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after her acquaintance with her husband; I myself in my elbow-chair at the upper end and that grief might retard the birth of her of my great parlour, having ordered Charles last till fourteen months after his decease. Lillie to take his place upon a joint-stoo.
This vision lasted till my usual hour of with a writing-desk before him. John Morwaking, which I did with some surprise, tophew also took his station at the door; I find myself alone, after having been engaged having, for his good and faithful services, almost a whole night in so prodigious a mul- appointed him my chamber keeper upon titude, I could not but reflect with wonder, court days. He let me know, that there at the partiality and extravagance of my were a great number attending without. vision ; which, according to my thoughts, Upon which I ordered him to give notice, has not done justice to the sex. 'If virtue in that I did not intend to set upon snuff-boxes men is more venerable, it is in women more that day; but that those who appeared for lovely; which Milton has very finely ex- canes might enter. The first presented me pressed in his Paradise Lost, where Adam, with the following petition, which I ordered speaking of Eve, after having asserted his Mr. Lillie to read. own pre-eminence, as being first in the creation and internal faculties, breaks out into
6 To Isaac Bickerstaffe, Esq. Censor of
Great Britain. the following rapture:
“ The humble Petition of Simon Trippet, --Yet when I approach Her loveliness, so absolute she seems,
"Showeth, And in herself complete, 'So well to know
“That your petitioner having been bred Her own, that what she wills to do, or say,
up to a cane from his youth, it is now beSeems wisest, virtuousest, discreetest, best. All higher knowledge in her presence falls
come as necessary to him as any other of Degraded. Wisdom, in discourse with her,
his limbs. Loses, discountenanced, and like folly shows | “That a great part of his behaviour deAuthority and reason on her wait, As one intended first, not after made
pending upon it, he should be reduced to the Occasionally: and to consummate all,
utmost necessities if he should lose the use Greatness of mind, and nobleness, their seat
of it. Build in her loveliest, and create an awe About her, as a guard angelic placed.
“ That the knocking of it upon his shoe, leaning one leg upon it, or whistling with it
on his mouth, are such great reliefs to him No. 103.] Tuesday, December 6, 1709.
in conversation, that he does not know how
to be good company without it. Hæ nugæ seria ducunt
“That he is at present engaged in an In mala, derisum semel exceptumque sinistre.
amour, and must despair of success, if it be Hor.
taken from him, From my own Apartment, December 5.
“ Your petitioner therefore hopes that the THERE is nothing gives a man greater
premises tenderly considered) your worship satisfaction, than a sense of having dispatch-||
will not deprive him of so useful and so need a great deal of business, especially when
cessary a support. . it turns to the public emolument. I have
• And your petitioner shall ever, &c." much pleasure of this kind upon my spirits
Upon hearing of his case, I was touched at present, occasioned by the fatigue of af- | fairs which I went through last Saturday, I w
with some compassion, and the more so, It is some time since I set apart that day for h
| when, upon observing him nearer, I found
he was a prig. I bid him produce his cana examining the pretensions of several who had applied to me for canes, perspective
in court, which he had left at the door. He
did so and I finding it to be very curiously glasses, snuff-boxes, orange-flower-waters, I clo
aters, clouded, with a transparent amber head, and the like ornaments of life. In order to
and a blue ribbon to hang upon his wrist, I adjust this matter, I had before directed ir Charles Lillie, of Beaufort-Buildings, to pre- it up, and deliver out to him a plain joint,
immediately ordered my clerk Lillie: to lay pare a great bundle of blank licences in the
headed with walnut; and then, in order to following words:
wean him from it by degrees, permitted him “ You are hereby required to permit the I to wear it three days in a week, and so abate bearer of this cane to pass and repass proportionably till he found himself able to through the streets and suburbs of London. I go alone. or any place within ten miles of it, without. The second who appeared, came limping lett or molestation, provided that he does into the court; and setteng forth in his penot walk with it under his arm. brandish it | tition many pretences for the use of a cane, I in the air, or hang it on a button : in which caused them to be examined one by one; but case it shall be forfeited ; and I hereby de
| finding him in different stories, and conclare it forfeited to any one who shall think
fronting him with several witnesses, who had it safe to take it from him.
