SCENE III-A room in the Garter Inn. Enter gilded my foot, sometimes my portly belly. Fal. Mine host of the Garter,- Fal. Truly, mine host, I must turn away some of my followers. Host. Discard, bully Hercules; cashier: let them wag; trot, trot. Fal. I sit at ten pounds a week. Fal. Do so, good mine host." Host. I have spoke; let him follow: let me see thee froth, and lime: I am at a word; follow. [Exit Host. Fal. Bardolph, follow him; a tapster is a good trade: an old cloak makes a new jerkin; a withered serving-man, a fresh tapster: go; adieu. Bard. It is a life that I have desired; I will [Exit Bard. Pist. O base Gongarian' wight! wilt thou the spigot wield? thrive. Nym. He was gotten in drink: is not the humour conceited? His mind is not heroic, and there's the humour of it. Fal. I am glad, I am so acquit of this tinderbox; his thefts were too open: his filching was like an unskilful singer, he kept not time. Nym. The good humour is, to steal at a minute's rest. Pist. Convey, the wise it call: steal! foh; a fico2 for the phrase! Fal. Well, sirs, I am almost out at heels. Fal. There is no remedy; I must coney-catch; Pist. Young ravens must have food. Fal. Which of you know Ford of this town? about. Pist. Two yards, and more. Pist. Then did the sun on dunghill shine. Fal. O, she did so course o'er my exteriors with did seen to scorch me up like a burning-glass! such a greedy intention, that the appetite of her eye Here's another letter to her: she bears the purse too: she is a region in Guiana, all gold and bounty. I will be cheater to them both, and they shall be exchequers to me; they shall be my East and West Indies, and I will trade to them both. Go, bear thou this letter to mistress Page; and thou this to mistress Ford: we will thrive, lads, we will thrive. Pist. Shall I Sir Pandarus of Troy become, And by my side wear steel? then, Lucifer, take all! the humour letter; I will keep the 'haviour of reNym. I will run no base humour; here, take putation. Fal. Hold, sirrah, [to Rob.] bear you these let- Falstaff will learn the humour of this age, And high and low beguile the rich and poor: Nym. I have operations in my head, which be humours of revenge. Pist. Wilt thou revenge? By welkin, and her star Pist. With wit, or steel? With both the humours, I I will discuss the humour of this love to Page. How Falstaff, varlet vile, His dove will prove, his gold will hold, Nym. My humour shall not cool: I will incense Page to deal with poison; I will possess him with yellowness, for the revolt of mien is dangerous: that is my true humour. [Exeunt. Fal. No quips now, Pistol; indeed, I am in the waist two yards about: but I am now about no waste; I am about thrift. Briefly, I do mean to Pist. Thou art the Mars of malcontents: I semake love to Ford's wife; I spy entertainment in cond thee; troop on. her; she discourses, she carves, she gives the leer of invitation: I can construe the action of her familiar style; and the hardest voice of her behaviour, to be English'd rightly, is, I am Sir John Falstaff's. Pist. He hath studied her well, and translated her well; out of honesty into English. Nym. The anchor is deep: will that humour pass? Fal. Now, the report goes, she has all the rule of her husband's purse; she hath legions of angels.' Pist. As many devils entertain; and, To her, boy, say I. Nym. The humour rises; it is good: humour me the angels. Fal. I have writ me here a letter to her: and here another to Page's wife; who even now gave me good eyes too, examin'd my parts with most judicious eyliads: sometimes the beam of her view (1) For Hungarian. (2) Fig. (3) Gold coin. SCENE IV.-A room in Dr. Caius' house. Enter Quick. What: John Rugby!