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feited (as I may say) of expressions of kindness and respect, that if a man that lived an age or two ago should return into the world again, he would really want a dictionary to help him to understand his own language, and to know the true intrinsic value of the phrase in fashion; and would hardly at first believe at what a high rate the highest strains and expressions of kindness imaginable do commonly pass in current payment; and when he should come to understand it, it would be a great while before he could bring himself with a good countebance, and a good conscience, to converse with men upon equal terms and in their own way.'

I have by me a letter which I look upon as a great curiosity, and which may serve as an exemplification to the foregoing passage, cited out of this most excellent prelate. It is said to have been written in King Charles the Second's reign by the ambassador of Bantam, a little after his arrival in England.


• The people where I now am have tongues further from their hearts than from London to Bantam, and thou knowest the inhabitants of one of these places do not know what is done in the other. They call theeand thy subjects barbarians, because we speak what we mean; and account themselves a civilized people, because they speak one thing and mean another: truth they call barbarity, and falsehood politeness. Upon my first landing, one, who was sent from the king of this place to meet me, told me that he was extremely sorry for the storm I had met with just before my arrival. I was troubled to hear him grieve and afflict himself upon my

In 1682.

account; but in less than a quarter of an hour he smiled, and was as merry as if nothing had happened. Another who came with him told me, by my interpreter, he should be glad to do me any service that lay in his power. Upon which I desired him to carry one of my portmanteaus for me: but, instead of serving me according to his promise, he laughed, and bid another do it. I lodged the first week at the house of one who desired me to think myself at home, and to consider his house as my own. Accordingly, I the next morning began to knock down one of the walls of it, in order to let in the fresh air, and had packed up some of the household goods, of which I intended to have made thee a present; but the false varlet no sooner saw me falling to work, but he sent word to desire me to give over, for that he would have no such doings in his house. I had not been long in this nation before I was told by one, for whom I had asked a certain favour from the chief of the king's servants, whom they here call the lord-treasurer, that I had eternally obliged him. I was so surprised at his gratitude, that I could not forbear saying, “What service is there which one man can do for another, that can oblige him to all eternity ?” However, i only asked him, for my reward, that he would lend me his eldest daughter during my stay in this country; but I quickly found that he was treacherous as the rest of his countrymen. At

my first going to court, one of the great men almost put me out of countenance, by asking ten thousand pardons of me for only treading by accident upon my toe. They call this kind of lie a compliment; for, when they are civil to a great man, they tell him untruths, for which thou wouldest order


of thy officers of state to receive a hundred blows upon his foot. I do not know how I shall


negotiate any thing with this people, since there is so little credit to be given to them. When I go to see the king's scribe, I am generally told that he is not at home, though perhaps I saw him go into his house almost the very moment before. Thou wouldest fancy that the whole nation are physicians, for the first question they always ask me is, how I do: I have this question put to me above a hundred times a-day. Nay, they are not only thus inquisitive after my health, but wish it in a more solemn manner, with a full glass in their hands, every time I sit with them at table, though at the same time they would persuade me to drink their liquors in such quantities as I have found by experience will make me sick. They often pretend to pray for thy health also in the same manner; but I have more reason to expect it from the goodness of thy constitution than the sincerity of their wishes. May thy slave escape in safety from this doubled-tongued race of men, and live to lay himself once more at thy feet in the royal city of Bantam!

N° 558. WEDNESDAY, JUNE 23, 1714.

Qui fit, Mæcenas, ut nemo, quam sibi sortem
Seu ratio dederit, seu fors objecerit, illâ,
Contentus vivat : laudet diversa sequentes?
O fortunati mercatores, gravis annis
Milks ait, multo jam fractus membra labore !
Contrà mercator, narim jactantibus austris,
Militia est potior. Quid enim? concurritur ; hore
Momenta citu mors venit, aut victoria læta.
Agricolum laudat juris legumque peritus,
Sub galli cantum consultor ubi ostia pulsdt.
Ille, dutis radibus, qui rure extractus in urbem est,
Solus felices viventes clumat in urbe.
Cæteru de genere hoc (adeo sunt multu) loquacem
Delassare ralent Fabium. Ne te morer, audi
Quò rem deducam. Si quis Deus, en ego, dicat,
Jum faciam quod vultis ; cris , qui modò miles,
Mercator ; tu consultus modò, rusticus. Hinc vos,
Vos hinc mutatis discendite partibus. Eja,
Quid stutis ? Nolint. Atqui licet esse beatis.

Hor. 1 Sat, i. 1.

Whence is't, Mæcenas, that so few approve
The state they're plac'd in, and inclined to rove;
Whether against their will by fate impos'd,
Or by consent and prudent choice espous'd ?
Happy the merchant! the old scilier cries,
Broke with fatigues and warlike enterprise.
The merchant, when the dreaded hurricane
Tosses his wealthy cargo on the main,
Applauds the wars and toils of a campaign:
There an engagement soon decides your doom,
Bravely to die, or come victorious home.
The lawyer vows the farmer's life is best,
When at the dawn the clients break his rest,
The farmer, having put in bail t'appear,
And forc'd'to town, cries they are happiest there :
With thousands more of this inconstant race,
Would tire e'en Fabius to relate each case.

Not to detain you longer, pray attend
The issue of all this : Should Jove descend,
And grant to every man his rash demand,
To run his lengths with a neglectful hand;
First, grant the harrass'd warrior a release,
Bid him to trade, and try the faithless seas,
To purchase treasure and declining ease :
Next, call the pleader from his learned strife,
To the calm blessings of a country life:
And with these separate demands dismiss
Each suppliant to enjoy the promis'd bliss :
Don't you believe they'd run? Not one will move,
Though proffer'd to be happy from above.


It is a celebrated thought of Socrates, that if all the misfortunes of mankind were cast into a public stock, in order to be equally distributed among the whole species, those who now think themselves the most unhappy would prefer the share they are already possessed of before that which would fall to them by such a division. Horace has carried this thought a great deal further in the motto of my paper, which implies, that the hardships or misfortunes which we lie under are more easy to us than those of any other person would be, in case we could change conditions with him.

As I was ruminating upon these two remarks, and seated in my elbow chair, I insensibly fell asleep; when on a sudden methought there was a proclamation made by Jupiter, that every mortal should bring in his griefs and calamities, and throw them together in a heap. There was a large plain appointed for this purpose. I took my stand in the centre of it, and saw with a great deal of pleasure the whole human species marching one after another, and throwing down their several loads, which immediately grew into a prodigious mountain that seemed to rise above the clouds.

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