obligation of being the more ready to enter into it. a plate of six guineas' value, three heats, by any horse, mare, or gelding, that hath But those men only are truly great, who not won above the value of 57. the winning place their ambition rather in acquiring to horse to be sold for 10l. to carry 10 stone themselves the conscience of worthy enter-weight, if 14 hands high; if above or under prises, than in the prospect of glory which to carry or be allowed weight for inches, attends them. These exalted spirits would and to be entered Friday the 15th, at the rather be secretly the authors of events Swan in Coleshill, before six in the evenwhich are serviceable to mankind, than, ing. Also a plate of less value to be run for without being such, to have the public fame by asses. The same day a gold ring to be of it. Where, therefore, an eminent merit grinned for by men.' is robbed by artifice or detraction, it does The first of these diversions that is to be but increase by such endeavours of its ene-exhibited by the 10/. race-horses may promies. The impotent pains which are taken bably have its use; but the two last, in to sully it, or diffuse it among a crowd to which the asses and men are concerned, the injury of a single person, will naturally seem to me altogether extraordinary and produce the contrary effect; the fire will blaze out, and burn up all that attempt to smother what they cannot extinguish. There is but one thing necessary to keep the possession of true glory, which is, to hear the opposers of it with patience, and preserve the virtue by which it was acquired. When a man is thoroughly persuaded that he ought neither to admire, wish for, or pursue any thing but what is exactly his duty, it is not in the power of seasons, persons, or accidents, to diminish his value. He only is a great man who can neglect the applause of the multitude, and enjoy himself independent of its favour. This is indeed an arduous task: but it should comfort a glorious spirit that it is the highest step to which human nature can arrive. Triumph, applause, acclamation, are dear to the mind of man; but it is still a more exquisite delight to say to yourself, you have done well, than to hear the whole human race pronounce you glorious, except you yourself can join with them in your own reflections. A mind thus equal and uniform, may be deserted by little fashionable admirers and followers, but will ever be had in reverence by souls like itself. The branches of the oak endure all the seasons of the year, though its leaves fall off in autumn; and these too will be restored with the returning spring. unaccountable. Why they should keep running asses at Coleshill, or how making mouths turn to account in Warwickshire, cannot comprehend. I have looked over more than in any other parts of England, I all the Olympic games, and do not find any thing in them like an ass-race, or a match at grinning. However it be, I am informed that several asses are now kept in bodyclothes, and sweated every morning upon the heath; and that all the country-fellows within ten miles of the Swan, grin an hour order to qualify themselves for the 9th of or two in their glasses every morning, in October. T. be grinned for, has raised such an ambition The prize which is proposed to among the common people of out-grinning one another, that many very discerning the faces in the county; and that a Warpersons are afraid it should spoil most of wickshire man will be known by his grin, as Roman Catholics imagine a Kentish man is by his tail. The gold ring which is made the prize of deformity, is just the reverse of the golden apple that was formerly made the prize of beauty, and should carry for its poesy the old motto inverted: 'Detur tetriori.' Or, to accommodate it to the capacity of the combatants, The frightfull'st grinner In the meanwhile I would advise a Dutch No. 173.] Tuesday, September 18, 1711. painter to be present at this great contro versy of faces, in order to make a collection of the most remarkable grins that shall be there exhibited. -Remove fera monstra, tuæque Saxificos vultus, quæcunque ea, tolle Medusa. Ovid, Met. v. 216. Hence with those monstrous features, and, O! spare That Gorgon's look, and petrifying stare.--P. I must not here omit an account which I IN a late paper I mentioned the project matches from a gentleman, who, upon lately received of one of these grinningof an ingenious author for the erecting of reading the above-mentioned advertiseseveral handicraft prizes to be contended ment, entertained a coffee-house with the for by our British artisans, and the influ- following narrative: Upon the taking of ence they might have towards the im- Namure, amidst other public rejoicings provement of our several manufactures. I made on that occasion, there was a gold have since that been very much surprised ring given by a whig justice of peace to be by the following advertisement, which I find in the Post-boy of the 11th instant, and again repeated in the Post-boy of the 15th. 