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confess I was but barely pleased; the next As the shadows in a picture represent the time I liked them better, but at last, as serious or melancholy, so the lights do the I grew better acquainted with them, I bright and lively thoughts. As there should fell deeply in love with them; like wise be but one forcible light in a picture which speeches, they sank deep into my heart: should catch the eye and fall on the hero, for you know, Mr. Spectator, that a man so there should be but one object of our of wit may extremely affect one for the love, even the Author of nature. These present, but if he has not discretion, his and the like reflections, well improved, merit soon vanishes away: while a wise might very much contribute to open the man that has not so great a stock of wit, beauty of that art, and prevent young peoshall nevertheless give you a far greater ple from being poisoned by the ill gusto of and more lasting satisfaction. Just so it any extravagant workman that should be is in a picture that is smartly touched, but imposed upon us. I am, sir, your most not well studied; one may call it a witty humble servant.' picture, though the painter in the mean time may be in danger of being called a fool. •Mr. SpectaTOR,—Though I am a woOn the other hand, a picture that is tho- man, yet I am one of those who confess roughly understood in the whole, and well themselves highly pleased with a speculaperformed in the particulars, that is begun tion you obliged the world with some time on the foundation of geometry, carried on by ago, from an old Greek poet you call Simothe rules of perspective, architecture, and nides, in relation to the several natures and anatomy, and perfected by a good harmony, distinctions of our own sex. I could not but a just and natural colouring, and such pas- admire how justly the characters of women sions and expressions of the mind as are in this age fall in with the times of Simoalmost peculiar to Raphael; this is what nides, there being no one of those sorts I you may justly style a wise picture, and have not at some time or other of my life which seldom fails to strike us dumb, until met with a sample of. But, sir, the subwe can assemble all our faculties to makeject of this present address are a set of but a tolerable judgment upon it. Other women, comprehended, I think, in the pictures are made for the eyes only, as rat- ninth species of that speculation, called the tles are made for children's ears; and cer- Apes; the description of whom I find to be, tainly that picture that only pleases the “ That they are such as are both ugly and eye, without representing some well-chosen ill-natured, who have nothing beautiful part of nature or other, does but show what themselves, and endeavour to detract from fine colours are to be sold at the colour- or ridicule every thing that appears so in shop, and mocks the works of the Creator. others.” Now, sir, this sect, as I have If the best imitator of nature is not to be been told, is very frequent in the great esteemed the best painter, but he that makes town where you live; but as my circumthe greatest show and glare of colours; it stance of life obliges me to reside altogether will necessarily follow, that he who can in the country, though not many miles from array himself in the most gaudy draperies London, I cannot have met with a great is best drest, and he that can speak loudest number of them, nor indeed is it a desirathe best orator. Every man when he looks ble acquaintance, as I have lately found by on a picture should examine it according to experience. You must know, sir, that at that share of reason he is master of, or he the beginning of this summer a family of will be in danger of making a wrong judg- these apes came and settled for the season ment. If men when they walk abroad not far from the place where I live. As would make more frequent observations on they were strangers in the country, they those beauties of nature which every mo- were visited by the ladies about them, of ment present themselves to their view, they whom I was one, with a humanity usual in would be better judges when they saw her those who pass most of their time in soliwell imitated at home. This would help tude. The apes lived with us very agreeto correct those errors which most preten- ably our own way until towards the end of ders fall into, who are over hasty in their the summer, when they began to bethink judgments, and will not stay to let reason themselves of returning to town; then it come in for a share in the decision. It is was, Mr. Spectator, that they began to set for want of this that men mistake in this themselves about the proper and distincase, and in common life, a wild extrava- guishing business of their character; and as gant pencil for one that is truly bold and it is said of evil spirits, that they are apt to great, an impudent fellow for a man of true carry away a piece of the house they are courage and bravery, hasty and unreason- about to ve, the apes, without regard able actions for enterprises of spirit and to common mercy, civility, or gratitude, resolution, gaudy colouring for that which thought fit to mimic and fall foul on the is truly beautiful, a false and insinuating faces, dress, and behaviour of their indiscourse for simple truth elegantly recom- nocent neighbours, bestowing abominable mended. The parallel will hold through censures and disgraceful appellations, comall the parts of life and painting too; and monly called nick-names, on all of them; the virtuosos above mentioned will be glad and in short, like true fine ladies, made *o see you draw it with your terms of art. I their honest plainness and sincerity matter
Hor. Ars Poet. v. 332
of ridicule. I could not but acquaint you samong us, and which are very proper to with these grievances, as well at the de- pass away a winter night for those who do sire of all the parties injured, as from my not care to throw away their time at an own inclination. I hope, sir, if you cannot opera, or the play-house. I would gladly propose entirely to reform this evil, you know in particular, what notion you have will take such notice of it in some of your of hot-cockles; as also, whether you think future speculations, as may put the deserv- that questions and commands, mottoes, ing part of our sex on their guard against similies, and cross-purposes, have not more these creatures; and at the same time the mirth and wit in them than those public apes may be sensible that this sort of mirth diversions which are grown so very fashionis so far from an innocent diversion, that it able among us. If you would recommend is in the highest degree that vice which is to our wives and daughters, who read your said to comprehend all others. I am, sir, papers with a great deal of pleasure, some your humble servant,
of those sports and pastimes that may be T. •CONSTANTIA FIELD.' practised within doors, and by the fire
side, we who are masters of families should
be hugely obliged to you. I need not tell No. 245.] Tuesday, December 11, 1711.
