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Extract from the Confeffions of after that, likewife, on feeing the

J.J. Rouleau. Transla from the French of J.J. Rouffean.

HOW

Ow much did the first fight of Paris belie the idea I had of it! The external decoration I had feen at Turin, the beauty of the streets, the fymmetry and squarenets of the houses, induced me to feek at Paris ftill more. I had figured to myfelf a city as beautiful as large, of the most impofing afpect, where nothing was feen but fuperb ftreets, and marble or golden palaces. Coming in at the fuburbs St. Marceau, I faw none but little, dirty, ftinking streets, ugly black houfes, the appearance of naftiness, poverty, beggars, carters, old cloth-botchers, criers of ptifan and old hats. All these things ftruck me at firit to fuch a degree, that all I bave feen at Paris really magnificent, has not been able to deftroy this first impreffion, and that there ftill remains a fecret difguft to the refidence of this capital. I can fay the whole time I afterwards remained there was employed in seeking resources which might enable me to live far from it. Such is the fruit of a too active imagination, which exaggerates beyond the exaggerations of mankind, and always fees more in a thing than has been heard. I had heard Paris fo much boasted of, I looked on it like ancient Babylon, from which I fhould, perhaps, have found full as much to deduct, had I feen it, from the picture I had drawn of it. The fame thing happened to me at the opera, where I' haftened to go the morrow of my arrival: the fame afterwards happened at Verfailles;

fea; and the fame thing will always happen to me, on feeing any thing too much extolled; for it is impoffible to mankind, and difficult to Nature itself, to surpass the richness of my imagination.

From the manner I was received by all thofe for whom I had letters, I thought my fortune made. Him I was moft recommended to, and least careffed by, was M. de Surbeck, retired from the fervice, and living philofophically at Bagneux, where I went feveral times to fee him, without his once offering me even a glafs of water. I was better received by Madam de Merveilleux, fifter-in-law to the interpreter, and by his nephew, an officer in the guards. The mother and fon not only received me well, but offered me their table, of which I often benefited during my ftay at Paris. Madam de Merveilleux appeared to me to have been handfome; her hair was a beautiful black, and formed in (the old fashion) ringlets on her forehead. That which does not perifh with beauty ftill remained, an agreeable mind. She feemed pleafed with mine, and did all in her power to ferve me; but no one feconded her, and I was foon undeceived in all this great intereft they appeared to take in my behalf. I muit, however, do the French juftice; they do not fmother you with proteftations, as is faid of them; and thofe they make are almost always fincere; but they have a manner of interefting themselves in your favour, which deceives you more than words. The coarfe compliments of the Swifs can impofe on fools! only. The French manners are

more

more feducing, only because they are more fimple; you think they don't tell you all they intend to do for you, to surprise you more agreeably. I fhall go farther: they are not falfe in their demonftrations: they are naturally officious, humane, benevolent, and even, whatever may be faid of it, more downright than any other nation; but they are light and airy. They have, in effect, the fentiment they exprefs; but this fentiment goes off as it came. While fpeaking to you, they are full of you: go out of their fight, they have forgot you. Nothing is permanent in them; every thing with them lafts but a moment.

I was therefore flattered much, ferved little. The Colonel Godard, whofe nephew I was to be with, feeing my diftrefs, and although rolling in riches, wanted me for nothing! He pretended I fhould be with his nephew a kind of valet, without wages, rather than as a real tutor. Continually en gaged with him, and by that difpented from duty, I must live on my cadet's pay, that is a foldier's. It was with trouble he confented to give me an uniform; he had been glad to put me off with that of the regiment. Madam de Merveilleux, enraged at his proposals, advised me herself not to accept them: her fon was of the fame opinion. Other things were fought, but nothing found. I began, however, to be in want; an hundred livres, on which I had made my journey, could not carry me far. Happily, I received from the ambalador a trifling remit. tance, which was very afeful ; and I believe he had not difcarded ́ me, had I had more patience;

but to languifh, wait, folicit, are to me impoffibilities. I was dif couraged, appeared no more, and all was at an end. I had not forgot my poor mamma: but how to find her? where to feek her? Madam de Merveilleux, who knew my flory, affifted me in the research, but long to no purpose. At last he told me that Madam de Warens had been gone more than two months, but it was not known whether to Savoy or Turin; and that fome faid he was returned to Switzerland. Nothing more was neceffary to determine me to follow her, certain that wherever the might be, I should find her in the country much easier than I could have done at Paris.