-I pray thee, go Quick. Go; and we'll have a posset for't soon at night, in faith, at the latter end of a sea-coal fire. An honest, willing, kind fellow, as ever servant shall come in house withal; and, I warrant you, no tell-tale, nor no breed-bate: 10 his worst fault is, that he is given to prayer; he is something peevish1 that way; but nobody but has his fault-but let that pass. Peter Simple, you say your name is? Sim. Ay, for fault of a better. Quick. And master Slender's your master? (7) Sixpence I'll have in pocket. (10) Strife. Sim. Ay, forsooth. Quick. Does he not wear a great round beard, like a glover's paring-knife? for my master, in the way of marriage. Sim. No forsooth: he hath but a little wee face, with a little yellow beard; a Cain-coloured beard. Quick. A softly-sprighted man, is he not? [writes. Sim. Ay, forsooth: but he is as tall' a man of Quick. I am glad he is so quiet: if he had been his hands, as any is between this and his head: he thoroughly moved, you should have heard him so hath fought with a warrener. loud, and so melancholy ;-but notwithstanding, Quick. How say you ?-0, I should remember man, I'll do your master what good I can: and, han; does he not hold up his head, as it were? and the very yea and the no is, the French doctor, my sirut in his gait? master, I may call him my master, look you, for Sim. Yes, indeed, does he. I keep his house; and I wash, wring, brew, bake, Quick. Well, heaven send Anne Page no worse scour, dress meat and drink, make the beds, and fortune! Tell master parson Evans, I will do what do all myself;I can for your master: Anne is a good girl, and I wish Re-enter Rugby. Enter Doctor Caius. Sim. 'Tis a great charge, to come under one body's hand. Quick. Are you advis'd o' that? you shall find it a great charge: and to be up early, and down late ;but notwithstanding (to tell you in your ear; would have no words of it;) my master himself is in love with mistress Anne Page: but notwithstanding that,-I know Anne's mind,—that's nei ther here nor there. Rug. Out, alas! here comes my master. Quick. We shall all be shent: run in here, good young man; go into this closet. [Shuts Simple in the closet.] He will not stay long.-What, John Rugby! John, what, John, I say!-Go, John, go Caius. You jack'nape; give-a dis letter to su inquire for my master; I doubt, he be not well, Hugh; by gar, it is a shallenge: I vill cut his troat that he comes not home and down, down, in de park; and I vill teach a scurvy jack-a-nape adoron-a, &c. [Sings. priest to meddle or make:-you may be gone; it is not good you tarry here:-by gar, I will cut all his two stones; by gar, he shall not have a stone to trow at his dog. [Exit Simple. Quick. Alas, he speaks but for his friend. Caius. It is no matter-a for dat:-do not you tell-a me dat I shall have Anne Page for myself? -by gar, I vill kill de Jack priest; and I have apQuick. Ay, forsooth, I'll fetch it you. I am glad pointed mine host of de Jarterre to measure our he went not in himself; if he had found the young weapon:-by gar, I vill myself have Anne Page. man, he would have been horn-mad. Quick. Sir, the maid loves you, and all shall be Caius. Fe, fe, fe, fe! ma foi, il fait fort chaud. well: we must give folks leave to prate: What, Je m'en vais à la cour,-la grand affaire. the good-jer!4 Quick. Is it this, sir? Caius. Vat is you sing? I do not like dese toys; Pray you, go and vetch me in my closet un boitier verd; a box, a green-a box; do intend vat I speak? a green-a box. [Aside. Caias. Ouy; mette le au mon pocket; depeche, quickly:-Vere is dat knave Rugby! Quick. What, John Rugby! John! Caius. You are John Rugby, and you are Jack Rugby come, take-a your rapier, and come after my heel to de court. Rug. 'Tis ready, sir, here in the porch. Caius. By my trot, I tarry too long:-Od's me! Qu'ay j'oublié dere is some simples in my closet, dat I vill not for the varld I shall leave behind. Quick. Ah me! he'll find the young man there, and be mad. Caius. O diable, diable! vat is in my closet?Villany! larron! [Pulling Simple out.] Rugby, my rapier. Quick. Good master, be content. Caius. Verefore shall I be content-a? Quick. The young man is an honest man. Caius. Vat shall de honest man do in my closet? dere is no honest man dat shall come in my closet. Quick. I beseech you, be not so flegmatic; hear the truth of it: he came of an errand to me from parson Hugh. Caius. Vell. Sim. Ay, forsooth, to desire her to-- Caius. Peace-a your tongue :-Speak-a your tale. Sim. To desire this honest gentlewoman, your maid, to speak a good word to mistress Anne Page, (1) Brave. (2) The keeper of a warren. 