« AnteriorContinuar »
consult me; that as I had mentioned with sequel of her discourse, that ster was an arch great affection my own dog, (here she curt- baggage, and of a character that is frequent sied, and looking first at the cur, and then on enough in persons of her empluyment, who me, said, indeed I had reason, for he was are so used to conform themselves in every very pretty,) her lady sent to me rather thing to the humours and passions of their than to any other doctor, and hoped I would mistresses, that they sacrifice superiority or not laugh at her sorrow, but send her my sense to superiority of condition, and are radvice. I must confess I had some indig- sensibly betrayed into the passions and prenation to find myself treated like something judices of those whom they serve, without below a farrier; yet well knowing, that the giving themselves leave to consider, tuat best as well as most tender way of dealing they are extravagant and ridiculous. How with a woman, is to fall in with her humours, ever, I thought it very natural, when he and by that means to let her see the absurdi- eyes were thus open, to see her give a new ty of them, I proceeded accordingly: “Pray, turn to her discourse, and from sympathi Madam, (said I,) can you give me any sing with her mistress in her follies, to fall a methodical account of this illness, and how railing at her. “You cannot imagine, (said Cupid was first taken?" “Sir, said she,) she,) Mr. Bickerstaffe, what a life she makes we have a little ignorant country girl, who us lead for the sake of this ugly cur: if he is kept to attend him: she was recommend- dies, we are the most unhappy family in ed to our family by one that my lady never | town. She chanced to lose a parrot last saw but once, at a visit; and you know, per- year, which, to tell you truly, brought me sons of quality are always inclined to stran- into her service; for she turned off her wogers; for I could have helped her to a cousin man upon it, who had lived with her ten of my own, but-"“Good Madam, (said I,) years, because she neglected to give him you neglect the account of the sick body, water; though every one in the family says, while you are complaining of this girl.” she was as innocent of the bird's death as the “No, no, Sir, (said she,) begging your pardon; babe that is unborn. Nay, she told me this but it is the general fault of physicians, they very morning, that if Cupid should die, she are so in haste, that they never hear out the would send the poor innocent wench I was case, I say, this silly girl, after washing telling you of, to Bridewell, and have the Cupid, let him stand half an hour in the milk-woman tried for her life at the Old window without his collar, where he catch- Bailey, for putting water into her milk. In ed cold, and in an hour after began to bark short, she talks like any distracted creature." very hoarse. He had, however, a pretty “Since it is so, young woman, (said I,) I good night, and we hoped the danger was will by no means let you offend her, by stayover; but for these two nights last past, ing on this message longer than is absolutely neither he nor my lady have slept a wink.” necessary ;” and so forced her out. “Has he (said I) taken any thing ?” “No, While I am studying to cure those evils (said she: ) but my lady says, he shall take and distresses that are necessary or natural any thing that you prescribe, provide you to human life, I find my task growing upon do not make use of Jesuits powder, or the cold me, since by these accidental cares, and acbath. Poor Cupid (continued she) has al-quired calamities, (if I may so call them,) ways been phthisical: as he lies under some- my patients contract distempers to which thing like a chin-coughi, we are afraid it will their constitution is of itself a stranger. But end in a consumption.” I then asked her, this is an evil I have for many years re “ if she had brought any of his waterto show i marked in the fair sex; and as they are me." Upon this, she stared me in the face, by nature very much formed for affection and said, " I am afraid, Mr. Bickerstaffe, and calliance, I have observed, that when you are not serious; but if you have any re- by too obstinate a cruelty, or any other ceipt that is proper on this occasion, pray means, they have disappointed themselves let us have it; for my mistress is not to be of the proper objects of love, as husbands, comforted." Upon this, I paused a little or children, such virgins have exactly at without returning any answer; and after such a year, grown fond of lap-clogs, parrots, some short silence, I proceedel in the fol- or other animals. I know at this time a cellowing manner: “I have considered the na- ebrated toast, whom I allow to be one of the ture of the distemper, and the constitution most agreeable of her sex, that in the preof the patient, and by the best observation sence of her admirers, will give a torrent of that I can make on botli, I think it safest to kisses to her cat, any one of which a Chrisput him into a course of kitchen plıysic. In tian would be glad of. I do not at the same the mean time, to remove his hoarseness, it time deny but there are as great enormities will be the most natural way to make Cupid of this kind committed by our sex as theirs. his own druggist; for which reason I shall | A Roman emperor had so very great an esprescribe to him, three mornings successive- teem for a horse of his, that he had thoughts ly, as much powder as will lie on a groat, of of making him a consul; and several modthat noble remedy which the apothecaries erns, of that rank of men, whom we call call album Græcum." Upon hearing this country 'squires, will not scruple to kiss advice, the young woman smiled, as if she their hounds before all the world, and deknew how ridiculous an errand she had been clare in the presence of their wives, that employed in; and, indeed, I found by the they had rather salute a favourite of the pack, than the finest woman in England. | ful at the same time, if I did not take this These voluntary friendships between ani- opportunity of acknowledging the great ci. mals of different species, seem to arise from vilities that were shown to me by Mr. Tlioinstinct: for which reason, I have always mas Dogget, who made his compliments to looked upon the mutual good-will between me between the acts after a most ingenuous the 'squire and the hound, to be of the same and discreet manner; and at the same time nature with that between the lion and the communicated to me, that the company of jackall,