'On the 9th of October next will be run upon Coleshill-heath in Warwickshire, for grinned for. The first competitor that entered the lists, was a black swarthy Frenchman, who accidentally passed that way, and being a man naturally of a withered look, and hard features, promised himself good success. He was placed upon a table in the great point of view, and looking upon the company, like Milton's Death, 'Grinn'd horribly a ghastly smile-' His muscles were so drawn together on each side of his face, that he showed twenty teeth at a grin, and put the country in some pain, lest a foreigner should carry away the honour of the day; but upon a further trial they found he was master only of the merry grin. sion. I would nevertheless leave to the consideration of those who are the patrons of this monstrous trial of skill, whether or no they are not guilty, in some measure, of an affront to their species, in treating after this manner the human face divine,' and turning that part of us, which has so great an image impressed upon it, into the image of a monkey; whether the raising such silly competitions among the ignorant, proposing prizes for such useless accomplishments, filling the common people's heads with such senseless ambitions, and inspiring them with such absurd ideas of superiority and pre-eminence, has not in it something immoral as well as ridiculous. L. The next that mounted the table was a malecontent in those days, and a great master in the whole art of grinning, but particularly excelled in the angry grin. He did his part so well, that he is said to have made half a dozen women miscarry; but the justice being apprized by one who stood No. 174.] Wednesday, September 19, 1711. near him, that the fellow who grinned in his face was a Jacobite, and being unwilling Hæc memini et victum frustra contendere Thyrsin. that a disaffected person should win the Virg. Ecl. vii. 69. gold ring, and be looked upon as the best The whole debate in mem'ry I retain, grinner in the country, he ordered the oaths When Thyrsis argued warmly, but in vain.-P. to be tendered unto him upon his quitting THERE is scarce any thing more comthe table, which the grinner refusing he mon than animosities between parties that was set aside as an unqualified person. cannot subsist but by their agreement: this There were several other grotesque figures that presented themselves, which it would members of the human body in the old was well represented in the sedition of the be too tedious to describe. I must not how-Roman fable. It is often the case of lesser ever omit a ploughman who lived in the confederate states against a superior power, farther part of the country, and being very which are hardly held together, though lucky in a pair of long lantern-jaws, wrung his face into such a hideous grimace, that every feature of it appeared under a different distortion. The whole company stood astonished at such a complicated grin, and were ready to assign the prize to him, had it not been proved by one of his antagonists, that he had practised with verjuice for some days before, and had a crab found upon him at the very time of grinning; upon which the best judges of grinning declared it as their opinion, that he was not to be looked upon as a fair grinner, and therefore or dered him to be set aside as a cheat. their unanimity is necessary for their common safety; and this is always the case of the landed and trading interests of Great Britain; the trader is fed by the product of the land, and the landed man cannot be clothed but by the skill of the trader: and yet those interests are ever jarring. We had last winter an instance of this at our club, in Sir Roger de Coverley and Sir Andrew Freeport, between whom there is generally a constant, though friendly opposition of opinions. It happened that one of the company, in an historical discourse, was observing, that Carthaginian faith was The prize it seems at length fell upon a a proverbial phrase to intimate breach of cobbler, Giles Gorgon by name, who pro-leagues. Sir Roger said it could hardly be duced several new grins of his own inven- otherwise: that the Carthaginians were the tion, having been used to cut faces for many greatest traders in the world; and as gain years together over his last. At the very is the chief end of such a people, they never first grin he cast every human feature out of his countenance, at the second he became the face of a spout, at the third a baboon, at the fourth a head of a bass-viol, and at the fifth a pair of nut-crackers. The whole assembly wondered at his accomplishments, and bestowed the ring on him unanimously; but, what he esteemed more than all the rest, a country wench, whom he had wooed in vain for above five years before, was so charmed with his grins, and the applauses which he received on all sides, that she married him the week following, and to this day wears the prize upon her finger, the cobbler having made use of it as his wedding ring. This paper might perhaps seem very impertinent, if it grew serious in the conclu pursue any other: the means to it are never regarded; they will, if it comes easily, get money honestly; but if not, they will not scruple to attain it by fraud, or cozenage: the trader's account, but to overreach him and indeed, what is the whole business of who trusts to his memory? But were not that so, what can there great and noble be expected from him whose attention is ever fixed upon balancing his books, and watching over his expences? And at best let frugality and parsimony be the virtues of the merchant, how much is his punctual dealing below a gentleman's charity to the poor, or hospitality among his neighbours? Captain Sentry observed