3) Scolded, reprimanded. Caius. Rugby, come to the court vit me;-by gar, if I have not Anne Page, I shall turn your head out of my door:-Follow my heels, Rugby. [Exeunt Caius and Rugby. Quick. You shall have An fools-head of your own. No, I know Anne's mind for that: never a woman in Windsor knows more of Anne's mind than I do; nor can do more than I do with her, I thank heaven. Fent. [Within.] Who's within there, ho? Quick. Who's there, I trow? Come near the house, I pray you. Enter Fenton. Fent. How now, good woman; how dost thou ? Quick. The better, that it pleases your good worship to ask. Fent. What news? how does pretty mistress Anne? Quick. In truth, sir, and she is pretty, and honest, and gentle; and one that is your friend, I can tell you that by the way; I praise heaven for it. Fent. Shall I do any good, thinkest thou? Shalle I not lose my suit? Quick. Troth, sir, all is in his hands above: but notwithstanding, master Fenton, I'll be sworn on a book, she loves you:-Have not your worship a wart above your eye? Fent. Yes, marry, have I; what of that? (4) The goujere, what the pox! it is such another Nan:-but, I detest,' an honest show you to the contrary: 0, mistress Page, give maid as ever broke bread:-We had an hour's me some counsel! talk of that wart;-I shall never laugh but in that Mrs. Page. What's the matter, woman? maid's company.-But, indeed, she is given too Mrs. Ford. O woman, if it were not for one much to allicholly and musing but for you- trifling respect, I could come to such honour! Well, go to. Mrs. Page. Hang the trifle, woman; take the Fent. Well, I shall see her to-day: hold, there's honour: what is it ?-dispense with trifles;-what money for thee; let me have thy voice in my be- is it? half: if thou seest her before me, commend me Mrs. Ford. If I would but go to hell for an Quick. Will I? i'faith, that we will: and I will eternal moment, or so, I could be knighted. tell your worship more of the wart, the next time we have confidence; and of other wooers. Fent. Well, farewell; I am in great haste now. Mrs. Page. What ?-thou liest -Sir Alice Ford!--These knights will hack; and so thou shouldst not alter the article of thy gentry. [Exit. Mrs. Ford. We burn day-light :-here, read, Quick. Farewell to your worship.-Truly, an read;-perceive how I might be knighted.—I shall honest gentleman; but Anne loves him not; for think the worse of fat men, as long as I have an eye to I know Anne's mind as well as another does :Ont upon't! what have I forgot? АСТ II. make difference of men's liking: and yet he would [Exit. not swear; praised women's modesty and gave such orderly and well-behaved reproof to all uncomeliness, that I would have sworn his disposition would have gone to the truth of his words: but they do no more adhere and keep place together, than the hundredth psalm to the tune of Green Sleeves. What tempest, I trow, threw this whale, with so many tuns of oil in his belly, ashore at Windsor? How shall I be revenged on him? I think the best fire of lust have melted him in his own grease. Did way were to entertain him with hope, till the wicked [reads. You ever hear the like? SCENE I-Before Page's house. Enter Mistress Page, with a letter. Mrs. Page. What! have I 'scaped love-letters in the holy-day time of my beauty, and am I now a subject for them? Let me see: Ask me no reason why I love you; for though of Page and Ford differs!-To thy great comfort Mrs. Page. Letter for letter; but that the name love use reason for his precisian, he admits him in this mystery of ill opinions, here's the twin not for his counsellor: You are not young, no brother of thy letter: but let thine inherit first; for, more am I; go to then, there's sympathy: you I protest, mine never shall. I warrant, he háth á are merry, so am I; ha! ha! then there's more thousand of these letters, writ with blank space for sympathy: you love sack, and so do I would different names (sure more,) and these are of the you desire better sympathy? Let it suffice thee, second edition: he will print them out of doubt: mistress Page (at the least, if the love of a soldier for he cares not what he puts into the press, when can suffice,) that I love thee. I will not say, pity he would put us two. I had rather be a giantess, me, 'tis not a soldier-like phrase; but I say, love and lie under mount Pelion. Well, I will find you me. By me, Thine own true knight, By day or night, John Falstaff. twenty lascivious turtles, ere one chaste man. What a Herod of Jewry is this !