you that I would have these sports and
pastimes not only merry but innocent; for Ficta voluptatis causa sint proxima veris.
which reason I have not mentioned either Fictions to please, should wear the face of truth.
whisk or lanterloo, nor indeed so much as
one-and-thirty. After having communi THERE is nothing which one regards so cated to you my request upon this subject, much with an eye of mirth and pity as in- I will be so free as to tell you how my wife nocence, when it has in it a dash of folly. and I pass away these tedious winter even At the same time that one esteems the vir- ings with a great deal of pleasure. Though tue, one is tempted to laugh at the simpli- she be young and handsome, and good city, which accompanies it. When a man is humoured to a miracle, she does not care made up wholly of the dove, without the for gadding abroad like others of her sex. least grain of the serpent in his composition, There is a very friendly man, a colonel in the he becomes ridiculous in many circum- army, whom I am mightily obliged to for his stances of life, and very often discredits his civilities, that comes to see me almost every best actions. The Cordeliers tell a story night; for he is not one of those giddy young of their founder St. Francis, that as he fellows that cannot live out of a play-house. passed the streets in the dusk of the even- When we are together, we very often ing, he discovered a young fellow with a make a party at Blind-man's Buff, which maid in a corner; upon which the good is a sport that I like the better, because man, say they, lifted up his hands to hea- there is a good deal of exercise in it. The ven with a secret thanksgiving, that there colonel and I are blinded by turns, and you was still so much Christian charity in the would laugh your heart out to see what world. The innocence of the saint made pains my dear takes to hoodwink us, so him mistake the kiss of the lover for a sa-l that it is impossible for us to see the least lute of charity. I am heartily concerned glimpse of light. The poor colonel some when I see a virtuous man without a com- times hits his nose against a post, and petent knowledge of the world; and if there makes us die with laughing. I have gene be any use in these my papers, it is this, rally the good luck not to hurt myself, but that without representing vice under any am very often above half an hour before I false alluring notions, they give my reader an can catch either of them; for you must insight into the ways of men, and represent know we hide ourselves up and down in human nature in all its changeable colours. corners, that we may have the more sport. The man who has not been engaged in any I only give you this hint as a sample of such of the follies of the world, or, as Shak- innocent diversions as I would have you speare expresses it, hackneyed in the recommend; and am, most esteemed sir, ways of men,' may here find a picture of your ever-loving friend, its follies and extravagances. The virtuous
• TIMOTHY DOODLE.' and the innocent may know in speculation what they could never arrive at by prac
The following letter was occasioned by tice, and by this means avoid the snares of my last Thursday's paper upon the abthe crafty, the corruptions of the vicious, sence of lovers, and the methods therein and the reasonings of the prejudiced. Their mentioned of making such absence supminds may be opened without being vitiated. portable.
