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ing" they perform such and such cures: husband I was married to at_fourteen, by this expression is certainly very proper and my uncle and guardian, (as I afterwards emphatical, for that is all they have for it. discovered,) by way of sale, for the third And if ever a cure is performed on a patient part of my fortume. This fellow looked upon where they are concerned, they can claim me as a mere child he might breed up after no greater share in it than Virgil's lapis in his own fancy: if he kissed my chamberthe curing of Æneas; he tried his skill, was maid before my face, I was supposed so very assiduous about the wound, and indeed ignorant, how could I think there was any was the only visible means that relieved the hurt in it? When he came home ro
roaring ad hero; but the poet assures us it was the drunk at five in the morning, it was the
particular assistance of a deity that speeded custom of all men that live in the world. the operation. An English reader may see I was not to see a penny of money, for, poor the whole story in Mr. Dryden's transla- thing, how could I manage it? He took a tion:
handsome cousin of his into the house (as Propp'd on his lance the pensive hero stood,
he said,) to be my house-keeper, and to And heard, and saw, unmov'd, the mourning crowd.
govern my servants; for how should I know The fam'd physician tucks his robes around,
how to rule a family? While she had what With ready hands, and hastens to the wound. With gentle touches he performs his part,
money she pleased, which was but reasonThis way and that soliciting the dari,
able for the trouble she was at for my good, And exercises all his heavenly art.
I was not to be so censorious as to dislike All soft'ning simples, known of sov'reign use, familiarity and kindness between near reHe presses out, and pours their noble juice ; These first infus d, to lenify the pain,
lations. I was too great a coward to conHe tugs with pincers, hut he tngs in vain.
tend, but not so ignorant a child to be thus Then to the patron of his art he pray'd:
imposed upon. I resented his contempt as The patron of his art refus'd his aid. But now the goddess mother, mov'd with gries,
I ought to do, and as most poor passive And piercd with pity hastens her relief.
blinded wives do, until it pleased heaven to A branch of healing dittany she brought,
take away my tyrant, who left me free posWhich in the Cretan fields with care she sought; Rough in the stem, which woolly leaves surround;
session of my own land, and a large jointure. The leaves with flowers, the flow'rs with purple My youth and money brought me many crown'd;
lovers, and several endeavoured to establish Well known to wounded goats; a sure relief To draw the pointed steel, and case the grief.
an interest in my heart while my husband This Venus brings, in clouds involv'd ; and brews was in his last sickness; the honourable Th'extracted liquor with Ambrosian dews,
Edward Waitfort was one of the first who And odrous penance: unseen she stands, Temp'ring the mixture with her heavenly hands;
addressed to me, advised to it by a cousin of And pours it in a bowl already crown'd
his that was my intimate friend, and knew With juice of med'cinal herbs, prepard to bathe the to a penny what I was worth. Mr. Wait
wound. The leech, unknowing of superior art,
fort is a very agreeable man, and every Which aids the cure, with this foments the part;
body would like him as well as he does And in a moment ceas'd the raging smart.
himself, if they did not plainly see that his Staunch'd in the blood and in the bottom stands
esteem and love is all taken up, and by such The steel, but scarcely touch'd with tender hands, Moves up and follows of its own accord;
an object as it is impossible to get the better And health and vigour are at once restor'd.
of; I mean himself. He made no doubt of lapis first perceiv'd the closing wound ;
marrying me within four or five months, And first the footsteps of a god he found: • Arms, arms! he cries, the sword and shield prepare,
and began to proceed with such an assured And send the willing chief, renew'd, to war.
easy air, that piqued my pride not to banish This is no mortal work, no cure of mine,
him; quite contrary, out of pure malice, I Nor art's effect, but done by hands divine.' Virg. Ær. Lib. xii. 391, &c.
heard his first declaration with so much innocent surprise, and blushed so prettily, I perceived it touched his very heart, and
he thought me the best-natured silly poor No. 573.] Wednesday, July 28, 1714. thing on earth. When a man has such a
notion of a woman, he loves her better than -Castigata remordent. Jur. Sat. ii. 35.
he thinks he does. I was overjoyed to be Chastised, the accusation they retort.
