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bodily labour, subjected to go and come at disagreeable the mention or appearance of the will of his master, but the other gives his wants would make him, that I have up his very soul: he is prostituted to speak, often reflected upon him as a counterpart and professes to think after the mode of of Irus, whom I have formerly mentioned. him whom he courts. This servítude. This man, whom I have missed for some to a patron, in an honest nature, would be years in my walks, and have heard was more grievous than that of wearing his some way employed about the army, made livery; therefore we will speak of those it a maxim, that good wigs, delicate linen, methods only which are worthy and inge- and a cheerful air, were to a poor depend
ent the same that working tools are to a The happy talent of pleasing either those poor artificer. It was no small entertainabove you or below you, seems to be whully ment to me, who knew his circumstances, owing to the opinion they have of your sin- to see him, who had fasted two days, attricerity. This quality is to attend the agree- bute the thinness they told him of, to the able man in all the actions of his life; and violence of some gallantries he had lately I think there need no more be said in been guilty of. The skilful dissembler carhonour of it, than that it is what forces the ried on this with the utmost address; and approbation even of your opponents. The if any suspected his affairs were narrow, it guilty man has an honour for the judge was attributed to indulging himself in some who with justice pronounces against him fashionable vice rather than an irreproachthe sentence of death itself. The author able poverty, which saved his credit with of the sentence at the head of this paper, those on whom he depended was an excellent judge of human life, and The main art is to be as little troublepassed his own in company the most agree- some as you can, and make all you hope for able that ever was in the world. Augustus come rather as a favour from your patron lived amongst his friends, as if he had his than claim from you. But I am here pratfortune to make in his own court. Candour ing of what is the method of pleasing so as and affability, accompanied with as much to succeed in the world, when there are power as ever mortal was vested with, were crowds, who have, in city, town court, and what made him in the utmost manner country, arrived at considerable acquisiagreeable among a set of admirable men, tions, and yet seem incapable of acting in who had thoughts too high for ambition, any constant tenor of life, but have gone on and views too large to be gratified by what from one successful error to another: therehe could give them in the disposal of an em- fore I think I may shorten this inquiry after pire, without the pleasure of their mutual the method of pleasing; and as the old beau conversation. A certain unanimity of taste said to his son, once for all, Pray, Jack, and judgment, which is natural to all of be a fine gentleman;' so may I to my the same order of the species, was the band reader, abridge my introductions, and finish of this society; and the emperor assumed the art of pleasing in a word, Be rich.' no figure in it, but what he thought was due
T. from his private talents and qualifications, as they contributed to advance the pleasures and sentiments of the company, No. 281.] Tuesday, January 22, 1711-12.
Cunning people, hypocrites, all who are hut half virtuous, or half wise, are incapa
Pectoribus inhians spirantia consulit exta.
Virg. Æn. iv. 64. ble of tasting the refined pleasure of such
Anxious the reeking entrails he consults. an equal company as could wholly exclude the regard of fortune in their conversations. Having already given an account of the Horace, in the discourse from whence I dissection of a beau's head, with the sevetake the hint of the present speculation, ral discoveries made on that occasion, I lays down excellent rules for conduct in shall here, according to my promise, enter conversation with men of power; but he upon the dissection of a coquette's heart, speaks with an air of one who had no need and communicate to the public such partiof such an application for any thing which culars as we observed in that curious piece related to himself. It shows he understood of anatomy. what it was to be a skilful courtier, by just I should perhaps have waived this unadmonitions against importunity, and show- dertaking, had I not been put in mind of ing how forcible it was to speak modestly my promise by several of my unknown of your own wants. There is indeed some- correspondents, who are very importunate thing so shameless in taking all opportuni- with me to make an example of the coties to speak of your own affairs, that he who guette, as I have already done of the beau. is guilty of it towards him on whom he de- It is therefore in compliance with the repends, fares like the beggar who exposes quest of friends, that I have looked over his sores, which, instead of moving com- the minutes of my former dream, in order passion, makes the man he begs of turn to give the public an exact relation of it, away from the object.
