Don John. reading the challenge, fubfcribed for Cupid, and Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthazar, and challenged him at the bird-bolt '.—I pray you, how many hath he kill'd and eaten in thefe wars? But how many bath he kill'd? for, indeed, I promis'd to eat all of his killing. Pedro. Good fignior Leonato, you are come to meet your trouble: the fashion of the world is to avoid coft, and you encounter it. Leon. Never came trouble to my houfe in the likeness of your grace: for trouble being gone, comfort fhould remain; but, when you depart from me, forrow abides, and happinefs takes his leave. Pedro. You embrace your charge too willingly. -I think, this is your daughter, Leon. Her mother hath many times told me fo. Bene. Were you in doubt, fir, that you aik'd her? Leon. Signior Benedick, no; for then were you Me. A lord to a lord, a man to a man; ftuff'd a child. with all honourable virtues. Beat. It is fo, indeed; he is no lefs than a stuff'd man: but for the ftufling, well, we are all mortal. Lear. You must not, fir, mistake my niece; there is a kind of merry war betwixt fignior Benedick and her: they never meet, but there's a fkirmifh of wit between them. Beat. Alas, he gets nothing by that. In our laft conflict, four of his five wits 3 went halting off, and now is the whole man govern'd with one: fo that if he have wit enough to keep himself warm, let him bear it for a difference between himself and his horfe; for it is all the wealth that he hath left, to be known a reasonable creature.—Who is his companion now? he hath every month a new fworn brother. Me. Is it poffible? Beat. Very rafily poffible: he wears his faith but as the fashion of his hat, it ever changes with the next block 5. Me. I fee, lady, the gentleman is not in your books". Beat. No: an he were, I would burn my study. But, I pray you, who is his companion? Is there no young fquarer now, that will make a voyage with him to the devil? M. He is moft in the company of the right noble Claudio. Beat. O lord! he will hang upon him like a difeafe: he is fooner caught than the peftilence, and the taker runs prefently mad. God help the noble Claudio! if he have caught the Benedick, it will coft him a thousand pounds ere he be cur'd. Me. I will hold friends with you, lady. Beat. Do, good friend. Leon. You'll ne'er run mad, niece. Meff. Don Pedro is approach'd. Pedro. You have it full, Benedick: we may guess by this what you are, being a man. Truly, the lady fathers herself;--Be happy, lady! for you are like an honourable father. Bene. If fignior Leonato be her father, she would not have his head on her shoulders for all Messina, as like him as the is. Beat. I wonder, that you will still be talking, fignior Benedick; no body marks you. Bene. What, my dear lady Difdain! are you yet living? Beat. Is it poffible, difdain fhould die, while fhe hath fuch meet food to feed it, as fignior Benedick } Courtefy itfelf muft convert to difdain, if you come in her prefence. Bene. Then is Courtesy a turn-coat;-But it is certain, I am lov'd of all ladies, only you excepted: and I would I could find in my heart that I had not a hard heart; for, truly, I love none. Beat. A dear happiness to women; they would elfe have been troubled with a pernicious fuitor. I thank God, and my cold blood, I am of your humour for that; I had rather hear my dog bark at a crow, than a man fwear he loves me. Bene. God keep your ladyship still in that mind! fo fome gentleman or other shall 'fcape a predefti. nate fcratch'd face. Beat. Scratching could not make it worse, an 'twere fuch a face as yours were. Bene. Well, you are a rare parrot-teacher. Beat. A bird of my tongue, is better than a bcast of yours. Bene. I would, my horfe had the speed of your tongue; and fo good a continuer: But keep your way o' God's name; I have done. Beat. You always end with a jade's trick; I know you of old. Pedro. This is the fum of all: Leonato,-fignior Claudio, and fignior Benedick, my dear friend 1 The bird-bolt is a fhort thick arrow without point, and fpreading at the extremity so much, as to leave a flat furface, about the breadth of a fhilling. They are ufed at prefent to kill rooks with, and are fhot from a cross-bow. 2 That is, he will be even with, or a match for, you." 3 The five fenfes probably gave rise to the idea of a man's having five wits. 4 Not religious profeffion, but profeffion of friendship. 5 A block is the mould on which a hat is formed. man's books, originally meant to be in the lift of his retainers. 