-O wicked, wicked world!-one that is well nigh worn to pieces with age, to show himself a young gallant! Mrs. Ford. Boarding, call you it? I'll be sure What an unweighed behaviour hath this Flemish to keep him above deck. drunkard picked (with the devil's name) out of my Mrs. Page. So will I; if he come under my conversation, that he dares in this manner assay hatches, I'll never to sea again. Let's be revenged me? Why, he hath not been thrice in my compa- on him: let's appoint him a meeting: give him a ny!-What should I say to him?--I was then show of comfort in his suit; and lead him on with fugal of my mirth :-heaven forgive me!-Why, a fine-baited delay, till he hath pawn'd his horses Pil exhibit a bill in the parliament for the putting to mine host of the Garter. down of men. How shall I be revenged on him? for revenged I will be, as sure as his guts are made of puddings. Enter Mistress Ford. Mrs. Ford. Mistress Page! trust me, I was going to your house. Mrs. Page. And, trust me, I was coming to you. You look very ill. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I'll ne'er believe that; I have to show to the contrary. Mrs. Page. 'Faith, but you do, in my mind. (1) She means, I protest. (2) Melancholy. Mrs. Ford. Nay, I will consent to act any vilany against him, that may not sully the chariness4 of our honesty. O, that my husband saw this letter! it would give eternal food to his jealousy. Mrs. Page. Why, look, where he comes; and my good man too: he's as far from jealousy, as I am from giving him cause; and that, I hope, is an unmeasurable distance. Mrs. Ford. You are the happier woman. Enter Ford, Pistol, Page, and Nym. Ford. What name, sir? Pist. The horn, I say: farewell. in his intent towards our wives, are a yoke of his discarded men; very rogues, now they be out of service. Ford. Were they his men? Page. Marry, were they.` Ford. I like it never the better for that.-Does he lie at the Garter? Page. Ay, marry, does he. If he should intend this voyage towards my wife, I would turn her loose to him; and what he gets more of her than sharp words, let it lie on my head. Ford. I do not misdoubt my wife; but I would be loth to turn them together: A man may be too Take heed, ere summer comes, or cuckoo-birds do confident: I would have nothing lie on my head: I sing. Away, sir corporal Nym.- Believe it, Page; he speaks sense. [Exit Pistol. Ford. I will be patient; I will find out this. Nym. And this is true. [To Page.] I like not the humour of lying. He hath wrong'd me in some humours; I should have borne the humoured letter to her: but I have a sword, and it shall bite upon my necessity. He loves your wife; there's cannot be thus satisfied. Page. Look, where my ranting host of the Garter comes: there is either liquor in his pate, or money in his purse, when he looks so merrily.How now, mine host? Enter Host and Shallow. Host. How now, bully-rook? thou'rt a gentle the short and the long. My name is corporal Nym; man: cavalero-justice, I say. I speak, and I avouch. 'Tis true:-my name is Shal. I follow, mine host, I follow.-Good even Nym, and Falstaff loves your wife.-Adieu! I love and twenty, good master Page! Master Page, will not the humour of bread and cheese; and there's you go with us? we have sport in hand. the humour of it. Adieu. [Exit Nym. Host. Tell him, cavalero-justice; tell him, bully Page. The humour of it, quoth 'a! here's a fel-rook. low frights humour out of his wits. Ford, I will seek out Falstaff. Shal. Sir, there is a fray to be fought, between sir Hugh the Welsh priest, and Caius the French Page. I never heard such a drawling, affecting doctor. rogue. Ford. If I do find it, well. Page. I will not believe such a Cataian, though the priest o' the town commended him for a true man. Ford. 'Twas a good sensible fellow: Well. Mrs. Page. Whither go you, George?