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sequel of her discourse, that she was an arch baggage, and of a character that is frequent enough in persons of her employment, who are so used to conform themselves in every thing to the humours and passions of their mistresses, that they sacrifice superiority of sense to superiority of condition, and are sensibly betrayed into the passions and prejudices of those whom they serve, withou giving themselves leave to consider, that they are extravagant and ridiculous. How ever, I thought it very natural, when he eyes were thus open, to see her give a new turn to her discourse, and from sympathi sing with her mistress in her follies, to fall a railing at her. "You cannot imagine, (said she,) Mr. Bickerstaffe, what a life she makes us lead for the sake of this ugly cur: if he dies, we are the most unhappy family in town. She chanced to lose a parrot last year, which, to tell you truly, brought me into her service; for she turned off her woman upon it, who had lived with her ten years, because she neglected to give him water; though every one in the family says, she was as innocent of the bird's death as the babe that is unborn. Nay, she told me this very morning, that if Cupid should die, she would send the poor innocent wench I was telling you of, to Bridewell, and have the milk-woman tried for her life at the Old Bailey, for putting water into her milk. In short, she talks like any distracted creature."

consult me; that as I had mentioned with great affection my own dog, (here she curtsied, and looking first at the cur, and then on me, said, indeed I had reason, for he was very pretty,) her lady sent to me rather than to any other doctor, and hoped I would not laugh at her sorrow, but send her my advice. I must confess I had some indignation to find myself treated like something below a farrier; yet well knowing, that the best as well as most tender way of dealing with a woman, is to fall in with her humours, and by that means to let her see the absurdity of them, I proceeded accordingly: "Pray, Madam, (said I,) can you give me any methodical account of this illness, and how Cupid was first taken ?" "Sir, (said she,) we have a little ignorant country girl, who is kept to attend him: she was recommended to our family by one that my lady never saw but once, at a visit; and you know, persons of quality are always inclined to strangers; for I could have helped her to a cousin of my own, but-" "Good Madam, (said I,) you neglect the account of the sick body, while you are complaining of this girl. "No, no, Sir, (said she,) begging your pardon; but it is the general fault of physicians, they are so in haste, that they never hear out the case, I say, this silly girl, after washing Cupid, let him stand half an hour in the window without his collar, where he catched cold, and in an hour after began to bark very hoarse. He had, however, a pretty good night, and we hoped the danger was over; but for these two nights last past, neither he nor my lady have slept a wink. "Has he (said I) taken any thing?" No, While I am studying to cure those evils (said she :) but my lady says, he shall take and distresses that are necessary or natural any thing that you prescribe, provided you to human life, I find my task growing upon do not make use of Jesuits powder, or the cold me, since by these accidental cares, and acbath. Poor Cupid (continued she) has al- quired calamities, (if I may so call them,) ways been phthisical: as he lies under some- my patients contract distempers to which thing like a chin-cough, we are afraid it will their constitution is of itself a stranger. But end in a consumption." I then asked her, this is an evil I have for many years re "if she had brought any of his water to show marked in the fair sex; and as they are me. Upon this, she stared me in the face, by nature very much formed for affection and said, "I am afraid, Mr. Bickerstaffe, and dalliance, I have observed, that when you are not serious; but if you have any re- by too obstinate a cruelty, or any other ceipt that is proper on this occasion, pray means, they have disappointed themselves let us have it; for my mistress is not to be of the proper objects of love, as husbands, comforted." Upon this, I paused a little or children, such virgins have exactly at without returning any answer; and after such a year, grown fond of lap-dogs, parrots, some short silence, I proceeded in the fol- or other animals. I know at this time a cellowing manner: "I have considered the na-ebrated toast, whom I allow to be one of the ture of the distemper, and the constitution of the patient, and by the best observation that I can make on both, I think it safest to put him into a course of kitchen physic. In the mean time, to remove his hoarseness, it will be the most natural way to make Cupid his own druggist; for which reason I shall prescribe to him, three mornings successively, as much powder as will lie on a groat, of that noble remedy which the apothecaries call album Græcum." Upon hearing this advice, the young woman smiled, as if she knew how ridiculous an errand she had been employed in; and, indeed, I found by the

"Since it is so, young woman, (said I,) I will by no means let you offend her, by staying on this message longer than is absolutely necessary;" and so forced her out.

most agreeable of her sex, that in the presence of her admirers, will give a torrent of kisses to her cat, any one of which a Christian would be glad of. I do not at the same time deny but there are as great enormities of this kind committed by our sex as theirs. A Roman emperor had so very great an esteem for a horse of his, that he had thoughts of making him a consul; and several moderns, of that rank of men, whom we call country 'squires, will not scruple to kiss their hounds before all the world, and declare in the presence of their wives, that they had rather salute a favourite of the

pack, than the finest woman in England. | ful at the same time, if I did not take this These voluntary friendships between animals of different species, seem to arise from instinct for which reason, I have always looked upon the mutual good-will between the 'squire and the hound, to be of the same nature with that between the lion and the jackall.

