THE BURDENS OF MANKIND. 287 these bundles of calamities, they could not persuade themselves to cast them into the heap, when they came up to it; but, after a few faint efforts, shook their heads, and marched away as heavy laden as they came. 6. I saw multitudes of old women throw down their wrinkles, and several young ones, who stripped themselves of a tawny' skin. There were very great heaps of red noses, large lips, and rusty teeth. The truth of it is, I was surprised to see the greater part of the mountain made up of bodily deformities. Observing one advancing toward the heap with a larger cargo than ordinary upon his back, I found, upon his near approach, that it was only a natural hump, which he disposed of, with great joy of heart, among this collection of human miseries. 7. There were, likewise, distempers of all sorts; though I could not but observe, that there were many more imaginary than real. One little packet I could not but take notice of, which was a complication of all the diseases incident to human nature, and was in the hand of a great many fine people; this was called the Spleen.3 But what most of all surprised me, was a remark I made, that there was not a single vice or folly thrown into the whole heap; at which I was very much astonished, having concluded within myself, that every one would take this opportunity of getting rid of his passions, prejudices, and frailties. 8. I took notice in particular of a very profligate fellōw, who I did not question came loaded with his crimes; but upon searching into his bundle, I found that, instead of throwing his guilt from him, he had only laid down his memory. He was followed by another worthless rogue, who flung away his modesty instead of his ignorance. 9. When the whole race of mankind had thus cast their burdens, the phantom which had been so busy on this occasion, seeing me an idle spectator of what had passed, approached toward me. I grew uneasy at her presence, when of a sudden she held her magnifying glass full before my eyes. I no sooner saw my face in it, than I was startled at the shortness of it, 'Taw' ny, of a yellowish dark color, like things tanned, or persons sunburnt. Com pli cà' tion, entanglement; a number woven or tan. gled together.- Spleen, melancholy; a disease called "hypochondria," and familiarly, "blue devils." which now appeared to me in its utmost aggravation.' The immoderate breadth of the features made me very much out of humor with my own countenance; upon which I threw it from me, like a mask. 10. It happened, věry luckily, that one who stood by me had just before thrown down his visage, which, it seems, was too long for him. It was, indeed, extended to a shameful length; I believe the very chin was, modestly speaking, as long as my whole face. We had, bōth of us, an opportunity of mending ourselves; and all the contributions being now brought in, every man was at liberty to exchange his misfortunes for those of another person. But as there arose many new incidents in the sequel3 of my vision, I shall reserve them for the subject of my next paper. 121. THE BURDENS OF MANKIND-CONCLUDED. IN my last paper, I gave my reader a sight of that mountain of miseries, which was made up of those several calamities that afflict the minds of men. I saw, with unspeakable pleasure, the whole species thus delivered from its sorrows; though, at the same time, as we stood round the heap, and surveyed the several materials of which it was composed, there was scarcely a mortal in this vast multitude, who did not discover what he thought pleasures of life; and wondered how the owners of them over came to look upon them as burdens and grievances. 2. As we were regarding very attentively this confusion of miseries, this chaos of calamity, Jupiter issued out a second proclamation, that every one was now at liberty to exchange his affliction, and return to his habitation with any such other bundle as should be delivered to him. Upon this, Fancy began again to bestir herself, and, parceling out the whole heap with incredible activity, recommended to every one his particular packet. The hurry and confusion at this time were not to be expressed. Some observations which I made upon this occasion, I shall communicate to the public. 1 Ag gra và tion, a making worse.—* Visage (viz aj), face.—3 Sẻ quen, that which follows; a succeeding part. THE BURDENS OF MANKIND. 289 3. A venerable, gray-headed man, who had laid down the colic, and who, I found, wanted an heir to his estate, snatched up an undutiful son, that had been thrown into the heap by an angry father. The graceless youth, in less than a quarter of an hour, pulled the old gentleman by the beard, and had liked to have knocked his brains out; so that, meeting the true father, who came toward him with a fit of the gripes, he begged him to take his son again, and give him back his colic; but they were incapable, either of them, to recede from the choice they had made. A poor galley'-slave, who had thrown down his chains, took up the gout in their stead, but made such wry faces, that one might easily perceive he was no great gainer by the bargain. It was pleasant enough to see the several exchanges that were made, for sickness against poverty, hunger against want