pursuing, or living for. Doubted whether it were possible that I should know any thing of true religion, and yet be so entirely barren.

APRIL 7.-In fasting and prayer was favoured with much of a spirit of supplication. I now seem to be lifted above those discouraging, desponding doubts, which have for some time clogged my soul. No GOOD COMES OF DOUBTING, OR OF BROODING OVER OUR SINS.

APRIL 14.-Spent this day in fasting and prayer. Was wholly deserted, except that I saw more of my natural depravity, and the consequent pollution of all my duties, than ever before. Saw more, too, of the glory and greatness of the work of redemption, than I had previously.

APRIL 22.-Spent this day in fasting and prayer. At first was stupid; but soon God was pleased to lift up the light of his countenance upon me, and visit me with his free Spirit. O, how infinitely glorious and lovely did God in Christ appear! I saw, I felt, that God was mine, and I his, and was unspeakably happy. Now, if ever, I enjoyed communion with God. He shone sweetly upon me, and I reflected back his beams in fervent, admiring, adoring love. Had a most ravishing view of the glories of heaven, and of the ineffable delight, with which the Lord Jesus beholds the happiness which he has purchased with his own blood.'

CHAPTER V.

His state of mind in the immediate prospect of the ministry.

66

THE time now drew near when Mr. Payson was to receive license, agreeably to Congregational usage, to preach the gospel. His spirituality appears to have increased, as that interesting era of his life approached. Most sensibly did he feel, that he "was no longer his own, but bought with a price," and "called by grace to serve God in the gospel of his Son." The world was crucified to him, and he to the world.' His piety was distinguished by more frequent acts of self-dedication to God, not by short ejaculations, and a general surrender merely, but with great deliberation, attended by a minute survey of the relations of the creature to the Creator, and of the obligations recognized and assumed by such a consecration. Happily, one specimen of the manner in which he thus devoted himself is preserved; and though it describes the secret dealings of the soul with its God, it is hoped that it will not be desecrated by being brought out to the light. If, however, the reader never felt the awe which is created by a consciousness of the divine presence; if he never experienced the emotions of an ancient pilgrim, when, preparing for a similar transaction, he exclaimed-" How dreadful is this place!"-he is urgently requested to pause. If he is conscious of any other feelings, than those of profound solemnity, let him leave this chapter unread. In it he will find nothing with which a mind given to levity, or

vanity, or pride, can possibly sympathize. If he ventures to proceed, he will be met, at the threshold-if not by "a drawn sword in the hand of the Captain of the Lord's host"-by that which is scarcely less appalling to an earthly mind; and which will render almost equally appropriate the order addressed to Israel's leader: "Loose thy shoe from off thy foot; for the place whereon thou standest is holy."

‘MAY 1, 1807.—Having set apart this day for fasting and prayer, preparatory to the celebration of the Lord's Supper, I rose early and sought the divine presence and blessing, in which I was favoured with fervency and freedom. My petition was, that I might be enabled to see my own character, contrasted with the purity of God, and his holy, just, and good law; that I might be assisted in renewing covenant with God, and in giving myself up to him, and that I might be favoured with ministerial qualifications. After this, I drew up the following

CONFESSION AND FORM OF COVENANT.

'O Thou High and Holy One, that inhabitest eternity, whose name alone is Jehovah; who art the one, great, eternal, ever-blessed God, before whom angels bow, and devils tremble, and in whose sight all the nations of the earth are less than nothing and vanity! Wilt thou graciously condescend, in thy sovereign and infinite goodness, to look down from thy throne of glory on me, the most unworthy of thy creatures, a poor, weak, sinful, vile, and polluted wretch; to behold me with mercy and compassion, and to permit me, lying prostrate in the dust before thee, to address thee as my God, my Father, my Creator, my Benefactor, my Friend, and Redeemer.

O Lord, I would come with a heart broken and contrite for sin, acknowledging myself unworthy of the least of all thy mercies, and deserving nothing at thine

hand but everlasting banishment from thee and happiness. Encouraged by thine own gracious promises, I would come, and, with humble confidence, take hold on the hope set before me, even thine everlasting covenant, which is ordered in all things and sure. But, O God, what am I, that I should be called thy son, that I should call thee my Father, or that thou shouldest enter into covenant with me? I blush, and am ashamed even to lift up my face unto thee, O my Father; for I have sinned against thee, and am exceeding vile; vile beyond what language can describe, or thought conceive. My iniquities are gone over my head, they are increased even to the heavens: they are infinite in number, in degree and aggravation, and can be equalled only by thy mercies, which have been new every moment. Thou, O God, hast given me life, and dost still preserve me in existence. Thou hast given me faculties, which render me capable of knowing, serving, loving, worshipping, and enjoying thee. Thou hast placed me in this Christian land, and given me the knowledge of thee, myself, and my duty, while thousands of my fellow creatures are left in darkness. Thou hast placed me in that situation in life which is most favourable to virtue, contentment, and happiness; and hast given me parents tender and affectionate, who early devoted me to thee, and taught me to lisp thy name, and to know thy precepts. Through their means thou hast given me opportunities of improving those faculties I have received from thee, and thus rendering myself more fit to serve thee. But above all, O my God, thou hast given me an interest in thy Son, and in all the blessings he has purchased. Thou hast given me the Spirit of adoption, whereby I am enabled to cry, Abba, Father. Thou hast given me thy precious grace in this world, as an earnest of glory in the next. Thou hast also loaded me with daily and hourly mercies, more than I can number.

Thou hast kept me with more than parental care. Thou hast preserved me in sickness, protected me from dangers, shielded me while awake, watched over me in sleep, supported me in trials, strengthened me in weakness, succoured me in temptations, comforted me in afflictions, and defended me against mighty and numberless enemies. Thou hast overwhelmed me with thy mercies, my cup runneth over. Thy goodness and thy mercy have followed me all the days of my life.

'Yet against all this goodness I have rebelled; have rewarded thee evil for good; thy mercies have only aggravated my guilt. O, my God, what have I done? what madness, what obstinacy, what ingratitude has possessed me! My sins have run parallel with thy mercies. I have struck and wounded the hand that made me, fed me, preserved me. I have wasted in sin and folly the life thou gavest me. I have perverted those faculties I received from thy goodness, in dishonouring thee, and in disobeying thy commands. I was shapen in sin, and brought forth in iniquity. My understanding is darkened and alienated from the truth; my will is stubborn and perverse; my affections are corrupt and depraved, and every imagination of the thoughts of my heart has been evil, only and continually evil. My carnal mind has been enmity against thee, and has not been in subjection to thy righteous and holy law. From this corrupt and bitter fountain have proceeded innumerable bitter, polluting streams. Though I was early taught thy will, I neglected to perform it. I have broken all thy commands, times without number. My words, thoughts, and actions have been sinful. I have gone astray from my youth up.

And even after thou didst take pity upon me, when I was cast out as polluted, to perish in my blood; after thou didst receive me, a poor, wretched prodigal, and didst cause thy wondrous goodness and mercy to pass before