which I shall enter upon without farther I cannot tell what is become of him, but preface. I remember about sixteen years ago an Our operator, before he engaged in this honest fellow, who so justly understood how visionary dissection, told us, that there was
nothing in his art more difficult than to lay | sels which came into it, or issued out of it, open the heart of a coquette, by reason of we could not discover any communication the many labyrinths and recesses which that it had with the tongue. are to be found in it, and which do not ap We could not but take notice likewise, pear in the heart of any other animal. that several of those little nerves in the
He desired us first of all to observe the heart which are affected by the sentiments pericardium, or outward case of the heart, of love, hatred, and other passions, did not which we did very attentively; and by the descend to this before us from the brain, help of our glasses discerned in it millions but from the muscles which lie about the of little scars, which seemed to have been eye. occasioned by the points of innumerable Upon weighing the heart in my hand, I darts and arrows, that from time to time found it to be extremely light, and consehad glanced upon the outward coat; though quently very hollow, which I did not wonwe could not discover the smallest orifice, der at, when," upon looking into the inside by which any of them had entered and of it, I saw multitudes of cells and cavities pierced the inward substance.
running one within another, as our histoEvery smatterer in anatomy knows that rians describe the apartments of Rosathis pericardium, or case of the heart, con- mond's bower. Several of these little holtains in it a thin redclish liquor, supposed to lows were stuffed with innumerable sorts be bred from the vapours which exhale out of trifles, which I shall forbear giving any of the heart, and, being stopped here, are particular account of, and shall therefore condensed into this watery substance. Upon only take notice of what lay first and upexamining this liquor, we found that it had permost; which, upon our unfolding it, and in it all the qualities of that spirit which is applying our microscopes to it, appeared to made use of in the thermometer, to show be a flame-coloured hood. the change of weather.
We are informed that the lady of this Nor must I here omit an experiment one heart, when living, received the addresses of the company assured us he himself had of several who made love to her, and did made with this liquor, which he found in not only give each of them encouragement, great quantity about the heart of a coquette but made every one she conversed with bewhom he had formerly dissected. He af- lieve that she regarded him with an eye of firmed to us, that he had actually enclosed kindness; for which reason we expected to it in a small tube made after the manner of have seen the impressions of multitudes of a weather-glass; but that instead of ac- faces among the several plaits and foldings quainting him with the variations of the at- of the heart; but to our great surprise not a mosphere, it showed him the quality of single print of this nature discovered itself those persons who entered the room where until we came into the very core and centre it stood. He affirmed also that it rose at the of it. We there observed a little figure, approach of a plume of feathers, an em- which, upon applying our glasses to it, apbroidered coat, or a pair of fringed gloves; peared dressed in a very fantastic manner. and that it fell as soon as an ill-shaped pe- The more I looked upon it, the more I riwig, a clumsy pair of shoes, or an un- thought I had seen the face before, but fashionable coat came into his house. Nay, could not possibly recollect either the place he proceeded so far as to assure us, that or time; when at length, one of the comupon his laughing aloud when he stood by pany, who had examined this figure more it, the liquor mounted very sensibly, and nicely than the rest, showed us plainly by immediately sunk again upon his looking the make of its face, and the several turns serious. In short, he told us, that he knew of its features, that the little idol which very well by this invention, whenever he was thus lodged in the very middle of the had a man of sense, or a coxcomb in his heart was the deceased beau, whose head I
gave some account of in my last Tuesday's Having cleared away the pericardium, paper. or case, and liquor above-mentioned, we As soon as we had finished our dissection, came to the heart itself. The outward we resolved to make an experiment of the surface of it was extremely slippery, and heart, not being able to determine among the mucro, or point, so very cold withal, ourselves the nature of its substance, which that upon endeavouring to take hold if it, differed in so many particulars from that it glided through the fingers like a smooth of the heart in other females. Accordingly piece of ice.
we laid it in a pan of burning coals, when The fibres were turned and twisted in we observed in it a certain salamandrine a more intricate and perplexed manner quality, that made it capable of living in the than they are usually found in other hearts; midst of fire and flame, without being coninsomuch that the whole heart was wound sumed, or so much as singed. up together in a Gordian knot, and must As we were admiring this strange phæhave had very irregular and unequal mo- nomenon, and standing round the heart in a tions, while it was employed in its vital circle, it gave a most prodigious sigh, or functions.
rather crack, and dispersed all at once in One thing we thought very observable, smoke and vapour. This imaginary noise, namely, that upon examining all the ves- which me thought was louder than the
burst of a cannon, produced such a violent shake in my brain, that it dissipated the fumes of sleep, and left me in an instant broad awake.