thus revenged on him for designing on my My paper on the club of widows, has fortune; and finding it was in my power to brought me in several letters; and, amongst make his heart ache, I resolved to complete the rest, a long one from Mrs. President, my conquest, and entertained several other
pretenders. The first impression of my as follows:
undesigning innocence was so strong in his "SMARTSIR,—You are pleased to be very head, he attributed all my followers to the merry, as you imagine, with us widows: and inevitable force of my charms; and, from you seem to ground your satire on our re- several blushes and side glances, concluded ceiving consolation so soon after the death himself the favourite; and when I used him of our dears, and the number we are pleased like a dog for my diversion, he thought it to admit for our companions; but you never was all prudence and fear; and pitied the reflect what husbands we have buried, and violence I did my own inclinations to comhow short a sorrow the loss of them was ply with my friends, when I married Sir capable of occasioning. For my own part, Nicholas Fribble, of sixty years of age. Mrs. President as you call me, my first / You know, sir, the case of Mrs. Medlar,
I hope you would not have had me cry out himself, and what a glory would it be for my eyes for such a husband. I shed tears me, and how I should be envied, made me enough for my widowhood a week after accept of being third wife to my lord Frimy marriage; and when he was put in his day. I proposed from my rank and his grave, reckoning he had been two years estate, to live in all the joys of pride; but dead, and myself a widow of that standing, how was I mistaken! he was neither exI married three weeks afterwards John travagant, nor ill-natured, nor debauched. Sturdy, Esq. his next heir. I had indeed I suffered however more with him than some thoughts of taking Mr. Waitfort, but with all my others. He was splenetic. I I found he could stay; and besides, he was forced to sit whole days hearkening to thought it indecent to ask me to marry his imaginary ails; it was impossible to tell again until my year was out; so, privately what would please him, what he liked when resolving him for my fourth, I took Mr. the sun shined made him sick when it Sturdy for the present. Would you believe rained: he had no distemper, but lived in it, sir, Mr. Sturdy was just five-and-twenty, constant fear of them all. My good genius about six foot high, and the stoutest fox- dictated to me to bring him acquainted with hunter in the country, and I believe I wished Dr. Gruel; from that day he was always ten thousand times for my old Fribble again; contented, because he had names for all he was following his dogs all the day, and his complaints; the good doctor furnished all the night keeping them up at table with him with reasons for all his pains; and prehim and his companions: however, I think scriptions for every fancy that troubled him; myself obliged to them for leading him a in hot weather he lived upon juleps, and chase in which he broke his neck. Mr. let blood to prevent fevers; when it grew Waitfort began his addresses anew; and I cloudy, he generally apprehended a converily believe I had married him now, but sumption. To shorten the history of this there was a young officer in the guards that wretched part of my life, he ruined a good had debauched two or three of my ac- constitution by endeavouring to mend it; quaintance, and I could not forbear being a and took several medicines, which ended little vain of his courtship. Mr. Waitfort in taking the grand remedy, which cured heard of it, and read me such a lecture upon both him and me of all our uneasiness. After the conduct of women, I married the officer his death, I did not expect to hear any more that very day, out of pure spite to him. of Mr. Waitfort. I knew he had renounced Half an hour after I was married I received me to all his friends, and been very witty a penitential letter from the honourable Mr. upon my choice, which he affected to talk Edward Waitfort, in which he begged par- of with great indifferency. I gave over don for his passion, as proceeding from the thinking of him, being told that he was enviolence of his love. I triumphed when I gaged with a pretty woman and a great read it, and could not help, out of the pride fortune; it vexed me a little, but not enough of my heart, showing it to my new spouse; to make me neglect the advice of my cousin and we were very merry together upon it. Wish well, that came to see me the day my Alas! my mirth lasted a short time; my lord went into the country with Russel; she young husband was very much in debt told me experimentally, nothing put an unwhen I married him, and his first action faithful lover and a dear husband so soon afterwards was to set up a gilt chariot and out one's head as a new one, and at the six, in fine trappings before and behind. I same time proposed to me a kinsman of had married so hastily, I had not the pru- her’s. “ You understand enough of the dence to reserve my estate in my own world," said she, “to know money is the hands; my ready money was lost in two most valuable consideration; he is very nights at the Groom-porter's; and my dia- rich, and I am sure cannot live long; he has mond necklace, which was stole I did not a cough that must carry him off soon.” I know how, I met in the street upon Jenny knew afterwards she had given the selfWheedle's neck. My plate vanished piece same character of me to him; but, however, by piece: and I had been reduced to down- I was so much persuaded by her, I hastened right pewter, if my officer had not been on the match for fear he should die before deliciously killed in a duel, by a fellow that the time came; he had the same fears, and had cheated him of five hundred pounds, was so pressing, I married him in a fortand afterwards, at his own request, satisfied night, resolving to keep it private a forthim and me too, by running him through night longer. During this fortnight Mr. the body. Mr. Waitfort was still in love, Waitfort came to make me a visit: he told and told me so again; and, to prevent all me he had waited on me sooner, but had fears of ill usage, he desired me to reserve that respect for me, he would not interrupt every thing in my own hands: but now my me in the first day of my affliction for my acquaintance began to wish me joy of his dead lord; that, as soon as he heard I was constancy, my charms were declining, and at liberty to make another choice, he had I could not resist the delight I took in show- broke off a match very advantageous for ing the young flirts about town it was yet his fortnne, just upon the point of concluin my power to give pain to a man of sense; sion, and was forty times more in love this, and some private hopes he would hang I with me than ever. I never received more
Recte beatum: rectius occupat
Ilor. Od. ix. Lib. 45.
