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am very well read in Waller, I repeated to of folding doors. If a candidate for this cor. her the four following verses out of his poem pulent club could make his entrance through to Vandyke:
the first, he was looked upon as unqualified; “The heedless lover does not know
but if he stuck in the passage, and could Whose eyes they are that wound him so; not force his way through it, the foldingBut, confounded with thy art,
Inquires her name that has his heart." doors were immediately thrown open for I pronounced these words with such a ther. I have heard that this club, though
his reception, and he was saluted as a brolanguishing air, that I had some reason to it consisted but of fifteen persons, weighed conclude I had made a conquest. She told above three tons. me that she hoped my face was not akin to
In opposition to this society, there sprung my tongue, and looking upon her watch, I accidentally discovered the figure of a coro- skeletons, who, being very meagre and en
up another composed of scarecrows and net on the back part of it.. I was so trans- vious, did all they could to thwart the deported with the thought of such an amour, signs of their bulky brethren, whom they that I plied her from one room to another with all the gallantries I could invent; and till at length they worked them out of the
represented as men of dangerous principles; at length brought things to so happy an favour of the people, and consequently out issue, that she gave me a private meeting of the magistracy. These factions tore the the next day, without page or footman, corporation in pieces for several years, till coach or equipage. My heart danced in raptures; but I had not lived in this golden that the two bailiffs of the town should be
at length they came to this accommodation: dream above three days, before I found good reason to wish that I had continued annually chosen out of the two clubs; by true to my laundress. I have since heard, at this day coupled like rabbits, one fat and
which means the principal magistrates are by a very great accident, that this fine lady
one lean. does not live far from Covent-garden, and that I am not the first cully whom she has ther the confederacy of the Kings. This
Every one has heard of the club, or rapassed herself upon for a countess.
grand alliance was formed a little after the *Thus, sir, you see how I have mistaken return of King Charles the Second, and ada cloud for a Juno; and if you can make any mitted into it men of all qualities and prouse of this adventure, for the benefit of fessions, provided they agreed in the surthose who may possibly be as vain young name of King, which, as they imagined, coxcombs as myself, I do most heartily give sufficiently declared the owners of it to be "I am, Sir,
altogether untainted with republican and
anti-monarchical principles. Your most humble admirer,
A christian name has likewise been often I design to visit the next masquerade occasion of a club.
used as a badge of distinction, and made the
That of the Georges, myself, in the same habit I wore at Grand which used to meet at the sign of the Cáiro; and till then shall suspend my judg. George, on St. George's day, and swear ment of this midnight entertainment.
• Before George,' is still fresh in every one's memory.
There are at present, in several parts of No. 9.] Saturday, March 10, 1710-11. this city, what they call street-clubs, in -Tigris agit rabida cum tigride pacem
which the chief inhabitants of the street Perpetuam: sævis inter se convenit ursis.
converse together every night. I remem
ber, upon my inquiring after lodgings in Tiger with tiger, bear with bear you'll find
Ormond-street, the landlord, to recommend In leagues offensive and defensive join'd.
that quarter of the town, told me, there Man is said to be a sociable animal, and, was at that time a very good club in it; he as an instance of it, we may observe, that also told me, upon further discourse with we take all occasions and pretences of form- him, that two or three noisy country ing ourselves into those little nocturnal as- 'squires, who were settled there the year semblies, which are commonly known by before, had considerably sunk the price of the name of clubs. When a set of men find house-rent; and that the club (to prevent themselves agree in any particular, though the like inconveniencies for the future) had never so trivial, they establish themselves thoughts of taking every house that became into a kind of fraternity and meet once or vacant into their own hands, till they had twice a week, upon the account of such a fan- found a tenant for it, of a sociable nature tastic resemblance. I know a considerable and good conversation, market-town, in which there was a club of The Hum-Drum club, of which I was fat men, that did not come together (as you formerly an unworthy member, was made may well suppose) to entertain one another up of very honest gentlemen, of peaceable with sprightliness and wit, but to keep one dispositions, that used to sit together, another in countenance. The room where smoke their pipes, and say nothing, till midthe club met was something of the largest, night. The Mum club (as I am informed) and had two entrances, the one by a door is an institution of the same nature, and as of a moderate size, and the other by a pair | great an enemy to noise.