800 £16,000 Uncle's
16,000 Grandmother's - 900
18,000 1000 each, 3,000
Total, No. 282.] Wednesday, Jan. 23, 1711-12.
61,000 This equally divided between us three, Spes incerta futuri.
amounts to 20,0001. each : an allowance Virg. En. viii. 580.
being given for enlargement upon common Hopes and fears in equal balance laid. --Dryden. fame, we may lawfully pass for 30,0001. It is a lamentable thing that every man
fortunes.' is full of complaints, and constantly utter In prospect of this, and the knowledge ing sentences against the fickleness of for- of their own personal merit, every one was tune, when people generally bring upon contemptible in their eyes, and they rethemselves all the calamities they fall into, fused those offers which had been frequently and are constantly heaping up matter for made them. But mark the end. The mother their own sorrow and disappointment. That dies, the father is married again, and has which produces the greatest part of the de-a son; on him was entailed the father's, lusions of mankind, is a false hope which peo- uncle's, and grandmother's estate. This ple indulge with so sanguine a flattery to cut off 42,0001. The maiden aunt married a themselves, that their hearts are bent upon tall Irishman, and with her went the 6,0001. fantastical advantages which they had no The widow died, and left but enough to reason to believe should ever have arrived pay her debts and bury her; so that there to them. By this unjust measure of calcu- remained for these three girls but their lating their happiness, they often mourn own 1,0001. They had by this time passed with real affliction for imaginary losses. their prime, and got on the wrong side of When I am talking of this unhappy way of thirty; and must pass the remainder of accounting for ourselves, I cannot hut re- their days upbraiding mankind that they flect upon a particular set of people, who, mind nothing but money, and bewailing in their own favour, resolve every thing that virtue, sense, and modesty, are had at that is possible into what is probable, and present in no manner of estimation. then reckon on that probability as on what I mention this case of ladies before any must certainly happen. Will Honeycomb, other, because it is the most irreparable; upon my observing his looking on a lady for though youth is the time least capable with some particular attention, gave me an of reflection, it is in that sex the only seaaccount of the great distresses which had son in which they can advance their forlaid waste her very fine face, and had tunes. But if we turn our thoughts to the given an air of melancholy to a very agree-men, we see such crowds unhappy, from able person. That lady, and a couple of no other reason but an ill-grounded hope, sisters of hers, were, said Will, fourteen that it is hard to say which they rather years ago, the greatest fortunes about town; deserve, our pity or contempt. It is not but without having any loss, by bad tenants, unpleasant to see a fellow, grown old in by bad securities, or any damage hy sea or attendance, and after having passed half a land, are reduced to very narrow circum- life in servitude, call himself the unhapstances. They were at that time the most piest of all men, and pretend to be disapinaccessible haughty beauties in town; and pointed, because a courtier broke his word. their pretensions to take upon them at that He that promises himself any thing but unmerciful rate, were raised upon the fol- what may naturally arise from his own lowing scheme, according to which all their property or labour, and goes beyond the lovers were answered.
desire of possessing above two parts in
three even of that, lays up for himself an “Our father is a youngish man, but then increasing heap of afflictions and disapour mother is somewhat older, and not pointments. There are but two means in likely to have any children: his estate be- the world of gaining by other men, and ing 8001, per annum, at twenty years pur- these are by being either agreeable or conchase, is worth 16,0001. Our uncle, who siderable. The generality of mankind do is above fifty, has 4001. per annum, which all things for their own sakes; and when at the aforesaid rate, is 8,0001. There is a you hope any thing from persons above widow aunt, who has 10,0001. at her own you, if you cannot say, 'I can be thus agreedisposal, left by her husband, and an old able, or thus serviceable, it is ridiculous maiden aunt, who has 6,0001. Then our to pretend to the dignity of being unfortufather's mother has 9001. per annum, which nate when they leave you; you were injuis worth 18,0001. and 1,000!. each of us has dicious in hoping for any other than to be of our own, which cannot be taken from neglected for such as can come within us. These summed up together stand these descriptions of being capable to thus:
please, or serve your patron, when his
humour or interests call for their capacity first were wholly discarded; and I do not either way.