seen him walk upright, I ordered Mr. Lillie “Isaac BICKERSTAFFE.” to take in his cane, and rejected his petition
as frivolous. The same form, differing only in the pro- A third made his entry with great diffivisos, will serve for a perspective, snuff-box, culty, leaning upon a slight stick, and in danor perfumed handkerchief, I had placed ger of falling every step he took. I saw the
weakness of his arms, and hearing that he time for recovery of their lameness than had married a young wife about a fortnight had before allowed them. before, I bid him leave his cane, and gave Having dispatched this set of my petition him a new pair of crutches, with which he ers, there came in a well dressed man, witii went off with great vigour and alacrity. a glass tube in one hand, and his petition in This gentleman was succeeded by another, the other. Upon his entering the room, he who seemed very much pleased while his threw back the right side of his wig, put forpetition was reading, in which he had rep- ward his right leg, and advancing the glass resented, that he was extremely afflicted to his right eye, aimed it directly at me. In with the gout, and set his foot upon the the mean while, to make my observations ground with the caution and dignity which also, I put on my spectacles; in which posaccompany that distemper. I suspected him ture we surveyed each other for some time. for an impostor, and having ordered him to Upon the removal of our glasses, I desired be searched, I committed him into the hands himn to read his petition, which he did very of Dr. Thomas Smith, of King-street, (my promptly and easily; though at the same own corn-cutter,) who attended in an out- time it set forth, that he could see nothing ward room ; and wrought so speedy a cure distinctly, and was within very few degrees upon him, that I thought fit to send him also of being utterly blind ; concluding with a away without his cane,
prayer, that he might be permitted to While I was thus dispensing justice, I strengthen and extend his sight by a glass. heard a noise in my outward room; and in- In answer to this, I told him, he might somequiring what was the occasion of it, my door- times extend it to his own destruction. “As keeper told me, that they had taken up one you are now, (said I, you are out of the in the very fact as he was passing by my reach of beauty; the shafts of the finest eyes door. They immediately brought in a live- loose their force before they can come at ly, fresh-coloured young man, who made you : you cannot distinguish a toast from an great resistance with hand and foot, but did orange-wench; you can see a whole circle not offer to make use of his cane, which of beauty, without any interruption from an hung upon his fifth button. Upon exami- impertinent face to discompose you. In nation, I found him to be an Oxford scholar, short, what are snares for others" My who was just entered at the Temple. He petitioner would hear no more, but told me at first disputed the jurisdiction of the court; very seriously, “Mr. Bickerstaffe, you quite but being driven out of his little law and lo- mistake your man; it is the joy, the pleagic, he told me very pertly, that he looked sure, the employment of my life, to frequent upon such a perpendicular creature as man public assemblies, and gaze upon the fair.” to make a very imperfect figure without a In a word, I found his use of a glass was occane in his hand. It is well known (says casioned by no other infirmity but his vanity, he) we ought, according to the natural situ- and was not so much designed to make him ation of our bodies, to walk upon our hands see, as to make him be seen and distinguishand feet; and that the wisdom of the an-ed by others. I therefore refused him a licients had described man to be an animal of cence for a perspective; but allowed him a four legs in the morning, two at noon, and pair of spectacles, with full permission to use three at night; by which they intimated, them in any public assembly, as he should that a cane might very properly become think fit. He was followed by so very few
which, I asked him, "Whether he wore it hope this sort of cheats are almost at an end, at his breast to have it in readiness when The orange-flower men appeared next that period should arrive?" My young with petitions, perfumed so strongly with lawyer immediately told me, “He had å musk, that I was almost overcome with the property in it, and a right to hang it where scent; and for my own sake, was obliged he pleased, and to make use of it as he forthwith to licence their handkerchiefs, esthought fit, provided that he did not break pecially when I found they had sweetened the peace with it: (and further said,) that | them at Charles Lillie's, and that some of he never took it off his button, unless it were their persons would not be altogether inofto lift it up at a coachman, hold it over the fensive without them. John Morphew, head of a drawer, point out the circum- whom I have made the general of my dead stances of a story, or for other services of men, acquainted me, that the petitioners were the like nature, that are all within the laws all of that order, and could produce certifiof the land." I did not care to discouragea cates to prove it, if I required it. I was so young man, who, I saw, would come to well pleased with this way of their embalmgood ; and because his heart was set upon ing themselves, that I commanded the above his new purchase, I only ordered him to said Morphew to give it in orders to his wear it about his neck, instead of hanging it whole army, that every one who did not upon his button, and so dismissed him. surrender himself up to be disposed of by
