Page. Fie, fie, mafter Ford! are you not afham'd? what fpirit, what devil fuggefts this imagination? I would not have your diftemper in this kind, for the wealth of Windsor Castle. Ford. 'Tis my fault, mafter Page: I fuffer for it. Eva. You fuller for a pad confcience: your wife is as honcft a 'omans, as I will defires among five thousand, and five hundred too. Caius. By gar, I fee 'tis an honeft woman. Ford. Well;-I promis'd you a dinner :-Come, come, walk in the park: I pray you, pardon me; I will hereafter make known to you, why I have done this. Come, wife; come, miftrefs Page; I pray you pardon me; pray heartily, pardon me. Page. Let's go in, gentlemen; but, truft me, we'll mock him. I do invite you to-morrow morning to my houfe to break faft; after, we'll a birding together; I have a fine hawk for the bufh fhall it be fo? Ford. Any thing. Enter Shallow, Slender, and Mrs. Quickly. Shal. Break their talk, miftrefs Quickly; my kinfman fhall speak for himself. Slen. I'll make a shaft or a bolt on't: 'flid, 'tis but venturing. Shul. Be not difmay'd. Slen. No, the thall not difmay me: I care not for that, but that I am afeard. Quic. Hark ye; mafter Slender would speak a word with you. Anne. I come to him.-This is my father's choice. O, what a world of vile ill-favour'd faults Look handfome in three hundred pounds a year! [Afide. Quic. And how does good mafter Fenton? pray you, a word with you. Shal. She's coming; to her, coz. O boy, thou hadit a father! Slen. I had a father, miftrefs Anne; my uncle can tell you good jefts of him:-Pray you, uncle, Eva. If there is one, I fhall make two in the tell mittrefs Anne the jeft, how my father ftole two company. Enter Fenton and Mifirefs Anne Page.. Fent. I fee, I cannot get thy father's love; Therefore no more turn me to him, fweet Nan. Anne. Alas! how then? Fent. Why, thou must be thyfelf. He doth object, I am too great of birth; And, that, my ftate being gall'd with my expence, I feek to heal it only by his wealth: Befides thefe, other bars he lays before me,My riots paft, my wild focieties; And tells me, 'tis a thing impoffible 1 fhould love thee, but as a property. Anne. May he, he tells you true. geefe out of a pen, good uncle. Shal. Miftrefs Anne, my coufin loves you. Sten. Ay, that I do; as well as I love any woman in Glocefterthire. I Shal. He will maintain you like a gentlewoman. Sien. Ay, that I will, come cut and long-tail, under the degree of a 'fquire. Shal. He will make you a hundred and fifty pounds jointure. Anne. Good mafter Shallow, let him woo for himself. Shal. Marry, I thank you for it; I thank you for that-good comfort. She calls you, coz: I'll leave you. Anne. Now, mafter Slender. Slen. My will? od's heartlings, that's a pretty jeft indeed! I ne'er made my will yet, I thank heaven; I am not fuch a fickly creature, I give heaven praife. Anne. I mean, mafter Slender, what would you with me? Slen. Truly, for mine own part, I would little or nothing with you: Your father, and my uncle, have made motions: if it be my luck, fo; if not, happy go, better than I can: You may afk your father; here he comes. Fent. No, heaven fo fpeed me in my time to come! man be his dole 2! They can tell you how things Albeit, I will confefs, thy father's wealth Was the first motive that I woo'd thee, Anne: -Yet, wooing thee, I found thee of more value Than flamps in gold, or fums in fealed bags; And 'tis the very riches of thyfelf That now I aim at. Anne. Gentle mafter Fenton, Yet feek my father's love; ftill feek it, fir: Enter Page and Mifirefs Page. Page. Now, mafter Siender:-Love him, daugh ter Anne. Why how now! what does mafter Fenton here? 1 That is, come poor, or rich, to offer himself as my rival. The phrafe is derived from the foreft laws, according to which, a man who had no right to the privilege of chace, was obliged to cut or law his dog, among other modes of difabling him, by depriving him of his tail. A dog fo cut was called a cut, or curt-tail, and by contraction cur. Cut and long-tail therefore fignified the dog of a clown, and the dog of a gentleman. 