of ap petite, and care against pain. 4. The female world were very busy among themselves in bartering for features; one was trucking3 a lot of gray hairs for a carbuncle; and another was making over a short waist for a pair of round shoulders; and a third cheapening a bad face for a lost reputation; but, on all these occasions, there was not one of them who did not think the new blemish, as soon as she had got it into her possession, much more disagreeable than the old one. I made the same observation on every other misfortune or calamity, which every one in the assembly brought upon himself, in lieu of what he had parted with; whether it be that all the evils which befall us are, in some measure, suited and proportioned to our strength, or that every evil becomes more supportable by our being accustomed to it, I shall not determine. 5. I could not, for my heart, forbear pitying the poor humpbacked gentleman, mentioned in the former paper, who went off a very well-shaped person with a stone in his bladder; nor the fine gentleman who had struck up this bargain with him, that limped through a whole assembly of ladies, who used to admire. him, with a pair of shoulders peeping over his head. • Gål' ley, a low, flat-built vessel. A galley-slave is one condemned, for crimes, to labor at the oar on board a galley.-2 Gout, a very pain ful disease of the joints.—Truck' ing, exchanging; bartering - Carbuncle (kår' bůnk kl), an inflammatory swelling or tumor. 6. I must not omit my own particular adventure. My friend with the long visage had no sooner taken upon him my short face, but he made so grotesque' a figure, that, as I looked upon him, I could not forbear laughing at myself, insomuch that I put my own face out of countenance. The poor gentleman was so sensible of the ridicule, that I found he was ashamed of what he had done; on the other side, I found that I myself had no great reason to triumph, for as I went to touch my forehead, I missed the place, and clapped my finger upon my upper lip. Besides, as my nose was exceedingly prominent, I gave it two or three unlucky knocks as I was playing my hand about my face, and aiming at some other part of it. 7. I saw two other gentlemen by me, who were in the same ridiculous circumstances. These had made a foolish exchange between a couple of thick, bandy legs, and two long trap-sticks, that had no calves to them. One of these looked like a man walking upon stilts, and was so lifted up into the air, above his ordinary height, that his head turned round with it; while the other made so awkward circles, as he attempted to walk, that he scarcely knew how to move forward upon his new supporters. Observing him to be a pleasant kind of fellow, I stuck my cane in the ground, and told him I would lay him a bottle of wine, that he did not march up to it, on a line that I drew for him, in a quarter of an hour. 8. The heap was at last distributed among the two sexes, who made a most piteous sight, as they wandered up and down under the pressure of their several burdens. The whōle plain was filled with murmurs and complaints, groans and lamentations. Jupiter, at length, taking compassion on the poor mortals, ordered them a second time to lay down their loads, with a design to give every one his own again. They discharged them selves with a great deal of pleasure; after which, the phantom who had led them into such grōss delusions, was commanded to disappear. 9. There was sent in her stead a goddess of a quite different figure her motions were steady and composed, and her aspect serious but cheerful. She every now and then cast her eyes 'Grotesque (gro těsk'), wildly formed odd; ludicrous. THE OLD CLOCK ON THE STAIRS. 291 toward heaven, and fixed them upon Jupiter; her name was Patience. She had no sooner placed herself by the mount of sorrows, but, what I thought very remarkable, the whole heap sunk to such a degree, that it did not appear a third part so big as it was before. She afterward returned every man his own proper calamity, and, teaching him how to bear it in the most commodious manner, he marched off with it contentedly, being very well pleased that he had not been left to his own choice, as to the kind of evils which fell to his lot. 10. Besides the several pieces of morality to be drawn out of this vision, I learned from it never to repine at my own misfortunes, or to envy the happiness of another, since it is impossible for any man to form a right judgment of his neighbor's sufferings; for which reason, also, I have determined never to think too lightly of another's complaints, but to regard the sorrows of my fellow-creatures with sentiments of humanity and compassion. JOSEPH ADDISON. 122. THE OLD CLOCK ON THE STAIRS. 1. SOMEWHAT back from the village street Stands the old-fashion'd country-seat: Tall poplar-trees their shadows throw; An ancient timepiece says to all, "Forever-never! Never-forever!" 2. Halfway up the stairs it stands, And points and beckons with its hands From its case of massive oak, Like a monk, who, under his cloak, Crosses himself, and sighs, alas! With sorrowful voice to all who pass, "Forever-never! Never-forever!" • Antique (an tèk'), ancient; old-fashioned. —2 Pòr' ti co, a piazza, gal lery, or covered walk. |