7 That is, no young, cholerick, 'quarreliome fellow. 8 Charge here fignifics incumbrance. 6 To be in a Leonat Leonato hath invited you all. I tell him, we shall Bene. You hear, Count Claudio: I can be fecret ftay here at the leaft a month; and he heartily as a dumb man, I would have you think fo; but prys, fome occafion may detain us longer: I dare on my allegiance,-mark you this, on my allegifwear he is no hypocrite, but prays from his heart. ance.---He is in love. With who?--now that is Leon. If you fwear, my lord, you fhall not be your grace's part ----mark, how fhort his answer forfworn.-Let me bid you welcome, my lord: be-is-With Hero, Leonato's fhort daughter. ing reconciled to the prince your brother, I owe you all duty. Fab. I thank you: I am not of many words, but I thank you. Leon. Please it your grace lead on? Bow. I noted her not; but I look'd on her. Bene. Do you queftion me, as an honeft man fhould do, for my fimple true judgment? or would I you have me speak after my custom, as being a profelfed tyrant to their fex? Claud. No, I pray thee, fpeak in fober judgment. Bene. Why, i'faith, methinks fhe is too low for a high praise, too brown for a fair praife, and too little for a great praife; only this commendation 1 can afford her; that were the other than the is, the were unhandfome; and being no other but as the is, I do not like her. * Glaud. Thou think'it, I am in sport; I pray thee, tell me truly how thou lik'ft her. Bene. Would you buy her, that you enquire after her? Claud. If this were fo, fo were it uttered. Bene. Like the old tale, my lord: it is not fo, nor 'twas not fo; but, indeed, God forbid it fhould bc fo. Claud. If my paffion change not shortly, God forbid it should be otherwife. Pedro. Amen, if you love her, for the lady is very well worthy. Cand. You speak this to fetch me in, my lord. Chrad. That I love her, I feel. Pedro. That he is worthy, I know. Bene. That I neither feel how the fhould be lov'd, nor know how the should be worthy, is the opinion that fire cannot melt out of me; I will die in it at the stake. Pedro. Thou wast ever an obstinate heretick in the defpight of beauty. Chaud. And never could maintain his part, but in the force of his will. Bene. That a woman conceiv'd me, I thank her; that the brought me up, I likewife give her most humble thanks; but that I will have a recheat Cland. Can the world buy fuch a jewel? winded in my forehead, or hang my bugle 2 in Bent. Yea, and a cafe to put it into. But fpeak an invifible baldrick 3, all women fhall pardon me : you this with a fad brow? or do you play the flout-Becaufe I will not do them the wrong to mistrust ing Jak; to tell us Cupid is a good hare-finder, any, I will do myself the right to truft none; and and Vulcs a rare carpenter? Come, in what key the fine is, (for the which I may go the finer) I fh.ll a man take you, to go in the fong? Claud. In mine eye, the is the fweetest lady that I ever looked on. will live a batchelor. Pedo. I fall fee thee, ere I die, look pale with love. Bere. I can fee yet without fpectacles, and I fee Bene. With anger, with fickness, or with hunno fuch raftter: there's her coufin, an fhe were ger, my lord; not with love: prove, that ever I not polled with a fury, exceeds her a much in iole more blood with love, than I will get again beauty, as the firft of May doth the laft of Decem-with drinking, pick out mine eyes with a balladber. But I hope, you have no intent to turn huf-maker's pen, and hang me up at the door of a band; have you? Claud. I would scarce truft myself, though I had fworn the contrary, if Hero would be my wife. brothel-houfe for the fign of blind Cupid. Pedro. Well, if ever thou doft fall from this faith, thou wilt prove a notable argument. Bene. If I do, hang me in a bottle like a cat, Bene. Is't come to this, i' faith? Hath not the world one man, but he will wear his cap with fuf-and fhoot at me; and he that hits me, let him be picion? Shall I never fee a hatchelor of threefcore clapp'd on the fhoulder, and call'd Adam 4. again? Go to, i' faith; an thou wilt needs thruft thy neck into a yoke, wear the print of it, and figh away Sundays. Look, Don Pedro is return'd to feck you. Re-enter Don Ped o. Pedro. What fecret hath held you here, that you follow'd not to Leonato's ? Pene. I would, your grace would conftrain me to tell. Pedro. I charge thee on thy allegiance. Pedro. Well, as time fhall try: Bene. The favage bull may; but if ever the fenfible Benedick bear it, pluck off the bull's horns, and fet them in my forehead: and let me be vilely painted; and in such great letters as they write, Here is good barfe to hire, let them fignify under my tign,-Here you may fee Benedick the marry'd man. Claud. If this fhould ever happen, thou would'st be horn-mad. 1 A recheat is a particular lesson upon the horn, to call dogs back from the feent. 