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in her soul be a proftitute, let her reputation in life be what it will. But can it be true say, ye chaste stars, that with innumerable eyes inspect the midnight behaviour of mortals

-can it be true, that any young woman, pretending to decency, hould endure for a moment to look on this infernal brood of fue tility and lewdness?

“Nor do we condemn those writings only, that, with an effrontery which defies the laws of God and men, carry on their yery forehead the mark of the beast. We consider the general run of Novels as utterly unfit for you. Instruction they convey none. They paint scenes of pleasure and passion altogether improper for you to behold, even with the mind's eye. Their descriptions are often loose and luscious in a high degree ; their representations of love between the sexes are almost univerfally overstrained. All is dotage, or despair ; or else ranting swelled into burlesque. In short, the majority of their lovers are either mere lunatics, or mock-heroes. A sweet fenfibility, a charm. ing tenderness, a delightful anguilh, exalted generosity, heroic worth, and refinement of thought; how seldom are these best ingredients of virtuous love mixed with any judgment or care in the composition of their principal characters! [To be continued.]


The New Bath Guide : or, Memoirs of the B-R-D Family, In

a Series of poetical Epistles; 4to., 5., Dodsley. The Author Christopher Anstey. 119

HERE is a species of humour in these droli Epistles, which T.

has the greater force, as it seems to proceed from a simple and unembellished character, the hopeful offspring of a considerable family in the North, who comes to Bath for the cure of those crudities of mind and body, which an entire exclusion from the world, and the good cookery of a tender mother, had occasioned, Along with him comes his sister Prudence, and her maid Tabitha, together with a pert niece of the family, who gives the following account of her fellow-travellers :

for Lady B-N-R-D, my aunt,
Herself propos'd this charn ing jaunt,
All from redundancy of care
For Sim, her fav'rite son and heir:
To him the joyous hours I owe
That Baih's enchanting scenes bestow ;
Thanks to her book of choice receipts,
That pamper d him with sav'ry meats ;
Nor less that day deserves a blefing
She cramm'd his fifier to excess in :


#blunder head?

For now she sends both son and daughter
For crudities to drink the water.
And here they are, all bile and spleen,
The strangest fish that e'er were seen;
With TABBY RUNT, their maid, poor creature,
The queerest animal in nature:
I'm certain none of HOGARTH's sketches
E’er form’d a set of stranger wretches.
I own, my dear, it hurts my pride,
To see them blund'ring by my side;
My spirits flag, my life and fire
Is mortify'd au des spoir,
When Sim, unfashionable ninny,
In public calls me Cousin Jenny ;
And yet, to give the wight his due,
He has some share of humour too,
A comic vein of pedant learning
His conversation you'll discern in,
The oddelt compound you can see
Of Ihrewdness and simplicity,
With nat'ral strokes of aukward wit,
That oft, like Parthian arrows hit,
For when he seems to dread the foe
He always strikes the hardest blow;
And when you'd think He means to flatter,
His panegyrics turn to satire:
But then no creature you can find
Knows half so little of mankind,
Seems always blund'ring in the dark,
And always making some remark;
Remarks, that so provoke one's laughter,
One can't imagine what he's after :
And sure you'll thank me for exciting
In Sim a wondrous itch for writing ;
With all his serious grimace
To give defcriptions of the place.
No doubt his mother will produce
His poetry for gen'ral use,
And if his bluntness does not fright you,

His observations must delight you.
The observations of such a character muft, indeed, be curious;
accordingly we find them conducted with great humour, and
observe the genuine effects of that compound of shrewdness and
fimplicity; first in the consultation of physicians concerning the
young 'squires health :

They all met together, and thus began talking :
“ Good doctor, I'm your's—’ris a fine day for walking
“ Sad news in the papers-God knows who's to blame
“ The colonies seem to be all in a fame
“ This stamp-act, no doubt, may be good for the crown-
“ But I fear 'tis a pill that will never go down

** What

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« What can Portugal mean?-is She going to ftir up
“ Convulsions and heats in the bowels of Europe?
“ 'Twill be fatal if England relapses again
“ From the ill blood and humours of Bourbon and Spain.”—
Says I, my good doctors, I can't understand
Why the deuce ye take so many patients in hand,
Ye've a great deal of practice, as far as I find;
But since ye're come hither, do pray be so kind
To write me down something that's good for the wind.
No doubt ye are all of ye great politicians,
But at present my bowels have need of phyficians :
Consider my cale in the light it deserves,
And pity the state of my stomach and nerves.
But a tight little doctor began a dispute
About administrations, NEW---Le and B--E,
Talk'd much of oeconomy, much of profuseness.-
Says another-" This cale, which at first was a looseness,
“ Is become a tenesinus, and all we can do
“ Is to give him a gentle cathartic or two;
“ First get off the phlegm that adheres to the plica,
“ Then throw in a med’cine that's pretty and spicy,
A peppermint draught,---or a. Come, let's be gore,
“ We've another bad cale to consider at one."