pleasure in my life than from this declara-| No. 574.) Friday, July 30, 1714.
Nomen bati, qui Deorum
And shining heaps of useless ore,
The only lords of happiness: an air as plainly showed me he had laid all
But rather those that know the blame upon himself, and hated those For what kind rates bestow, friends that had advised him to the fatal And have the art to use the store:
That have the generous skill to bear application; he seemed as much touched
The hated weight of poverty.--Creech. by my misfortune as his own, for he had not the least doubt I was still passionately I was once engaged in discourse with a in love with him. The truth of the story Rosicrucian about the great secret.' As is, my new husband gave me reason to re- this kind of men (I mean those of them who pent I had not staid for him; he had mar are not professed cheats) are overrun with red me for my money, and I soon found enthusiasm and philosophy, it was very he loved money to distraction; there was amusing to hear this religious adept des nothing he would not do to get it; nothing he canting on his pretended discovery. Hc would not suffer to preserve it; the smallest talked of the secret as of a spirit which expense kept him awake whole nights; and lived within an emerald, and converted when he paid a bill, it was with as many every thing that was near it to the highest sighs, and after as many delays, as a man perfection it is capable of. •It gives a lusthat endures the loss of a limb. I heard tre,' says he, to the sun, and water to the nothing but reproofs for extravagancy what diamond. It irradiates every metal, and ever I did. I saw very well that he would enriches lead with all the properties of have starved me, but for losing my jointures; gold. It heightens smoke into fame, flame and he suffered agonies between the grief into light, and light into glory.' He farther of seeing me have so good a stomach, and added, that a single ray of it dissipates the fear that, if he had made me fast, it pain, and care, and melancholy, from the might prejudice my health. I did not doubt person on whom it falls. In short,' says he, he would have broke my heart, if I did not its presence naturally changes every place break his, which was allowable by the law into a kind of heaven.' After he had gone of self-defence. The way was very easy. I on for some time in this unintelligible cant, I resolved to spend as much money as I I found that he jumbled natural and moral could; and, before he was aware of the ideas together in the same discourse, and stroke, appeared before him in a two thou- that his great secret was nothing else but sand pound diamond necklace: he said content. nothing, but went quietly to his chamber, This virtue does indeed produce, in some and, as it is thought, composed himself with measure, all those effects which the alchya dose of opium. I behaved myself so well mist usually ascribes to what he calls the upon the occasion, that to this day I be- philosopher's stone; and if it does not bring lieve he died of an apoplexy. Mr. Wait- riches, it does the same thing, by banishing fort was resolved not to be too late this the desire of them. If it cannot remove the time, and I heard from him in two days. I disquietudes arising out of man's mind, am almost out of my weeds at this present body, or fortune, it makes him easy under writing, and very doubtful whether I will them. It has indeed a kindly influence on marry him or no. I do not think of a se- the soul of man, in respect of every being venth for the ridiculous reason you men- to whom he stands related. It extinguishes tion, but out of pure morality that I think all murmur, repining, and ingratitude, toso much constancy should be rewarded, wards that Being who has allotted him his though I may not do it after all perhaps. I part to act in this world. It destroys all do not believe all the unreasonable malice inordinate ambition, and every tendency to of mankind can give a pretence why I corruption, with regard to the community should have been constant to the memory wherein he is placed. It gives sweetness to of any of the deceased, or have spent much his conversation, and a perpetual serenity time in grieving for an insolent, insignifi- to all his thoughts. cant, negligent, extravagant, splenetic, or Among the many methods which might covetous husband: my first insulted me, my be made use of for the acquiring of this virsecond was nothing to me, my third dis- tue, I shall only mention the two following. gusted me, the fourth would have ruined First of all, a man should always consider me, the fifth tormented me, and the sixth how much he has more than he wants: and, would have starved me. If the other ladies secondly, how much more unhappy he you name would thus give in their hus. might be than he really is. bands' pictures at length, you would see First of all, a man should always conthey have had as little reason as myself to sider how much he has more than he wants. lose their hours in weeping and wailing. I am wonderfully pleased with the reply Vol. II,
