been thus hoaxed, came to the alternative of where shall we dine? The question was carried nem. con at Paul Peregrine's who sent the invitations. Thus determined to give him a benefit-to hoax the hoaxer -they repaired in a body to Peregrine Hall. He received them and their retaliated joke with a hearty welcome, and gave them the best cheer his kitchen and cellar could afford.. "Sobriety blink'd, and social Mirth, Forgot that Care was on the earth." Peregrine's joke formed not the least pleasing theme, even to the host himself, and as mirth and enjoyment was the order of the day, the good old custom, which tends to cultivate a taste for the divine art of music, as well as to cherish, refine, and dignify sentiment, (instead of colts, cows, canes, and cash,)-a song was requested from the chair. "Silence for a song; "Mr. Peregrine's " CARPE DIEM. -ENJOY THE DAY. "Carpe diem!" sung old Horace, Near two thousand years ago: "Carpe diem" be my chorus, Banish sorrow, care and wo. Who with mellow juice before him, When wine warms the springs of life. Flow thou mental fount of pleasure, Joys Elysian are our dream. We need not add that the "grey-ey'd morn" had begun to open her eye before their departure, and that those of memory were too much dazzled to remember all the brilliant flashes of wit on that festive occasion. Paul still says it was the best, though dearest joke that ever was played upon him. To be continued. Biography. ECCENTRIC CHARACTERS. Perhaps no lady was ever better reconciled to positive ugliness in her own person than the Duchess of Orleans, the mother of the Regent d'Orleans, who governed France during the minority of Louis XV. Thus she speaks of her own appearance and manners: "From my earliest years I was aware how ordinary my appearance was, and did not like that people should look at me attentively. I never paid any attention to dress, because diamonds and dress were sure to attract attention. My husband, on the other hand, loved to cover himself with jewels, and was well satisfied at my dislike of them, as it saved all disputes for the possession of them. On great days he used to make me rouge, which I did greatly against my will, as I hate every thing that incommodes me. One day I made the Countess Soissons laugh heartily. She asked me why I never turned my head whenever I passed before a mirror-every body else did? I answered, because I had too much self-love to bear the sight of my own ugliness. I must have been very ugly in my youth. I had no sort of features; with little twinkling eyes, a short snub nose, and long thick lips, the whole of my physiognomy was far from attractive. My face was large, with fat cheeks, and yet my figure was short and stumpy; in short, I was a very homely sort of person. Except for the goodness of my disposition, no one would have endured me. It was impossible to discover anything like intelligence in my eyes, except with a microscope. Perhaps there was not on the face of the earth such another pair of ugly hands as mine. The King often told me so, and set me laughing about it; for as I was quite sure of being very ugly, I made up my mind to be always the first to laugh at it. This succeeded very well, though I must confess it furnished me with a good stock of materials for aughter. My temperament is naturally rather melancholy, and when anything distresses me, my left side swells up as if it were filled with water. I hate to lie in bed, and the moment I wake I rise immediately. As for breakfast, I take it very seldom, and then have nothing but bread and butter. Chocolate, coffee, tea, and all other foreign drugs, I detest. My habits are competely German, and nothing suits me in the eating and drinking way which is not comformable to our old customs. I cannot eat soup unless it is mixed up with milk, beer, or wine; and as for gravy broth, it is abominable; it always makes me so ill, that nothing but sausages and ham can put my stomach to rights again." Miscellaneous, SIGNS AND TOKENS. If you see a man and woman, with little or no occasion, often finding fault, and correcting each other in company, you may be sure they are husband and wife. If you see a lady and gentleman in the same coach, in profound silence, the one looking out at one window, and the other at the opposite side, be assured they mean no harm to each other, but are husband and wife. If you see a lady accidentally let fall a glove or a handkerchief, and a gentleman that is next to her tell her of it, that she may herself pick it up, set them down for husband and wife. If you see a man and woman walk in the fields, at twenty yard's distance, in a direct line, and the man striding over a stile, and still going on, without ceremony, you may swear they are busband and wife. If you see a lady whose beauty attracts the notice of every person present, except one man, and he speaks to her in a rough manner, and does not appear at all affected by her charms, depend upon it they are husband and wife. If you see a male and female constantly thwarting each other, under the appellation of my dear, my life, &c. rest assured they are husband and wife. Praise and Censure.-The praise of the envious is far less creditable than their censure; they praise only that which they can surpass, but that which surpasses them, they censure. Suspicion.