst the subject of a late paper. This thought and lowest circumstances of mortality. They hath taken very much among men of Tom's extinguish in us both the fear and envy of pitch and understanding, though universalhuman grandeur. Insolence shrinks its head, ly exploded by all that know how to conpower disappears; pain, poverty, and death, strue Virgil, or have any relish of antiquity. fly before them. In short, the mind that is Not to trouble my reader with it, I found, habituated to the lively sense of an hereaf-upon the whole, that Tom did not believe a ter can hope for what is the most terrifying to the generality of mankind, and rejoice in what is the most afflicting.

No. 158.] Thursday, April 13, 1710.
Faciunt næ intelligendo, nt nihil intelligant.--Ter.

future state of rewards and punishments, because Æneas, at his leaving the empire of the dead, passed through the gate of ivory, and not through that of horn. Knowing that Tom had not sense enough to give up an opinion which he had once received, that he might avoid wrangling, I told him, that Virgil possibly had his oversights as well as another author. "Ah! Mr. Bickerstaffe, From my own Apartment, April 12. (says he,) you would have another opinion TOM Folio is a broker in learning, em- of him, if you would read him in Daniel ployed to get together good editions, and Heinsius's edition. I have perused him stock the libraries of great men. There is myself several times in that edition, (connot a sale of books begins till Tom Folio is tinued he;) and, after the strictest and most seen at the door. There is not an auction malicious examination, could find but two where his name is not heard, and that too in faults in him: one of them is in the Æneid, the very nick of time, in the critical mo- where there are two commas instead of a ment, before the last decisive stroke of the parenthesis; and another in the third Georhammer. There is not a subscription goes gic, where you may find a semicolon turned forward, in which Tom is not privy to the upside down." "Perhaps, (said I,) these first rough draught of the proposals; nor a were not Virgil's faults, but those of the catalogue printed, that doth not come to him transcriber." "I do not design it (says wet from the press. He is an universal Tom) as a reflection on Virgil: on the conscholar, so far as the title-page of all authors, trary, I know that all the manuscripts reknows the manuscripts in which they were claim against such a punctuation. O! Mr. discovered, the editions through which they Bickerstaffe, (says he,) what would a man have passed, with the praises or censures give to see one smile of Virgil writ in his which they have received from the several own hand?" I asked him which was the members of the learned world. He has a smile he meant; but was answered, Any greater esteem for Aldus and Elzevir, than smile in Virgil," He then told me all the for Virgil and Horace. If you talk of He- secret history in the commonwealth of learnrodotus, he breaks out into a panegyric upon ing; of modern pieces that had the names of Harry Stephens. He thinks he gives you ancient authors annexed to them; of all the an account of the author, when he tells the books that were now writing or printing in subject he treats of, the name of the editor, the several parts of Europe; of many amend and the year in which it was printed. Or if ments which are made, and not yet publishyou draw him into further particulars, heed; and a thousand other particulars, which cries up the goodness of the paper, extols I would not have my memory burthened the diligence of the corrector, and is trans-with for a vatican. ported with the beauty of the letter. This At length, being fully persuaded that I he looks upon to be sound learning, and substantial criticism. As for those who talk of the fineness of style, and the justness of thought, or describe the brightness of any particular passages, nay, though they write themselves in the genius and spirit of the author they admire, Tom looks upon them

thoroughly admired him, and looked upon him as a prodigy of learning, he took his leave. I know several of Tom's class who are professed admirers of Tasso without understanding a word of Italian; and one, in particular, that carries a Pastor-fido in his pocket, in which I am sure he is ac

quainted with no other beauty but the clear- | For which reason, I bid her tell the gentleness of the character.

There is another kind of pedant, who, with all Tom Folio's impertinencies, hath greater superstructures and embellishments of Geek and Latin, and is still more insupportable than the other, in the same degree as he is more learned. Of this kind very often are editors, commentators, interpreters, scholiasts, and critics; and, in short, all men of deep learning without common sense. These persons set a greater value on themselves for having found out the meaning of a passage in Greek, than upon the author for having written it; nay, will allow the passage itself not to have any beauty in it, at the same time that they would be considered as the greatest men of the age for having interpreted it. They will look with contempt upon the most beautiful poems that have been composed by any of their contemporaries; but will lock themselves up in their studies for a twelvemonth together, to correct, publish, and expound, such trifles of antiquity, as a modern author would be contemmed for. Men of the strictest morals, severest lives, and the gravest professions, will write volumes upon an idle sonnet that is originally in Greek or Latin; give editions of the most immoral authors, and spin out whole pages upon the various readings of a lewd expression. All that can be said in excuse for them, is, that their works sufficiently show they have no taste of their authors; and that what they do in this kind, is out of their great learning, and not out of any levity or lasciviousness of temper.