2 Bugle-horn. This probably alludes to one Adam Beil, who at that time of day was of repu tation for his skill at the bow. 3 Belt or girdle. Pedro. Pedro. Nay, if Cupid hath not spent all his quiver in Venice, thou wilt quake for this fhortly. Bene. I look for an earthquake too then. Pedro. Well, you will temporize with the hours. In the mean time, good fignior Benedick, repair to Leonato's; commend me to him, and tell him, I will not fail him at fupper; for, indeed he hath made great preparation. Bene. I have almost matter enough in me for fuch an emballage; and fo I commit you→→→ Claud. To the tuition of God; from my houfe, (if I had it,) Pedro. The fixth of July; your loving friend, Benedick. I Bene. Nay, mock not, mock not: The body of your difcourfe is fometime guarded with fragments, and the guards are but flightly batted on neither ere you flout old ends any further, examine your confcience; and fo I leave you. [Exit. Claud. My liege, your highnefs now may do me good. [how, Pedro. My love is thine to teach; teach it but And thou shalt fee how apt it is to learn Any hard leffon that may do thee good. Claud. Hath Leonato any fon, my lord? Pedro. No child but Hero, fhe's his only heir: Doft thou affect her, Claudio? Claud. O my lord, When you went onward on this ended action, Pedro. Thou wilt be like a lover prefently, Claud. How fweetly do you minister to love, That know love's grief by his complection! But left my liking might too fudden feem, I would have falv'd it with a longer treatife. Pedro. What need the bridge much broader than the flood? The fairest grant is the neceffity: A Room in Leonato's Houfe. Enter Leonato and Antonio. Leo. How now, brother? Where is my coufin, your fon? Hath he provided this mufick? Ant. He is very bufy about it. But, brother, I can tell you news that you yet dream'd not of. Leon. Are they good? Ant. As the event ftamps them; but they have a good cover, they fhow well outward. The prince and Count Claudio, walking in a thick-pleached 2 alley in my orchard, were thus overheard by a men of mine: The prince difcover'd to Claudio, that he lov'd my niece your daughter, and meant to ac◄ knowledge it this evening in a dance; and, if he found her accordant, he meant to take the prefent time by the top, and inftantly break with you of it. Leon. Hath the fellow any wit that told you this? Ante A good fharp fellow; I will fend for him, and question him yourself. Lean. No, no; we will hold it as a dream, till it appear itfelf:-but I will acquaint my daughter withal, that the may be the better prepared for an anfwer, if peradventure this be true: Go you, and tell her of it. [Several Servants cofs the flage here.] Coufin, you know what you have to do.-O, I cry you mercy, friend; go you with me, and I will ufe your fkill:-Good coufin, have a care this bufy time. [Exeunt, SCENE III. Another Apartment in Leonato's Houfe. Enter Don John and Conrade. Cour. What the good-jer, my lord! why are you thus out of meafure fad ? John. There is no meafure in the occafion that breeds it, therefore the fadnefs is without limit. Conr. You thould hear reafon. John. And when I have heard it, what bleffing bringeth it? Conr. If not a prefent remedy, yet a patient fuf ferance. John. I wonder, that thou being (as thou fay'it thou art born) under Saturn, goeft about to apply a moral medicine to a mortifying mifchief. I cannot hide what I am: I must be fad when I have caufe, and fmile at no man's jests; eat when I have ftomach, and wait for no man's leifure; fleep when I am drowfy, and tend on no man's Look, what will ferve, is fit; 'tis once, thou lov'ft; bufinefs; laugh when I am merry, and claw 3 na And I will fit thee with the remely. I know, we shall have revelling te-aight; I will affurge thy part in iome difguife, And tell fair Hero I am Claudio; man in his humour. Conr. Yea, but you must not make the full show of this, till you may do it without controulment. You have of late stood out against your brother, and he hath ta'en you newly into his grace; where it is impoffible you should take root, but by the fair weather that you make yourself; it is needful that you frame the feafon for your own harvest. John. I had rather be a canker in a hedge, than a rofe in his grace; and it better fits my blood to [Exeunt. [be difdain'd of all, than to fashion a carriage to rob 1 Guards were ornamental laces or borders. is. flatter. 