which Aristippus made to one who con between the misfortunes which he suffers, doled him upon the loss of a farm; “Why,' and greater misfortunes which might have said he, 'I have three farms still, and you befallen him. have but one; so that I ought rather to be I like the story of the honest Dutchman, afflicted for you than you for me.' On the who upon breaking his leg by a fall from contrary, foolish men are more apt to con- the mainmast, told the standers by, it was sider what they have lost than what they a great mercy that it was not his neck. To possess; and to fix their eyes upon those which, since I am got into quotations, give who are richer than themselves, rather me leave to add the saying of an old philosothan on those who are under greater diffi- pher, w after having invited some of his culties. All the real pleasures and con- friends to dine with him, was ruffled by his veniencies of life lie in a narrow compass; wife, that came into the room in a passion, but it is the humour of mankind to be always and threw down the table that stood before looking forward, and straining after one them: “Every one,' says he, has his cawho has got the start of them in wealth and lamity, and he is a happy man that has no honour. For this reason, as there are none greater than this.' We find an instance to can be properly called rich who have not the same purpose in the life of doctor Hammore than they want, there are few rich mond, written vy bishop Fell. As this good men in any of the politer nations, but among man was troubled with a complication of the middle sort of people, who keep their distempers, when he had the gout upon wishes within their fortunes, and have more him, he used to thank God that it was not wealth than they know how to enjoy. Per- the stone; and when he had the stone, that sons of a higher rank live in a kind of splen- he had not both these distempers on him at did poverty, and are perpetually wanting, the same time. because, instead of acquiescing in the solid I cannot conclude this essay without obpleasures of life, they endeavour to outvie serving that there never was any system one another in shadows and appearances. besides that of Christianity, which could Men of sense have at all times beheld, with effectually produce in the mind of man the a great deal of mirth, this silly game that virtue I have been hitherto speaking of. In is playing over their heads, and, by con- order to make us content with our present tracting their desires, enjoy all that secret condition, many of the ancient philosophers satisfaction which others are always in tell us that our discontent only hurts ourquest of. The truth is, this ridiculous chase selves, without being able to make any after imaginary pleasures cannot be suffi- alteration in our circumstances; others, that ciently exposed, as it is the great source of whatever evil befalls us is derived to us by those evils which generally undo a nation. a fatal necessity, to which the gods themLet a man's estate be what it will, he is a selves are subject; while others very gravely poor man if he does not live within it, and tell the man who is miserable, that it is naturally sets himself to sale to any one that necessary he should be so to keep up the can give him his price. When Pittacus, harmony of the universe, and that the after the death of his brother, who had left scheme of Providence would be troubled him a good estate, was offered a great sum and perverted were he otherwise. These, of money by the king of Lydia, he thanked and the like considerations, rather silence him for his kindness, but told him he had than satisfy a man. They may show him already more by half than he knew what to that his discontent is unreasonable, but are do with. In short, content is equivalent to by no means sufficient to relieve it. They wealth, and luxury to poverty; or, to give rather give despair than consolation. In a the thought a more agreeable turn, Con- word, a man might reply to one of these tent is natural wealtắ,' says Socrates; to comforters as Augustus did to his friend, which I shall add, Luxury is artificial who advised him not to grieve for the death poverty.'. I shall therefore recommend to of a person whom he loved, because his the consideration of those who are always grief could not fetch him again; “It is for aiming after superfluous and imaginary en- that very reason,' said the emperor, ‘that joyments, and will not be at the trouble of I grieve.' contracting their desires, an excellent say On the contrary, religion bears a more ing of Bion the philosopher; namely, that tender regard to human nature. no man has so much care as he who en- scribes to every miserable man the means deavours after the most happiness.' of bettering his condition; nay, it shows him
In the second place, every one ought to that the bearing of his afflictions as he ought reflect how much more unhappy he might to do will naturally end in the removal of be than he really is. The former considera- them: it makes him easy here, because it tion took in all those who are sufficiently can make him happy hereafter. provided with the means to make them Upon the whole, a contented mind is the selves easy; this regards such as actually greatest blessing a man can enjoy in this lie under some pressure or misfortune. world; and if in the present life his happiThese may receive great alleviation from ness arises from the subduing of his desires, such a comparison as the unhappy person it will arise in the next from the gratificamay make between himself and others, ortion of them.