A pedant of this nature is wonderfully well described in six lines of Boileau, with which I shall conclude his character:

Un Pedant enyvre de sa vaine science,
Tout herisse de Grec, tout bouffi d'arrogance,
Et qui de mille Auteurs retenus mot pour mot,
Dans sa tête entassez n'a souvent fait qu'un Sot,
Croit qu'un Livre fait tout, et que sans Aristote
La Raison ne voit goute, et le bon Sens radote.

No. 160.] Tuesday, April 18, 1710.

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From my own Apartment, April 17. A COMMON Civility to an impertinent fellow, often draws upon one a great many unforeseen troubles; and if one doth not take particular care, will be interpreted by him as an overture of friendship and intimacy. This I was very sensible of this morning. About two hours before day, I heard a great rapping at my door, which continued for some time, till my maid could get herself ready to go down, and see what was the occasion of it. She then brought me up word, that there was a gentleman who seemed very much in haste, and said he must needs speak with me. By the description she gave of him, and by his voice, which I could hear as I lay in my bed, I fancied him to be my old acquaintance the Upholsterer, whom I met the other day in St. James's Park.

man, whoever he was, that I was indisposed, that I could see nobody, and that, if he had any thing to say to me, I desired he would leave it in writing. My maid, after having delivered her message, told me, that the gentleman said he would stay at the next coffee-house, till I was stirring, and bid her be sure to tell me, that the French were driven from the Scarp, and that Douay was invested. He gave her the name of another town, which I found she had dropped by the way.

As much as I love to be informed of the

success of my brave countrymen, I do not care for hearing of a victory before day, and was therefore very much out of humour at this unseasonable visit. I had no socner recovered my temper, and was falling asleep, but I was immediately startled by a second rap; and upon my maid's opening the door, heard the same voice ask her, if her master was yet up; and at the same time bid her tell me, that he was come on purpose to talk with me about a piece of home-news that every body in town would be full of two hours hence. I ordered my maid, as soon as she came into the room, without hearing her message, to tell the gentleman, that whatever his news was, I would rather hear it two hours hence than now; and that I persisted in my resolution not to speak with any body that morning. The wench delivered my answer presently, and shut the door. It was impossible for me to compose myself to sleep after two such unexpected alarms; for which reason I put on my clothes in a very peevish humour. I took several turns about my chamber, reflecting with a great deal of anger and contempt on these volunteers in politics, that undergo all the pain, watchfulness, and disquiet of a first minister, without turning it to the advantage either of themselves or their country; and yet it is surprising to consider how numerous this species of men is. There is nothing more frequent than to find a tailor breaking his rest on the affairs of Europe, and to see a cluster of porters sitting upon the ministry. Our streets swarm with politicians, and there is scarce a shop which is not held by a statesman. As I was musing after this manner, I heard the Upholsterer at the door delivering a letter to my maid, and begging her, in a very great hurry, to give it to her master as soon as ever he was awake, which I opened, and found as follows.

"MR. BICKERSTAFFE,-I was to wait upon you about a week ago, to let you know, that the honest gentlemen whom you conversed with upon the bench at the end of the Mall, having heard that I had received five shillings of you, to give you a hundred pounds upon the great Turk's being driven out of Europe, desired me to acquaint you, that every one of that company would be willing to receive five shillings, to pay a hundred pounds on the same condition. Our

last advices from Muscovy making this a fairer bet than it was a week ago, I do not question but you will accept the wager.

was aware of it; which was followed by a dream, that I impute in some measure to the foregoing author, who had made an impression upon my imagination, and put me into his own way of thinking.