Juv. Sat. xv. 163.
After these two innocent societies, I can-Rules to be observed in the Two-penny not forbear mentioning a very mischievous Club, erected in this place, for the preone, that was erected in the reign of King servation of friendship and good neighCharles the second: I mean the club of bourhood. duellists, in which none was to be admitted that had not fought his man. The presi- shall lay down his two-pence.
I. Every member at his first coming in dent of it was said to have killed half a do
II. Every member shall fill his pipe out zen in single combat; and as for the other
of his own box. members, they took their seats according to the number of their slain. There was shall forfeit a penny for the use of the
III. If any member absents himself he likewise a side-table, for such as had drawn blood, and shown a laudable ambi- club, unless in case of sickness or imprison
ment. tion of taking the first opportunity to qualify themselves for the first table. This club,
IV. If any member swears or curses, his consisting only of men of honour, did not neighbour may give him a kick upon the
shins. continue long, most of the members of it being put to the sword, or hanged, a little that are not true, he shall forfeit for every
V. If any member tells stories in the club after its institution.
third lie an half-penny. Our modern celebrated clubs are found
VI. If any member strikes another ed upon eating and drinking, which are points wherein most men agree, and in wrongfully he shall pay his club for him. which the learned and the illiterate, the
VII. If any member brings his wife into dull and the airy, the philosopher and the the club, he shall pay for whatever she
drinks or smokes. buffoon, can all of them bear a part. The Kit-cat* itself is said to have taken its ori- fetch him home from the club, she shall
VIII. If any member's wife comes to ginal from a mutton-pie. The Beef-steakt and October clubs are neither of them speak to him without the door. averse to eating and drinking, if we may old, he shall be turned out of the club.
IX. If any member calls another a cuckform a judgment of them from their respective titles.
X, None shall be admitted into the club When men are thus knit together, by a
that'is of the same trade with any member
of it. love of society, not a spirit of faction, and
XI. None of the club shall have his do not meet to censure or annoy those that are absent, but to enjoy one another; when clothes or shoes made or mended, but by a
brother member. they are thus combined for their own im
XII. No non-juror shall be capable of provement, or for the good of others, or at least to relax themselves from the business being a member. of the day, by an innocent and cheerful con The morality of this little club is guarded versation, there may be something very by such wholesome laws and penalties, useful in these little institutions and esta- that I question not but my reader will be blishments.
as well pleased with them as he would I cannot forbear concluding this paper have been with the Leges Convivales of with a scheme of laws that I met with upon Ben Jonson, the regulations of an old a wall in a little alehouse. How I came Roman club, cited by Lipsius, or the rules thither I may inform my reader at a more of a Symposium in an ancient Greek auconvenient time. These laws were enact- thor.
Non aliter quam qui adverso vix flumine lembum,
Atque illum in præceps prono rapit alveus amni. * This club, which took its name from Christopher
Virg. Georg. i. v. 201. Cat, the maker of their mutton-pies, was originally formed in Shire-lane, about the time of the trial of the So the boat's brawny crew the current stem, seven bishops, for a little free evening conversation, And slow advancing, struggle with the stream: but in Queen Anne's reign comprehended above forty But if they slack their hands, or cease to strive, noblemen and gentlemen of the first rank, all firm Then down the flood with headlong haste they drive. friends to the Hanoverian succession. The verses for
Dryden. their toasting glasses were written by Garth, and the Portraits of all its members painted by Kneller, who
It is with much satisfaction that I hear was himself one of their number; hence all portraits this great city inquiring day by day after of the same dimensions are at this time known by the these my bers, and receiving my morntheir secretary, and built a gallery at his house at Barn ing lectures with a becoming seriousness Elms, for the reception of the pictures, and where the and attention. My publisher tells me, that this valuable collection has come by inheritance to distributed every day : so that if I allow club occasionally held its meetings. From Tonson, there are already three thousand of them
t of this club, it is said that Mrs. Woffington, the only twenty readers to every paper, which I