The only extravagance of this kind which appears to me excusable, is one that grew out of an excess of gratitude, which I have somewhere met with in the life of a Turkish emperor. His horse had brought him safe out of a field of battle, and from the pursuit of a victorious enemy. As a reward for such his good and faithful service, his master built him a stable of marble, shod him with gold, fed him in an ivory manger, and made him a rack of silver. He annexed to the stable several fields and meadows, lakes and running streams. At the same time he provided for him a seraglio of mares, the most beautiful that could be found in the whole Ottoman empire. To these were added a suitable train of domestics, consisting of grooms, farriers, rubbers, &c. accommodated with proper liveries and pensions. In short, nothing was omitted that could contribute to the ease and happiness of his life who had preserved the emperor's.

*** By reason of the extreme cold, and the changeableness of the weather, I have been prevailed upon to allow the free use of the fardingal till the 20th of February next ensuing.

opportunity of acknowledging the great ci vilities that were shown to me by Mr. Thomas Dogget, who made his compliments to me between the acts after a most ingenuous and discreet manner; and at the same time communicated to me, that the company of upholders desired to receive me at their door at the end of the Haymarket, and to light me home to my lodgings. That part of the ceremony I forbade, and took particular care, during the whole play, to observe the conduct of the drama, and give no offence by my own behaviour. Here I think it will not be foreign to my character, to lay down the proper duties of an audience, and what is incumbent upon each individual spectator in public diversions of this nature. Every one should, on these occasions, show his attention, understanding, and virtue. I would undertake to find out all the persons of sense and breeding by the effect of a single sentence, and to distinguish a gentleman as much by his laugh as his bow. When we see the footman and his lord diverted by the same jest, it very much turns to the diminution of the one, or the honour of the other. But though a man's quality may appear in his understanding and taste, the regard to virtue ought to be the same, in all ranks and conditions of men, however they make a profession of it under the name of honour, religion, or morality. When therefore we see any thing divert an audience, either in tragedy or comedy, that strikes at the duties of civil life, or exposes what the best men in all ages have looked upon as sacred and inviolable, it is the certain sign of a profligate race of men, who are fallen from the virtue of their forefathers, and will be contemptible in the eyes of their posterity. For From my own Apartment, January 18. this reason, I took great delight in seeing the I FIND it is thought necessary that I (who generous and disinterested passion of the lovhave taken upon me to censure the irregu-ers in this comedy (which stood so many larities of the age) should give an account of my actions when they appear doubtful, or subject to misconstruction. My appearing at the play on *Monday last, is looked upon as a step in my conduct which I ought to explain, that others may not be misled by my example. It is true, in matter of fact, I was present at the ingenious entertainment of that day, and placed myself in a box, which was prepared for me with great civility and distinction. It is said of Virgil, when he entered a Roman theatre, where there were many thousands of spectators present, that the whole assembly rose up to do him honour, a respect which was never before paid to any but the emperor. I must confess, that the universal clap, and other testimonies of applause, with which I was received at my first appearance in the theatre of Great Britain, gave me as sensible a delight, as the above-mentioned reception could give to that immortal poet. I should be ungrate

No. 122.] Thursday, January 19, 1709.

Cur in Theatrum Cato severe venisti?

Mart.

* A person dressed for Isaac Bickerstaffe did appear at the playhouse on this occasion.

trials, and was proved by such a variety of diverting incidents) received with a universal approbation. This brings to my mind a passage in Cicero, which I could never read without being in love with the virtue of a Roman audience. He there describes the shouts and applauses which the people gave to the persons who acted the parts of Pylades and Orestes, on the noblest occasion that a poet could invent to show friendship in perfection. One of them had forfeited his life by an action which he had committed; and as they stood in judgment before the tyrant, each of them strove who should be the criminal, that he might save the life of his friend. Amidst the vehemence of each asserting himself to be the offender, the Roman audience gave a thunder of applause, and by that means, as the author hints, approved in others what they would have done themselves on the like occasion. Methinks a people of so much virtue were deservedly placed at the head of mankind: but, alas! pleasures of this nature are not frequently to be met with on the English stage.