"But this is not my present business. If you remember, I whispered a word in your ear as we were walking up the Mall, and you I fancied myself among the Alps, and, as see what has happened since. If I had seen it is natural in a dream, seemed every moyou this morning, I would have told you in ment to bound from one summit to another, your ear another secret. I hope you will be until at last, after having made this airy prorecovered of your indisposition by to-mor-gress over the tops of several mountains, I row morning, when I will wait on you at the same hour I did this; my private circumstances being such, that I cannot well appear in this quarter of the town after it is day. "I have been so taken up with the late good news from Holland, and expectation of further particulars, as well as with other transactions, of which I will tell you more to-morrow morning, that I have not slept a wink these three nights.

"I have reason to believe that Picardy will soon follow the example of Artois, in case the enemy continue in their present resolution of flying away from us. I think I told you last time we were together my opinion about the Deulle.

"The honest gentlemen upon the bench bid me tell you, they would be glad to see you often among them. We shall be there all the warm hours of the day during the present posture of affairs.

"This happy opening of the campaign will, I hope, give us a very joyful summer; and I propose to take many a pleasant walk with you, if you will sometimes come into the Park; for that is the only place in which I can be free from the malice of my enemies. Farewell till three o'clock to-morrow morning. I am

"Your most humble servant, &c."

"P. S. The King of Sweden is still at Bender."

I should have fretted myself to death at this promise of a second visit, if I had not found in his letter an intimation of the good news which I have since heard at large. I have, however, ordered my maid to tie up the knocker of my door in such a manner as she would do if I was really indisposed. By which means I hope to escape breaking my mornings' rest.

No. 161.] Thursday, April 20, 1710.
Nunquam libertas gratior exstat
Quam sub rege pio.

From my own Apartment, April 19. I WAS walking two or three days ago in a very pleasing retirement, and amusing myself with the reading of that ancient and beautiful allegory, called The Table of Cebes. I was at last so tired with my walk, that I sat down to rest myself upon a bench, that stood in the midst of an agreeable shade. The music of the birds, that filled all the trees about me, lulled me asleep before I

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arrived at the very centre of those broken
rocks and precipices. I here, methought,
saw a prodigious circuit of hills, that reached
above the clouds, and encompassed a large
space of ground, which I had a great curi-
osity to look into. I thereupon continued
my former way of travelling, through a
great variety of winter scenes, until I had
gained the top of these white mountains,
which seemed another Alps of Snow. I
looked down from hence into a spacious
plain, which was surrounded on all sides by
this mound of hills, and which presented me
with the most agreeable prospect I had ever
seen. There was a greater variety of co-
lours in the embroidery of the meadows, a
more lively green in the leaves and grass, a
brighter crystal in the streams, than what
I ever met with in any other region. The
light itself had something more shining and
glorious in it than that of which the day is
made in other places. I was wonderfully
astonished at the discovery of such a para-
dise amidst the wildness of those cold,
hoary landscapes which lay about it; but
found at length, that this happy region was
inhabited by the Goddess of Liberty; whose
presence softened the rigours of the climate,
enriched the barrenness of the soil, and more
than supplied the absence of the sun.
place was covered with a wonderful pro-
fusion of flowers, that, without being dispos→
ed into regular borders and parterres, grew
their natural luxuriancy and disorder, than
promiscuously, and had a greater beauty in
they could have received from the checks
and restraints of art. There was a river
that arose out of the south-side of the moun-
tain, that, by an infinite number of turns and
windings, seemed to visit every plant, and
cherish the several beauties of the spring,
with which the fields abounded. After
having run to and fro in a wonderful variety
of meanders, it at last throws itself into the
hollow of a mountain, from whence it passes
under a long range of rocks, and at length
rises in that part of the Alps where the
inhabitants think it the first source of the
Rhone. This river, after having made its
progress through those free nations, stag-
nates in a huge lake at the leaving of them,
and no sooner enters into the regions of sla-
very, but runs through them with an incre-
dible rapidity, and takes its shortest way to
the sea.

The

I descended into the happy fields that lay beneath me, and in the midst of them, beheld the goddess sitting upon a throne. She had nothing to enclose her but the bounds of

her own dominions, and nothing over her | through this delightful place, and the more head but the heavens. Every glance of her so, because it was not encumbered with fences eye cast a tract of light where it fell, that revived the spring, and made all things smile about her. My heart grew cheerful at the sight of her, and as she looked upon me, I found a certain confidence growing in me, and such an inward resolution as I never felt before that time.