2 Thick-pleached means thickly interwoven, 3 That love from any in this, though I cannot be faid to be a flattering honeft man, it must not be deny'd but I am a plain-dealing villain. I am truited with a muzzle, and infranchifed with a clog; therefore I have decreed not to fing in my cage: If I had my mouth, I would bite; if I had my liberty, I would do my liking: in the mean time, let me be that I am, and feek not to alter me. Bora. Marry, on Hero, the daughter and heir of Leonato. John. A very forward March-chick! How come you to know this? Bora. Being entertain'd for a perfumer, as I was fmeaking a multy room, comes me the prince and Claudio, hand in hand, in fad conference :-I whipt me behind the arras; and there heard it Conr. Can you make no use of your difcontent agreed upon, that the prince should woo Hero for John. I make all ufe of it, for I ufe it only.-himfelf, and having obtained her, give her to Who comes here? what news, Borachio? count Claudio. Enter Borachio. Bora. I came yonder from a great fupper; the prince, your brother, is royally entertained by Leonato; and I can give you intelligence of an intended marriage. John. Will it ferve for any model to build mifchief on? What is he for a fool, that betroths himfelf to unquietnefs? Bora. Marry, it is your brother's right hand. John. A proper fquire! and who, and who? which way looks he ? John. Come, come, come, let us thither; this may prove food to my difpleafure: that young start-up hath all the glory of my overthrow; if I can cross him any way, I blefs myself every way: You are both fure 2, and will affitt me. Conr. To the death, my lord. Foln. Let us to the great fupper; their cheer is the greater, that I am fubdu’d: 'Would the cook were of my mind!--Shall we go prove what's to SCENE L ACT II. A Hall in Leonato's Houfe Enter Leonato, Antonio, Hero, Beatrice, Margaret, Leon. So, by being too cuft, God will fend you no horns. Beat. Juft, if he fend me no hufband; for the which bling, I am at him upon my knees every morning and evening: Lord! I could not endure AS not count John here at fupper?a hufband with a beard on his face; I had rather Ant. I faw him not. lie in woollen. and Urfula. Leon. WAS Beat. How tartly that gentleman looks! I never Leon. You may light upon a husband, that hath can fee him, but I am heart-burn'd an hour after.no beard. Hero. He is of a very melancholy difpofition. Beat. What fhould I do with him? drefs him Beat. He were an excellent man, that were in my apparel, and make him my waiting-gentlemade just in the midway between him and Bene-woman? He that hath a beard, is more than a dick: the one is too like an image, and fays no-youth; and he that hath no beard, is lefs than a hing; and the other, too like my lady's eldett fon, man: and he that is more than a youth, is not for evermore tattling. me; and he that is lefs than a man, I am not for Leon. Then half fignior Benedick's tongue in him: Therefore I will even take fix-pence in earcount John's mouth, and half count John's me-neft of the bear-herd, and lead his apes into hell. lancholy in fignior Benedick's face,— Leon. Weil then, go you into hell? Beat. With a good leg, and a good foot, uncle, Beat. No; but to the gate: and there will the and money enough in his purfe, Such a man would devil meet me, like an old cuckold, with horns on win any woman in the world,-if he could get her his head, and fay, Get you to heaven, Beatrice, get good will. you to heaven; here's no place for you maids: fo deLeon. By my truth, niece, thou wilt never get liver I up my apes, and away to Saint Peter for thee a husband, if thou be 'ft fo fhrewd of thy the heavens; he fhews me where the batchelors tongue. fit, and there live we as merry as the day is long. Ant. Well, niece, I truft, you will be rul'd by [To Hero. Ant. In faith, she's too curst. Beat. Too curft is more than curft: I fhall lef-your father. fen God's fending that way: for it is faid, God fads Brat. Yes, faith; it is my coufin's duty to make a curft cow short borns; but to a cow too curit he a curtly, and fay, Father, as it pleafe you :--but fends none. yet for all that, coufin, let him be a handfome fel 1 i. e. Serious. 