The Athenians, at a time when they were the most polite, as well as the most powerful government in the world, made the care of the stage one of the chief parts of the administration: and I must confess, I am astonished at the spirit of virtue which appeared in that people upon some expressions in a scene of a famous tragedy; an account of which we have in one of Seneca's epistles. A covetous person is represented speaking the common sentiments of all who are possessed with that vice, in the following soliloquy, which I have translated literally.

"Let me be called a base man, so I am called a rich one. If a man is rich, who asks if he is good? The question is, how much we have; not from whence, or by what means we have it. Every one has so much merit as he has wealth. For my own part, let me be rich, O, ye gods! or let me die. The man dies happily who dies in

sure in the possession of wealth, than in that of parents, children, wife, or friends."

The audience were very much provoked by the first words of this speech; but when the actor came to the close of it, they could bear no longer. In short, the whole assem

cess, there chanced to be a line that seemed to encourage vice and immorality.

This was no sooner spoken, but Socrates rose from his seat, and, without any regard to his affection for his friend, or to the success of his play, showed himself displeased at what was said, and walked out of the assembly. I question not but the reader will be curious to know what the line was, that gave this divine heathen so much offence. If my memory fails me not, it was in the part of Hyppolytus, who, when he was pressed by an oath, which he had taken to keep silence, returned for answer, "That he had taken the oath with his tongue, but not with his heart." Had a person of a vicious character made such a speech, it might have been allowed as a proper representation of the baseness of his thoughts: but such an expression out of the mouth of the virtuous Hyppolytus, was giving a sanction to falsehood, and establishing perjury by a

Having got over all interruptions, I have set apart to-morrow for the closing of my vision,

bly rose up at once in the greatest fury, with No. 123.] Saturday, January 21, 1709. a design to pluck him off the stage, and brand the work itself with infamy. In the midst of the tumult, the author came out from behind the scenes, begged the audience to be composed for a little while, and they should see the tragical end which this wretch should come to immediately. The promise of punishment appeased the people, who sat with great attention and pleasure to see an example made of so odious a criminal. It is with shame and concern that I speak it; but I very much question, whether it is possible to make a speech so impious, as to raise such a laudable horror and indignation in a modern audience.

It is very natural for an author to make ostentation of his reading, as it is for an old man to tell stories; for which reason, I must beg the reader will excuse me, if I for once indulge myself in both these inclinations. We see the attention, judgment and virtue of a whole audience in the foregoing instances. If we would imitate the behaviour of a single spectator, let us reflect upon that of Socrates, in a particular which gives me as great an idea of that extraordinary man, as any circumstance of his life; or, what is more, of his death. This venerable person often frequented the theatre, which brought a great many thither out of a desire to see him. On which occasion, it is recorded of him, that he sometimes stood to make himself the more conspicuous, and to satisfy the curiosity of the beholders. He was one day present at the first representation of a tragedy of Euripides, who was his intimate friend, and whom he is said to have assisted in several of his plays. In the midst of the tragedy, which had met with very great suc

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Audire atque togam jubeo componere, quisquis Ambitione mala, aut argenti pallet amore.—Hor. From my own Apartment, January 20 A continuation of the Vision. WITH much labour and difficulty I passed through the first part of my vision, and recovered the centre of the wood, from whence I had the prospect of the three great roads. I here joined myself to the middle-aged party of mankind, who march ed behind the standard of Ambition. The great road lay in a direct line, and was terminated by the Temple of Virtue. It was planted on each side with laurels, which were intermixed with marble trophies, carved pillars, and statues of law-givers, heroes, statesmen, philosophers, and poets. The persons who travelled up this great path, were such whose thoughts were bent upon doing eminent services to mankind, or promoting the good of their country. On each side of this great road were several paths, that were also laid out in straight lines, and ran parallel with it. These were most of them covered walks, and received into them men of retired virtue, who proposed to themselves the same end of their journey, though they chose to make it in shade and obscurity. The edifices at the extremity of the walk were so contrived, that we could not see the Temple of Honour by reason of the Temple of Virtue, which stood before it. At the gates of this temple we were met by the goddess of it, who conducted us into that of Honour, which was joined to the other edifice by a beautiful triumphal arch, and had no other entrance into it. When the leity of the other structure had received us

she presented us in a body to a figure that was placed over the high altar, and was the emblem of Eternity. She sat on a globe, in the midst of a golden zodiac, holding the figure of a sun in one hand, and a moon in the other. Her head was vailed, and her feet covered. Our hearts glowed within us as we stood amidst the sphere of light which this image cast on every side of it.