find any one so hardy at present as to deny It would not, methinks, be a useless com- that there are very great advantages in the parison between the condition of a man who enjoyment of a plentiful fortune. Indeed shuns all the pleasures of life, and of one the best and wisest of men, though they who makes it his business to pursue them. may possibly despise a good part of those Hope in the recluse makes his austerities things which the world calls pleasures, comfortable, while the luxurious man gains can, I think, hardly be insensible of that nothing but uneasiness from his enjoyments. weight and dignity which a moderate share What is the difference in the happiness of of wealth adds to their characters, counsels, him who is macerated by abstinence, and and actions. him who is surfeited with excess? He who We find it is a general complaint in proresigns the world has no temptation to fessions and trades, that the richest memenvy, hatred, malice, anger, but is in con-bers of them are chiefly encouraged; and stant possession of a serene mind: he who this is falsely imputed to the ill-nature of follows the pleasures of it, which are in mankind, who are bestowing their favours their very nature disappointing, is in con- on such as least want them. Whereas, if stant search of care, solicitude, remorse, we fairly consider their proceedings in this and confusion.
case, we shall find them founded on unJanuary 14, 1712.
doubted reason: since, supposing both equal •MR. SPECTATOR, -I am a young wo
in their natural integrity, I ought, in comman, and have my fortune to make, for mon prudence, to fear foul play from an inwhich reason I come constantly to church digent person, rather than from one whose to hear divine service, and make conquests: circumstances seem to have placed him but one great hindrance in this my design above the bare temptation of money. is, that our clerk, who was once a gardener,
This reason also makes the commonhas this Christmas so over-decked the wealth regard her richest subjects, as those church with greens, that he has quite who are most concerned for her quiet and spoiled my prospect; insomuch that I have interest, and consequently fittest to be inscarce seen the young baronet I dress at trusted with her highest employments. On these three weeks, though we have both the contrary, Catiline's saying to those been very constant at our devotions, and do men of desperate fortunes, who applied not sit above three pews off. The church, themselves to him, and of whom he afteras it is now equipped, looks more like a
wards composed his army, that they had green-house than a place of worship. The nothin to hope for but a civil war, was middle aisle is a very pretty shady walk, too true not to make the impressions he and the pews look like so many arbours on
desired. each side of it. The pulpit itself has such
I believe I need not fear but that what I clusters of ivy, holly, and rosemary about have said in praise of money, will be more it, that a light fellow in our pew took occa- than sufficient with most of my readers to sion to say, that the congregation heard the excuse the subject of my present paper, word out of a bush, like Moses. Sir An- which I intend as an essay on the ways to thony Love's pew in particular is so well raise a man's fortune, or the art of growing
rich. hedged, that all my batteries have no effect. I am obliged to shoot at random among the
The first and most infallible method toboughs, without taking any manner of aim. wards the attaining of this end is thrift. Mr. Spectator, unless you will give orders All men are not equally qualified for getting for removing these greens, I shall grow a money, but it is in the power of every one very awkward creature at church, and soon alike to practice this virtue, and I believe have little else to do there but to say my there are very few persons, who, if they prayers. I am in haste, dear sir, your most please to reflect on their past lives, will not obeclient servant,
find that had they saved all those little T. • JENNY SIMPER."
sums which they have spent unnecessarily, they might at present have been masters
of a competent fortune. Diligence justly No. 283.] Thursday, Jan. 24, 1711-12.
claims the next place to thrift. I find
both these excellently well recommended Magister artis ingenique largitor
to common use in the three following Italian Venter
Pers. Prolog. ver. 10. proverbs: Necessity is the mother of invention.
Never to do that by proxy which you can do yourself. English Proverbs.
Never defer that till to-morrow which you can do to-day LUCIAN rallies the philosophers in his Never neglect small matters and expenses. time, who could not agree whether they A third instrument of growing rich, is should admit riches into the number of real method in business, which, as well as the goods; the professors of the severer sects two former, is also attainable by persons of threw them quite out, while others as re- the meanest capacities. solutely inserted them.
