Che Bunkum Flag-Staff. A FAMILY NEWSPAPER, DESIGNED FOR GENERAL CIRKELATION, AND SUITABLE TO ALL TASTES. DEVOTED TO THE PRINCIPLES OF '99; THE CONSTITUTION OF THE STATE OF NEW-YORK; THE FOURTH OF JULY LIFE, LIBERTY, LITERATURE, ADVERTISEMENTS, AND A STANDARD CURRENCY. VOL. II. WAGSTAFF, EDITOR. AUGUST 1, 1850. No. 4. CIRKELATE! SOME NARROW AND PERREDJU- LET any man of true genus read DICED AND CONTRAKTED MINDS take ALBERT PIKE's Hymns to the Gods, offence at a style of writing of a and if he don't agree with us that unick lightness. They say that it they are of the excelsior kind of is folly, and to their heads (being excellence in poetry, our reputadull-headed) it may be So. Where- tion for taste (which is good) is alas, they do not see, that when an together forfeit. Albert, they are earnest man, who wants to do good, superb. Give us more. Blackadopts (just as a man who has no wood knows that it is a miracle that children adopts) a certain method backwood should produce them; or style, no matter if it be Yanky- but this ked'ntry is the place for ism, or Carlylism, or the common miracles. We can show them more method of talking of the ked'ntry, which, though homely, has a great deal of force into it, it answers his porpoise tolerabul well. We speak a pure Saxon English, and thereby rest content, without aimin' to be a great writer. You write a long moral essay, with a head and a tail, a firstly, secondly, thirdly, and conclusion to it, and nobody but the D.D.'s of the land read one word of it; and they read it not to get any good out of it, but to write another long moral essay in reply to it, and to show that their heads is rounder, keener, and more intellectewl. What is the use-t? gold, whether it be the mere dross THE other day, riding in an omnibus, (and omnibuses are rather too thick, some say, for the good of the city: we speak of York;) still we like to see them bobbing up and down over the Russ pavement, crammed with human beinks, forming with the drivers on top, who are crying in a fugue chorus, down A NUMBER of communications by the Park: Ride up! ride up! which we have received are reject-ride up!' also by Niblo's Gardens, ed. We shall keep them to light our when the play is out, say eleven (we don't smoke any cigars) fire. o'clock at night; and we should be VOL. XXXVI. 12 extremely sorry to see a rail-road OLD DR. HUMBUG AND YOUNG laid down in that thoroughfare, on DR. HUMBUG. - The strife bewhich folks would be carried on an tween these medicals is not yet air line, and some little boys and old settled, and who has the better of gentlemen run over, at least more it we can't say. At one time we so than they do now by the hacks think the Antick has it; at another, in rapid driving; and we can't for the Juvenile. That there is mera moment of time think that the cury in both these rival composicorporation would entertain (al- tions of saxafax, not the least shadow though they are fond of entertain- of doubt. This had not ought to ing in their tea-room) such a projek, be. These gentleman do not do which would entirely destroy the fair to sneak in this obnoxious sublooks of their thoroughfare, (why stance under the disguise of moshould they think that Broadway is lasses, when they know it is at a too crowded when eyes and ears discount, and professed to be all and muscles (we do not speak of vegetabel. You may rap mercury the shell-fish) are a-plenty rapid around with molasses, gentlemen; enough to get out of the way if but he carn't be pinned down like they were double as many omni-a fly. He will git out and make buses, what with twisting and turn- himself known in the system. You ing and halting, and the proper can't do it, and we would n't take a number of policemen ?) yes, we drop of your saxafax if we knew say, as we were riding the other there was mercury into it, sooner day into an omnibus, we noticed a than rank p'ison. How is this? young man with a heavy chain Haven't you said upon honor that about his bosom. The links of it you sold a pure article? We don't look like the chain cable of a man like it. We will not advertise it of war, and at first we think he is in our columns. Which has the going to the Penitentiary; but bime- most concentrated pure saxafax into by we see