XXVI.-FROM A CURE FOR THE HEART ACHE.-Morton. VORTEX-YOUNG RAPID OLD RAPID-BRONZE-LANDLORDWAITER-SERVANT-MISS VORTEX. Old Rapid.-Why don't you finish the job!-why don't you? Scene 1.-A Room in an Inn. Waiter. (Without.) Coming, sir! Young Rapid. (Without.) Zounds, why don't you come? Why don't all of you come, eh? (Enter Waiter, with luggage, meeting Bronze.) Bronze. Waiter, who are these people? Waiter. I don't know, Mr. Bronze. The young one seems a queer one; he jumped out of the mail, ran into the kitchen, whipped the turnspit into a gallop, and bade him keep moving; and though not a minute in the house, he had been in every room, from the garret to the cellar. Father and son, I understand. The name on the luggage, I see, is Rapid. Bronze. Rapid! (Aside.) Perhaps it is my old master, the great tailor, and his harum-scarum son. I'll observe. Waiter. Here he comes, full dash, and the old man trotting after him, like a terrier. (Exeunt.) (Enter Old and Young Rapid.) Y. Rap. Come along, dad-push on, my dear dad. Well, here we are. Keep moving. Old Rapid. Moving! zounds, haven't I been moving all night, in the mail coach, to please you? Y. Rap. Mail! famous thing, isn't it? Je up! whip over counties in a hop, step, and jump. Dash along! O. Rap. Odd rot such hurry scurry doings, I say. Here have I ground my old bones all night in the mail, to be eight hours before my appointment with Sir Hubert Stanley, and here I must sit biting my fingers. Y. Rap. Biting your fingers! No, no, I'll find you some. thing to do. Come, we'll keep moving! (Takes his father by the arm, who resists.) (Enter Landlord.) Landlord. Gentlemen, I beg leave Y. Rap. No prosing-to the point. O. Rap. For shame; don't interrupt the gentleman. Land. A servant of Sir Hubert Stanley has been inquiring for Mr. Rapid. Y. Rap. Push on. Land. And expects him at the castle. Y. Rap. That will do; push off, brush, run! (Exit Land lord, running.) That's the thing-keep moving. I say, dad! O. Rap. What do you say, Neddy? Y. Rap. Neddy! Neddy! don't call me Neddy. I hate to be called Neddy. O. Rap. Well, I won't. Y. Rap. That's settled. I say, what's your business with Sir Hubert ?-Some secret, eh? O. Rap. (Aside.) I won't tell you. Oh, no :-a bill he owes me for making his clothes and liveries. Y. Rap. Pugh! he's a ready money man. a bill out for him in my life. It won't do. I never made O. Rap. Well, then, sit down, and I'll tell you. (They sit.) Can you sit still a moment? Y. Rap. (Jumping up.) To be sure I can-how tell me briefly-briefly. (Sits again.) O. Rap. (Aside.) Indeed, I will not. You must knowY. Rap. Ay O. Rap. You must know Y. Rap. Zounds! you have said that twice-now don't say it again. O. Rap. Well, I won't. You must know-'tis a very long story. Y. Rap. (Rising.) Then I'll not trouble you. O. Rap. (Aside.) I thought so. And pray, what might induce you to come with me? Y. Rap. (Aside.) Won't tell him of Jessy. Oh, as we had given up trade-left off stitching you know my way-I like to push on change the scene, that's all-keep moving. O. Rap. Moving! (Yawns.) Oh, my poor old bones! Waiter, bring me a night gown. (Waiter helps him on with a night gown—he lays his coat on a chair.) Y.Rap. What are you at, dad? O. Rap. Going to take a nap on yon sofa. Y. Rap. A nap-pugh! O. Rap. Y. Rap. Zounds! I've no comfort of my life, with you. But I will, though;-hurry, hurry-odd rabbit it, I never get a dinner that's half dressed; and as for a comfortable sleep, I'm sure Y. Rap. You sleep so slow. O. Rap. Sleep slow! I'll sleep as slow as I please; so, at your peril, disturb me. Sleep slow, indeed! (Yawning.