as I said, by bounteous nature, with much serenity of mind, every one was happy with me. I was fond of being abroad, and a servant was generally employed to gratify me. During these repeated rambles, I experienced some "hair breadth 'scapes," which, while they excited the wonder of my good parents, they failed not to record. From these frequent promenades, I derived that vigorous constitution, or at least its stability, which has prolonged my abode in this vale of tears, through many serious disorders, which have seemed to promise my emancipation. I do not remember the time when I did not behold the works of Nature with delight; such as the drapery of the heavens, and the flowers of the garden, and of the fields; and I perfectly recollect, before I was clothed in masculine habiliments, that I was delightedly occupied in opening the ground, throwing it into some form, and planting in regular order, little sprigs broken from the gooseberry, or currant bushes. My pleasures of this nature were, however, soon interrupted by going to school; this was my first affliction, yet, to imperious necessity, the sweet pliability of human nature soon conformed my mind: Nay, it was more than conformed; I derived even felicity, from the approbation of my school dame, from the pictures in my books, and especially from the acquaintance I formed with my school mates. 1 It does no appear to me that I was what the world calls naturally vicious. I was neither querulous, nor quarrelsome; I cannot trace in my mind a vestige of envy. I rejoiced in every advantage possessed by my little comrades, and my father was accustomed to exclaim, "Never, I believe, was such a boy; he absolutely delights as much in the new garments worn by the children of our neighbours, as in his own:" and indeed, as far as I can recollect during this sweet morning of life, my most complete satisfaction resulted from the gratification of others. I never enjoyed any thing alone, my earliest pleasures were social, and I was eager to reciprocate every good office. It is true I encountered difficulties, from the various dispositions of those with whom I associated, but, in my infant bosom, rancour or implacability found no place. Being however too fond of play, and ambitious of imitating my seniors, I had little time for reading; yet I learned, and at six years old could read a chapter in the Bible, not indeed very correctly, but I rarely paused at a word; however difficult, still I read on. My father I remember used sometimes to laugh out—a levity which, by the way, he seldom indulged--but he did sometimes laugh out, and say, "This boy sticks at nothing, he has a most astonishing invention; how it is he utters such sounds, and passes on with such rapidity, I cannot conceive:".but my blunders were more frequently marked by a staggering box on the ear, which necessitated me to stop, when I was obliged to recommence, and go over the whole again. This conduct originated, even at this early age, more fear than affection for my fathI was studious to avoid his presence, and I richly enjoyed his abTo my brothers and sisters, who were multiplied with uncommon rapidity, I was warmly attached, and as our mother contributed all in her power to our gratification, our pleasures were not surpassed, by those of any little group, which came under our observation. er. sence. My parents were the religious children of religious parents, and grand parents; they were the more religious on that account; and, as the descendants of ancient noble families value themselves on their pedigree, stimulating their children from considerations of ancestry to act up to the illustrious examples which they exhibit and emblazon, uniformly insisting that they shall avoid mixing with the plebeian race; so, as soon as I appeared to pay attention to interesting tales, I was made acquainted with the characters of my grand parents. My paternal grandfather, however, possessed only negative religion; that is, his affection for my grandmother obliged him to conform to her, in every thing; and he esteemed himself happy, in being blest with a wife, who, from principle and inclination, was both able and willing to take upon herself the care, and culture of her children. How long this grandfather lived, I am unable to say, but my grandmother was, with respect to her religious attachments, more fortunate in a second marriage. She was united to a Mr. Beattie, a man of considerable note, in every point of view. It was by this gentleman's name, I became acquainted with my grandmother; I remember, when very young, to have seen his picture, which gave me a very high idea of his person. It was his son, who was governour of the fortress, in the harbour of Cork. My grandmother soon lost this second husband, and never married again. She was, in the morning and meridian of her life, a celebrated beauty: the remains of a fine face were visible when I knew her, I never beheld a more beautiful old lady. Traces of affluence were conspicuous in her dwelling, her furniture, and apparel; she was an immediate descendant of an ancient and honourable family in France; her father's name was Barroux, one of the Noblesse, and a dweller in the town of Paimboeuf, on the river Loire, between the city of Nantes, and the mouth of said river. Mr. Barroux having : buried his Lady, who left him two daughters, thought proper, as was then the custom of people of distinction, to educate his eldest daughter in England; this step banished her from her native country, and from her father she never saw either more. Attaching herself to a family of Episcopalians, she became a zealous Protestant, which, together with her selecting a husband of the same persuasion, confirmed her an Exile for ever. The irritated feelings of her father admitted no appeal, his affections were totally alienated, he was a high spirited, obstinate man, and he swore in his wrath, he would wed the first woman he met, provided he could obtain her consent, and she were not absolutely disgusting. The first who presented happened to be his chambermaid, he made known to her his vow, was accepted with gratitude, and they were speedily married. Not many years after this event, the old gentleman died, leaving no issue by his second marriage, and, as he left no will, his daughter, who continued under the paternal roof, entered into possession of the whole estate; she, however, survived her father only three weeks, when my grandmother became the only legal heir to the property, both of her father, and her sister. A large share of the personal estate was conveyed to England, by two priests; and the real