the chain made of gold. it has lately been diskivered by the We whispers to a friend: 'What's saxafaxometer, whereby we learn he been doing? and they must be that young Dr. Humbug's has getting rich at Sing Sing to send ninety-three hundredths in it, (a their prisoners out with gold chains.' very small minymum) and old Dr. Poh!' says he, 'what a green horn Humbug's ninety-five hundredths you are! You must be from Bun-in it (a very small maxymum.) In kum.' I said I edited the Flag- conclusion, we decide that they are Staff. Might I put his name down both humbugs, and brothers ought for a subscriber? That young man,' not to fall out. Let the young Dr. said he, 'belongs to the Upper Ten look at that venerabel pictur' of the of New-York, and that chain is old Dr., all creviced and gullied tied to the eend of his watch.' Says with age, full of wrinkles over the I, 'You shaw!' brow, and learn to respect age, that your days may be long in the land. For ourselves we feel like a pedlar from the ked❜ntry, who seeing a cat and a pole-cat contending by the highway, with spitting, ebulition, snarling, rangling, and excentricity of smell, remarked pithily, as he WHO will send us a bottle of good wine? And Echo answers whoo? We do not ordinarily make use of it, but at present we are sick, and our physician has advised us to drink it. turned aside to sell a pair of patent suspenders he wished the devil had 'em both. the oar like a gallon-slave, leading an exciting life of mind, and our subscriber Mr. Brown in Californy, where the gold is picked up in the streets, wants to pay us in conterTOO BAD. We have received nental currency! We won't have from a subscriber in California, it! Also, a pictur' of cupid' on from one Amos Brown, in part pay copper! What do we want of for one year's subscription, the fol- kupid? We have had enough of lowink articles which in his pecoo- kupid in our day. Magnificent liar spelling, he says is all the sur-man this Brown is. He also sends kelatin' medium he can raze at pre- us a long letter very badly speld, so sent. Please gimme kredet into bad that we can't put it into Flagthe next Flag-Staff' for following Staff.' We herewith send him our bill, and he may pay it or not as he articles: 6 1. Kase lam's wool. Don't likes: 6 TO THE BUNKUM FLAG-STAFF DR. bring too near phire. (This by MR. BROWN, OF CALIFORNIA experiment we found to be gun- To one year's subscription, One hundred Dollars. cotton, and by-the-by, we were going to ask what has becum of gun-cotton lately? It made quite a noise a spell ago.) 2. Kopper ornerment to put on the back of your watch with pictur' of kupid leading his sun bi a chane. 3. One conternental Spanish milled half dollar, (it aint worth a cent.) 4. The balans in Turkey money.' (A small Turkish copper coin.) Our feelings were hurt. Not one of the above articles are included among those received by us for pay as advertised in prospectus. Living in California, could he not have sent us some of the dust? A mere handful? What would it have been to him? Why are men so unwilling to part with the dust? Of the hundreds who have it, not one in a hundred but hang onto it as if it was a part of their own natur'. We think it hardens the heart, and makes men more tight and stingy than what they were before. What is gold good for unless to make our feller men happy? Here are we chained to Let us see if his generosity will take the hint. THE weather has been veryfor this climate warm. A large sturgeon was caught in this (we believe it was) harbor, day before, (we think it was) yesterday. Since the death of our lamented President, the politicians have been on the qui (do'nt you call it) vive. Captain Coddle is dead, and bore his dyin' testimony to the säas. Is Mrs. Partington of the present day, any relation of the old lady who tried to sweep the sea out of her door with a broom? No connection of this paper with Trumpet Blast of Freedom.' What a ram's horn blast that fellow do blow! The gash that was lately talked about don't seem to burn. It is made of hidergen. We suspek the light is well enough, but as one of our Boston cotempery's has adequately said, people can't see through the Paine. MR Advertisements. R. PETER CRAM respectively informs the inhabitants of Bunkum