-Hark you. Ford. Good mine host o' the Garter, a word with you. Host. What say'st thou, bully-rook? [They go aside. Shal. Will you [to Page] go with us to behold it? my merry host hath had the measuring of their weapons; and, I think, he hath appointed them contrary places: for, believe me, I hear, the parson is no jester. Hark, I will tell you what our Host. Hast thou no suit against my knight, my Mrs. Ford. How now, sweet Frank? why art sport shall be. thou melancholy? Ford. I melancholy! I am not melancholy.-guest-cavalier? Get you home, go. Ford. None, I protest: but I'll give you a pottle Mrs. Ford. Faith, thou hast some crotchets in of burnt sack to give me recourse to him, and tell thy head now.-Will you go, mistress Page? Mrs. Page. Have with you.-You'll come to dinner, George?-Look, who comes yonder: she shall be our messenger to this paltry knight. [Aside to Mrs. Ford. Enter Mistress Quickly. Mrs. Ford. Trust me, I thought on her: she'll fit it. Mrs. Page. You are come to see my daughter Anne ? Quick. Ay, forsooth; and, I pray, how does good mistress Anne? Mrs. Page. Go in with us, and see; we have an nour's talk with you. (Exe. Mrs. Page, Mrs. Ford, and Mrs. Quick. Page. How now, master Ford? Ford. You heard what this knave told me; did you not? Page. Yes; and you heard what the other told me ? Ford. Do you think there is truth in them? Page. Hang 'em, slaves! I do not think the night would offer it: but these that accuse him (1) A dog that misses his game. (2) A medley. him, my name is Brook; only for a jest. Host. My hand, bully: thou shalt have egress and regress; said I well? and thy name shall be Brook: It is a merry knight.-Will you go on, hearts? Shal. Have with you, mine host. Page. I have heard, the Frenchman hath good skill in his rapier. Shal. Tut, sir, I could have told you more: In these times you stand on distance, your passes, stoccadoes, and I know not what: 'tis the heart, master Page; 'tis here, 'tis here. I have seen the time, with my long sword, I would have made you four tall fellows skip like rats. Host. Here, boys, here, here! shall we wag? Page. Have with you :-I had rather hear them scold than fight. [Exeunt Host, Shallow, and Page. Ford. Though Page be a secure fool, and stands so firmly on his wife's frailty, yet I cannot put off my opinion so easily: She was in his company at Page's house; and, what they made there, I know not. Well, I will look further info't: and I have a disguise to sound Falstaff: If I find her honest, I lose not my labour; if she be otherwise, 'tis labour well bestowed. [Exit. SCENE II-A room in the Garter Inn. Fal. I will not lend thee a penny. Enter it; you have brought her into such a canaries, as 'tis wonderful. The best courtier of them all, when the court lay at Windsor, could never have brought her to such a canary. Yet there has been knights, and lords, and gentlemen, with their coaches; 1 warrant you, coach after coach, letter after letter, gift after gift; smelling so sweetly (all musk,) and Fal. Not a penny. I have been content, sir, you so rushling, I warrant you, in silk and gold; and should lay my countenance to pawn: I have grat- in such alligant terms; and in such wine and sugar ed upon my good friends for three reprieves for you of the best, and the fairest, that would have won and your coach-fellow2 Nym; or else you had any woman's heart; and, I warrant you, they could looked through the grate like a geminy of baboons. never get an eye-wink of her.-I had myself twenty I am damned in hell, for swearing to gentlemen my angels given me this morning; but I defy all angels friends, you were good soldiers, and tall fellows: (in any such sort, as they say,) but in the way of and when mistress Bridget lost the handle of her honesty:-and, I warrant you, they could never et fan, I took't upon my honour, thou hadst it not. Pist. Didst thou not share? hadst thou not fifteen pence? her so much as sip on a cup with the proudest of them all: and yet there has been earls, nay, which is more, pensioners; but, I warrant you, all is one with her. Fal. Reason, you rogue, reason: Think'st thou, I'll endanger my soul gratis? At a word, hang no Ful. But what says she to me? be brief, my good more about me, I am no gibbet for you :-go.