It is with an eye to my following corre 'Sir,—Among the several ways of consospondent, Mr. Timothy Doodle, who seems lation which absent lovers make use of while a very well-meaning man, that I have writ- their souls are in that state of departure, ten this short preface, to which I shall sub- which you say is death in love, there are join a letter from the said Mr. Doodle.
some very material ones that have escaped “SIR,-I could heartily wish that you your notice. Among these, the first and would let us know your opinion upon seve- most received is a crooked shilling, which ral innocent diversions which are in usel has administered great comfort to our fore
fathers, and is still made use of on this oc- | No. 246.] Wednesday, December 12, 1711. casion with very good effect in most parts of her majesty's dominions. There are
-Ουκ αρα σοι γε πατηρ ην ιπποτα Πηλευς,
Ουδε Θετις μητηρ, γλαυκη δε σ' ετικες θαλασσα, some, I know, who think a crown piece cut Πετραι τ' ηλιβατοι, οτι τοι νοος εστιν απηνης. into two equal parts, and preserved by the
Hom. Iliad, xvi. 33. distant lovers, is of more sovereign virtue No amorous hero ever gave thee birth, than the former. But since opinions are
Nor ever tender goddess brought thee forth, divided in this particular, why may not the
Some rugged rock's hard entrails gave thee form,
And raging seas produc'd thee in a storm: same persons make use of both? The A soul well suiting thy tempestuous kind, figure of a heart, whether cut in stone or
So rough thy manners, so untam'd thy mind. cast in metal, whether bleeding upon an
Popie. altar, stuck with darts, or held in the hand
• MR. SPECTATOR,-As your paper is of a Cupid, has always been looked upon part of the equipage of the tea-table, I as talismanic in distresses of this nature. I conjure you to print what I now write to am acquainted with many a brave fellow you; for I have no other way to communiwho carries his mistress in the lid of his cate what I have to say to the fair sex on snuff-box, and by that expedient has sup- the most important circumstance of life, ported himself under the absence of a whole even “ the care of children.” I do not uncampaign. For my own part, I have tried derstand that you profess your paper is alall these remedies, but never found so much ways to consist of matters which are only benefit from any as from a ring, in which to entertain the learned and polite, but that my mistress's hair is plaited together very it may agree with your design to publish artificially in a kind of true-lover's knot. some which may tend to the information As I have received great benefit from this of mankind in general; and when it does secret, I think myself obliged to communi-so, you do more than writing wit and hucate it to the public for the good of my mour. Give me leave then to tell you, that fellow-subjects. I desire you will add this of all the abuses that ever you have as yet letter as an appendix to your consolations endeavoured to reform, certainly not one upon absence, and am, your very humble wanted so much your assistance as the servant,
T. B.' abuse in nursing of children. It is unmer
ciful to see, that a woman endowed with I shall conclude this paper with a letter all the perfections and blessings of nature, from a university gentleman, occasioned by can, as soon as she is delivered, turn off her my last Tuesday's paper, wherein I gave innocent, tender, and helpless infant, and some account of the great feuds which hap- give it up to a woman that is (ten thousand pened formerly in those learned bodies, to one,) neither in health nor good condibetween the modern Greeks and Trojans. tion, neither sound in mind nor body, that
has neither honour nor reputation, neither "Sir,—This will give you to understand, love nor pity for the poor babe, but more that there is at present in the society, regard for the money than for the whole whereof I am a member, a very consider child, and never will take farther care of able body of Trojans, who, upon a proper it than what by all the encouragement of occasion, would not fail to declare ourselves. money and presents she is forced to; like In the meanwhile we do all we can to annoy Æsop's earth, which would not nurse the our enemies by stratagem, and are resolved plant of another ground, although never so by the first opportunity to attack Mr. Joshua much improved, by reason that plant was Barnes, whom we look upon as the Achilles not of its own production. And since anof the opposite party. “As for myself, I other's child is no more natural to a nurse have had the reputation ever since I came than a plant to a strange and different from school, of being a trusty Trojan, and ground, how can it be supposed that the am resolved never to give quarter to the child should thrive; and if it thrives, must smallest particle of Greek, wherever I it not imbibe the gross humours and qualichance to meet it. It is for this reason ities of the nurse, like a plant in a different take it very ill of you, that you sometimes ground, or like a graft upon a different hang out Greek colours at the head of your stock? Do not we observe, that a lamb paper, and sometimes give a word of the sucking a goat changes very much its naenemy even in the body of it. When I meet ture, nay, even its skin and wool into the with any thing of this nature, I throw down goat kind? The power of a nurse over a your speculations upon the table, with that child, by infusing into it with her milk her form of words which we make use of when qualities and disposition, is sufficiently and we declare war upon an author,
daily observed. Hence came that old say
ing concerning an ill-natured and malicious Græcum est, non potest legi.
fellow, that he had imbibed his malice
with his nurse's milk, or that some brute * I give you this hint, that you may for or other had been his nurse. Hence Rothe future abstain from any such hostilities mulus and Remus were said to have been at your peril.