On the left-hand of the goddess sat the Genius of a Commonwealth, with the cap of liberty on her head, and in her hand a wand, like that with which a Roman citizen used to give his slaves their freedom. There was something mean and vulgar, but at the same time exceeding bold and daring, in her air; her eyes were full of fire, but had in them such casts of fierceness and cruelty, as made her appear to me rather dreadful than amiable. On her shoulders she wore a mantle, on which there was wrought a great confusion of figures. As it flew in the wind, I could not discern the particular design of them, but saw wounds in the bodies of some, and agonies in the faces of others, and over one part of it could read in letters of blood, The Ides of March.

On the right-hand of the goddess was the Genius of Monarchy. She was clothed in the whitest ermine, and wore a crown of the purest gold upon her head. In her hand she held a sceptre like that which is borne by the British Monarchs. A couple of tame 1ions lay crouching at her feet: her countenance had in it a very great majesty, without any mixture of terror: her voice was like the voice of an angel, filled with so much sweetness, accompanied with such an air of condescension, as tempered the awfulness of her appearance, and equally inspired love and veneration into the hearts of all that beheld her.

In the train of the Goddess of Liberty were the several arts and sciences, who all of them flourished underneath her eye. One of them, in particular, made a greater figure than any of the rest, who held a thunderbolt in her hand, which had the power of melting, piercing, or breaking every thing that stood in its way. The name of this goddess was Eloquence.

There were two other dependant goddesses, who made a very conspicuous figure in this blissful region. The first of them was seated upon a hill, that had every plant growing out of it, which the soil was in its own nature capable of producing. The other was seated in a little island, that was covered with groves of spices, olives, and orange-trees; and, in a word, with the products of every foreign clime. The name of the first was Plenty; of the second, Commerce. The first leaned her right-arm upon

and enclosures; till at length, methought I sprung from the ground, and pitched upon the top of a hill, that presented several objects to my sight, which I had not before taken notice of. The winds that passed over this flowery plain, and through the tops of trees, which were full of blossoms, blew upon me in such a continued breeze of sweets, that I was wonderfully charmed with my situation. I here saw all the inner declivities of that great circuit of mountains, whose outside was covered with snow, overgrown with huge forests of fir-trees, which indeed are very frequently found in other parts of the Alps. These trees were inhabited by storks, that came thither in great flights from very distant quarters of the world. Methought I was pleased in my dream to see what became of these birds, when, upon leaving the places to which they make an annual visit, they rise in great flocks so high till they are out of sight; and for that reason have been thought by some modern philosophers, to take a flight to the moon. But my eyes were soon diverted from this prospect, when I observed two great gaps that led through this circuit of mountains, where guards and watches were posted day and night. Upon examination, I found that there were two formidable enemies encamped before each of these avenues, who kept the place in a perpetual alarm, and watched all opportunities of invading it.

Tyranny was at the head of one of these armies, dressed in an eastern habit, and grasping in her hand an iron sceptre. Behind her was Barbarity, with the garb and complexion of an Ethiopian; Ignorance with a turban upon her head; and Persecution holding up a bloody flag, embroidered with fleurs-delis. These were followed by Oppression, Poverty, Famine, Torture, and a dreadful train of appearances, that made me tremble to behold them. Among the baggage of this army, I could discover racks, wheels, chains, and gibbets, with all the instruments art could invent to make human nature miserable.

Before the other avenue I saw Licentiousness, dressed in a garment not unlike the Polish cassock, and leading up a whole army of monsters, such as Clamour, with a hoarse voice and a hundred tongues; Confusion, with a misshapen body, and a thousand heads; Impudence, with a forehead of brass; and Rapine, with hands of iron. The tumult, noise, and uproar, in this quarter were so very great, that it disturbed my imagination more than is consistent with sleep, and by that means awakened me.

a plough, and under her left held a huge No. 162.] Saturday, April 22, 1710.
horn, out of which she poured a whole au-
tumn of fruits. The other wore a rostral
crown upon her head, and kept her eyes
fixed upon a compass.

I was wonderfully pleased in ranging

Tertius è Cœlo cecidit Cato.

Juv. Sat. 2.