-Exit.) Y. Rap. Now to visit Jessy. Waiter! (Enter Waiter.) Waiter. Sar! (With great quickness.) Y. Rap. That's right-sir-short-you're a fine fellow. Does farmer Oatland live hereabouts? (Exit.) Y. Rap. Oh, if my old dad had left off business as some of your flashy tailors do, I might have kept a curricle, and lived like a man. Is the buggy ready? (Calls.) Waiter. (Without.) No, sar. Y. Rap. But to cut the shop with a paltry five thousand. Is the buggy ready? Waiter. (Without.) No, sar. Y. Rap. Or to have dashed to Jessy, in a curricle. Is the buggy ready? Waiter. (Without.) No, sar. Y. Rap. To have flanked along a pair of blood things, at Ah! sixteen miles an hour. (Puts himself in the attitude of driving, and sits on the chair where Old Rapid left his coat-springs from it again.) What the deuce is that? Zounds! something has run into my back. I'll bet a hundred, 'tis a needle in father's pocket. Confound it! what does he carry needles now for? (Searches the pocket.) Sure enough, here it is-one end stuck into a letter, and the other into my back, I believe. eh! what's this? (Reads.) "To Mr. Rapid-free-Hubert Stanley." Ha, ha, ha! here's dad's secret. Now for it! (Reads very quick.) "Sir Hubert Stanley will expect to see Mr. Rapid at the castle, and would be glad to extend the mortgage, which is now £50,000"-what's this? (Reads again.) "Extend the mortgage, which is now £50,000, to seventy.' Fifty thousand! huzza! 'tis so-my old dad worth fifty thou sand-perhaps seventy-perhaps I'll-no—I'll (Enter Wailer.) Waiter. The buggy's ready, sar. Y. Rap. Dare to talk to me of a buggy, and I'llWaiter. Perhaps you would prefer a chaise and pair? Y. Rap. No, I'll have a chaise and twelve. Abscond! (Exit Waiter.) I must, I must keep moving-I must travel for improvement. First, I'll see the whole of my native country--its agriculture and manufactories. That, I think, will take me full four days and a half. Next, I'll make the tour of Europe, which, to do properly, will, I dare say, employ three weeks or a month. Then, returning, as completely versed in foreign manners and languages as the best of them, I'll make a push at high life. In the first circles, I'll keep moving. Fifty thousand! perhaps more-perhaps-oh! Waiter. (Without.) You can't come in. Bronze. (Without.) I tell you, I will come in. you are. Will come in!-that's right-push on, whoever (Enter Bronze.) Bronze. I thought so. How do you do, Mr. Rapid? Don't you remember Bronze, your father's foreman, when you were a boy? Y. Rap. Ah, Bronze! how do you do, Bronze ?--Any thing to say, Bronze? Keep moving. Do you know, Bronze, by this letter I have discovered that my father is worth--how much, think you? Bronze. Perhaps ten thousand. Y. Rap. Bronze. Forty. Fifty; perhaps sixty-seventy-oh! I'll tell you. He has lent Y. Rap. you do. Bronze. 50,000 pounds, on mortgage, to an old baronet. (Stopping him.) I know his name as well as (Aside.) Here's news for my master! Well, sir, what do you mean to do? Y. Rap. Do! push on-l become a man of fashion, to be sure.' Bronze. What would you say, if I were to get you introduced to a nabob? Y. Rap. Y. Rap. nabobs? A nabob! Oh! some flash-in-the-pan chap. What, one of your real, genuine, neat-as-imported Bronze. Yes; Mr. Vortex. Did you never hear of him? Y. Rap. Ah! but will you do it directly? Y. Rap. Then push off; stop-stop-I beg your pardon --it cuts me to the heart to stop any man, because I wish every body to keep moving. But won't dad's being a tailor, make an objection? Bronze. No; as you never went out with the pattern books. Y. Rap. Y. Rap. sewing.) Y. Rap. Bronze. Y. Rap. hundred. (Sighing.) Oh! yes I did. That's awkward. But you never operated? I say you never-(describes in action, the act of (Sighing deeper.) Oh! yes I did. That's unlucky. Very melancholy, indeed! I have it. Suppose I say you are merchants? Bronze. Will you? thank you. |