nursed by a wolf; Telephus, the son of *TROILUS.' Hercules, by a hind; Pelias, the son of Nepo
tune by a mare; and Ægisthus by a goat; ment, that a mother is weakened by giving not that they had actually sucked such suck to her children, is vain and simple. creatures, as some simpletons have ima- I will maintain that the mother grows gined, but that their nurses had been of stronger by it, and will have her health such a nature and temper, and infused such better than she would have otherwise. She into them.
will find it the greatest cure and preserva• Many instances may be produced from tive for the vapours and future miscargood authorities and daily experience, that riages, much beyond any other remedy children actually suck in the several pas- whatsoever. Her children will be like sions and depraved inclinations of their giants, whereas otherwise they are but nurses, as anger, malice, fear, melancholy, living shadows, and like unripe fruit; and sadness, desire, and aversion. This, Dio- certainly if a woman is strong enough to dorus, lib. 2. witnesses, when he speaks, bring forth a child, she is beyond all doubt saying, that Nero the emperor's nurse strong enough to nurse it afterwards. It had been very much addicted to drinking; grieves me to observe and consider how which habit Nero received from his nurse, many poor children are daily ruined by and was so very particular in this, that the careless nurses; and yet how tender ought people took so much notice of it, as instead they to be to a poor infant, since the least of Tiberius Nero, they called him Biberius hurt or blow, especially upon the head, Mero. The same Díodorus also relates of may make it senseless, stupid, or otherCaligula, predecessor to Nero, that his wise miserable for ever! nurse used to moisten the nipples of her • But I cannot well leave this subject as breast frequently with blood, to make Ca- yet; for it seems to me very unnatural that ligula take the better hold of them; which, a woman that has fed a child as part of says Diodorus, was the cause that made herself for nine months, should have no him so blood-thirsty and cruel all his life- desire to nurse it farther, when brought to time after, that he not only committed light and before her eyes, and when by its frequent murder by his own hand, but like-cry it implores her assistance and the office wise wished that all human kind wore but of a mother. Do not the very cruellest of one neck that he might have the pleasure brutes tend their young ones with all the to cut it off. Such like degeneracies asto- care and delight imaginable? How can she nish the parents, who not knowing after be called a mother that will not nurse her whom the child can take, see one inclined young ones? The earth is called the mother to stealing, another to drinking, cruelty, of all things, not because she produces, but stupidity; yet all these are not minded. because she maintains and nurses what she Nay, it is easy to demonstrate that a child, produces. The generation of the infant is although it be born from the best of parents, the effect of desire, but the care of it armay be corrupted by an ill-tempered nurse. gues virtue and choice. I am not ignorant How many children do we see daily brought but that there are some cases of necessity, into fits, consumptions, rickets, &c. merely where a mother cannot give suck, and then by sucking their nurses when in a passion out of two evils the least must be chosen; or fury? But indeed almost any disorder but there are so very few, that I am sure of the nurse is a disorder to the child, and in a thousand there is hardly one real infew nurses can be found in this town but stance; for if a woman does but know that what labour under some distemper or other. her husband can spare about three or six The first question that is generally asked shillings a week extraordinary, (although a young woman that wants to be a nurse, this is but seldom considered.) she cerwhy she should be a nurse to other peo- tainly, with the assistance of her gossips, ple's children, is answered, by her having will soon persuade the good man to send an ill husband, and that she must make the child to nurse, and easily impose upon shift to live. I think now this very answer him by pretending indisposition. This cruis enough to give any body a shock if duly elty is supported by fashion, and nature considered; for an ill husband may, or ten gives place to custom. Sir, your humble to one if he does not, bring home to his wife servant.' an ill distemper, or at least vexation and disturbance. Besides, as she takes the child out of mere necessity, her food will be accordingly, or else very coarse at best; No. 247.] Thursday, December 13, 1711. whence proceeds an ill-concocted and
-Των δ' ακαματος ρεει αυδη coarse food for the child; for as the blood,
Εκ στοματων ηδεια.the milk; and hence I am very well
Their untir'd lips a wordy torrent pour. assured proceeds the scurvy, the evil, and many other distempers. I beg of you, for We are told by some ancient authors, the sake of the many poor infants that may that Socrates was instructed in eloquence and will be saved by weighing this case by a woman whose name, if I am not misseriously, to exhort the people with the taken, was Aspasia. I have indeed very utmost vehemence, to let the children suck often looked upon that art as the most protheir own mothers, both for the benefit of per for the female sex, and I think the unimother and child. For the general argu- Iversities would do well to consider whether
they should not fill the rhetoric chairs with weather, and in every part of the room. she professors.