Sir Andrew very * Livii Hist. Dec. 1. Lib. ii. cap ii diligent in hearing Sir Roger, and had a mind to turn the discourse, by taking notice in general, from the highest to the lowest parts of human society, there was a secret, though unjust, way among men, of indulging the seeds of ill-nature and envy, by comparing their own state of life to that of another, and grudging the approach of their neighbour to their own happiness; and on the other side, he, who is the less at his ease, repines at the other, who he thinks has un-action, or the prudence of any undertakjustly the advantage over him. Thus the civil and military lists look upon each other with much ill-nature; the soldier repines at the courtier's power, and the courtier rallies the soldier's honour; or, to come to lower instances, the private men in the horse and foot of an army, the carmen and coachmen in the city streets, mutually look upon each other with ill-will, when they are in competition for quarters, or the way in their respective motions. reproach. For a man to be mistaken in the calculation of his expense, in his ability to answer future demands, or to be impertinently sanguine in putting his credit_to too great adventure, are all instances of as much infamy, as with gayer nations to be failing in courage, or common honesty. 'Numbers are so much the measure of every thing that is valuable, that it is not possible to demonstrate the success of any ing, without them. I say this in answer to what Sir Roger is pleased to say, "that little that is truly noble can be expected from one who is ever poring on his cashbook, or balancing his accounts. When 1 have my returns from abroad, I can tell to a shilling, by the help of numbers, the profit or loss by my adventure; but I ought also to be able to show that I had reason for making it, either from my own experience or that of other people, or from a reason'It is very well, good captain,' inter- able presumption that my returns will be rupted Sir Andrew: you may attempt to sufficient to answer my expense and hazard; turn the discourse if you think fit; but I and this is never to be done without the must however have a word or two with Sir skill of numbers. For instance, if I am to Roger, who, I see, thinks he has paid me trade to Turkey, I ought beforehand to off, and been very severe upon the mer- know the demand of our manufactures chant. I shall not,' continued he, 'at this there, as well as of their silks in England, time remind Sir Roger of the great and and the customary prices that are given noble monuments of charity and public for both in each country. I ought to have spirit, which have been erected by mer- a clear knowledge of these matters beforechants since the reformation, but at present hand, that I may presume upon sufficient content myself with what he allows us, par- returns to answer the charge of the cargo simony and frugality. If it were consistent I have fitted out, the freight and assurance with the quality of so ancient a baronet as out and home, the customs to the queen, Sir Roger, to keep an account, or measure and the interest of my own money, and be things by the most infallible way, that of sides all these expenses a reasonable profit numbers, he would prefer our parsimony to myself. Now what is there of scandal in to his hospitality. If to drink so many this skill? What has the merchant done, hogsheads is to be hospitable, we do not that he should be so little in the good graces contend for the fame of that virtue; but it of Sir Roger? He throws down no man's would be worth while to consider, whether inclosures, and tramples upon no man's So many artificers at work ten days together corn; he takes nothing from the industrious by my appointment, or so many peasants labourer; he pays the poor man for his made merry on Sir Roger's charge, are the work; he communicates his profit with men more obliged? I believe the families mankind; by the preparation of his cargo, of the artificers will thank me more than and the manufacture of his returns, he the household of the peasants shall Sir furnishes employment and subsistence to Roger. Sir Roger gives to his men, but I greater numbers than the richest nobleplace mine above the necessity or obliga- man; and even the nobleman is obliged to tion of my bounty. I am in very little pain him for finding out foreign markets for the for the Roman proverb upon the Carthagi- produce of his estate, and for making a nian traders; the Romans were their pro- great addition to his rents: and yet it is cerfessed enemies: I am only sorry no Cartha-tain that none of all these things could be ginian histories have come to our hands: done by him without the exercise of his we might have been taught perhaps by skill in numbers. them some proverbs against the Roman 'This is the economy of the merchant, generosity, in fighting for, and bestowing and the conduct of the gentleman must be other people's goods. But since Sir Roger the same, unless by scorning to be the has taken occasion, from an old proverb, to be out of humour with merchants, it should be no offence to offer one not quite so old, in their defence. When a man happens to break in Holland, they say of him that "he has not kept true accounts." This phrase, perhaps, among us, would appear a soft or humourous way of speaking, but with that exact nation it bears