From my own Apartment, April 21 1

In my younger years I used many endea

vours to get a place at court, and indeed continued my pursuits till I arrived at my grand climacteric: but at length altogether despairing of success, whether it were for want of capacity, friends, or due application, I at last resolved to erect a new office, and for my encouragement, to place myself in it. For this reason, I took upon me the title and dignity of Censor of Great Britain, reserving to myself all such perquisites, profits, and emoluments, as should arise out of the discharge of the said office. These, in truth, have not been inconsiderable; for, besides those weekly contributions which I receive from John Morphew, and those annual subscriptions which I propose to myself from the most elegant part of this great island, I daily live in a very comfortable affluence of wine, stale beer, Hungary water, beef, books, and marrow-bones, which I receive from many welldisposed citizens; not to mention the forfeitures which accrue to me from the several offenders that appear before me on court-days. Having now enjoyed this office for the space of a twelvemonth, I shall do what all good officers ought to do, take a survey of my behaviour, and consider carefully whether I have discharged my duty, and acted up to the character with which I am invested. For my direction in this particular, I have made a narrow search into the nature of the old Roman Censors, whom I must always regard, not only as my predecessors, but as my patterns in this great employment; and have several times asked my own heart with great impartiality, whether Cato will not bear a more venerable figure among posterity

The second part of the Roman Censor's office was to look into the manners of the people, and to check any growing luxury, whether in diet, dress, or building. This duty likewise I have endeavoured to discharge, by those wholesome precepts which I have given my countrymen in regard to beef and mutton, and the severe censures which I have passed upon ragouts and fricassees. There is not, as I am informed, a pair of red heels to be seen within ten miles of London, which I may likewise ascribe, without vanity, to the tecoming zeal which I expressed in that particular. I must own, my success with the petticoat is not so great; but as I have not yet done with it, I hope I shall in a little time put an effectual stop to that growing evil. As for the article of building, I intend hereafter to enlarge upon it, having lately observed several warehouses, nay, private shops, that stand upon Corinthian pillars, and whole rows of tin pots showing themselves, in order to their sale, through a sash-window.

I have likewise followed the example of the Roman Censors, in punishing offences according to the quality of the offender. It was usual for them to expel a senator who had been guilty of great immoralities out of the senate-house, by omitting his name when they called over the list of his brethren. In the same manner, to remove effectually several worthless men who stand possessed of great honours, I have made frequent draughts of dead men out of the vicious part of the nobility, and given them up to the new society of Upholders, with the necessary orders for their interment. As the Roman Censors I find the duty of the Roman Censor was used to punish the knights or gentlemen of twofold. The first part of it consisted in Rome, by taking away their horses from making frequent reviews of the people, in them, I have seized the canes of many crimcasting up their numbers, ranging them un-inals of figure, whom I had just reason to der their several tribes, disposing them into proper classes, and subdividing them into their respective centuries.

than Bickerstaffe?

In compliance with this part of the office, I have taken many curious surveys of this great city. I have collected into particular bodies, the Dappers and the Smarts, the Natural and Affected Rakes, the Pretty Fellows, and the Very Pretty Fellows. I have likewise drawn out in several distinct parties, your Pedants and Men of Fire, your Gamester's and Politicians. I have separated Cits from Citizens, Free-thinkers from Philosophers, Wits from Snuff-takers, and Duellists from Men of Honour. I have likewise made a calculation of Esquires, not only considering the several distinct swarms of them that are settled in the different parts of this town, but also that more rugged species that inhabit the fields and woods, and are often found in pot-houses, and upon hay-cocks.

I shall pass the soft sex over in silence, having not yet reduced them into any tolerable order; as likewise the softer tribe of lovers, which will cost me a great deal of time, before I shall be able to cast them into their several centuries and subdivisions.

animadvert upon. As for the offenders among the common people of Rome, they were generally chastised, by being thrown out of a higher tribe, and placed in one which was not so honourable. My reader cannot but think I have had an eye to this punishment, when I have degraded one species of men into bombs, squibs, and crackers, and another into drums, bass-viols, and bagpipes; not to mention whole packs of delinquents, whom I have shut up in kennels; and the new hospital, which I am at present erecting, for the reception of those of my countrymen who give me but little hopes of their amendment, on the borders of Moorfields. I shall only observe upon this particular, that since some late surveys I have taken of this island, I shall think it necessary to enlarge the plan of the buildings which I design in this quarter.

When my great predecessor, Cato the Elder, stood for the censorship of Rome, there were several other competitors who offered themselves; and, to get an interest among the people, gave them great promises of the mild and gentle treatment which they would use towards them in that office. Cato,

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