will take care to distinguish themselves from There is another set of men that I must the thoughtless herd of their ignorant and likewise lay a claim to, whom I have lately inattentive brethren. Since I have raised called the blanks of society, as being altoto myself so great an audience, I shall spare gether unfurnished with ideas, till the buno pains to make their instruction agree- siness and conversation of the day has supable, and their diversion useful. For which plied them. I have often considered those reasons I shall endeavour to enliven mo- poor souls with an eye of great commiserarality with wit, and to temper wit with tion, when I have heard them asking the morality, that my readers may, if possible, first man they have met with, whether both ways find their account in the specu- there was any news stirring? and by that lation of the day. And to the end that means gathering together materials for their virtue and discretion may not be thinking. These needy persons do not know short, transient, intermitting starts of what to talk of, till about twelve o'clock in thought, I have resolved to refresh their me- the morning; for by that time they are mories from day to day, till I have recover- pretty good judges of the weather, know ed them out of that desperate state of vice which way the wind sits, and whether the and folly into which the age is fallen. The Dutch mail be come in. As they lie at the mind that lies fallow but a single day, mercy of the first man they meet, and are sprouts up in follies that are only to be kill- grave or impertinent all the day long, aced by a constant and assiduous culture. It cording to the notions which they have was said of Socrates, that he brought phi- imbibed in the morning, I would earnestly losophy down from heaven, to inhabit entreat them not to stir out of their chamamong men; and I shall be ambitious to bers till they have read this paper, and do have it said of me that I have brought phi- | promise them that I will daily instil into losophy out of closets and libraries, schools, them such sound and wholesome sentiand colleges, to dwell in clubs and assem- ments, as shall have a good effect on their blies, at tea-tables, and in coffee-houses. conversation for the ensuing twelve hours.
I would, therefore, in a very particular But there are none to whom this paper manner, recommend these my speculations will be more useful than to the female to all well-regulated families, that set world. I have often thought there has not apart an hour in every morning for tea been sufficient pains taken in finding out and bread and butter; and would earnestly proper employments and diversions for the advise them, for their good, to order this fair ones. Their amusements seem conpaper to be punctually served up, and to be trived for them, rather as they are women, lookcd upon as a part of the tea-equipage.than as they are reasonable creatures; and
Sir Francis Bacon observes, that a well- are more adapted to the sex than to the written book, compared with its rivals and species. The toilet is their great scene of antagonists, is like Moses's serpent, that business, and the right adjusting of their immediately swallowed up and devoured hair the principal employment of their those of the Egyptians. I shall not be so lives. The sorting of a suit of ribands is vain as to think, that where the Spectator reckoned a very good morning's work; and appears, the other public prints will vanish; if they make an excursion to a mercer's or but shall leave it to my reader's considera- a toy-shop, so great a fatigue makes them tion, whether it is not much better to be let unfit for any thing else all the day after, into the knowledge of one's self, than to hear Their more serious occupations are sew what passes in Muscovy or Poland; and to ing and embroidery, and their greatest amuse ourselves with such writings as tend drudgery the preparations of jellies and to the wearing out of igħorance, passion, sweetmeats. This, I say, is the state of and prejudice, than such as naturally con- ordinary women; though I know there are duce to inflame hatreds, and make enmi- multitudes of those of a more elevated life ties irreconcilable?
and conversation, that move in an exalted In the next place I would recommend sphere of knowledge and virtue, that join this paper to the daily perusal of those gen- all the beauties of the mind to the ornatlemen whom I cannot but consider as my ments of dress, and inspire a kind of awe good brothers and allics, I mean the fra- and respect, as well as love, into their ternity of Spectators, who live in the world male beholders. I hope to increase the without having any thing to do in it; and number of these by publishing this daily either by the affluence of their fortunes, or paper, which I shall always endeavour to laziness of their dispositions, have no other make an innocent if not an improving enbusiness with the rest of mankind, but to tertainment, and by that means at least dilook upon them. Under this class of men vert the minds of my female readers from are comprehended all contemplative trades- greater trifles. At the same time, as I men, titular physicians, fellows of the royal would fain give some finishing touches to society, templars that are not given to be those which are already the most beautiful contentious, and statesmen that are out of pieces in human nature, I shall endeavour business; in short, every one that considers to point out all those imperfections that are the world as a theatre, and desires to the blemishes, as well as those virtues form a right judgment of those who are the which are the embellishments, of the sex, actors on it.
In the meanwhile, I hope these my gen
tle readers, who have so much time on no opportunity, till the larum ceased of it-! their hands, will not grudge throwing away self, which it did not till he had repeated a quarter of an hour in a day on this paper, and murdered the celebrated story of the since they may do it without any hindrance Ephesian matron. to business.