No. 575.) Monday, August 2, 1714. no preparations? Nothing can be a greater -Nec morti esse locum— Virg Georg. iv. 16.
disgrace to reason, than that men, who are No room is left for death.
persuaded of these two different states of Dryden.
being, should be perpetually employed in A LEWD young fellow seeing an aged providing for a life of threescore and ten hermit go by him barefont, Father,' says years, and neglecting to make provision for he, you are in a very miserable condition, that which after many myriads of years if there is not another world.' • True, son,' will be still new, and still beginning; espesaid the hermit, but what is thy condition cially when we consider that our endeaif there is. Man is a creature designed for vours for making ourselves great, or rich, two different states of being, or rather for or honourable, or whatever else we place two different lives. His first life is short our happiness in, may after all prove unand transient; his second permanent and successful; whereas, if we constantly and lasting. The question we are all concern- sincerely endeavour to make ourselves ed in is this, in which of these two lives it happy in the other life, we are sure that is our chief interest to make ourselves our endeavours will succeed, and that we happy? Or, in other words, whether we shall not be disappointed of our hope. should endeavour to secure to ourselves The following question is started by one the pleasures and gratifications of a life of the schoolmen.-Supposing the whole which is uncertain and precarious, and at body of the earth were a great ball or mass its utmost length of a very inconsiderable of the finest sand, and that a single grain or duration? or to secure to ourselves the particle of this sand should be annihilated pleasures of a life which is fixed and set- every thousand years? Supposing then that tled, and will never end? Every man, upon you had it in your choice to be happy all the first hearing of this question, knows the while this prodigious mass of sand was very well which side of it he ought to close consuming by this slow method until there with. But however right we are in theory, was not a grain of it left, on condition you it is plain that in practice we adhere to the were to be miserable for ever after? Or, wrong side of the question. We make supposing that you might be happy for ever provisions for this life as though it were after, on condition you would be miserable never to have an end, and for the other life until the whole mass of sand were thus anas though it were never to have a beginning. nihilated at the rate of one sand in a thou
Should a spirit of superior rank, who is a sand years:—which of these two cases stranger to human nature, accidentally would you make your choice? alight upon the earth, and take a survey of It must be confessed in this case, so many its inhabitants, what would his notions of thousands of years are to the imagination us be? Would not he think that we are a as a kind of eternity, though in reality they species of beings made for quite different do not bear so great a proportion to that ends and purposes than what we really duration which is to follow them as a unit are? Must not he imagine that we are does to the greatest number which you can placed in this world to get riches and ho- put together in figures, or as one of those nours? Would not he think that it was our sands to the supposed heap. Reason thereduty to toil after wealth, and station, and fore tells us, without any manner of hesititle? Nay, would not he believe we were tation, which would be the better part in forbidden poverty by threats of eternal this choice. However, as I have before punishment, and enjoined to pursue our intimated, our reason might in such case pleasures under pain of damnation? He be so overset by the imagination, as to would certainly imagine that we were in- dispose some persons to sink under the fluenced by a scheme of duties quite oppo- consideration of the great length of the first site to those which are indeed prescribed part of this duration, and of the great disto us. And truly, according to such an tance of that second duration, which is to imagination, he must conclude that we are succeed it. The mind, I say, might give a species of the most obedient creatures in itself up to that happiness which is at hand, the universe; that we are constant to our considering that it is so very near, and that duty; and that we keep a steadv eye to the it would last so very long. But when the end for which me were sent hither. choice we actually have before us is this,
But how great would be his astonish- whether we will choose to be happy for the ment, when he learned that we were be- space of only threescore and ten, nay, perings not designed to exist in this world haps of only twenty or ten years, I might above threescore and ten years; and that say of only a day or an hour, and misethe greatest part of this busy species fall rable to all eternity: or, on the contrary, short even of that age? How would he be miserable for this short term of years, and lost in horror and admiration, when he happy for a whole eternity: what words should know that this set of creatures, who are sufficient to express that folly and lay out all their endeavours for this life, want of consideration, which in such a case which scarce deserves the name of exist- makes a wrong choice? ence-when, I say, he should know that I here put the case even at the worst, by this set of creatures are to exist to all eter- supposing, what seldom happens, that a mity in another life, for which they make I course of virtue makes us miserable in this