-Ashe Mercury. short knife and a throng :3-to your manor of Pickt- Quick. Marry, she hath received your letter hatch, go.-You'll not bear a letter for me, you for the which she thanks you a thousand times: rogue! you stand upon your honour !-Why, thou and she gives you to notify, that her husband will unconfinable baseness, it is as much as I can do, to be absence from his house between ten and elever keep the terms of my honour precise. I, I, I my- Fal. Ten and eleven? self sometimes, leaving the fear of heaven on the Quick. Ay, forsooth; and then you may come left hand, and hiding mine honour in my necessity, and see the picture, she says, that you wot of;— am fain to shuffle, to hedge, and to lurch; and yet master Ford, her husband, will be from home. you, rogue, will ensconce your rags, your cat-a- Alas! the sweet woman leads an ill life with him; mountain looks, your red-lattice phrases, and your he's a very jealousy man; she leads a very frambold-beating oaths, under the shelter of your ho- pold life with him, good heart. nour! You will not do it, you? Fal. Ten and eleven? Woman, commend me to Pist. I do relent; What would'st thou more of her; I will not fail her. man? Enter Robin. Quick. Why, you say well: But I have another messenger to your worship: Mistress Page hath her hearty commendations to you too ;-and let me tell you in your ear, she's as fartuous a civil modest Rob. Sir, here's a woman would speak with you. wife, and one (I tell you) that will not miss your Fal. Let her approach. Enter Mistress Quickly. Quick. Give your worship good-morrow. Quick. Not so, an't please your worship. Quick. I'll be sworn; as my mother was, the first hour I was born. Fal. I do believe the swearer: What with me? Quick. Shall I vouchsafe your worship a word or two? Fal. Two thousand, fair woman; and I'll vouchsafe thee the hearing. Quick. There is one mistress Ford, sir;-I pray, come a little nearer this ways:-I myself dwell with master doctor Caius. Fal. Well, on: Mistress Ford, you say,Quick. Your worship says very true: I pray your worship, come a little nearer this ways. Fal. I warrant thee, nobody hears;-mine own people, mine own people. Quick. Are they so? Heaven bless them, and make them his servants! Fal. Well: mistress Ford ;-what of her? Quick. Why, sir, she's a good creature. Lord,| lord! your worship's a wanton: Well, heaven forgive you, and all of us, I pray! morning nor evening prayer, as any is in Windsor, whoe'er be the other: and she bade me tell your worship, that her husband is seldom from home; but, she hopes, there will come a time. I never knew a woman so dote upon a man: surely, I think you have charms, la; yes, in truth. Fal. Not I, I assure thee; setting the attraction of my good parts aside, I have no other charms. Quick. Blessing on your heart for't! Fal. But, I pray thee, tell me this; has Ford's wife, and Page's wife, acquainted each other Low they love me? Quick. That were a jest, indeed!-they have not so little grace, I hope :-that were a trick, indeed! But mistress Page would desire you to send her your little page, of all loves;1° her husband has a marvellous infection to the little page: and, truly, master Page is an honest man." Never a wile in Windsor leads a better life than she does; do what she will, say what she will, take all, pay all, go to bed when she list, rise when she list, all is as she will; and truly she deserves it: for if there be a kind woman in Windsor, she is one. You must send her your page; no remedy. Fal. Why, I will. Quick. Nay, but do so then: and, look you, he may come and go between you both; and, in any case have a nay-word," that you may know one Quick. Marry, this is the short and the long of another's mind, and the boy never need to under Fal. Mistress Ford-come, mistress Ford. (1) Pay you again in stolen goods. (2) Draws along with you. (3) To cut purses in a crowd. (6) Ale-house. (7) A mistake of Mrs. Quickly's for quandary. (8) Know. (9) Fretful, peevish. (4) Pickt-hatch was in Clerkenwell. (5) Protect.] (10) By all means. (11) A watch-word. |