and the adjacent and adjoining vicinity, that he has come to this place cal'latin' to lectur' and form classes in Sammody. He has been taughting for some time in the western ked❜ntry, where he 'gin the most perfect satisfaction. The glorious art of music is fect appreciated, military bands excepted, which he feels fully conscious of being capable of so doing, by a thorough knowledge of his system of rhythm, melody, and dynamics. Some attend to rhythm at the expense of melody, and some melodious at the expense of dynamics, while CRAM'S COMPREHENSIVE SYSTEM OF EASTERN SINGING THROUGH THE NOSE AND MEÖUTH Comprehends all three. It walks up and makes its bow to rhythm, takes melody by the hand, and inculcates a thorough and entire knowledge on the part of the peupils of dynamics, thus includin' with its wide arms the whole subject of sammody. Who would be ignorant of sammody? This was known when the mornin' stars sang together for jëoy. Mr. PETER CRAM respectfully invites those who are come, cal'latin' to make disturbance in his lectur's, to stay away. Having recovered from fits, he doos not want ink-stands, or any other stands, to be thrown at his head; but when he says Seound!' xpex those who are honest to hold up their heads and scound. Can also teach spellin' and writin'. A case of this kind recently presented. Some fellers came underneath his fectur'-room for the express porpoise to make dis turbance. They had been and gone and got a butcher's blather, and had loaded it down up to the hilt with selfrated hidergen gash, and they was a-pumping it up right up into my lecturroom. It was too bad. The first division went out and never come back: a clear loss to us of ten dollars. It was an xlent class. Those who wish to learn sammody requested to come, and the rest stay away. Mr. PETER CRAM will be in his room to-morrow morning, where he also takes daguerreotypes. Also a patent churn, to go by dog-power. And those informed ladies and otherwise who mean to come, as we hope they doo, terms moderate, that the police will be hired at a fixed salery to keep out the gash. It is too bad. We think we never smeld a more dreadful killin' smell; enough to generate the Shatick colera, no matter how healthy the community might be, besides breaking up the continuity of classes. WANTED, a lawyer who will take pay in singing, and prosecute to the xtent of the law (makes no difference how xtensive the law may be) those evil-disposed persons who use the gash. Can any doctor furnish us with an eye-wash, and take sammody in pay? Also in need of a few planed pleank or boards to make benches out on, those now composin' the seats bein' full of splints, and not been sot on long enough to get smooth. We have a little patent Opoddledoc we can recommend; twenty-five cents a bottle. Would the tenor singer we instructed in Norwich, Connecticut, inform us of his whereabouts? Parents are informed that young children will be instructed in manners, and no pay asked or required. Mr. CRAM throws it in, to make the measure full, heapin' down, runnin' over. Call soon, as his stay in Bunkum is more than ordinary limited, and bring your singin'-books with you. New classes continually forming. TRIDGY.-SMITH AND SMITHSON will pub Slish to-morrow morning, as soon as the sun rises, a magnificent new work, of the above title, pronounced by adequate judges (and we rely on no others than those that are adequate) equal, if not superior, to Mr. COOPER's 'Spy.' STRIDGY' is a novel of land and water, steam-ships, sailing vessels, sloops, schooners and rail-roads; and in order to bring it within the reach of every one, we have resolved to put it at sixpence. Who is there that cannot put out his hand and reach a sixpence? Send in your ordures, as the first edition is exhausted before it is gone to press. M Millions, now on hand by the wagon-load. ILLIONS, and other Also, Straw, Black, Huckle, and other Berries, from Water, Shrews, and Canter Bury, the Jersey and other sands. CKNOWLEDGMENTS.-The followin' sub A scriptions have been received for Flag-Staff: JOHN SHORTS, ------ PETER KERNIPPLE, Saugerties,. ....Some Joist ..3 pair Stockin's I load Manure $1,25 .Dried Apples ..Sour Crout .Shorts ..75 cents POOR MAN IN ARKANSAS,....... A lock of Hair |