2 A proverbial expreflion. Fent. ! Feat. Sir, will you hear me? Quie. Speak to mistress Page. [daughter Anne. Good mother, do not marry me to yon' fool. Quic. That's my mafter, mafter doctor. Anne. Alas, I had rather be fet quick i' the earth, Mrs. Page. Come, trouble not yourself: Good I will not be your friend, nor enemy: Fal. Simple of itfelf; I'll no pullet-sperm in my brewage-How now? Quic. Marry, far, I come to your worship from miftrefs Ford. Fal. Mittrefs Ford! I have had ford enough: I was thrown into the ford; I have my belly-full of ford. Quic. Alas the day! good heart, that was not her, fault: The does fo take on with her men; they miftook their erection. Fal. So did I mine, to build upon a foolish woFint. I thank thee; and I pray thee once to-man's promife. night 2 give my fweet Nan this ring: There's for Quic. Well, fhe laments, fir, for it, that it would thy pains. [Exit.yern your heart to fee it. Her husband goes this morning a birding; the defires you once more to come to her between eight and nine: I must carry her word quickly: the 'll make you amends, Ļ warrant you. Quic. Now heaven fend thee good fortune! A SCENE V. Erter Falfaff and Bardolph. Bard. Here, fir. Fal. Well, will vifit her: Tell her fo; and bid her think, what a man is; let her confider his frailty, and then judge of my merit. Quic. I will tell her. Ford. Blefs you, fir! Fal. Now, mafter Brook? you come to know what hath pafs'd between me and Ford's wife? Ford. That, indeed, fir John, is my business. Fal. Go fetch me a quart of fack; put a toaft in't. [Exit Bardolph.] Have I liv'd to be carried in a buket, like a barrow of butcher's offal; and to be thrown into the Thames? Well; if I be ferv'd fach another trick, I'll have my brains ta'en out, and butter'd, and give them to a dog for a newyear's-gift. The rogues flighted me into the river with as little remorfe as they would have drown'd a bitch's blind puppies, fifteen i' the litter: and you may know by my fize, that I have a kind of Fal. No, mafter Brook: but the peaking cor alacrity in finking; if the bottom were as deep as nuto her hutband, matter Brook, dwelling in a kell, I fhould down. I had been drown'd, but continual 'larum of jealoufy, comes me in the inthat the fhore was fhelvy and fhallow; a death ftant of our encounter, after we had embrac'd, that I abhor; for the water fwells a man; and what | kifs'd, protefted, and as it were, fpoke the pro Fal. Very ill-favour'dly, mafter Brook. Ford. How, fir? Did fhe change her determination? A common proverb in the Southern counties of England. 2 That is, fome time to-night." 3 She intends to fay Specially, logue his companions, thither provok'd and inftigated by his diftemper, and forfooth, to fearch his houfe for his wife's love. logue of our comedy; and at his heels a rabble of own greafe: think of that, a man of my kidney 3 think of that; that am as fubject to heat as butter; a man of continual diffolution and thaw; it was a miracle to 'fcape fuffocation. And in the height of this bath, when I was more than half stew'd in greafe, like a Dutch difh, to be thrown into the Ford. What, while you were there? Fal. While I was there. Ford. And did he fearch for you, and could not Thames, and cool'd, glowing hot, in that furge, find you? Fal. You fhall hear. As good luck would have it, comes in one miftrefs Page; gives intelligence of Ford's approach; and by her invention, and Ford's wife's diftraction, they convey'd me into a buck-basket. Ford. A buck-basket! like a horfe-fhoe; think of that-hiffing hot-think of that, mafter Brook. Ford. In good