mechanic, thou reasoning but not ruminating animal, now that I have produced these authorities, limited to a narrow list from the want of room, not of materials, wilt thou have the ridiculous arrogance to affect contempt for a pun? That genuine wit which thou pretendest to worship, (as the Athenians built an altar to the unknown Deity,) has been defined to be an assimilation of distant ideas; and what is a pun but an eliciter of remote meanings? which, though they may not always amount to a definite idea, are at all events the materials of one, and therefore ingredients in the composition of real wit. These Protean combinations are the stimulants of fancy, the titillators of the imagination, the awakeners of the risible faculties; and to condemn them because the same happy results may be produced by a more rare and difficult process, is either an exemplification of the fox and the sour grapes, or the pride of mental luxury, which would quarrel with all gratifications that are cheap and accessible. The sterling commodity is scarce-let us prize it the more when we encounter it; but in the mean time let us not reject a good substitute when it is presented. Gooseberry wine is no very lofty succedaneum for sparkling Champagne, but it is better than fasting. Some may not like the flavour of the beverage, but none would think of abusing the caterer who puts upon the table the best liquor that his cellar affords. These sullen stupidities are reserved for an Anti-punster.

PETER PINDARICS.

Blindman's Buff.

THREE Wags (whom some fastidious carpers
Might rather designate three Sharpers)
Enter'd at York the Cat and Fiddle,
And finding that the host was out

On business for two hours or more,
While Sam the rustic waiter wore

The visage of a simple lout,

Whom they might safely try to diddle,
They order'd dinner in a canter-
Cold or hot, it matter'd not,
Provided it was served instanter;
And as the heat had made them very
Dry and dusty in the throttles,

They bade the waiter bring three bottles

Of prime old Port, and one of sherry.

Sam ran with ardour to the larder,
Then to the kitchen,

And, as he briskly went to work, he
Drew from the spit a smoking turkey,
With sausages embellish'd, which in
A trice upon the board was spread,
Together with a nice cold brisket ;
Nor did he even obliviscate
Half a pig's head.

To these succeeded puddings, pies,
Custards and jellies,

All doom'd to fall a sacrifice

To their insatiable bellies;

As if, like camels, they intended

To stuff into their monstrous craws
Enough to satisfy their maws

Until their pilgrimage was ended.

Talking, laughing, eating and quaffing,
The bottles stood no moment still;
They rallied Sam with joke and banter,
And, as they drain'd the last decanter,
Call'd for the bill.

'Twas brought-when one of them who eyed
And added up the items, cried,
"Extremely moderate indeed!
I'll make a point to recommend
This inn to every travelling friend;
And you, Sam, shall be doubly feed."
This said, a weighty purse he drew,
When his companion interposed,
Nay, Harry, that will never do,
Pray let your purse again be closed;
You paid all charges yesterday,
'Tis clearly now my turn to pay."

Harry, however, wouldn't listen
Το any such insulting offer;
His generous eyes appear'd to glisten

Indignant at the very proffer;

And though his friend talk'd loud, his clangour
Served but to aggravate Hal's anger.

"My worthy fellows," cried the third,
"Now really this is too absurd;
What! do both of ye forget,
I have not paid a farthing yet?
Am I eternally to cram

At your expense?—'tis childish quite ;
I claim this payment as my right—
Here-how much is the money, Sam?”
To this most rational proposal

The others gave such fierce negation,
One might have fancied they were foes all,
So hot became the altercation,

Each in his purse his money rattling,
Insisting, arguing, and battling.

One of them cried at last "A truce !--
This point we will no longer moot;
Wrangling for trifles is no use,

And thus we 'll finish the dispute.-
That we may settle what we three owe,
We'll blindfold Sam, and whichsoe'er
He catches of us first, shall bear
The whole expenses of the trio,
With half-a-crown (if that's enough)
To Sam, for playing Blindman's Buff."

Sam liked it hugely-thought the ransom,
For a good game of fun, was handsome;
Gave his own handkerchief beside,
To have his eyes securely tied,

And soon began to grope and search ;
When the three knaves, I needn't say,
Adroitly left him in the lurch,

Slipp'd down the stairs, and stole away.

Poor Sam continued hard at work ;-
Now o'er a chair he gets a fall;
Now floundering forward with a jerk,
He bobs his nose against the wall;
And now encouraged by a subtle

Fancy that they 're near the door,
He jumps behind it to explore,
And breaks his shins against the scuttle,―
Crying, at each disaster--Drat it!
Dang it! 'Od rabbit it! and Rat it!
Just in this crisis of his doom,
The host, returning, sought the room;
And Sam no sooner heard his tread,
Than, pouncing on him like a bruin,
He almost shook him into ruin,
And with a shout of laughter said-
"By gom, I have cotch'd thee now! so down
With cash for all, and my half-crown."

Off went the bandage, and his eyes

Seem'd to be goggling o'er his forehead,
While his mouth widen'd with a horrid
Look of agonized surprise.

"Gull!" roar'd his master-" Gudgeon! dunce!
Fool as you are, you 're right for once,
"Tis clear that I must pay the sum ;-
But this one thought my wrath assuages-
That every halfpenny shall come
Out of your wages!"

SIR GUY EVELING'S DREAM.

Extracted from an old Manuscript.

(This MS. which is without a Title-page, or other means of ascertaining its date, appears to have been an Essay upon Sleep. The transcriber, besides modernizing the spelling throughout, and supplying one or two words which he could not decypher, has omitted some passages which descended into a tedious or indelicate minuteness.)

"Now that we be upon this subject of dreams and apparitions, I may nohow forbear to mention that full strange and terrible one of Sir Guy Eveling, and the consequences tragical issuing therefrom; which do I the more willingly pen, forasmuch as the dismal tale was hushed and smothered up at the time by the great families with whom he was consanguined, people of worshipful regard and jeopardous power, whereby folks only whispered of the story in corners, and peradventure bruited about many things which were but