upholders desired to receive me at their The only extravagance of this kind which door at the end of the Haymarket, and to appears to me excusable, is one that grew light me home to my lodgings. That part out of an excess of gratitude, which I have of the ceremony I forbade, and took partisomewhere met with in the life of a Turkish cular care, during the whole play, to observe emperor. His horse had brought him safe the conduct of the drama, and give no offence out of a field of battle, and from the pursuit by my own behaviour. Here I think it will of a victorious enemy. As a reward for not be foreign to my character, to lay down such his good and faithful service, his master the proper duties of an audience, and what built him a stable of marble, shod him with is incumbent upon each individual spectator gold, fed him in an ivory manger, and made in public diversions of this nature. Every him a rack of silver. He annexed to the one should, on these occasions, show his atstable several fields and meadows, lakes and tention, understanding, and virtue. I would running streams. At the same time he pro- undertake to find out all the persons of sense vided for him a seraglio of mares, the most and breeding by the effect of a single senbeautiful that could be found in the whole tence, and to distinguish a gentleman as Ottoman empire. To these were added a | much by his laugh as his bow. When we suitable train of domestics, consisting of see the footman and his lord diverted by the grooms, farriers, rubbers, &c. accommoda- same jest, it very much turns to the diminuted with proper liveries and pensions. In tion of the one, or the honour of the other. short, nothing was omitted that could con- But though a man's quality may appear in tribute to the ease and happiness of his life his understanding and taste, the regard to who had preserved the emperor's.
| virtue ought to be the same, in all ranks and *** By reason of the extreme cold, and
conditions of men, however they make a the changeableness of the weather, I have
profession of it under the name of honour, been prevailed upon to allow the free use of religion, or morality. When therefore we the fardingal till the 20th of February next
see any thing divert an audience, either in ensuing:
| tragedy or comedy, that strikes at the duties of civil life, or exposes what the best men in all ages have looked upon as sacred
and inviolable, it is the certain sign of a proNo. 122.] Thursday, January 19, 1709. fligate race of men, who are fallen from the Cur in Theatrum Cato severe venisti ?
virtue of their forefathers, and will be conMart.
temptible in the eyes of their posterity. For From my own Apartment, January 18. this reason, I took great delight in seeing the I FIND it is thought necessary that I (who generous and disinterested passion of the lovhave taken upon me to censure the irregu- ers in this comedy (which stood so many larities of the age) should give an account of trials, and was proved by such a variety of my actions when they appear doubtful, or diverting incidents) received with a universubject to misconstruction. My appearing sal approbation. This brings to my mind a at the play on *Monday last, is looked upon passage in Cicero, which I could never reach as a step in my conduct which I ought to ex
without being in love with the virtue of a plain, that others may not be misled by my
Roman audience. He there describes the example. It is true, in matter of fact, I was shouts and applauses which the people gave present at the ingenious entertainment of that to the persons who acted the parts of Pylades day, and placed myself in a box, which was and Orestes, on the noblest occasion that a prepared for me with great civility and dis- poet could invent to show friendship in pertinction. It is said of Virgil, when he en- fection. One of them had forfeited his life tered a Roman theatre, where there were by an action which he had committed ; and many thousands of spectators present, that as they stood in judgment before the tyranta the whole assembly rose up to do him hon- each of them strove who should be the crimour, a respect which was never before paid inal, that he might save the life of his friend. to any but the emperor. I must confess. Amidst the vehemence of each asserting that the universal clap, and other testimo- | himself to be the offender, the Roman audinies of applause, with which I was received ence gave a thunder of applause, and by that at my first appearance in the theatre of means, as the author hints, approved in Great Britain, gave me as sensible a delight,
others what they would have done themselves as the above-mentioned reception could give on the like occasion. Methinks a people of to that immortal poet. I should be ungrate
so much virtue were deservedly placed at
the head of mankind: but, alas! pleasures * A person dressed for Isaac Bickerstaffe did appear
of this nature are not frequently to be niet at the playhouse on this occasion.