fadnefs, fir, I am forry that for my fake you have fufler'd all this. My fuit is then defperate; you'll undertake her no more? Fal. Maiter Brook, I will be thrown into Ætna, as I have been into Thames, ere I will leave her Fal. Yea, a buck-basket: ramm'd me in with thus. Her husband is this morning gone a hirding: foul shirts and fmocks, focks, foul ftockings, and greafy napkins; that, mafter Brook, there was the rankeft compound of villanous fmell, that ever offended noftril. I have receiv'd from her another embally of meet ing: 'twixt eight and nine is the hour, mafter Brook. Ford. 'Tis paft eight already, fir. Fal. Is it? I will then addrefs me 4 to my apFord. And how long lay you there? pointment. Come to me at your convenient leiFal. Nay, you shall hear, mafter Brook, what fure, and you fhal! know how I fpeed; and the I have fuffer'd to bring this woman to evil for your conclufion fhall be crown'd with your enjoying her: good. Being thus cramm'd in the basket, a couple Adieu. You shall have her, mafter Brook; mafter of Ford's knaves, his hinds, were call'd forth by Brook, you shall cuckold Ford. [Exit. their mistress, to carry me in the name of foul cloaths Ford. Hum! ha! is this a vifion? is this a dream? to Datchet-lane: they took me on their fhoulders; do I fleep? Mafter Ford, awake! awake, master met the jealous knave their mafter in the door; who Ford; there's a hole made in your best coat, mafter afk'd them once or twice, what they had in their Ford. This 'tis to be married! this 'tis to have bafket: I quak'd for fear, left the lunatic knave linen, and buck-baskets!-Well, I will proclaim would have fearch'dit; but fate, ordaining he fhould myfelf what I am: I will now take the lecher; be a cuckold, held his hand. Well; on went he he is at my houfe: he cannot 'fcape me; 'tis imfor a fearch, and away went I for foul cloaths. But poffible he fhould; he cannot creep into a halfmark the fequel, mafter Brook: I fuffer'd the penny purfe, nor into a pepper-box: but, left the pangs of three feveral deaths: firft, an intolerable devil that guides him, fhould aid him, I will tright, to be detected with a jealous rotten bell- fearch imposible places. Though what I am I wether; next, to be compafs'd, like a good bilbo, cannot avoid, yet to be what I would not, fhall not in the circumference of a peck, hilt to point, heel make me tame: If I have horns to make one to head and then, to be stopp'd in, like a strong mad, let the proverb go with me, I'll be horndistillation, with stinking cloaths that fretted in their mad. [Exit. With was fometimes ufed for of | Enter Sir Hugh Evans. How now, fir Hugh? no fchool to-day? Eva. No; mafter Slender is let the boys leave to play. Quit. Bleffing of his heart! Mrs. Page. Sir Hugh, my husband fays, my fon profits nothing in the world at his book; I pray you, afk him fome queftions in his accidence. Eva. Come hither, William ;-hold up your head; come. Mrs. Page. Come on, firrah; hold up your head; anfwer your matter, be not afraid. Eva. William, how many numbers is in nouns? 2 A bilto is a Spanish blade, of which the excellence is flexiblenefs and clalticity. 3 Kidney in this phrafe now signifies kind or qualities; but Falstaff means, in whofe kidneys are as fat as mine. 4 That is, make myfelf ready. Will. Two. Eva. He is a good fprag 2 memory. Farewell, Qui. Truly I thought there had been one number mistress Page. more; because they fay, od's nouns. Mrs. Page. Adieu, good fir Hugh. Fa. Peace your tatlings. What is fair, William? home, boy.