2 i. c. To be depended on. low, low, or elfe make another curtfy, and fay, Father, Unf. I know you well enough you are fignior Antonio. as it pleafe me. Leon. Well, niece, I hope to fee you one day fitted with a husband. Beat. Not till God make men of fome other metal than earth. Would it not grieve a woman to be over-mafter'd with a piece of valiant duft to make account of her life to a clod of wayward marle? No, uncle, I'll none: Adam's fons are my brethren, and truly, I hold it a fin to match in my kindred. Leon. Daughter, remember what I told you if the prince do folicit you in that kind, you know your answer. Ant. At a word, I am not. Urf. I know you by the wagling of your head. Hit. To tell you true, I counterfeit him. Urf. You could never do him fo ill-well, unless you were the very man: Here's his dry hand 2 up and down; you are he, you are he. Ant. At a word, I am not. Urf. Come, come ; do you think, I do not know you by your excellent wit? Can virtue hide itfelf? Go to, mum, you are he: graces will ap pear, and there's an end. Beat. Will you not tell me who told you so? Beat. Nor will you not tell me who you are? Beat. The fault will be in the mufick, coufin, if you be not woo'd in good time: if the prince be too important, tell him, there is meafure in every thing, and fo dance out the answer. For Beat. That I was difdainful and that I had my hear me, Hero, Wooing, wedding, and repent-good wit out of the Hundred merry Tales ;—Well, ing, is as a Scotch jig, a measure, and a cinque- this was fighior Benedick that faid fo. pace: the first fuit is hot and hafty, like a Scotch jig, and full as fantaftical; the wedding, mannerly modeft, as a meafure full of state and ancientry; and then comes repentance, and, with his bad legs, falls into the cinque-pace fafter and fafter, 'till he fink into his grave. Leon. Coufin, you apprehend paffing fhrewdly. Beat. I have a good eye, uncle; I can fee a church by day-light. Leon. The revellers are entring; brother, make good room. Enter Don Pedro, Claudio, Benedick, Balthazar; Don Jolm, Borachio, Margaret, Urfula, and others matk'd. Pedro. Lady, will you walk about with your friend? Hero. So you walk softly, and look sweetly, and fay nothing, I am yours for the walk; and efpecially, when I walk away. Pedro. With me in your company? Hero. I may fay fo, when I please. Pedro. And when please you to say so ? Hero. When I like your favour, for God defend, the lute should be like the cafe ! Pedro. My vifor is Philemon's roof; within the houfe is Jove. Bene. Why, then your vifor fhould be thatch'd. Bene. Which is one? Marg. I fay my prayers aloud. Bene. I love you the better; the hearers may cry amen. Mag. God match me with a good dancer! Bene. What's he? Beat. I am fure, you know him well enough. Beat. Did he never make you laugh? Beat. Why, he is the prince's jester: a very dull fool; only his gift is in devifing impolïible flanders: none but libertines delight in him; and the commendation is not in his wit, but in his villainy 3; for he both pleafeth men, and angers them, and then they laugh at him, and beat him: I am fure, he is in the fleet; I would he had boarded me. Bene. When I know the gentleman, I'll tell him what you fay. Beat. Do, do; he'll but break a comparison or two on me; which, peradventure, not mark'd, or not laugh'd at, ftrikes him into melancholy; and then there's a partridge wing fav'd, for the fob! will eat no fupper that night. We must follow the leaders. [Mufick within. Bene. In every good thing. Beat. Nay, if they lead to any ill, I will leave them at the next turning. Manent John, Borachio, and Claudio. John. Sure my brother is amorous on Hero, and hath withdrawn her father to break with him about it: The ladies follow her, and but one vifor remains. Bora. And that is Claudio: I know him by his bearing 4. John. Are you not fignior Benedick? John. Signior, you are very near my brother in his love: he is enamour'd on Hero; I pray you, diffuade him from her, fhe is no equal for his birth; you may do the part of an honest man in Marg. And God keep him out of my fight when it. the dance is done!--Antwer, clerk. Balth. No more words; the clerk is answer'd. Claud. How know you he loves her? John. I heard him fwear his affection. I Important here, as in many other places, means importunate. 2 A dry hand was in thofe times confidered as the fign of a cold conftitution. 3 By which the means his malice and impiety. By his impious jefts, the infinuates, he pleafed libertines; and by his devipng flanders of them, he angered them. 4 i. e. His carriage, his demeanour. Bora. |