She has false quarrels and feigned obligaIt has been said in the praise of some tions to all the men of her acquaintance; men that they could talk whole hours to- sighs when she is not sad, and laughs when gether upon any thing; but it must be she is not merry. The coquette is in parowned to the honour of the other sex, that ticular a great mistress of that part of orathere are many among them who can talk tory which is called action, and indeed whole hours together upon nothing. I have seems to speak for no other purpose, but as known a woman branch out into a long ex- it gives her an opportunity of stirring a tempore dissertation upon the edging of a limb, or varying a feature, of glancing her petticoat, and chide her servant for break- eyes, or playing with her fan. ing a china cup, in all the figures of rhetoric. As for newsmongers, politicians, mimics,
Were women permitted to plead in courts story-tellers, with other characters of that of judicature, I am persuaded they would nature which give birth to loquacity, they carry the eloquence of the bar to greater are as commonly found among the men as heights than it has yet arrived at. *If any the women; for which reason I shall pass one doubts this, let him but be present at them over in silence. those debates which frequently arise among I have often been puzzled to assign a the ladies of the British fishery.
cause why women should have this talent The first kind therefore of female orators of a ready utterance in so much greater which I shall take notice of, are those who perfection than men. I have sometimes fanare employed in stirring up the passions; a cied that they have not a retentive power, or part
rhetoric in which Socrates his wife the faculty of suppressing their thoughts, had perhaps made a greater proficiency as men have, but that they are necessitated than his above-mentioned teacher. to speak every thing they think; and if so,
The second kind of female orators are it would perhaps furnish a very strong arthose who deal in invectives, and who are gument to the Cartesians for the supportcommonly known by the name of the cen- ing of their doctrine that the soul always sorious. The imagination and elocution of thinks. But as several are of opinion that this set of rhetoricians is wonderful. With the fair sex are not altogether strangers to what a fuency of invention, and copiousness the art of dissembling and concealing their of expression, will they enlarge upon every thoughts, I have been forced to relinquish little slip in the behaviour of another? With that opinion, and have therefore endeahow many different circumstances, and voured to seek after some better reason. · with what variety of phrases, will they tell In order to it, a friend of mine, who is an over the same story? * I have known an old excellent anatomist, has promised me by lady make an unhappy marriage the sub- the first opportunity to dissect a woman's ject of a month's conversation. She blamed tongue, and to examine whether there may the bride in one place; pitied her in an- not be in it certain juices which render it so other; laughed at her in a third; wondered wonderfully voluble or flippant, or whether at her in a fourth; was angry with her in a the fibres of it may not be made up of a fifth; and, in short, wore out a pair of finer or more pliant thread; or whether coach-horses in expressing her concern for there are not in it some particular muscles her. At length, after having quite exhaust- which dart it up and down by such sudden ed the subject on this side, she made a visit glances and vibrations; or whether, in the to the new-married pair, praised the wife last place, there may not be certain undisfor the prudent choice she had made, told covered channels running from the head her the unreasonable reflections which and the heart to this little instrument of some malicious people had cast upon her, loquacity, and conveying into it a perpetual and desired that they might be better ac- affluency of animal spirits. Nor must I quainted. The censure and approbation of omit the reason which Hudibras has given, this kind of women are therefore only to be why those who can talk on trifles speak considered as helps to discourse.
with the greatest fluency; namely, that the A third kind of female orators may be tongue is like a race-horse, which runs the comprehended under the word gossips. faster the lesser weight it carris Mrs. Fiddle-Faddle is perfectly accom Which of these reasons soever may be plished in this sort of eloquence; she looked upon as the most probable, I think launches out into descriptions of christen- the Irishman's thought was very natural, ings, runs divisions upon a head-dress, who, after some hours conversation with a knows every dish of meat that is served up female orator, told her, that he believed in her neighbourhood, and entertains her her tongue was very glad when she was company a whole afternoon together with asleep, for that it had not a moment's rest the wit of her little boy, before he is able to all the while she was awake. speak.
That excellent old ballad of The WanThe coquette may be looked upon as a ton Wife of Bath, has the following remarkfourth kind of female orator. To give her- able lines: self the larger field for discourse, she hates • I think, quoth Thomas, women's tongues and loves in the same breath, talks to her Of aspon leaves are made.' lap-dog or parrot, is uneasy in all kinds of And Ovid, though in the description of a