-Come, we stay too long. Hill. Pulche. Qaie. Poul-cats! there are fairer things than poul cats, iure. Eva. You are a very fimplicity 'oman; I pray you, peace. What is Lapis, William ? Will. A ftone. Eva. And what is a stone, William ? Will. A pebble. Enter Falfaff and Mrs. Ford. Get you [Exeunt Fal. Miftrefs Ford, your forrow hath eaten up my fufferance: I fee, you are obfequious in your love, and I profess requital to a hair's breadth; not Eva. No, it is Lapis; I pray you, remember in only, miftrefs Ford, in the fimple office of love, Mrs. Ford. He's a-birding, fweet fir John. Mrs. Ford. Step into the chamber, fir John. Enter Mrs. Page. Mrs. Page. How now, fweetheart? who's at home besides yourself ? Mrs. Ford. Why, none but my own people. Mrs. Ford, No, certainly-Speak louder. [Afide. Mrs. Page. Truly, I am fo glad you have nobody here. Mrs. Ford. Why? Mrs. Page. Why, woman, your husband is in his old Junes 3 again: he fo takes on yonder with my husband; fo rails against all married mankind; fo curfes all Eve's daughters, of what com Eva. What is your genitive cafe plural, William plexion foever; and fo buffets himfelf on the fore head, crying, 5 Peer-out, puer-out! that any madnefs, I ever yet beheld, feem'd but tamenefs, civility, and patience, to this diftemper he is in now: Quic. 'Vengeance of Ginty's cafe ! fie on her !--- I am glad the fat knight is not here. never name her, child, if the be a whore. Eva. For fhame, 'oman. Mrs. Ford. Why, does he talk of him? Mrs. Page. Of none but him; and fwears, he Quic. You do ill to teach the child fuch words: was carried out, the last time he fearch'd for him, he teaches him to hick and to hack, which they'll in a basket; protests to my husband, he is now do faft enough of themfelves; and to call horum : here; and hath drawn him and the rest of their, fie upon you! company from their sport, to make another expe Eva. Oman, art thou lunatics? haft thou no un-riment of his fufpicion: but I am glad the knight derstanding for thy cafes, and the numbers of the is not here; now he shall fee his own foolery. genders? thou art a foolish chriftian creatures, as I Mrs. Ford. How near is he, mistress Page? would defires. Mrs. Page. Hard by; at ftreet end; he will be Mrs. Page. Pr'ythee, hold thy peace. Eva. Shew me now, William, fome declenfions of your pronouns. Will. Fortooth, I have forgot. Eva. It is ki, kæ, cod; if you forget your kies, your ker, and your cods, you must be preeches Go your ways and play, go. Mrs. Page. He is a better scholar, than I thought be was. here anon. Mrs. Ford. I am undone !—the knight is here. Mrs. Page. Why, then thou art utterly tham'd, and he's but a dead man. What a woman are you? Away with him, away with him; better shame than murther. Mrs. Ford. Which way fhould he go? how fhould I beftow him? Shall I put him into the bafket again? 1 Sir Hugh means to fay, You must be breech'd, i. e. flogg'd. To breech is to flog. This word is fill in uic, and fignifics ready, alert, fprightly: it is pronounced as if it was writt n-Sprack. 3 That is, lunacy, frenzy. 4 To take on, now ufed for to grieve, feems to be used by our author for to rage. 5 That is, appear horns. Enter Falfiaff. Fal. No, I'll come no more i' the basket: May I not go out, ere he come ? Mrs. Page. Alas, three of mafter Ford's brothers watch the door with piftols, that none fhould iffue out; otherwife you might flip away ere he came.But what make you here? Fal. What fhall I do? I'll creep up into the chimney. Mrs. Ford. There they always ufe to discharge their birding-pieces: creep into the kiln-hole. Fal. Where is it? Mrs. Ford. He will feek there, on my word.Neither prefs, coffer, cheft, trunk, well, vault, but he hath an abstract for the remembrance of fuch places, and goes to them by his note: There is no hiding you in the house. Mrs. Ford. Go, firs, take the basket again on your shoulders; your master is hard at door; if he bid you fet it down, obey him: quickly, difpatch. [Exeunt Mrs. Page and Mrs. Ford. Enter Servants with the basket. I Serv. Come, come, take up. 2 Serv. Pray heaven, it be not full of the knight again. 