There were several appeared in court, the upholders, should use the same method whose pretensions I found to be very good, to keep himself sweet during his present and therefore gave many their licences, upon state of putrefaction. paying their fees; and many others had I finished my session with great content of their licences renewed, who required morel mind, reflecting upon the good I had done; for however slightly men may regard these twisted itself into the motions and wreath particularities and little follies in dress and ings of several different animals, and, after behaviour, they lead to greater evils. The great variety of shapes and transformations, bearing to be laughed at for such singulari- went off the stage in the figure of a human
titude, and enables us to bear public censure the satisfaction of the audience, during this for things which more substantially deserve strange entertainment, is not to be expressit. By this means they open a gate to folly, ed. I was very much out of countenance for and oftentimes render a man so ridiculous, my dear countrymen, and looked about with as discredit his virtues and capacities, and some apprehension for fear any foreigner unqualify them from doing any good in the should be present. Is it possible (thought world. Besides, the giving in to uncommon I) that human nature can rejoice in its dishabits of this nature, is a want of that hum- grace, and take pleasure in seeing its own ble deference which is due to mankind; and figure turned to ridicule, and distorted into (what is worst of all, the certain indication forms that raise horror and aversion? There of some secret flaw in the mind of the person is something disingenuous and immoral in the that commits them. When I was a young being able to bear such a sight. Men of eleman, I rernember a gentleman of great in- gant and noble minds, are shocked at seeing tegrity and worth was very remarkable for the characters of persons who deserve eswearing a broad belt, and a hanger, instead teem for their virtue, knowledge, or services of a fashionable sword, though in all other to their country, placed in wrong lights, and points a very well bred man. I suspected by misrepresentation made the subject of him at first sight to have something wrong buffoonry. Such a nice abhorrence is not, in him, but was not able for a long while to indeed, to be found among the vulgar; but discover any collateral proofs of it. Iwatch-methinks it is wonderful, that those who have ed him narrowly for six-and-thirty years, nothing but the outward figure to distinguish when at last, to the surprise of every body them as men, should delight in seeing it abuzbut myself, who had long expected to see the sed, vilified, and disgraced. folly break out, he married his own cook- I must confess, there is nothing that more maid. *
pleases me, in all that I read in books, or see among mankind, than such passages as re
present human nature in its proper dignity. No. 108.] Saturday, December 17, 1709.
Ås man is a creature made up of different
extremes, he has something in him very Pronaque cum spectant animalia cætera terram, great and very mean: a skilful artist may Os homini Sublime dedit, cælumque tueri
draw an excellent picture of him in either Jussit
view. The finest authors of antiquity have Sheer-Lane, December 16. taken him on the more advantageous side. Top is not to be imagined, how creat an ef. | They cultivate the natural grandeur of the fect well-disposed lights, with proper forms
soul, raise in her a generous ambition, feed and orders in assemblies, have upon some
ve her with hopes of immortality and perfectenpers. I am sure I feel it in so extraor-|
tion, and do all they can to widen the partidinary a manner, that I cannot in a day or
tion between the virtuous and the vicious, by two get out of my imagination any very
making the difference betwixt them as great beautiful or disagreeable impression which I
as between gods and brutes. In short, it is receive on such occasions. For this reason,
impossible to read a page in Plato, Tully, I frequently look in at the playhouse, in or
and a thousand other ancient moralists, withder to enlarge my thoughts, and warm my
out being a greater and a better man for it. mind with some new ideas, that may be ser
On the contrary, I could never read any of viceable to me in my lucubrations.
our modish French authors, or those of our In this disposition I entered the theatre
own country who are the imitators and adthe other day, and placed myself in a corner
mirers of that trifling nation, without being of it, very convenient for seeing, without be
for some time out of humour with myself, ing myself observed. I found the audience
and at every thing about me. Their busihushed in a very deep attention, and did not ne
Iness is, to depreciate human nature, and con
They cuestion but some noble tragedy was just sider it under its worst appearances. then in its crisis, or that an incident was to give
give mean interpretations and base motives be unravelled, which would determine the to the worthiest actions: they resolve virtue fate of a hero. While I was in this suspense, an
and vice into constitution. In short, they expecting every moment to see my friend en
vend endeavour to make no distinction between Mr. Betterton appear in all the majesty of
estu oman and man, or between the species of distress, to my unspeakable amazement,
men and that of brutes. As an instance of there came up a monster with a face be
this kind of authors, among many others, let tween his feet; and as I was looking on, he ar
the any one examine the celebrated Rochefouraised himself on one leg in such a perpen-1
cault, who is the great philosopher for addicular posture, that the other grew in a di
di ministering of consolation to the idle, the enrect line above his head. It afterwards
de vious, and worthless part of mankind