journied several days with great toil and uneasiness, and without the necessary refreshments of food and sleep. The only relief they met with, was in a river that ran through the bottom of the valley on a bed of golden sand. They often drank of the stream, which had such a particular quality in it, that though it refreshed them for a time, it rather inflamed than quenched their thirst. On each side of the river was a range of hills full of precious ore; for where the rains had washed off the earth, one might see in several parts of them veins of gold, and rocks that looked like pure silver. We were told, that the deity of the place had forbade any of his votaries to dig into the bowels of these hills, or convert the treasures they contained to any use, under pain of starving. At the end of the valley stood the Temple of Avarice, made after the manner of a fortification, and surrounded with a thousand triple-headed dogs, that were placed there to keep off beggars. At our approach they all fell a barking, and would have very much terrified us, had not an old woman, who had called herself by the forged name of Competency, offered herself for our guide. She carried under her garment a golden bough, which she no sooner held up in her hand, but the dogs lay down, and the gates flew open for our reception. We were led through a hundred iron doors before we entered the temple. At the upper end of it sat the god of Avarice, with a long filthy beard, and a meagre starved counte

Having seen all that happened to this band of adventurers, I repaired to another pile of building that stood within view of the Temple of Honour, and was raised in imitation of it upon the very same model; but at my approach of it, I found, that the stones were laid together without mortar, and the whole fabric stood upon so weak a foundation, that shook with every wind that blew. This was called the Temple of Vanity. The goddess of it sat in the midst of a great many tapers, that burned day and night, and made her appear much better than she would have done in open day-light. Her whole art was to show herself more beautiful and majestic than she really was. For which reason, she had painted her face, and wore a cluster of false jewels upon her breast: but what I more particularly observed, was, the breadth of her petticoat, which was made altogether in the fashion of a modern fardingal. This place was filled with hypocrites, pedants, free-thinkers, and parting politicians; with a rabble of those who have only titles to make them great men. Female votaries crowded the temple, choked up the avenues of it, and were more in num-nance, inclosed with heaps of ingots, and ber than the sand upon the sea-shore. I made it my business, in my return towards that part of the wood from whence I first set out, to observe the walks which led to this temple; for I met in it several who had began their journey with the band of virtuous persons, and travelled some time in their company: but, upon examination, I found that there were several paths which led out of the great road into the sides of the wood, and ran into so many crooked turnings and windings, that those who travelled through them often turned their backs upon the Temple of Virtue, then crossed the straight road, and sometimes marched into it for a little space, till the crooked path which they were engaged in, again led them into the wood. The several alleys of these wan-heard, was all the learning he was master of. derers had their particular ornaments: one of them I could not but take notice of in the walk of the mischievous pretenders to politics, which had at every turn the figure of a person, whom by the inscription I found to be Machiaval, pointing out the way with an extended finger like a Mercury.

I was now returned in the same manner as before, with a design to observe carefully every thing that passed in the region of Avarice, and the occurrences in that assembly, which was made up of persons of my own age. This body of travellers had not gone far in the third great road, before it led them insensibly into a deep valley, in which they

pyramids of money, but half naked, and shivering with cold. On his right hand was a fiend called Rapine; and on his left a particular favourite, to whom he had given the title of Parsimony. The first was his collector, and the other his cashier.

There were several long tables placed on each side of the temple, with the respective officers attending behind them. Some of At the first table these I inquired into. was kept the office of Corruption. Seeing a solicitor extremely busy, and whispering every body that passed by, I kept my eye upon him very attentively, and saw him often go up to a person that had a pen in his hand, with a multiplication table and an almanac before him, which, as I afterwards

The solicitor would often apply himself to his ear, and at the same time convey money into his hand, for which the other would give him out a piece of paper or parchment, signed and sealed in form. The name of this dexterous and successful solicitor was Bribery. At the next table was the office of Extortion. Behind it sat a person in a bobwig, counting over a great sum of money. He gave out little purses to several, who, after a short tour, brought him, in return, sacks full of the same kind of coin. I saw at the same time a person called Fraud, who sat behind a counter with false scales, light weights, and scanty measures; by the skilful

Scelus est jugulare falernum,
Et dare Campano toxica sæva mero.