Arietta seemed to regard this piece of I know several of my friends and well- raillery as an outrage done to her sex; as wishers are in great pain for me, lest I indeed I have always observed that woshould not be able to keep up the spirit of a men, whether out of a nicer regard to their paper which I oblige myself to furnish every honour, or what other reason, I cannot day; but to make them easy in this parti- tell, are more sensibly touched with those cular, I will promise them faithfully to give general aspersions which are cast upon it over as soon as I grow dull. This I know their sex, than men are by what is said of will be a matter of great raillery to the theirs. small wits, who will frequently put me in When she had a little recovered herself mind of my promise, desire me to keep my from the serious anger she was in, she reword, assure me that it is high time to plied in the following mamer. give over, with many other little pleasant “Sir, when I consider how perfectly new ries of the like nature, which men of a lit- all you have said on this subject is, and that tle smart genius cannot forbear throwing the story you have given us is not quite two out against their best friends, when they thousand years old, I cannot but think it a have such a handle given them of being piece of presumption to dispute it with you: witty. But let them remember, that I do but your quotations put me in mind of the hereby enter my caveat against this piece fable of the lion and the man. The man of raillery,
walking with that noble animal, showed him, in the ostentation of human supe
riority, a sign of a man killing a lion. Upon No. 11.) Tuesday, March 13, 1710-11.
which, the lion said, very justly, “Wo
lions are none of us painters, else we could Dat veniam corvig, vexat censura columbas. show a hundred men killed by lions, for
Jud. Sat. ii. 63.
one lion killed by a man.” You men are The doves are censur'd, while the crows are spar'd.
writers, and can represent us women as Arietta is visited by all persons of both unbecoming as you please in your works, sexes, who have any pretence to wit and while we are unable to return the injury. gallantry. She is in that time of life which You have twice or thrice observed in your is neither affected with the follies of youth, discourse, that hypocrisy is the very founor infirmities of age; and her conversa- dation of our education; and that an ability tion is so mixed with gaiety and prudence, to dissemble our affections is a professed that she is agreeable both' to the old and part of our breeding. These, and such the young. Her behaviour is very frank, other reflections, are sprinkled up and without being in the least blameable; and down the writings of all ages, by authors, as she is out of the track of any amorous or who leave behind them memorials of their ambitious pursuits of her own, her visitors resentment against the scorn of particular entertain her with accounts of themselves women, in invectives against the whole very freely, whether they concern their sex. Such a writer, I doubt not, was the passions or their interests. I made her a celebrated Petronius, who invented the visit this afternoon, having been formerly pleasant aggravations of the frailty of the introduced to the honour of her acquaint- Ephesian lady; but when we consider this ance by my friend Will Honeycomb, who question between the sexes, which has has prevailed upon her to admit me some- been either a point of dispute or raillery times into her assembly, as a civil inoffen- ever since there were men and women, let
I found her accompanied with us take facts from plain people, and from one person only, a common-place talker, such as have not either ambition or capawho, upon my entrance, arose, and after a city to embellish their narrations with any very slight civility sat down again; then, beauties of imagination. I was the other turning to Arietta, pursued his discourse, day amusing myself with Lignon's Account which I found was upon the old topic of of 'Barbadoes; and in answer to your wellconstancy in love. He went on with great wrought tale, I will give you (as it dwells facility in repeating what he talks every upon my memory) out of that honest traday of his life; and with the ornaments of veller, in his fifty-fifth page, the history of insignificant laughs and gestures, enforced Inkle and Yaricó. his arguments by quotations out of plays • Mr. Thomas Inkle, of London, aged and songs, which allude to the perjuries of twenty years, embarked in the Downs, in the fair, and the general levity of women. the good ship called the Achilles, bound Methought he strove to shine more than for the West Indies, on the 16th of June, ordinarily in his talkative way, that he 1647, in order to improve his fortune by might insult my silence, and distinguish trade and merchandise. Our adventurer himself before a woman of Arietta's taste was the third son of an eminent citizen, and understanding. She had often an in- who had taken particular care to instil into clination to interrupt him, but could find his mind an early love of gain, by making