I remember a young gentleman of mode.... Sir Richard Ste le joined in this paper. rate understanding, but great vivacity, who
by dipping into many authors of this nature, seems to endow human nature with that had got a little smattering of knowledge, just which history denies; and to give satisfacenough to make an atheist or a free-thinker, tion to the mind, with at least the shadow of but not a philosopher or a man of sense. | things, where the substance cannot be had. With these accomplishments, he went to For if the matter be thoroughly considered, visit his father in the country, who was a a strong argument may be drawn from poesy, plain, rough, honest man, and wise, though that a more stately greatness of things, a not learned. The son, who took all oppor- more perfect order, and a more beautiful vatunities to show his learning, began to es- riety, delights the soul of man, than any tablish a new religion in the family, and to way can be found in nature since the fall. enlarge the narrowness of their country no- Wherefore seeing the acts and events, which tions, in which he succeeded so well, that he are the subjects of true history, are not of had seduced the butler by his table-talk, that amplitude as to content the mind of and staggered his eldest sister. The old man; poesy is ready at hand to feign acts gentleman began to be alarmed at the more heroical. Because true history reschisms that arose among his children, but ports the successes of business not propordid not yet believe his son's doctrine to be so tionable to the merit of virtues and vices, pernicious as it really was, till one day talk-poesy corrects it, and presents events and ing of his setting-dog, the son said, “ He did fortunes according to desert, and according not question but Tray was as immortal as to the law of Providence ; because true hisany one of the family;" and in the heat of the tory, through the frequent satiety and similiargument, told his father, “ That for his own tude of things, works a distaste and mispripart, he expected to die like a dog." Upon son in the mind of man, poesy cheereth and which, the old man, starting up in a very refresheth the soul, chanting things rare and great passion, cried out, “ Then, sirrah, you various, and full of vicissitudes. So as poesy shall live like one;" and taking his cane in his serveth and conferreth to delectation, maghand, cudgelled him out of his system. This nanimity, and morality; and therefore it may had so good an effect upon him, that he took seem deservedly to have some participation up from that day, fell to reading good books, of divineness, because it doth raise the mind, and is now a bencher in the Middle Temple. and exalt the spirit with high raptures, by
I do not mention this cudgelling part of proportioning the shows of things to the the story with a design to engage the secular desires of the mind; and not submitting the arm in matters of this nature; but certainly, mind to things, as reason and history do. if it ever exerts itself in affairs of opinion And by these allurements and congruities, and speculation, it ought to do it on such whereby it cherishes the soul of man, joined shallow and despicable pretenders to know- also with consort of music, whereby it may ledge, who endeavour to give man dark and more sweetly insinuate itself, it hath won uncomfortable prospects of his being, and such access, that it hath been in estimation destroy those principles which are the sup- even in rude times, and barbarous nations, port, happiness, and glory, of all public so- when other learning stood excluded.” cieties, as well as private persons.
But there is nothing which favours and I think it is one of Pythagoras's golden falls in with this natural greatness and digsayings, “ That a man should take care nity of human nature so much as religion, above all things to have a due respect for which does not only promise the entire rehimself:” and it is certain, that this licentious finement of the mind, but the glorifying of sort of authors, who are for depreciating the body, and the immortality of both. mankind, endeavour to disappoint and undo what the most refined spirits have been labouring to advance since the beginning of No. 110.1 Tuesday, December 22, 1709. the world. The very design of dress, goodbreeding, outward ornaments, and ceremony,
Quæ lucis miseris tam dira eupido ? were to lift up human nature, and to set it
Virg. off to an advantage. Architecture, painting,
Sheer-Lane, December 21. and statuary, were invented with the same As soon as I had placed myself in my design; as indeed every art and science con- chair of judicature, I ordered my clerk Mr. tributes to the embellishment of life, and to Lillie to read to the assembly (who were gathe wearing off, or throwing into shades, the thered together according to notice) a cermean and low parts of our nature. Poetry tain declaration, by way rf charge to open carries on this great end more than all the the purpose of my session, which tended only rest, as may be seen in the following passage, to this explanation, “ That as other courts taken out of Sir Francis Bacon's Advance- were often called to demand the execution ment of Learning, which gives a truer and of persons dead in law, so this was held to better account of this art, than all the vol- give the last orders relating to those who umes that were ever written upon it. are dead in reason.” The solicitor of the
“Poetry, especially heroical, seems to be new company of upholders, near the Haya raised altogether from a noble foundation, Market, appeared in behalf of that useful . which makes much for the dignity of man's society, and brought in an accusation of a nature. For seeing this sensible world is in young woman, who herself stood at the bar dignity inferior to the soul of man, poesy / before me. Mr. Lillie read her indictment,