1 Serv. I hope not; I had as lief bear fo much lead. Enter Ford, Shallow, Page, Caius, and Sir Hugb Ford. Ay, but if it prove true, master Page, have you any way then to unfool me again?-Set down the basket, villain :-Somebody call my wife :— Youth in a basket !—Oh, you pandarly rafcals!— there's a knot, a gang, a pack, a confpiracy, against me: Now fhall the devil be fham'd.What! Mrs. Ford. If you go out in your own femblance, wife, I fay! come, come forth; behold what hoyou die, fir John; unless you go out difguis'd-neft cloaths you fend forth to bleaching. How might we difguife him? Fal. I'll go out then. Page. Why, this paffes 4! Master Ford, you are There not to go loofe any longer; you must be pinion'd. other- Eva. Why, this is lunatics! this is mad as a and a mad dog! Mrs. Page. Alas the day, I know not. is no woman's gown big enough for him; wife, he might put on a hat, a muffler, kerchief, and fo escape. Fal. Good hearts, devife fomething: any extre-deed. mity, rather than a mischief. Mrs. Ford. My maid's aunt, the fat woman of Brentford, has a gown above. Mrs. Page. On my word, it will ferve him; fhe's as big as he is; and there's her thrum 2 hat, and her muffler 3 too: Run up, fir John. Mrs. Ford. Go, go, fweet fir John: mistress Page, and I, will look fome linen for your head. Mrs. Page. Quick, quick; we'll come drefs you straight: put on the gown the while. [Exit Falfaff. Mrs. Ford. I would, my husband would meet him in this fhape: he cannot abide the old woman of Brentford; he fwears, fhe's a witch, forbade her my house, and hath threatened to beat her. Mrs. Page. Heaven guide him to thy husband's cudgel; and the devil guide his cudgel afterwards! Mrs. Ford. But is my husband coming? Mrs. Page. Ay, in good fadnefs, is he; and talks of the basket too, howfoever he hath had intelligence. Mrs. Ford. We'll try that; for I'll appoint my men to carry the basket again, to meet him at the door with it, as they did laft time. Mrs. Page. Nay, but he'll be here prefently: let's go drefs him like the witch of Brentford. Mrs. Ford. I'll first direct my men what they fhall do with the basket. Go up, I'll bring linen for him ftraight. Mrs. Page. Hang him, cannot mifufe him enough. difhonest varlet! we We'll leave a proof, by that which we will do, 'Tis old but true, Still fwins eat all the draugh. Shal. Indeed, mafter Ford, this is not well; in Enter Mrs. Ford. Ford. So fay I too, fir-Come hither, mistress Ford;-miftrefs Ford, the honeft woman, the modeft wife, the virtuous creature, that hath the jealous fool to her husband !—I suspect without cause, miftrefs, do I? Mrs. Ford. Heaven be my witness, you do, if you fufpect me in any dishonesty. Ford. Well faid, brazen-face; hold it out.Come forth, firrah. [Pulls the cloaths out of the baskeɛ. Page. This paffes +. Mrs. Ford. Are you not asham'd ? let, the cloaths alone. Ford. I fhall find you anon. Eva. 'Tis unreafonable! Will you take up your wife's cloaths? come away. Ford. Empty the basket, I fay. Ford. Mafter Page, as I am a man, there was one convey'd out of my houfe yesterday in this bar ket; Why may not he be there again? In my houfe I am fure he is: my intelligence is true; my jealoufy is reafonable: Pluck me out all the linen. Mrs. Ford. If you find a man there, he shall die a flea's death. Page. Here's no man. Shal. By my fidelity, this is not well, master Ford; this wrongs 5 you. Eva. Master Ford, you must pray, and not follew the imaginations of your own heart: this is jealoufies. Ford. Well, he's not here I feek for. Page. No, nor no where elfe but in your brain. That is, a lift, an inventory. 2 The thrum is the end of a weaver's warp, and was probably ufed for making coarfe hats. 3 A muffler was fome part of drefs that cover'd the face. 4 To pafs means here, to go beyond bounds. 5 Meaning, this is below your character. Ford. |