with on the English stage,
The Athenians, at a time when they cess, there chanced to be a line that seemed were the most polite, as well as the most to encourage vice and immorality. powerful government in the world, made This was no sooner spoken, but Socrates the care of the stage one of the chief parts rose from his seat, and, without any regard of the administration : and I must confess, I to his affection for his friend, or to the sucam astonished at the spirit of virtue which cess of his play, showed himself displeased appeared in that people upon some expres- at what was said, and walked out of the assions in a scene of a famous tragedy ; an ac- sembly. I question not but the reader will count of which we have in one of Seneca's be curious to know what the line was, that epistles. A covetous person is represented gave this divine heathen so much offence, speaking the common sentiments of all who If my memory fails me not, it was in the are possessed with that vice, in the follow-part of Hyppolytus, who, when he was pressing soliloquy, which I have translated lit- ed by an oath, which he had taken to keep erally,
silence, returned for answer, “That he had “Let me be called a base man, so I am taken the oath with his tongue, but not with called a rich one. If a man is rich, who | his heart." Had a person of a vicious asks if he is good ? The question is, how character made such a speech, it might much we have ; not from whence, or by have been allowed as a proper representawhat means we have it. Every one has so tion of the baseness of his thoughts: but much merit as he has wealth. For my own such an expression out of the mouth of the part, let me be rich, O, ye gods ! or let me virtuous Hyppolytus, was giving a sanction die. The man dies happily who dies in- to falsehood, and establishing perjury by a creasing his treasure. There is more plea- maxim. sure in the possession of wealth, than in that Having got over all interruptions, I have of parents, children, wife, or friends." set apart to-morrow for the closing of my
The audience were very much provoked vision, by the first words of this speech; but when the actor came to the close of it, they could bear no longer. In short, the whole assembly rose up at once in the greatest fury, with
No. 123.] Saturday, January 21, 1709. a design to pluck him off the stage, and
Audire atque togam jubeo componere, quisquis brand the work itself with infamy. In the Ambitione mala, aut argenti pallet amore.-Hor. midst of the tumult, the author came out
From my own Apartment, January 20 from behind the scenes, begged the audience to be composed for a little while, and they
A continuation of the Vision. should see the tragical end which this With much labour and difficulty I pasywretch should come to immediately. The ed through the first part of my vision, and promise of punishment appeased the people, recovered the centre of the wood, from who sat with great attention and pleasure to whence I had the prospect of the three see an example made of so odious a crimi- great roads. I here joined myself to the nal. It is with shame and concern that I middle-aged party of mankind, who march. speak it; but I very much question, whether|ed behind the standard of Ambition. The it is possible to make a speech so impious, great road lay in a direct line, and was teras to raise such a laudable horror and in- minated by the Temple of Virtue. It was dignation in a modern audience.
planted on each side with laurels, which It is very natural for an author to make were interniixed with marble trophies, carvostentation of his reading, as it is for an olded pillars, and statues of law-givers, heroes, man to tell stories; for which reason, I must statesmen, philosophers, and poets. The beg the reader will excuse me, if I for once persons who travelled up this great path, indulge myself in both these inclinations. were such whose thoughts were bent upon We see the attention, judgment and virtue of doing eminent services to mankind, or proa whole audience in the foregoing instances. moting the good of their country. On each If we would imitate the behaviour of a single side of this great road were several paths, spectator, let us reflect upon that of Socra- that were also laid out in straight lines, and tes, in a particular which gives me as great ran parallel with it. These were most an idea of that extraordinary man, as any of them covered walks, and received into circumstance of his life; or, what is more, them men of retired virtue, who proposed to of his death. This venerable person often themselves the same end of their journey, frequented the theatre, which brought a though they chose to make it in shade and great many thither out of a desire to see him. obscurity. The edifices at the extremity of
On which occasion, it is recorded of him, the walk were so contrived, that we could that he sometimes stood to make himself the not see the Temple of Honour by reason of more conspicuous, and to satisfy the curiosi- the Temple of Virtue, which stood before it. ty of the beholders. He was one day pre- | At the gates of this temple we were met by sent at the first representation of a tragedy the goddess of it, who conducted us into that of Euripides, who was his intimate friend, of Honour, which was joined to the other and whom he is said to have assisted in edifice by a beautiful triumphal arch, and several of his plays. In the midst of the had no other entrance into it. When the tragedy, which had met with very great suc- leity of the other structure had received us. she presented us in a body to a figure that I journied several days with great toil and unwas placed over the high altar, and was the leasiness, and without the necessary refreshemblem of Eternity. She sat on a globe, in ments of food and sleep. The only relief the midst of a golden zodiac, holding the they met with, was in a river that ran figure of a sun in one hand, and a moon in through the bottom of the valley on a bed thie other. Her head was vailed, and her of golden sand. They often drank of the feet covered. Our hearts glowed within us stream, which had such a particular quality as we stood amidst the sphere of light which in it, that though it refreshed them for a this image cast on every side of it.
