mire; and though knives were not laid under my pillow, minced horse hair was strewed upon my sheets like him, I was made to ride on a hardtrotting horse through the most dangerous ways, and found at the end of my journey that I had only been coursing my own shadow.

As much a sufferer as I am by the behaviour of the women in general, I must not forget to remark, that the pertness and sauciness of an old maid is particularly offensive to me. I cannot help thinking that the virginity of these ancient misses is at least as ridiculous as my own celibacy. If I am to be condemned for having never made an offer, they are as much to blame for having never accepted one. If I am to be derided for having never married, who never attempted to make a conquest, they are more properly the objects of derision who are still unmarried, after having made so many. Numberless are the proposals they have rejected, according to their own account: and they are eternally boasting of the havoc they have formerly made among the knights, baronets, and squires, at Bath, Tunbridge, and Epsom; while a tattered madrigal, perhaps a snip of hair, or the portrait of a cherry cheeked gentleman in a milk-white periwig, are the only remaining proofs of those beauties, which are now withered, like the short-lived rose, and have only left the virgin thorn remaining.

Believe me, Mr. Town, I am almost afraid to trust you with the publication of this epistle: the ladies, whom I last mentioned, will be so exasperated on reading it, that I must expect no quarter at their hands for the future, since they are

generally as little inclined to forgiveness in their old age, as they were to pity and compassion in their youth. One expedient, however, is left me, which, if put in execution, will effectually screen me from their resentment.

I shall be happy, therefore, if by your means I may be permitted to inform the ladies, that as fusty an animal as they think me, it is not impossible, by a little gentler treatment than I have hitherto met with, I may be humanized into a husband. As an inducement to them to relieve me from my present uneasy circumstances, you may assure them, that I am rendered so exceedingly tractable by the very severe discipline I have undergone, that they may mould and fashion me to their minds with ease; and, consequently, that by marrying me a woman will save herself all that trouble which a wife of any spirit is obliged to take with an unruly husband, who is absurd enough to expect from her a strict performance of the marriage vow, even in the very minute article of obedience: that, so far from contradicting a lady, I shall be mighty well satisfied if she contents herself with contradicting me: that, if I happen at any time inadvertently to thwart her inclinations, I shall think myself rightly served if she boxes my ears, spits in my face, or treads upon my corns: that, if I approach her lips when she is not in a kissing humour, I shall expect she will bite me by the nose; or, if I take her by the hand at an improper season, that she will instantly begin to pinch, scratch, and claw, and apply her fingers to those purposes which they were certainly intended by nature to

fulfil. Add to these accomplishments, so requisite to make the married state happy, that I am not much turned of fifty, can tie on my cravat, fasten a button, or mend a hole in my stocking without any assistance.

COWPER.

AN AGREEABLE VISITOR.

EARLY in the spring succeeding the birth of her second child, Mrs. Burton received a letter announcing the arrival in England of Mr. Frumpton Danvers, her mother's uncle, whose days had been spent in various parts of the world, collecting and accumulating wealth; and who had returned to his native land, so late in life as to have outlived all his friends and connexions, except this daughter of his niece. His property was immense-almost incalculably so-in the West Indies, in the East Indies, in England, in Ireland, and in Scotland, he had estates and riches, and few people ventured to guess, to use the delicate and commonly accepted term, what he would cut up for. One thing was quite certain; besides all the doubtful property he possessed, three hundred thousand pounds stood in his name in the three per cents. ; and the difficulties he had for years encountered in amassing this fortune were now surpassed by the still greater one of making up his mind to whom he should bequeath it.

The old gentleman was a mannerist and an egotist-self-opiniated, obstinate, positive, and eternally differing with every body round him

his temper was soured by ill health; while, unfortunately for his associates, his immense fortune gave him, at least he thought it did, the power and authority to display all its little varieties in their full natural vigour.

He was the meanest and most liberal man alive, the gentlest and the most passionate, alternately wise and weak, harsh and kind, bountiful and avaricious, just as his constitution felt the effects of the weather or of society-he was, in short, an oddity, and had proved himself through life constant but to one object alone-his own aggrandizement: in this he had succeeded to his heart's content; and had at seventy-four amassed sufficient wealth to make him always extremely uneasy, and at times perfectly wretched.

When it is recollected that Mrs. Burton was his only existing relative, that he was far advanced in years, infirm, and almost alone in the world, and that he had sought her out and addressed a kind and affectionate letter to her, it may be easily supposed that she was not a little flattered and pleased by the event. She communicated to the dear partner of all her joys the unexpected incident. He entered immediately into her feelings, saw with her the prospects which the affections of this old gentleman opened to their view, and, without a moment's delay, resolved, as she had indeed suggested, that an invitation should be despatched to Mr. Danvers to visit Sandown Cottage.

The days which passed, after this request was, with all due formality, sealed with the Burton arms, addressed and conveyed to the post, were

consumed in a sort of feverish anxiety. Mary had never known her uncle, never of course seen him, and the only thing intended to bear a resemblance to his person with which her eyes had been gratified, was a full-sized miniature, painted when he was twenty-one years of age, by a second-rate artist, representing him with his hair extremely well powdered, rolled in large curls over his ears, and tied behind with pink ribands, his cheeks blooming like the rose, his solitaire gracefully twining round his neck and falling over his shoulders, well contrasted with a French gray coat, edged with silver, and adorned with salmon-coloured frogs; a sprig of jessamine sprang from his button hole, and a diagonal patch of court plaster rested upon his off cheek: by this record of his appearance, Mrs. Burton had regulated her notions of his attractions; and whenever she heard her rich uncle Danvers spoken of, and his wealth descanted upon, she sighed with the Countess's page, "he is so handsome,

Susan!"

In four days, however, the anxious couple received the following letter in reply to their invitation, which, as it is perhaps characteristic, I have transcribed verbatim et literatim from the original.

"Ibbotson's Hotel, Vere Street, Cavendish Square, April ==

"MY DEAR NIECE,

"I duly received your's, dated the 5th inst. and have to acknowledge same. You might have spared your compliments, because as the proverb