the highest steward, he resolves the steward shall be the gentleman. The gentleman, no more than the merchant, is able, without the help of numbers, to account for the success of any action, or the prudence of any adventure. If, for instance, the chase is his whole adventure, his only returns must be the stag's horns in the great hall, and the fox's nose upon the stable door. Without doubt Sir Roger knows the full value of these returns: and if beforehand he had computed the charges of the chase, a gentleman of his discretion would certainly have hanged up all his dogs: he would never have brought back so many fine horses to the kennel; he would never have gone so often, like a blast, over fields of corn. If such too had been the conduct of all his ancestors, he might truly have boasted at this day, that the antiquity of his family had never been sullied by a trade; a merchant had never been permitted with his whole estate to purchase a room for his picture in the gallery of the Coverleys, or to claim his descent from the maid of honour. But it is very happy for Sir Roger that the merchant paid so dear for his ambition. It is the misfortune of many other gentlemen to turn out of the seats of their ancestors, to make way for such new masters as have been more exact in their accounts than themselves; and certainly he deserves the estate a great deal better who has got it by his industry, than he who has lost it by his negligence. T. number of her gazers lessened, resolved not to part with me so, and began to play so many new tricks at her window, that it was impossible for me to forbear observing her. I verily believe she put herself to the expense of a new wax baby on purpose to plague me; she used to dandle and play with this figure as impertinently as if it had been a real child: sometimes she would let fall a glove or a pin-cushion in the street, and shut or open her casement three or four times in a minute. When I had almost weaned myself from this, she came in shift-sleeves, and dressed at the window. I had no way left but to let down my curtains, which I submitted to, though it considerably darkened my room, and was pleased to think that I had at last got the better of her; but was surprised the next morning to hear her talking out of her window quite across the street, with another woman that lodges over me. I am since informed that she made her a visit, and got acquainted with her within three hours after the fall of my window-curtains. 'Sir, I am plagued every moment in the day, one way or other, in my own chambers; and the Jezebel has the satisfaction to know, No. 175.] Thursday, September 20, 1711. that though I am not looking at her, I am I SHALL this day entertain my readers with two or three letters I have received from my correspondents: the first discovers to me a species of females which have hitherto escaped my notice, and is as follows: listening to her impertinent dialogues, that pass over my head. I would immediately change my lodgings, but that I think it might look like a plain confession that I am conquered; and besides this, I am told that most quarters of the town are infested with these creatures. If they are so, I am sure it is such an abuse as a lover of learning and silence ought to take notice of. I am, sir, yours, &c.' 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I am a young gentleman of a competent fortune, and a suffi- that my young student is touched with a I am afraid, by some lines in this letter, cient taste of learning, to spend five or six hours every day very agreeably among my of, and is too far gone in it to receive addistemper which he hardly seems to dream books. That I might have nothing to divert vice. However, I shall animadvert in due me from my studies, and to avoid the noise time on the abuse which he mentions, havof coaches and chairmen, I have taken lodgings in a very narrow street, not far from Whitehall; but it is my misfortune to be so posted, that my lodgings are directly opposite to those of a Jezebel. You are to know, sir, that a Jezebel (so called by the neighbourhood from displaying her pernicious charms at her window,) appears constantly dressed at her sash, and has a thousand little tricks and fooleries to attract the eyes of all the idle young fellows in the neighbourhood. I have seen more than six persons at once from their several windows observing the Jezebel I am now complaining of. I at first looked on her myself with the highest contempt, could divert myself with her airs for half an hour, and afterwards take up my Plutarch with great tranquillity of mind; but was a little vexed to find that in less than a month she had considerably stolen upon my time, so that 1 resolved to look at her no more. But the Jezebel, who, as I suppose, might think it a diminution to her honour, to have the ing myself observed a nest of Jezebels near the Temple, who make it their diversion that at the same time they may see them to draw up the eyes of young Templars; stumble in an unlucky gutter which runs under the window. MR. SPECTATOR,-I have lately read the conclusion of your forty-seventh speculation upon butts with great pleasure, and have ever since been thoroughly persuaded that one of those gentlemen is extremely necessary to enliven conversation. I had an entertainment last week upon the water, for a lady to whom I make