Before my departure, I exer cifed my new poetical talent in an epifle to Colonel Godard, in which I bantered him as well as I could. I fhewed this fcrawl to Madam de Merveilleux, who, inftead of cenfuring me, as the ought, laughed heartily at my farcafms, and her fon likewise, who, I believe, did not love Mr. Godard: it must be owned he was not amiable. I was tempted to fend him my verfes; they encouraged me: I made a parcel of them, directed to him; and, as there was no penny-poft then at Paris, I fent it from Auxerre in paffing through that place. I laugh yet, fometimes, on think. ing of the grimaces he must have made on reading his panegyric, where he was painted ftroke by ftroke. It began thus:

Tu croyois, vieux Penard, qu'ane folle

manie

D'elever ton neveu m'infpireroit l'envie.

This little piece, badly com pofed

pofed in fact, but which did not want falt, and which thewed a talent for fature, is nevertheleís the only fatirical work that ever came from my pen. My mind is too little inclined to hatred, to glory in this kind of talent; but I fancy you may judge by fome pieces of controverty, written from time to time, in my defence, that had I been of a warring humour, my aggreffors had feldom had the laughers on their fide

What I mot regret in the particulars of my life which I do not remember, is not having kept a journal of my travels. Never did I think, exit, live, or was mytelf, if I may lay fo, so much as in thofe I made alone and on foot. Walking has fomething which animates and enlivens my ideas: I can fcarcely think when I fland ftill; my body muft ftir, in order to ftir my mind. The view of the country, the fucceffion of agreeable fights, a good air, a good appetite, and good health, I get by walking; the freedom of inns, the distance of thofe objects which force me to fee fubjection, of every thing which reminds me of my condition, the whole gives a loofe to my foul, gives me more boldness of thought, carries me, in a manner, into the immenfity of beings, fo that I combine them, chule them, appropriate them to my will, with out fear or refraint. I imperioufly difpote of all Nature: my heart, wandering from object to object, unites, becomes the fame with thofe which engage it, is compaffed about by delightful images, grows drunk with delicious fenfations. If to determine them, I divert myself by painting them in my mind, what vigorous

touches, what refplendent colour. ing, what energy of expreflion do I not give them! We have, you'll fay, feen all this in your works, though written in the decline of life. Oh! had you known those of the flower of my youth, those I made during my travels, thofe I compofed but never wrote,... Why, fay you, did you not write them? And why write them? I answer you, Why withdraw myfelt from the actual charms of enjoyment, to tell others I did enjoy? What cared I for readers, the public, and the whole earth, while I was iwimming in the heavens?

Besides, did I carry ink and paper? Had I thought of all thefe things, nothing had ftruck me. I did not forefce I fhould have ideas; they come when they pleafe, not when I pleate; they overwhelm me with number and force. Ten volumes a day had not fufficed. Where borrow tin.e to write them? On arriving, I thought of nothing but a hearty dinner. On departing, I thought of nothing but trudging on. I faw a new paradife awaited me at the door; I ran off to catch it.

I never felt all this fo much as in the journey I am fpeaking of. In coming to Paris I was confined to ideas relative to the businets I was going on. I launched into the career I was going to run, and fhould have run through it with glory enough, but this career was not that my heart called me to; and real beings prejudiced imagi nary ones. Colonel Godard and his nephew made poor figures when oppofed to a hero like me. Thanks to Heaven! I was now delivered from all thefe obftacles;

I could

I could plunge at will into the Jand of chimeras; for nothing more was feen before me; and I was fo far bewildered in it, I really loft, feveral times, my road. I had been very forry to have gone ftraighter; for finding at Lyons I was almoft on earth again, I had been glad never to have reached il.