| time, it rather inflamed than quenched their Having seen all that happened to this band thirst. On each side of the river was a of adventurers, I repaired to another pile of range of hills full of precious ore; for where building that stood within view of the Tem- the rains had washed off the earth, one ple of Honour, and was raised in imitation might see in several parts of them veins of of it upon the very same model; but at my gold, and rocks that looked like pure silver. approach of it, I found, that the stones were We were told, that the deity of the place laid together without mortar, and the whole had forbade any of his votaries to dig into fabric stood upon so weak a foundation, that the bowels of these hills, or convert the treait shook with every wind that blew. This sures they contained to any use, under pain was called the Temple of Vanity. The of starving. At the end of the valley stood goddess of it sat in the midst of a great many the Temple of Avarice, made after the mantapers, that burned day and night, and made ner of a fortification, and surrounded with her appear much better than she would a thousand triple-headed dogs, that were have done in open day-light. Her whole placed there to keep off beggars. At our art was to show herself more beautiful and approach they all fell a barking, and would majestic than she really was. For which have very much terrified us, had not an reason, she had painted her face, and wore old woman, who had called herself by the a cluster of false jewels upon her breast: forged name of Competency, offered herself but what I more particularly observed, was, for our guide. She carried under her gar the breadth of her petticoat, which was ment a golden bough, which she no sooner made altogether in the fashion of a modern held up in her hand, but the dogs lay down, fardingal. This place was filled with hypo- and the gates flew open for our reception. crites, pedants, free-thinkers, and parting We were led through a hundred iron doors politicians; with a rabble of those who have before we entered the temple. At the upper only titles to make them great men. Fe- end of it sat the god of Avarice, with a long male votaries crowded the temple, choked filthy beard, and a meagre starved counteup the avenues of it, and were more in num- nance, inclosed with heaps of ingots, and ber than the sand upon the sea-shore. I pyramids of money, but half naked, and shimade it my business, in my return towards vering with cold. On his right hand was a that part of the wood from whence I first fiend called Rapine; and on his left a partiset out, to observe the walks which led to cular favourite, to whom he had given the this temple; for I met in it several who had title of Parsimony. The first was his collecbegan their journey with the band of virtu- tor, and the other his cashier. ous persons, and travelled some time in their There were several long tables placed on company: but, upon examination, I found each side of the temple, with the respective that there were several paths which led out officers attending behind them. Some of of the great road into the sides of the wood, these I inquired into. At the first table and ran into so many crooked turnings and was kept the office of Corruption. Seeing windings, that those who travelled through a solicitor extremely busy, and whispering them often turned their backs upon the every body that passed by, I kept my eye Temple of Virtue, then crossed the straight upon him very attentively, and saw him road, and sometimes marched into it for a often go up to a person that had a pen in his little space, till the crooked path which hand, with a multiplication table and an althey were engaged in, again led them into manac before him, which, as I afterwards the wood. The several alleys of these wan- heard, was all the learning he was master of. derers had their particular ornaments: one The solicitor would often apply himself to of them I could not but take notice of in the his ear, and at the same time convey money walk of the mischievous pretenders to po- into his hand, for which the other would litics, which had at every turn the figure of give him out a piece of paper or parchment, a person, whom by the inscription I found signed and sealed in form. The name of to be Machiaval, pointing out the way with this dexterous and successful solicitor was an extended finger like a Mercury. . Bribery. At the next table was the office
I was now returned in the same manner of Extortion. Behind it sat a person in a as before, with a design to observe carefully bobwig, counting over a great sum of money. every thing that passed in the region of Ava- He gave out little purses to several, who, rice, and the occurrences in that assembly, after a short tour, brought him, in return, which was made up of persons of my own sacks full of the same kind of coin. I saw age. This body of travellers had not gone at the same time a person called Fraud, who far in the third great road, before it led them sat behind a counter with false scales, light insensibly into a deep valley, in which they weights, and scanty measures; by the skilfiil application of which instruments, he had got | No. 131.] Thursday, February 9, 1709. together an inmense heap of wealth. It would be endless to name the several of
-Scelus est jugulare falernum, ficers, or describe the votaries, that attended