which was in substance, “That, whereas of his parts, yet, for example's sake, I was Mrs. Rebecca Pindust, of the parish of St. | forced to answer, “Your sentence shall be a Martin in the Fields, had, by the use of one warning to all the rest of your companions, instrument, called a looking-glass, and by not to tell lies for want of wit.” Upon this, the further use of certain attire, made either he began to beat his snuff-box with a very of cambric, muslin, or other linen wares, saucy air; and opening it again, “Faith, upon her head, attained to such an evil art | Isaac, (said he,) thou art a very unaccounand magical force, in the motion of her eyes, table old fellow.-Prythee, who gave thee and turn of her countenance, that she the power of life and death? What-a-pox hast said Rebecca had put to death several young thou to do with ladies and lovers? I supmen of the said parish; and that the said pose thou wouldst have a man be in comyoung men had acknowledged, in certain pany with his mistress, and say nothing to her. papers, commonly called love letters, (which Dost thou call breaking a jest, telling a lie? were produced in court, gilded on the edges, Ha! is that thy wisdom, old stoff-rump, ha?” and sealed with a particular wax, with cer- He was going on with this in pid commontain amorous and enchanting words wrought place mirth, sometimes srning his box, upon the said seals,) that they died for the sometimes shutting it, fire:1 viewing the picsaid Rebecca: and whereas the said Rebec- ture on the lid, and then the workmanship ca persisted in the said evil practice; this of the hinge, when, in the midst of his eloway of life the said society construed to be, quence, I ordered his box to be taken from according to former edicts, a state of death, him; upon which he was immediately struck and demanded an order for the interment of speechless, and carried off stone dead. . the said Rebecca."
The next who appeared, was a hale old I looked upon the maid with great human- fellow of sixty. He was brought in by his ity, and desired her to make answer to what relations, who desired leave to bury him. was said against her. She said, “It was, in- Upon requiring a distinct account of the deed, true, that she had practised all the arts prisoner, a credible witness deposed, “That and means she could to dispose of herself he always luse at ten of the clock, played happily in marriage, but thought she did not with his cat till twelve, smoked tobacco till come under the censure expressed in my one, wus at dinner till two, then took another writings for the same; and humbly hoped, pipe, and played at backgammon till six, I would not condemn her for the ignorance talked of one Madam Frances, an old misof her accusers, who, according to their own tress of his, till eight, repeated the same acwords, had rather represented her killing count at the tavern till ten, then returned than dead." She further alledged, “That home, took the other pipe, and then to bed.” the expressions mentioned in the papers I asked him what he had to say for himself? written to her, were become mere words, “As to what (said he) they mention concernand that she had been always ready to mar- ing Madam Frances—"'I did not care for ry any of those who said they died for her; hearing a Canterbury tale, and therefore but that they made their escape as soon as thought myself seasonably interrupted by a they found themselves pitied or believed." young gentleman, who appeared in the beShe ended her discourse, by desiring I would half of the old man, and prayed an arrest of for the future settle the meaning of the words, judgment; for that hethe said young man held “I die,” in letters of love.
certain lands by his the said old man's life. Mrs. Pindust behaved herself with such Upon this, the solicitor of the upholders took an air of innocence, that she easily gained an occasion to demand him also, and therecredit, and was acquitted. Upon which oc- | upon produced several evidences that witcasion, I gave it as a standing rule, “That nessed to his life and conversation. It apany persons, who in any letter, billet, or dis peared, that each of them divided their course, should tell a woman he died for her, | hours in matters of equal moment and imshould, if she pleased, be obliged to live with portance to themselves and to the public. her, or be immediately interred upon such They rose at the same hour: while the old their own confession, without bail or main man was playing with his cat, the young one prise."
was looking out of his window; while the old It happened, that the very next who was man was smoking his pipe, the young man brought before me was one of her admirers, was rubbing his teeth; while one was at dinwho was indicted upon that very head. A ner, the other was dressing; while one was letter, which he acknowledged to be his own at backgammon, the other was at clinner; hand, was read; in which were the follow while the old fellow was talking of Madam ing words: “Cruel creature, I die for you.” Frances, the young one was either at play, It was observable that he took snuff all the or toasting women whom he never converstime his accusation was reading. I askeded with. The only difference was, that the him, “ How he came to use these words, if young man had never been good for any he were not a dead man?” He told me, thing; the old man, a man of worth, before “He was in love with a lady, and did not he knew Madam Frances. Upon the whole, know any other way of telling her so; and I ordered them both to be interred together, that all his acquaintance took the same me- with inscriptions proper to their characters, thod." Though I was moved with compas- signifying, “That the old man died in the sion towards him by reason of the weakness year 1689, and was buried in the year 1709"