him a perfect master of numbers, and con- | clothed in such silks as his waistcoat was sequently giving him a quick view of loss made of, and be carried in houses drawn and advantage, and preventing the natural by horses, without being exposed to wind impulses of his passion, by prepossession or weather. All this he promised her the towards his interests. With a mind thus enjoyment of, without such fears and turned, young Inkle had a person every alarms as they were there tormented with. way agreeable, a ruddy vigour in his coun- In this tender correspondence these lovers tenance, strength in his limbs, with ringlets lived for several months, when Yarico, of fair hair loosely fowing on his shoul- instructed by her lover, discovered a vesders. It happened in the course of the sel on the coast, to which she made sigvoyage, that the Achilles, in some distress, nals; and in the night, with the utmost joy put into a creek on the main of America, and satisfaction, accompanied him to a in search of provisions. The youth who is ship's crew of his countrymen, bound for the hero of my story, among others, went Barbadoes. When a vessel from the main on shore on this occasion. From their first arrives in that island, it seems the planters landing they were observed by a party of come down to the shore, where there is Indians, who hid themselves in the woods an immediate market of the Indians and for that purpose. The English unadvisedly other slaves, as with us of horses and oxen. marched a great distance from the shore •To be short, Mr. Thomas Inkle now into the country, and were intercepted by coming into English territories, began sethe natives, who slew the greatest number riously to reflect upon his loss of time, and of them. Our adventurer escaped among to weigh with himself how many days’ inothers, by flying into a forest. Upon his terest of his money he had lost during his coming into a remote and pathless part of stay with Yarico. This thought made the the wood, he threw himself, tired and young man pensive, and careful what acbreathless, on a little hillock, when an In- count he should be able to give his friends dian maid rushed from a thicket behind of his voyage. Upon which consideration, him. After the first surprise they appear- the prudent and frugal young man sold ed mutually agreeable to each other. If Yarico to a Barbadian merchant; notwiththe European was highly charmed with standing the poor girl, to incline him to the limbs, features, and wild graces of the commiserate her condition, told him that naked American; the American was no she was with child by him: but he only less taken with the dress, complexion and made use of that information, to rise in his shape of an European, covered from head demands upon the purchaser.' to foot. The Indian grew immediately I was so touched with this story (which enamoured of him, and consequently soli- I think should be always a counterpart to citous for his preservation. She therefore the Ephesian matron) that I left the room conveyed him to a cave, where she gave with tears in my eyes, which a woman of him a delicious repast of fruits, and' led Arietta's good sense did, I am sure, take him to a stream to slake his thirst. In the for greater applause than any compliments midst of these good offices, she would some- I could make her. times play with his hair, and delight in the opposition of its colour to that of her fingers: then open his bosom, then laugh | No. 12.] Wednesday, March 14, 1710-11. at him for covering it. She was, it seems, a person of distinction, for she every day Veteres avias tibi de pulmone revello. came to him in a different dress, of the most beautiful shells, bugles, and beads. I root th' old woman from thy trembling heart. She likewise brought him a great many At my coming to London, it was some spoils which her other lovers had present time before I could settle myself in a house ed to her, so that his cave was richly to my liking. I was forced to quit my first adorned with all the spotted skins of lodgings by reason of an officious landlady, beasts, and most party-coloured feathers that would be asking me every morning of fowls, which that world afforded. To how I had slept. I then fell into an honest make his confinement more tolerable, she family, and lived very happily for above a would carry him in the dusk of the eve-week; when my landlord, who was a jolly, ning, or by the favour of moonlight, to un- good-natured man, took it into his head frequented groves and solitudes, and show that I wanted company, and therefore him where to lie down in safety, and sleep would frequently come into my chamber, amidst the falls of waters and melody of to keep me from being alone. This I bore nightingales. Her part was to watch and for two or three days; but telling me one hold him awake in her arms, for fear of day that he was afraid I was melancholy, her countrymen, and wake him on occa- I thought it was high time for me to be sions to consult his safety. In this manner gone, and accordingly took new lodgings did the lovers pass away their time till that very night. About a week after, I they had learned a language of their own, found my jolly landlord, who, as I said bein which the voyager communicated to his fore, was an honest, hearty man, had put mistress how happy he should be to have me into an advertisement in the Daily her in his country, where she should be Courant, in the following words: “Where
Pers. Sat. v. 92.