my addresses, with several of our friends of both sexes. To divert the company in general, and to show my mistress in particular my genius for raillery, I took one of the most celebrated butts in town along with me. It is with the utmost shame and confusion that I must acquaint you with the sequel of my adventure. As soon as we were got into the boat, I played a sentence or two at my butt which I thought very smart, when my | London milliner, I am not able to inform ill genius, who I verily believe inspired you; but among the rest, there was one him purely for my destruction, suggested cherry-coloured riband, consisting of about to him such a reply, as got all the laughter half a dozen yards, made up in the figure on his side. I was dashed at so unexpected of a small head-dress. The aforesaid lady aturn; which the butt perceiving, resolved had the assurance to affirm amidst a circle not to let me recover myself, and pursuing of female inquisitors, who were present at his victory, rallied and tossed me in a most the opening of the box, that this was the unmerciful and barbarous manner until we newest fashion worn at court. Accordingly came to Chelsea. I had some small success the next Sunday, we had several females, while we were eating cheese-cakes; but who came to church with their heads coming home, he renewed his attacks with dressed wholly in ribands, and looked like his former good fortune, and equal diver- so many victims ready to be sacrificed. sion to the whole company. In short, sir, This is still a reigning mode among us. I must ingenuously own that I never was At the same time we have a set of gentleso handled in all my life: and to complete men who take the liberty to appear in all my misfortune, I am since told that the public places without any buttons to their Dutt, flushed with his late victory, has coats, which they supply with several little made a visit or two to the dear object of silver hasps, though our freshest advices my wishes, so that I am at once in danger from London make no mention of any such of losing all my pretensions to wit, and fashion; and we are something shy of afmy mistress into the bargain. This, sir, fording matter to the button-makers for a is a true account of my present troubles, second petition. which you are the more obliged to assist me in, as you were yourself in a great measure the cause of them, by recommending to us an instrument, and not instructing us at the same time how to play upon it. 'I have been thinking whether it might not be highly convenient, that all butts should wear an inscription affixed to some part of their bodies, showing on which side they are to be come at, and that if any of them are persons of unequal tempers, there should be some method taken to inform the world at what time it is safe to attack them, and when you had best let them alone. But, submitting these matters to your more serious consideration, I am, sir, yours, &c.' I have indeed, seen and heard of several young gentlemen under the same misfor What I would humbly propose to the public is, that there may be a society erected in London, to consist of the most skilful persons of both sexes, for the inspection of modes and fashions; and that hereafter no person or persons shall presume to appear singularly habited in any part of the country, without a testimonial from the aforesaid society, that their dress is answerable to the mode at London. By this means, sir, we shall know a little whereabout we are. 'If you could bring this matter to bear, you would very much oblige great numbers of your country friends, and among the rest, your very humble servant. X 'JACK MODISH.' tune with my present correspondent. The No. 176.] Friday, September 21, 1711. best rule I can lay down for them to avoid the like calamities for the future, is thoroughly to consider, not only "Whether their companions are weak," but "Whether themselves are wits." The following letter comes to me from Exeter, and being credibly informed that what it contains is matter of fact, I shall give it my reader as it was sent to me. Exeter, Sept. 7. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-You were pleased in a late speculation to take notice of the inconvenience we lie under in the country, in not being able to keep pace with the fashion. But there is another misfortune which we are subject to, and is no less grievous than the former, which has hitherto escaped your observation. I mean the having things palmed upon us for London fashions, which were never once heard of there. A lady of this place had some time since a box of the newest ribands sent down by the coach. Whether it was her own malicious invention, or the wantonness of a Parvula, pumilio, xgiτav μs, tota merum sal. A little, pretty, witty, charming she! own way. 'MR. SPECTATOR,-I do not deny but you appear in many of your papers to understand human life pretty well; but there are very many things which you cannot possibly have a true notion of, in a single life; these are such as respect the married state; otherwise I cannot account for your having overlooked a very good sort of people, which are commonly called in scorn "the Hen-peckt." You are to understand that I am one of those innocent mortals who suffer derision under that word, for being governed by the best of wives. It would be worth your consideration to enter |