So thus they bruih'd off, each his cane at his nose,
When Jenny came in, who had heard all their prose :
I'll teach them, says the, at their next consultation,
To come and take fees for the good of the nation.
I could not conceive what the devil she mean't,
But the seiz'd all the tłuff that the doctor had sent,
And out of the window she flung it down souse,
As the first politician went out of the house.
Decoctions and fyrups around him all flew,
The pill, bolus, julep, and apozem too;
His wig had the luck a cathartic to meet,

And squath went the gallipot under his feet.
There are a thousand strains of humour in these high-wrought
Epistles, some of which do not occur to you at the first reading;
- propius sles, te capiet magis :--the Author frequently heightens
and enriches his humour by parodies and imitations :thus the
two laft-quoted couplets unavoidably put us in mind of the fol-
lowing stanza in that celebrated pastoral song, first printed in
the Spectator :

* Sweet music went with us both all the wood through;

The lark, linnet, throstle, and nightingale too;
Winds over us whilperd; flocks by us did bleat;

And chirp went the grashopper under our feet.”
It is impossible to refuse our Readers the sixth letter, which
contains a description of Tabitha's bathing.

This morning, dear mother, as soon as 'twas light,
I was wak'd by a noise that astonish'd me quite,



For in TABITHA's chamber I heard fuch a clatter, I could not conceive what the deuce was the matter And, would you believe it? I went up and found her In a blanket, with two lufty fellows around her, Who both seem'd a going to carry her off in A little black box just the size of a coffin : Pray tell me, fays S, what ye're doing of there? “ Why, Maiter, ’ris hard to be bilk d of our fare, ". And to we were thrusting her into a chair : “ We don't see no reason for using us fo, 66 For the bad us come hither, and now she won't go ; “ We have earn'd all the fare, for we both came and knock'd her

Up, as soon as 'twas light, by advice of the doctor ; « And this is a job that we often go a’ter “ For ladies that choose to go into the water."

• But pray,' says !, ' TABITHA, what is your drift
To be cover'd in flannel inftead of a fhift?
• 'Tis all by the doctor's advice, I suppose,
• That nothing is left to be seen but your nose :
• I think if you really intend to go in,
« 'Twould do you more good if you stript to the king
• And if you've a mind for a frolic, j'faith
• I'll just sep and see you jump into the bath.'
So they hoilted her down just as safe and as well
And as snug as a hod'mandod rides in his shell a
I fain would have gone to see TABITHA dip,
But they turn'd at a corner and gave me the slip,
Yet in searching about I had better success,
For I got to a place where the ladies undress;
Thinks I to myself, they are after some fun,
And I'll see what they're doing as sure as a gun:
So I peep'd at the door, and I saw a great mat

That cover'd a table, and got under that,
And laid myself down there, as fnug and as still
(As a body may fay) like a thief in a mill:
And of all the fine lights I have seen, my dear mother,
I never expect to behold fuch another :
How the ladies did giggle and set up their clacks,
All the while an old woman was rubbing their backs!
Oh 'twas pretty to see them all put on their flannels,
And then take the water like so many spaniels,
And though all the while it grew horier and hotter,
They swam, just as if they were hunting an giter ;
'Twas a glorious fight to behold the fair fex
All wading with gentlemen up to their necks,
And view them so prettily tumble and sprawl
In a great smoaking kettle as big as our hall:
And 10-day many persons of rank and condition
Were boil'd by command of an able physician,
Dean Spavin, Dean Manoey, and Doctor De'SQUIRT,
Were all fent from Cambridge so rub off their dist;


Jauge SCRUT, and the worthy old counsellor Pust
Join'd iffue at once, and went in with the rest :
And this they all said was exceedingly good
For strength’ning the spirits, and mending the blood.
It pleas'd me to see how they all were inclin'd
To lengthen their lives for the good of mankind;
For I ne'er would believe that a biflrop or judge
Can fancy old Satan may owe him a grudge,
Tho' some think the lawyer may chuse to demur,
And the priest till another occasion defer,
And both to he better prepared for heren'ter,
Take a smack of the brimstone contained in the water.
But, what is surprising, no mortal e'er view'd
Any one of the physical gentlemen ftew'd;
Since the day that King BLADUD forft found out the bogs,
And thought them so good for himself and his hogs,
Not one of the faculty ever has try'd
Thefe excellent waters to cure his own hide:
Tho' many a kilful and learned physician,
With candour, good sense, and profound erudition,
Obliges the world with the fruits of his brain
Their nature and hidden effects to explain :
Thus CHIRON advis's Madam Tueris to take
And dip her poor child in the Stygian lake,
But the worthy old doctor was not such an elf
As ever to venture his carcase himself:
So Jason's good wife us’d to set on a pot,
And put in at once all the patients she got,
But thought it fufficient to give her direction,
Without being coddled to mend her complexion :
And I never have heard that she wrote any treatise
To tell what the virtue of water and heat is.
You cannot conceive what a number of ladies
Were wath'd in the water the fame as our maid is :
Old Buron VANTEAZER, a man of great wealth,
Brought his lady the baromes here for her health;
The baroness bathe , and the fays that her case
Has been hit to a hair, and is mending apace :
And this is a point all the learned agree on,
The baron has met with the fate of Acteon;
Who while he peep'd into the bath had the luck
To find himself fuddenly chang'd to a buck.
Miss SCRATCHIT went in, and the Countess of SCALES,
Both ladies of very great falhion in Wales;
Then all on a sudden two persons of worth,
My Lady PANDORA MA'C'sCurvey came forth,
Wiih General SuLPHUR arrived from the north.
So TABBY, you see, had the honour of washing
With folk of distinction and very high fashion,
But in spite of good company, poor little soul,
She look both her ears like a mouse in a bowl.



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