Mart.

application of which instruments, he had got | No. 131.] Thursday, February 9, 1709. together an immense heap of wealth. It would be endless to name the several officers, or describe the votaries, that attended in this temple. There were many old men panting and breathless, reposing their heads on bags of money; nay, many of them actually dying, whose very pangs and convulsions (which rendered their purses useless to them) only made them grasp them the faster. There were some tearing with one hand all things, even to the garments and flesh of many miserable persons who stood before them, and with the other hand throwing away what they had seized, to harlots, flatterers, and panders, that stood behind

them.

On a sudden the whole assembly fell a trembling; and, upon inquiry, I found, that the great room we were in was haunted with a spectre, that many times a day appeared to them, and terrified them to distraction.

In the midst of their terror and amazement, the apparition entered, which I immediately knew to be Poverty. Whether it were by my acquaintance with this phantom, which had rendered the sight of her more familiar to me, or however it was, she did not make so indigent or frightful a figure in my eye, as the god of this loathsome temple. The miserable votaries of this place were, I found, of another mind. Every one fancied himself threatened by the apparition, as she stalked about the room, and began to lock their coffers, and tie their bags, with the utmost fear and trembling.

I must confess, I look upon the passion which I saw in this unhappy people, to be of the same nature with those unaccountable | antipathies which some persons are born with, or rather as a kind of phrenzy, not unlike that which throws a man into terrors and agonies at the sight of so useful and innocent a thing as water. The whole assembly was surprized, when, instead of paying my devotions to the deity whom they all adored, they saw me address myself to the phantom.

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Sheer-Lane, February 8 THERE is in this city a certain fraternity of chemical operators, who work underground in holes, caverns, and dark retirements, to conceal their mysteries from the eyes and observation of mankind. These subterraneous philosophers are daily employed in the transmigration of liquors, and, by the power of magical drugs and incantations, raising under the streets of London the choicest product of the hills and vallies of France. They can squeeze Bourdeaux out of a sloe, and draw Champaign from an ap ple. Virgil, in that remarkable prophecy,

Incultisque rubens pendebit Sentibus Uva, "The ripening grape shall hang on every thorn," seems to have hinted at this art, which can turn a plantation of Northern hedges into a vineyard. These adepts are known among one another by the name of wine-brewers, and I am afraid do great injury not only to Her Majesty's customs, but to the bodies of many of her good subjects.

Having received sundry complaints against these invisible workmen, I ordered the proper officer of my court to ferret them out of their respective caves, and bring them before me, which was yesterday executed accordingly.

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The person who appeared against them was a merchant, who had by him a great magazine of wines that he had laid in before the war; but these gentlemen (as he said) had so vitiated the nation's palate, that no man could believe his to be French, because it did not taste like what they sold for such. As a man never pleads better than where his own personal interest is concerned, he exhibited to the court with great eloquence, "That this new corporation of druggists had inflamed the bills of mortality, and puzzled the college of physicians with diseases, for which they neither knew a name or cure. "Oh, Poverty! (said I,) my first petition He accused some of giving all their customto thee is, that thou would'st never appear ers cholics and megrims; and mentioned to me hereafter; but if thou wilt not grant one who had boasted, he had a tun of claret me this, that thou would'st not bear a form by him, that in a fortnight's time should give more terrible than that in which thou ap- the gout to a dozen of the healthfulest men pearest to me at present. Let not thy in the city, provided that their constitutions threats and menaces betray me to any thing were prepared for it by wealth and idleness. that is ungrateful or unjust. Let me not He then enlarged, with a great show of rea shut my ears to the cries of the needy. Let son, upon the prejudice which these mix me not forget the person that has deserved tures and compositions had done to the brains well of me. Let me not, for any fear of thee, of the English nation; as is too visible (said desert my friend, my principles, or my hon-he) from many late pamphlets, speeches and If Wealth is to visit me, and to come sermons, as well as from the ordinary conwith her usual attendants, Vanity and Ava-versations of the youth of this age. He then rice, do thou, Oh, Poverty hasten to my rescue; but bring along with thee the two sisters, in whose company thou art always cheerful, Liberty and Innocence."

our.

quoted an ingenious person, who would undertake to know by a man's writings, the wine he most delighted in; and on that occasion named a certain satirist, whom he had discovered to be the author of a lampoon, by

The conclusion of this Vision must be a manifest taste of the sloe, which showed it deferred to another opportunity.

self in it by much roughness, and little spirit,

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