-When a man is always talking of his solicitor and suits at law-suspect him of being FOOL OR KNAVE. When a medical man attends you professionally, talks loftily upon subjects unconnected with your case, evades giving plain answers to plain questions, and assumes an air of mystery, or babbles of the affairs of your neighbours-suspect him of being an Ass. An eye to a Pun.—A friend of ours lately applied to a physician, for his advice respecting a complaint in one of his eyes, when the latter informed him, without hesitation, that he had a decided cataract; upon which, our friend observed, that he had had many a waterfall in his eye, but never expected to have a cataract there. A boy of a much earlier age than it is customary to take children at large schools, only six years old, was going into the village without leave, when one of the masters called after him, ،، Where are you going, Sir ? "I am going to buy a halfp'worth of nails, Sir,”What do you want a halfp'worth of nails for ?" For a halfpenny, Sir," replied the urchin. 66 What is Wit?-Wit is one of the few things which has been rewarded more often than it has been defined. A certain bishop said to his chaplain, “ What is wit ?” The chaplain replied, "The rectory of B. is vacant ; give it to me, and that will be wit." "Prove it," said his lordship, and you shall have it." "It would be a good thing well applied," replied the chaplain. Requisites. There are five requisites for a professed drunkard : a face of brassnerves of steel-lungs of leather-heart of stone-and an incombustible liver : unless he have all these, he shall quickly DIE. A Paradox.—What a paradox is a bed! it is a thing that we dislike to be obliged to keep, yet we are unwilling to be without-we go to it with reluctance, yet quit it with regret—we make up our minds every night to leave it early, and make up our bodies every morning to keep it late. ANSWERS TO CONUNDRUMS, &c. Translation of the Puzzle in No. 4.-To traduce others sinks your own character, that is. To tray-duce others cinques your own character.---2. Loo-kingglass.-3. F-0-x. CONUNDRUMS, PUZZLES. &c. 4. It is required to make the name of a delightful, instructive, and amusing article, from the following heterogeneous mass:-One end of a sack, an old English beverage, a human sense, a word denoting confusion, and one denoting liberty. 5. Why is a certain plant used in dying worse than a madman? 6. Why is a trunk doubly tied like a judgment of court? 7. What word of seven letters reads backward and forward the same? 8. Why is a tailor like troops storming a castle? 9. Why is a tallow-chandler the worst and most unhappy of men? "Honesty is the best Policy." Falsehood is often rocked by Truth, but she soon outgrows her cradle, and discards her nurse. It is best if possible, to deceive no one; for he that, like Mahomet or Cromwell, begins by deceiving others, will end, like these, by deceiving himself; but should it be absolutely necessary to deceive our enemies, there may be times when this cannot be effectually accomplished without deceiving,at the same time,our friends; for that which is known to our friends, will not be long concealed from our enemies. Lord Peterborough persuaded sir Robert Walpole that Swift had seen the folly of his old political principles, and had come over to those of the administration; that he found himself buried alive in Ireland, and wished to pass the remainder of his days with English perferment, and on English ground. After frequent importunities from his lordship, sir Robert consented to see Swift; he came over from Ireland, and was brought by lord Peterborough to dine with sir Robert at Chelsea. His manner was very captivating, full of respect to sir Robert, and completely imposing on Lord Peterborough; but we shall see, in the sequel, that Swift had ruined himself, by not attending to the maxim that it is necessary, at times, to deceive our friends, as well as our enemies. Some time after dinner, sir Robert retired to his closet, and sent for Lord Peterborough, who entered full of joy at Swift's demeanor; but all this was soon done away. "You see my Lord," said sir Robert," how highly I stand in Swift's favour." " Yes," replied lord Peterborough," and I am confident he means all that he says." Sir Robert proceeded-"In my situation, assailed as I am by false friends, and real enemies, I hold it my duty, and for the king's benefit, to watch correspondence; this letter 1 caused to be stopped at the post-office : read it." It was a letter from Swift to Doctor Arbuthnot, saying, that sir Robert had consented to see him at last; that he knew no flattery was too gross for sir Robert, and that he should receive plenty, and added, that he hoped very soon to have the old fox in his clutches. Lord Peterborough was in astonishment; sir Robert never saw Swift again. He speedily returned to Ireland, became a complete misanthrope, and died without a friend. How to lay it up.-When you have obtained the gout, secundum artem, as before recommended, get a large quantity of thick flannel, wrap it up well (gout loves warmth)-place à soft pillow on an easy stool, and place the foot on the pillow-let nobody approach within a yard or two-quarrel with your servants for |