my enemies are potent, HE is omnipotent; though they are mighty, He is almighty. September 24. The lessons I have been learning for some time past have been, First, To endeavour to keep the eye of my soul steadily fixed upon the Lord Jesus, as the only way to obtain whatever I want; and to be preserved from wanderings and unprofitable reasonings. Secondly, To cry without intermission to the Lord for purity, that I may be more fully qualified to act for God. When it will be for thy glory, enlarge my sphere of usefulness, and continue my constant desires of doing thy will: 0 let me not lose any opportunity my present situation affords. Show me, Lord, if I am cutting off all superfluities, and unnecessary expense in apparel, furniture, &c., &c. Surely this is a privilege; yet not esteemed so by nature: it loves what is new, grand, elegant, extravagant. I did so as well as others, till He who is rich in mercy opened my eyes and showed me a more excellent way. Yet I fall short. Were salvation by works, I should be undone : eternal praises to God it is by grace, through faith. For some time death has worn an amiable aspect; I have almost longed to get away. Nothing checks this desire so much as a hope to do something for God before I die: except this, I have nothing to do here. The world to me has lost its charms: I see through the veil; it is too thin to hide the cheat. In God alone is my comfort: Jesus is the only source of my consolation. I am pained by the righteous, as well as distressed by the wicked. The former are so torn by prejudice, faction, and party spirit :the latter, so awfully dishonour the God I love. Lord, see the ways of both, and heal them. October 12. This morning had the clear witness of God's Spirit with mine, that I stood accepted through the Beloved. This animates and invigorates the soul in all her combats with sin, Satan, and the world. Faith is indeed a precious gift. How mysterious in its nature, and in its workings! What a new world does it lay open to the eye of a believer! What glories does it display! But, above all, how inconceivably, yet certainly and sweetly, does it unite the soul to Jesus; producing a relation and connection much nearer and dearer than any earthly one. O Jesus, what constant source of consolation art thou to my soul! 24. Have been confined by sickness. The rod was gentle, but I am never laid on a sick bed without being convinced I have not sufficient grace for that situation. Ever since the Lord gave me a relish for divine things, I have had a desire to be continually employed for him. When confined I seem to be laid aside from this delightful work, which depresses my mind, and often robs me of that degree of comfort I might otherwise enjoy. Now surely this is an evil, and bespeaks me defective in point of resignation. Yet, so gracious is God, he generally brings good out of it, by stimulating me to cry more earnestly for that measure of grace which shall alike enable me to be devoted to him in sickness as in health, in adversity as in prosperity. In the course of this last illness I felt at times so ardent in prayer for this that it almost seemed more than my feeble frame could bear. November 25. My soul has been exceedingly sorrowful for some weeks. I think I have not experienced such deep and variegated distress since I knew the Lord. My inward conflicts have been very severe, I was truly in agony of soul, and many outward things concurred to aggravate my affliction. What adds a pungency to my sorrow is the unusual workings of a proud heart and an unsubdued will; neither of which is willing to stoop to the present cross. My whole soul feels as if in confusion. My God, let not the spirit fail before thee. O speak this storm into a calm. "Omnipotent Lord, my Saviour and King, 30. I now take up my pen to record the mercy of my God, who has looked upon my affliction, and in some measure removed it. In my distress I cried unto the Lord, and he heard and delivered me.. He calmed the tumult of my soul, and said to the raging billows and roaring waves, "Peace, be still." Bless the Lord, O my soul. December 24. Through the abounding goodness of my God, my inward conflicts have been less severe for this last week than for months past; and I have enjoyed a measure of communion with the Father and the Son, in company and when alone, in prayer and meditation. Yet I have had the pressure of many outward things, and sometimes fears lest my inward quietness was owing to want of ardour in the pursuit of divine objects. I am morally certain that my faith is stronger, my views clearer, and my enjoyment of the sweet intimations of the favour of God more lively only I think I do not possess that painful earnestness of spirit which I have experienced. Lord, let me never rest but in the full enjoyment of thyself. This year is now drawing near to a close, and I feel a painful conviction that I have made comparatively but small progress in the divine life. O that before it ends the Lord would come and finish the work begun in me, and let me enter into the rest of perfect love. Lord, hear the prayer of thy handmaid. 31. I have repeatedly to-day renewed my engagements to be the Lord's, in time and to all eternity. At night heard a sermon on Arise, and depart, for this is not your rest." While attending to it, the Lord shone upon his work on my soul. My interest in Jesus was as clear as if written in the most legible characters. "Meridian evidence puts doubt to flight, And conquering faith anticipates the skies." O wherefore is the Deity so kind! Astonishing beyond astonishment! Heaven our reward above, for heaven enjoyed below! CHAPTER VIII.-1773. Jan. 1. And is the former year gone--gone, never to be recalled! Where is it? Lost in the ocean of eternity! Awful thought! Not so the deeds I have done in the course of it: they are faithfully recorded in the divine register. O my soul, how wouldst thou blush at the recital, were it not for the blood of Jesus. Blush, did I say? alas! how confounded wouldst thou rather be! In it would be found ten thousand times more than enough to condemn thee to all eternity, were it not that Jesus stands between the Father's wrath and thee. "Jesus my hope, for me offered up," how shall I,-how can I sufficiently praise thee! I lament the coldness of of my heart. I would it were ever burning, seraphlike, with love to thee; but, alas! how insensible is it to that vast love that "thee inclined to bleed and die for me!" O for more love! I awoke, and got up very early to begin the year with my immortal Friend; but through affliction of body was prevented going to his house, yet the Lord made it a sweet day