The famous De Witt, one of the greatest I am apt to believe, that as the world statesman of the age in which he lived, grew more polite, the rigid doctrines of the being asked by a friend how he was able to
despatch that multitude of affairs in which his chin. I am credibly informed that by he was engaged? replied, that his whole this means he does not only maintain him. art consisted in doing one thing at once. self and his mother, but that he is laying up • If,' says he, I have any necessary des- money every day, with a design, if the war patches to make, I think of nothing else continues, to purchase a drum at least, if until those are finished: if any domestic not a pair of colours. affairs require my attention, I give myself I shall conclude these instances with the up wholly to them until they are set in device of the famous Rabelais, when he order.'
was at a great distance from Paris, and In short, we often see men of dull and without money to bear his expenses thither. phlegmatic tempers arriving to great es- The ingenious author being thus sharp-set, tates, by making a regular and orderly dis- got together a convenient quantity of brickposition of their business, and that without dust, and having disposed of it into several it the greatest parts and most lively imagi- papers, writ upon one, “Poison for monnations rather puzzle their affairs, than sieur;' upon a second, Poison for the daubring them to an happy issue.
phin,' and on a third, 'Poison for the king. From what has been said, I think I may Having made a provision for the Royal lay it down as a maxim, that every man of family of France, he laid his papers so that good common sense may, if he pleases, in his landlord, who was an inquisitive man, his particular station of life, most certainly and a good subject, might get a sight of be rich. The reason why we sometimes see them. that men of the greatest capacities are not The plot succeeded as he desired. The so, is either because they despise wealth in host gave immediate intelligence to the comparison of something else; or at least secretary of state. The secretary preare not content to be getting an estate, un- sently sent down a special messenger, who less they may do it in their own way, and brought up the traitor to court, and proat the same time enjoy all the pleasures vided him at the king's expense with and gratifications of life.
proper accommodations, on the road. As But besides these ordinary forms of grow- soon as he appeared, he was known to be ing rich, it must be allowed that there is the celebrated Rabelais, and his powder room for genius as well in this as in all other upon examination being found very innocircumstances of life.
cent, the jest was only laughed at; for which Though the ways of getting money were a less eminent droll would have been sent long since very numerous, and though so to the galleys. many new ones have been found out of late Trade and commerce might doubtless be years, there is certainly still remaining so still varied a thousand ways, out of which large a field for invention, that a man of would arise such branches as have not yet an indifferent head might easily sit down been touched. The famous Doily is still and draw up such a plan for the conduct fresh in every one's memory, who raised a and support of his life, as was never yet fortune by finding out materials for such once thought of.
stuffs as might at once be cheap and genWe daily see methods put in practice by teel. I have heard it affirmed, that had hungry and ingenious men, which demon- not he discovered this frugal method of strate the power of invention in this par- gratifying our pride, we should hardly have ticular.
been able to carry on the last war. It is reported of Scaramouch, the first I regard trade not only as highly advanfamous Italian comedian, that being at Paris tageous to the commonwealth in general, and in great want, he bethought himself of but as the most natural and likely method constantly plying near the door of a noted of making a man's fortune; having observed perfumer in that city, and when any one since my being a Spectator in the world, came out who had been buying snuff, never greater estates got about 'Change, than at failed to desire a taste of them: when he Whitehall or Saint James's. I believe I had got together a quantity made up of may also add, that the first acquisitions are several different sorts, he sold it again at a generally attended with more satisfaction, lower rate to the same perfumer, who find and as good a conscience. ing out the trick, called it “ Tabac de mille I must not however close this essay, fleurs,' or 'Snuff of a thousand flowers.' without observing that what has been said The story farther tells us, that by this is only intended for persons in the common means he got a very comfortable subsist- ways of thriving, and is not designed for ence, until making too much haste to grow those men who from low beginnings push rich, he one day took such an unreasonal themselves up to the top of states, and the pinch out of the box of a Swiss officer, as most considerable figures in life. My engaged him in a quarrel, and obliged him maxim of saving is not designed for such to quit this ingenious way of life.
as these, since nothing is more usual than Nor can I in this place omit doing justice for thrift to disappoint the ends of ambito a youth of my own country, who, though tion; it being almost impossible that the he is scarce yet twelve years old, has with mind should be intent upon trifles, while it great industry and application attained to is at the same time forming some great dethe art of beating the granadiers march on sign.