Et dare Campano toxica sæva meró. Mart. in this temple. There were many old men
Sheer-Lane, February 8 panting and breathless, reposing their heads THERE is in this city a certain fraternity on bags of money; nay, many of them ac- of chemical operators, who work undera tually dying, whose very pangs and convul
ground in holes, caverns, and dark retiresions (which rendered their purses useless
ments, to conceal their mysteries from the to them) only made them grasp them the
eyes and observation of mankind. These faster. There were some tearing with one subterraneous philosophers are daily emhand all things, even to the garments and ployed in the transmigration of liquors, and. flesh of many miserable persons who stood by the nower of man
stood by the power of magical drugs and incantabefore them, and with the other hand throw- tions, raising under the streets of London the ing away what they had seized, to harlots, choicest product of the hills and vallies of flatterers, and panders, that stood behind France,
France. "They can squeeze Bourdeaux out them,
of a sloe, and draw Champaign from an ap. On a sudden the whole assembly, fell aple. Virgil, in that remarkable prophecy, trembling; and, upon inquiry, I found, that| the great room we were in was haunted with
Incultisque rubens pendebit Sentibus Uva, a spectre, that many times a day appeared
« The ripening grape shall hang on every thorn,” to them, and terrified them to distraction. seems to have hinted at this art, which can
In the midst of their terror and amaze- turn a plantation of Northern hedges into a ment, the apparition entered, which I im- vineyard. These adepts are known among mediately knew to be Poverty. Whether one another by the name of wine-brewers, it were by my acquaintance with this phan- and I am afraid do great injury not only to tom, which had rendered the sight of her Her Majesty's customs, but to the bodies of more familiar to me, or however it was, she many of her good subjects. did not make so indigent or frightful a figure Having received sundry complaints against in my eye, as the god of this loathsome tem- these invisible workmen, I ordered the prople.' The miserable votaries of this place per officer of my court to ferret them out of were, I found, of another mind. Every one their respective caves, and bring them before fancied himself threatened by the apparition, me, which was yesterday executed accoras she stalked about the room, and began to | dingly. lock their coffers, and tie their bags, with The person who appeared against them the utmost fear and trembling.
was a merchant, who had by him a great I must confess, I look upon the passion magazine of wines that he had laid in before which I saw in this unhappy people, to be the war; but these gentlemen (as he said) of the same nature with those unaccountable had so vitiated the nation's palate, that no antipathies which some persons are born man could believe his to be French, because with, or rather as a kind of phrenzy, not un- it did not taste like what they sold for such. like that which throws a man into terrors As a man never pleads better than where and agonies at the sight of so useful and in- his own personal interest is concerned, he nocent a thing as water. The whole assem- exhibited to the court with great eloquence, bly was surprized, when, instead of paying “That this new corporation of druggists had my devotions to the deity whom they all inflamed the bills of mortality, and puzzled adored, they saw me address myself to the the college of physicians with diseases, for phantom.
which they neither knew a name or cure.” * « Oh, Poverty ! (said I,) my first petition He accused some of giving all their customto thee is, that thou would'st never appear ers cholics and mcgrims; and mentioned. to me hereafter ; but if thou wilt not grant one who had boasted, he had a tun of claret me this, that thou would'st not bear a form by him, that in a fortnight's time should give more terrible than that in which thou ap- the gout to a dozen of the healthfulest men pearest to me at present. Let not thy in the city, provided that their constitutions Threats and menaces betray me to any thing were prepared for it by wealth and idleness. that is ungrateful or unjust. Let me not He then enlarged, with a great show of rea shut my ears to the cries of the needy. Let | son, upon the prejudice which these mix me not forget the person that has deserved tures and compositions had done to the brains well of me. Let me not, for any fear of thee, of the English nation; as is too visible (said desert my friend, my principles, or my hon- he) from many late pamphlets, speeches and our. If Wealth is to visit me, and to come sermons, as well as from the ordinary conwith her usual attendants, Vanity and Ava- versations of the youth of this age. He then rice, do thou, Oh, Poverty ! hasten to my quoted an ingenious person, who would unrescue; but bring along with thee the two dertake to know by a man's writings, the sisters, in whose company thou art always wine he most delighted in; and on that occheerful, Liberty and Innocence.”
casion named a certain satirist, whom he had
discovered to be the author of a lampoon, by The conclusion of this Vision must be a manifest taste of the sloe, which showed it deferred to another opportunity.
I self in it by much roughness, and little spirit,