to me. 19. For these two weeks past, I have had cause every day to bless the Lord for his goodness to me. The additional power given me some time ago to rely on him for the accom plishment of his promise still continues; to which is united a measure of faith, love, and zeal for the glory of my God and the salvation of others. This last week he has afforded me delightful communion with himself in secret prayer, meditation, and conversation. I also experience that Christ is more and more precious. I seem to see more than ever the immense value of his blood, as a fountain to which I am permitted to have daily and hourly recourse, for the removal of fresh-contracted guilt; for continual shortcomings, and for farther degrees of sanctification. O Jesus, in thee is all I want-but for thee, and my interest in thy complete atonement, where should I appear,-or how should I appear! Confusion would for ever cover me and my best deeds. In thee alone is all my hope and all my comfort. Of late, my heart leaps for joy at the very mention of the name of Jesus. I can truly say, "Jesus, thy blood and righteousness, My beauty are, my glorious dress." O how cordially does my soul approve of the whole plan of salvation; but still I grieve daily for my unfaithfulness, unfruitfulness, unwatchfulness; these three evils are a source of much sorrow to me. 26. For these seven days past I have experienced, in various ways, the goodness of my God. The means which he has most blessed has been secret prayer: this I prove a holy preservative against the many snares of an evil world. By it I am fortified, and in some measure enabled to bear the trials which are constantly occurring in common life. There is no situation in life exempt from trials. To be "from things that disquiet free," is incompatible with a state of humanity. To suffer so as to glorify God is all we can ask or expect. Some weeks ago I found meditation the way in which I enjoyed most of the presence of the Lord; but he varies this as his wisdom sees best. I have felt the pressure of several trials for a long time, but have been allowed to cast my burthen on God; and, especially of late, he has given me an increase of power to trust in him. My faith in the promises is also sensibly strengthened; but still I lack that degree of it which would enable me to lay present hold of them: yet I believe "He that shall come, will come, and will not tarry." This forenoon I found Christian conversation and prayer truly blessed. The Beloved of my soul drew nigh, and comforted me, and others with me. Several opportunities also occurred for the good of others, which the Lord enabled me to embrace; O that he may bless them. He is very gracious in this respect, and as he knows I am prone to be discouraged, he sometimes condescends to let me know that good is done by my feeble efforts; this animates and encourages me to renew my attempts. I seem to be in my element when acting in any way for God. My soul truly desires to be wholly His; but, O, how far am I from this. For some days I have enjoyed a calm abstracted frame of mind-free from creatures-cleaving to God. Feb. 14. (Friday.) Endeavoured to set this day apart, as usual, for prayer, abstinence, and self-examination. Upon the whole it was profitable, though not remarkably joyful. This last week the Lord Jesus has drawn very near to me, and wonderfully manifested his presence; so that I have seen and conversed with him as a man with his friend: yet these visits of love were but short. O to have them more abiding! Were I more holy, I should enjoy more of God. It is this, (when we are accepted through the Beloved,) which capacitates our nature for the enjoyment of Him. The pure in heart see God. My soul desires holiness, but, alas! how little of it do I possess. I have cause to be thankful that my evidences of justification remain satisfactory, but this is not enough; I pant for the full image of God. 25. The accomplishment of a gracious promise on which God had enabled me to trust, appeared very nigh-just at hand. I have looked almost every moment for it, yet when attempting to lay hold of it I have found a painful inability and impotence. God only can give power to believe so as to enable us to possess any promised blessing. All is from above-nothing is left for human boasting. Lord, I desire it should be so : I delight to give thee all the glory. O then magnify thy mercy above all thy Name. I still feel wanderings in secret, though not so many as last week, and also fear my communion with God has not been so close for some days past as usual; yet I thirst to glorify him in every possible way. I feel, in this time of almost universal defection, much drawn out in desire and prayer, to be enabled and honoured to confess God; to bear my testimony against the sins of the times, by my lips, from my heart, and in my life. May God give me power so to do. He favours me, even in my narrow sphere of action, with many opportunities daily to act for him, and causes me to delight in being so employed. If he accept my mile, it is great condescension; I ask no other reward. He knows, if I had all, I would, through his grace, give him all; but, alas! I have nothing. What shall I render unto Him who has done so much for me! Lord, show me, if I can do any thing for thee; thou often workeste by the weakest instruments. Lord, here am I, send me ; but O direct my every step. At present, I am perplexed with regard to some temporal affairs, and fear to trust my own judgment, and even that of others, lest I should mistake the Lord's will concerning me: O my God, cause light to arise. I give up all to thee, do thou guide me in all things, by thy unerring counsel, in the way that shall bring most glory to thee, profit to others and to myself. In the I March 9. When speaking of the Lord's goodness to me this forenoon, I sensibly felt the divine life increasing in my soul, and was enabled to believe he will do great things for me. same moment my spiritual foes made a fresh attack upon me; but I felt sweetly resigned to suffer all my God should permit them to do; and was forcibly persuaded he would give strength according to my day, and fully perfect what concerns me. often find, when ready to be discouraged with outward and inward trials, I am instantaneously lifted up and comforted. Surely this must be from my invisible Friend, the Lover of my soul. O that I had a deeper sense of my mercies, and of my infinite obligations to Jesus Christ.. That this may be the case, O Lord, reveal thyself more fully. 11. These two days experienced rather a degree of languor on my mind, and feared lest I should take rest in the |