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THE GOSSIP;

A Literary, Domestic, and Useful Publication.

BY FRANCIS FIDDLEWOOD.

No. 4.]

"A CHIEL'S AMANG YE TAKIN' NOTES,
AN FAITH HE'LL PRENT IT."

MARCH 1, 1826. [Price 10d.

THE GOSSIP.

"The diffrence was so small, his brain
Ontweigh'd his rage but half a grain;
Which made some take him for a tool
That knaves do work with, call'd a fool." -Hudibras.

THE subject of my present sketch is the counterpart of Kit Backbite; and ought to have accompanied his portrait in a former number. But method of arrangement in the gallery of gossips is less my care than truth and fidelity in representation. These twe genuine gossips seem to consider themselves as the sole dictators and patentees of scandal. Pride, envy, or rivalship disturbs them not-they are her natural protectors, and the congratulation of one to the other, when they meet, is "Have you heard it?" ' No! let's have it!" and thus they make_meum and tuum of every one's business and every one's character, never imagining that they are themselves noted as the most inveterate of blacksliders.

This application is particularly necessary as a premiss to the character I am about to bring under the view of the reader. Will Tattle is a man whose benevolence is unbounded, whose courage is a stranger to fear, whose hand is open to melting charity, and whose judgement and wit are equally notable. There is reason in roasting of eggs.' Mr. Tattle's benevolence requires no bounds, his courage never encountered danger, his hand is open as it is empty to melting charity, and his wit and judgement are marvellously sublime, for a mind cast in the mould of mediocrity.His turn for romance is of itself romantic, aided by a happy knack of converting truth into fiction, which latter quality, has led my friend Tattle into some serious scrapes; but, in cases of this nature, though the non-possession of courage is considered a great reproach, yet with him, and his gallant acquaintance, it has proved a matter of self-gratulation. He has been complimented with fibber, and has pocketed the compliment, as a matter of right; but the epithet of coward he has withstood on Falstaff's principle, that" the better part of valour is discretion." Tattle usually takes his round every morning to collect and circulate the news, being an expert " intelligencer," and possessed of the cacoëthes loquendi to such a degree, that, peradventure, if you be yourself a talker, you must seize an opportunity when he spits, or fixes his thumb nail between his teeth, and this will give his tongue a respite and set your's to work. Pardon me, polite and sensible reader, I conceive that you have no such vulgar and pertinacious qualifications Mr. Tattle has no mean opinion of himself, and he as well as others, (the Jack of Clubs for instance) conceive him to be a useful servant and great acquisition to the community. He is also understood to be a good judge of military affairs, and mounts a horse as skilfully as a sailor.* Indeed the application of spirit of the age' has been applied to him, and a gentleman, upon hearing this observed, that nobody need apply the attribute of mean or evil, as what was silently expressed was easily understood. He is a stirring man, notwithstanding their sneers-always progressing in the same unvaried round. Not that I mean to compare his industry to a squirrel's in a turn-cage, an ass in a wheel, or a man on the tread-mill-though he is, as Horace expresses it, a concordia discors-a discordant concord. With Tattle respectability is everything. His great ambition is to be respectable!

"But like the hindmost chariot wheel is curst, Still to be ne'er; but ne'er to reach the first," Ask any man, no matter how degraded, what respectability is? He will tell you that it is to be found in some mortal equally degraded with himself. Ask Will Tattle, he will tell you that respectability consists in living in what he calls a dashing style, and in treating every one that cannot, or will not do so, as below your notice: therefore he is not to be found yoked with an humble man, that stands on the lower ground; but makes his outwardness of friendship to those whose interest or fortune may feed his vanity, or excite his temptation. Ask the negro Quaw what is respectability. He will tell you it is a remarkable feature in

Quære-Does Mr. Fiddlewood not mean a Tailor-a vulgar PRINTER'S DEVIL.

fraction of a man?

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the character of some runaway or profligate of his own grade-" im very pectable good neega, massa;"-Ask

who shall I bid you ask?

(supposing the possibility, courteous reader) - Ask Old Nick, and he will tell you, it is he who acts well his part in his own vocation, and he will point out some Satanic fiend pleasantly and satisfactorily tormenting some such respectable wights as Mr. William Tattle and Christopher Backbite.

Bustle, twitting, backbiting, and scandal, are the leading characteristics of this gossip; and a boxingmatch, a crim.con, or a reproach upon some erring brother's name, are the best dishes for the maw of the cormorant. He gluts over them to repletion, and then disgorges his unsavoury mess over every-body he happens to come into contact with.

Biography.

ECCENTRIC CHARCTER.

The Rev. Mr. Hagamore, of Catsboge, Leiestershire was a very singular character. He died the 1st of January, 1776, possessed of the following effects, viz.-£700 per annum, and £100 in money, which (he dying intestate,) fell to a ticket porter in London. He kept one servant of each sex, whom he locked up every night. His last employment of an evening was to go round his premises, let loose his dogs, and fire his gun. He lost his life as follows: Going one morning to let out his servants, the dogs fawned upon him suddenly, and threw him into a pond, where he was found breast high. His servants heard him call for assistance, but being locked up could not lend him any. He had 30 gowns and cassocks, 100 pair of breeches, 100 pair of boots, 400 pair of shoes, 80 wigs, always wore his own hair, 58 dogs, 80 waggons and carts, 80 ploughs, and used none, 60 saddles, and furniture for the menage, 30 wheelbarrows, so many walking sticks that a toyman in Leicester-fields offered f8 for them, 60 horses and mares, 200 pickaxes, 200 spades and shovels, 74 ladders, and 249

razors.

WADD ON CORPULENCY.

"A poet, and a kingdom, and a cat

Should never, never, never be too fat!" Pindar. We extract the following humorous remarks on Wadd's work, from Blackwood's Magazine:

"It is most truly said, in Peveril of the Peak, that an ill-humoured-looking fat man is so rare an object, as to create in us the disgust which attends the sight of a monster. Look at the picture of Jack Powel, the butcher of Stebbing, in Essex, who died in 1754, aged 37 (Lord Byron and Raphael's age) weighing 40 stones. What a good, thoughtless, beneficent hilarity is in his countenance! With what an air of complacent self-satisfaction he is wiping his unwigged head-how agreeably degagée his loose vestments hang around him! You feel it would be impossible to fret that man. Not a blackberry did he care about the Pope, the Devil, or the Pretender, or about the Family Compact, or Mr. Pitt, or the balance of the power of Europe! We venture to say, he had a vast ignorance of the works of Jemmy Thomson, or Sammy Johnson, or Davie Hume, or the Warburtonian Controversy, or any other of the flocci-nauci-nihili-pilifications, which, in his day, were engaging literary men. But if he knew not these trifles, we lay a rump and dozen that he had a perfect knowledge of a beef-steak-that it would be hard to puzzle him in a mutton-chop-that Tom Rees's own Triponions are not deeper versed in the mysteries of a belly of tripe, than he was; and that no matter who was the best ringer of bob majors within the parish of Stebbing, few would heat him in disposing of their juicy attendant, the leg of mutton and trimmings.

To waddle back to Wadd. We shall skip some dozen or so of his pages at a slap, premising, that they contain cures, &c. for corpulency, one of which strikes us to be unutterably horrid. It is recommended as a remedy to devour Castile soap. What a

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