One day, among others, going on purpose out of my road, the better to fee a spot which appeared admirable, I was fo delighted with it, and went around it fo often, I entirely loft myfelf. Ai ter running backwards and forwards feveral hours in vain, tired and dying of hunger and thirst, 1 went to a country perfon's, whofe houfe had not a very good appearance; but it was the only one I faw near me. I thought it was as it is at Geneva or Switzerland, where every inhabitant who could afford it, might exercife hofpitality. I begged this man to let me dine with him for my money. He offered me fome kimmed milk and coarfe barley bread, and told me 'twas all he had.. I drank the milk with pleafure, and eat the bread, ftraw and all but this was not very frengthening to a man exhausted with fatigue. The countryman, who examined me, judged of the truth of my ftory by that of my appetite. Having told me that he very well faw was a good natured, honeft young man, who was not come there to betray him, be opened a little trap-door, near the kitchen, went down, and in an infiant came back with a good hoafehold loaf of pure wheat, a

gammon of bacon very enticing, though already cut, and a bottle of wine, whofe appearance raifed my fpirits more than all the reît. An omelet pretty thick was added to thefe, and I made a dinner fuch as thofe only who travel on foot were ever acquainted with. When I offered to pay, his uneafiness and fears came on him again, he would not take my money; he returned it with extraordinary agitation; and the pleafanteft of all was, I could not imagine what he had to dread. At lait he pronounced with trembling thele terrible words,-Officers and Cellarrats. He made me understand that he hid his wine for fear of the excife, his bread for fear of the poll tax, and that he was a ruined man, had they the leaft doubt but that he was ftarving with hunger, Every thing he told me on this fubject, of which I had not the leat idea, made an impreffion on me that will never wear away. This was the fpring and fource of that inextinguishable hatred which hath fince unfolded itself in my heart against the vexations the poor people experience, and againft their oppreffors. This man, though in eafy circumstances, dared not eat the bread he had earned by the fweat of his brow, and could efcape ruin folely by an appearance of that want which was feen all around him. I went from his houfe with as much indignation as pity, deploring the fate of these beautiful countries, to which Nature has been lavish in her gifts, only to fall a prey to barbarous publicans.

This is the only thing I di

It feems I had not, at that time, the phyfiognomy they have fince given me in my portraits.

ftinctly

ftinctly remember of all that hap pened in this journey. I recollect only one thing more, that, in approaching Lyons, I was tempted to prolong my travels by going to fee the borders of the Lignon: for among the romances I read at my father's, Aftrea had not been for gotten; it came more frequently to my mind than any other thing. I asked the way to Forez, and, in chatting with a landlady, fhe told me it was a rare country for workmen, that it contained many forges, and that good iron work was done there. This encomium at once calmed my romantic curiofity; I did not think proper to go to fee Dianas nor Sylvanufes amidst a generation of black fmiths. The good old woman who encouraged me in this manner, certainly took me for a journeyman locksmith.

I did not quite go to Lyons without fome view. On my arrival, I went to fee, at the Chafottes, Mifs du Châtelet, an acquaintance of Madam de Warens, and for whom he had given me a letter when I came with M. le Maitre; it was, therefore, an acquaintance already made. Mifs du Châtelet told me, that, in fact, her friend had paffed through Lyons, but he could not tell whether he had continued her road as far as Piedmont; and that fhe was uncertain herself, at her departure, whether or no fhe fhould not stop in Savoy; that, if I chofe, he would write, in order to learn fomething of her; and that the best way was to wait the answer at Lyons. I accepted the offer; but dared not tell Mifs du Châtelet a fpeedy answer was neceffary; and that my little ex

haufted purfe did not leave me in a condition to wait long. It was not her bad reception that withheld me. On the contrary, the fhewed me much kindness, and treated me in a style of equality that difheartened me from letting her fee my fituation, and defcending from the line of good company to that of a beggar.

I think I clearly fee the agree ment of all I have mentioned in this book. I, nevertheless, feem to recollect, in the fame interval, another journey to Lyons, whofe place I cannot fix, and in which I was much traitened; the remembrance of the extremities to which I was reduced, does not contribute to recall it agreeably to my memory. Had I done like fome others, had I poffeffed the talent of borrowing and running in debt at my lodging, I had eafily got through; but in this my aptnefs equalled my repugnance and to imagine the point to which I carried both one and the other, it is fufficient to know, that having spent almoft my whole life in hardfhips, and often at the point of wanting bread, it never happened to me, once in my life, to be asked by a creditor for money, without giving it him that inftant. I never could contract bawling debts; and was always fonder of fuffering than owing.

To be reduced to lie in the ftreet was certainly fuffering; and this happened to me feveral times at Lyons. I chole to employ the few halfpence that remained, in paying for bread rather than a lodg ing; becaufe, after all, I run lefs hazard of dying for want of fleep than bread. It is furprifing that, in this cruel fituation, I was nei

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