estate was tendered to my grandmother, on condition that she would read her recantation, renounce the damnable doctrines of the Church of England, and receive the Host, as the real presence. My grandmother, and my father, after a conference, which continued but a few moments, cheerfully concurred in a relinquishment of the estate, and united in declaring, that, on terms so calculated to prostrate their integrity, they would not accept the whole kingdom of France. The clergymen returned to the Gallic shore, and the person left in the house, for the purpose of taking charge of the estate, until the heirs at law should recover their senses, continued in quiet possession of an inheritance, worth five hundred pounds sterling per annum. When the estate was thus, upon religious principles, surrendered, I was about five years of age; but having frequently heard my father circumstantially relate the transaction, as I advanced in life, my bosom often acknowledged a latent wish, that he had accepted an inheritance, to which his natural claim was indubitable, upon the terms offered by the ecclesiastics, which were, that my grandmother, and my father, should, in so many words, qualify themselves for the possession of their right, while, în their hearts, they continued to judge for themselves. But from a conduct so questionable, the guileless heart of my upright parent spontaneously revolted; and, for myself, while revolving years gave me to exult in his decision, the detection of so reprehensible a principle, in my own bosom, and at so early a period, originated much contrition. Yet, notwithstanding the very considerable sacrifice made by my father, his uniform efforts commanded all the necessaries, and many of the elegancies of life. His children multiplied; four sons and five daughters augmented his felicities, he received from nature a strong mind, his parents bestowed upon him a good education, and he was universally respected and beloved. The parents of my mother were well known to me, her father's name was James Rolt, his ancestors were all English; he was in early life a bon-vivant, and even when he became the head of a family, his reprehensible pursuits were nothing diminished; the silent sufferings of his wedded companion were strongly expressed in her wan countenance, and broken health. The circumstances of his conversion from dissipation to a life of severe piety were rather remarkable; and were considered in his day as miraculous. Of the piety of my paternal grandfather, or my maternal grandmother, I have little to say. I have never heard that they allowed themselves in any improper indulgencies, and as they were the admirers of their devout companions, it is a fair conclusion, that they were at least negatively pious, and that if they did not lead, they cheerfully followed, in cultivating a pious disposition in the minds of their children; and, by consequence, Religion became the legitimate inheritance of my immediate parents. The conversion of my paternal grandmother, from the tenets in which she was educated, increased her zeal, while the inheritance, sacrificed from conscientious principles, gave her to consider herself more especially heir of an inheritance incorruptible, undefiled, and that fadeth not away; and conscious that she had fully concurred with my father, in depriving their children of a temporal treasure, they were sedulously anxious to inculcate a persuasion of the necessity of securing another. It is wonderful, that while it was the great business, both of my father and my mother, to render their children feelingly solicitous to secure an interest in the Redeemer, that they might thus be entitled to a blessed and happy futurity, they were both of them very rigid Calvinists. The doctrines, taught by that gloomy Reformer, they undeviatingly taught in their family and hence my soul frequently experienced the extreme of agony. Naturally vivacious, to implant religion among my juvenile pleasures required the most vigorous and uniform effort. Religion was not a native of the soil, it was an exotic, which, when planted, could only be kept alive by the most persevering attention. Hence Religion became a subject of terror. I was not ten years old when I began to suffer; the discovery of my sufferings gave my fond father much pleasure, he cherished hope of me when he found me suffering from my fears, and much indeed was I tortured by the severe, unbending discipline of my father, and the terrifying apprehensions of what I had to expect from the God who created me. The second son of my parents was naturally of a pensive, gloomy disposition. He was more piously disposed, and less fond of amusement than myself, and hearing much of Cain as the eldest son of Adam, of Esau as the eldest son of Isaac, and of Abel, and Jacob, as the younger sons, my soul was frequently filled with terror, verily believing my brother was the elected, and myself the rejected of God. This appalling consideration, even at this early period, frequently devoted my days and nights to tears and lamentation. But stability dwelt not with me, and the pleasing expectations of my father were often blasted; my attachment to my playmates, and their childish gambols, revived, and when engaged in appropriate amusements, I often forgot the immediate terror of the rod, and of future misery; both of which, as often as I reflected, I painfully believed I should endure. My father took every method to confine me within his walls; it was with difficulty he prevailed upon himself to permit my attendance at school, yet this was necessary, and to school I must go; while that rigid and extreme vigilance, which was ever upon the alert, produced effects diametrically opposite to the end proposed. My appetite for pleasure increased, and I occasionally preferred the truant frolic, to the stated seasons of study, yea though I was certain severe castigation would be the consequence. Pious supplications were the accompaniments of the chastisements which were inflicted, so that I often passed from the terror of the rod, to the terrifying apprehensions of future and never-ending misery. Upon these terrific occasions, the most solemn resolutions were formed, and my vows were marked by floods of tears. I would no more offend either my father, or his God; I dared not to say my God, for I had heard my father declare, that for any individual, not the elect of God, to say of God, or to God, “OUR FATHER," was nothing better than blasphemy; when most devout, I was prevented from deriving consolation from my pious breathings, by a persuasion that I was a reprobate, predestined to eter |